Chapter 4

I left Robbo's office with a massive grin on my face. Despite the humiliation of the previous night, I finally felt as though I was taking control of my life. An adventure was exactly what I needed to craft myself into a self-confident woman, on the inside and out - then return to Matt's loving arms, ready to throw him down and shag him rotten with the abandon of an award-winning porn star.

I have to tell him. Probably not the porn star bit, but the rest. I hugged myself happily as I floated along the corridor. I knew Matt would be delighted at my decision to find myself; the fact that he'd inspired me made it all the sweeter. My active imagination went into overdrive, picturing his joy at my new empowerment and our blissful reconciliation once I'd found my inner peace.

All the good feelings blew away as I turned the corner and found Taylor staring at me with her beady little eyes. Instantly, I went from feeling lighter than air to feeling hippo-esque as my conditioned brain automatically logged all the differences between our figures.

Taylor smiled, her expression innocent. "Hey, Evi! You look really tired today."

You look really tired always translated in my head as you look really crap. I nodded at her, trying to edge past without touching her. "I'm fine, thanks Taylor. I'm just looking for Matt."

Her hair was swept up in an adorable blonde ponytail, and it swished from side to side as she shook her head. "Oh, gosh. Please, don't tell me he's why you're tired! I saw you guys leave together last night and I'm so worried you might have done something silly..."

My temper flared. "So what if he is the reason, Taylor? Matt and I are consenting adults; if we choose to sleep together, that's none of your business. You don't have dibs on every good-looking man in Sydney, you know."

"Evi! I only have your best interests at heart." Her pouty mouth dropped open, wounded. "I just can't believe you'd go there after knowing about the bet."

Don't bite, I told myself. Don't even ask. You know that's exactly what she wants.

"What bet?"

Dammit, Evianna!

Taylor arched smug eyebrows. "You don't know? Oh, I'm so sorry, Evi! This is so incredibly awkward for you..."

The urge to yank Taylor by the ponytail until she spilled her guts was overwhelming. Instead, I restrained myself, crossing my arms over my expansive bosom and taking a single, threatening step forward.

She shrank backward, her expression faltering. "I just don't want you to feel hurt, Evi. I hate being the bearer of bad news."

"Right." Taylor was the queen of negative gossip and events. She practically giggled the last time she'd reported on a massive cyclone up north. "Just tell me, Taylor."

She leaned forward, her loose shirt gaping open at the neck, giving me a clear view of her perfect pointy breasts, braless underneath the silken material. "Well, I thought it was common knowledge. The crew have had a long-term bet running about if Matt could get you into bed."

"So? They bet on stupid stuff all the time." I shrugged, nonplussed. "Last week, they bet Alex he couldn't work the word 'kumbang' into his sports report."

"Yeah, but Evi... Matt knows about the bet. He's part of the pool."

It was a curve ball I never could have seen coming. My jaw locked on its own. Teeth gritted, I said, "I don't believe you."

"Well, you could always ask him, I suppose." She smirked, and said, "I have to go, sweetie, but look after yourself, okay?"

She patted my arm, the way you'd touch something sticky you didn't want on your fingers, then skipped off down the hall. I stood staring after her, scalding denial rushing through me.

Lies. Matt would never. I needed confirmation, someone to tell me that Matt wasn't involved in trying to bed me just for cash and competition. Waddling as fast as I could, I headed for the lunchroom.

I found Jared, one of our camera guys, eating Weet-bix and drinking coffee. "Hey, Evi," he said grinning. "No offense, lady, but you should probably visit make-up pretty soon. You look like hell!"

I stalked towards him. "Jared, I'm about to ask you some very important questions. And you are going to answer me, quickly and honestly, because I'm running on about two hours sleep, and if you don't, I'll slam your balls in the fridge door."

He gulped. "Okay..."

"Do you guys have a bet on Matt having sex with me?"

The little man blanched. "Evi, mate, I'm really sorry-"

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Good." That was the easy question. The second one stuck in my throat. "Is Matt in on it?"

"W-what do you mean?"

I slammed my palm on the table, making his coffee cup shake. "Does Matt know about it? Has he been betting that he can get me into bed?"

Jared's head shrank partly into his body, like a turtle. "Yes."

The confirmation hit me like a blow to my wobbly belly, sending prickles of disgust and mortification all over my body. That's why he pushed to take me home, to get me into bed. But when he saw me naked, he couldn't go through with it.

Pulsing with rage, I said, "Thank you."

"Evi, it's not what you think-"

"Really, Jared?" I glowered at him. "Because I'm pretty sure that bet is classified as sexual harassment, and all of you could lose your jobs over this. So, if you have even half a spoonful of brains in that empty skull of yours, I suggest you don't say another single word to me and I'll do my best to forget we ever had this conversation."

He opened his mouth to speak again, then changed his mind.

"Good boy," I said, drawing myself up and sweeping out.

My phone alarm beeped, my reminder set for twenty minutes before I had to be on air, the minimum amount of time make-up and hair would need to groom me. Steeling myself for the longest morning of my career, I hustled.

Exactly nineteen minutes later, I slid into the chair beside Matt. Despite our late night together, he didn't need make-up to be camera-worthy; his skin glowed with health and his eyes were a bright emerald.

"Hey, you," he said, having the grace to look a little embarrassed. "Are you okay after last night? I was worried."

"I'll bet you were." I ignored him, stretching my face into an expression of pure confidence, ready to greet the Australian public. The clock ticked over to six, and we were on.

Throughout the next three hours, I laughed and bluffed my way through everything. I even managed to sound genuine when I commiserated on Taylor's weekend plans, which had been ruined by a blackout at Sydney airport causing her flight to be cancelled.

Every ad break, Matt and I would sit silently, neither of us wanting to speak first. I felt the rage rising up through my chest and I fought to keep it down. I can't believe I've been lusting over this toss-pot for the last year; thank God we didn't go any further.

At one stage, Matt and I reached for the same glass of water, our fingers connecting. I yanked my hand back, as if I'd been electrocuted. A vivid flash-back of Matt's fingertips exploring between my thighs rocked me, causing my belly to clench.

"Evi," he murmured, "talk to me. What's wrong?"

"Take a gamble, Matt," I sneered back, pulling my arms around my girth like a shield. "I'd wager you can probably guess."

"We're back in ten seconds, people!" And the show rolled on.

As Friday drew to a close, I waited for the nod from Robbo, then announced, "So, thanks for jump starting your day with us, everyone! Before you go forth and have a fabulous Friday, I have something I'd like to share with you all."

I took a deep breath, feeling my bra strap cut into me as my chest expanded. "I won't be here behind the desk on Monday. For the next eight weeks, I'll be out on a special assignment. Tune in next week to hear more about my exciting new adventures, but in the meantime, Matt and Taylor will be looking after you here in the studio. Thanks so much, everybody! Have a brilliant weekend!"

The lights dimmed as the broadcast ended. Matt sat next to me, gaping. "You're leaving?"

Robbo rushed over. "Nice bloody work, Evi! Twitter and Facebook are both blowing up – I started a #whereisEvi hashtag for you, which I reckon will be trending in the next hour."

"Thanks, Robbo," I said, feeling powerful. "Now, when am I going to find out where I'm going?"

"You're off to Melbourne this afternoon." He rubbed his hands gleefully. "But I'm not telling you any more than that."

"Scared I'll back out?" I stood, pulling down my skirt, which had ridden up uncomfortably.

"Nah, love. You wanted adventure; Old Robbo is giving it to ya!"

"You're a wanker," I told him pleasantly. "Email me the tickets."

"Talk to you Monday, cash cow!"

He left Matt and me alone. The studio was already quiet around us, the crew vacating the area in record time. I wonder if that has to do with my little threat earlier...?

"You're leaving," Matt repeated again. "Why? Was it because of last night?"

His hurt gaze only riled me further. I moved to the other side of the desk, leaning over and glaring at him. "You know what, Matt? For a second, it was about last night. Now, it's about me."

He shook his head, the honey coloured locks flopping gently on his wrinkled forehead. "I don't understand."

"Well, I thought about what you said, and I decided to make a pretty epic life change, to try and work on my issues for you." Bitterly, I laughed at how idiotic I'd been to even hope for a second that Matt had wanted me for me. "Then, I had a little chat with your bookie, and let's just say, you're not exactly factoring into my plans anymore. I'll be gone two months, and when I get back, I don't want to ever speak about anything that's happened between us, or I swear to god, I will press sexual harassment charges."

"Evianna, stop!" Matt stood and followed me around the desk. I'd felt in control with him seated and confused, but now he was towering over me and the scent of his Diesel cologne filling my head. I breathed him in, lost. "You're angry and I don't know why. I never wanted you to change yourself for me; I want you to learn to love yourself so you'll be happy."

"Oh, blow it out your ass," I said, defensive and off-balance. I poked a finger into his chest, hating myself for noticing how firm it was. "Don't pretend like your being in my bed last night had anything to do with my best interests! You had me fooled up until now, Matt, but now, I'm seeing things clearly. So, cut the crap and be honest."

"Fine! You want honesty, Evianna? Of course I didn't just want to sleep with you for your benefit!"

He yelled the last few words, before grinding to a halt. I shook my head, disgusted. "Old news, Matthew. I'll see you in two months."

I made to leave, but he gripped my arm. "I know you wanted it too."

"Get over yourself," I said, pulling away.

"Evianna, you can't just push everyone away who tries to get close to you!"

Tears began to burn in my eyes, but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing them fall. "Not everyone. Just the a-holes who try and use me like a racehorse."

I left him standing in the dark studio, feeling as though I'd simultaneously won and lost.

***

A few hours later, I swiped a card and opened the door to my suite at the Grand Hotel. The Heritage listed building was my favourite place to stay when I was in Melbourne, and I was relieved the corporate travel lady had secured me a room on short notice.

I had barely anything with me. After I'd left work, I'd raced home and weeping, thrown a handful of clothes into a little suitcase. I called a taxi for the airport before I could change my mind, figuring I'd use my corporate credit card for any last minute clothing purchases. After all, I still had no idea what I was doing for the next week. For all I knew, I'd be scuba diving or street sweeping, something that might require wardrobe intervention anyway.

In my head, I planned to spend my free weekend getting plenty of fresh air, walking around the laneways of Melbourne, exploring the Botanical gardens and wandering along Southbank. In reality, I didn't leave my room for the next two days, ordering carb-heavy meals from room service and watching endless hired movies on the TV.

When I ran out of regular films to watch, I furtively flicked through the adult movie selection. I blushed as I read the titles, but then found one called, 'Fat-Bottomed Girls IX' and my curiosity got the better of me. Perhaps a porno about plus-sized girls will be empowering, I told myself, clicking through to watch.

The screen lit up with the image of a man with an obscenely long member, sitting on a satin-sheeted bed. Then, into the shot walked the so-called 'fat-bottom.' The actress was miniscule, with tanned skin and elegant limbs. Under her G-string, her hips swelled slightly, and her bottom was filled out, but not even close to the standard definition of curvy. Disgusted, I flipped the TV off, just as the actor bent her over the bed, her perky behind ready for him.

The image of her waving backside stayed with me. If I looked like that, maybe Matt would have wanted to sleep with me, rather than being bet to. If I was even half as sexy as that girl, maybe he would have actually had sex with me instead of giving up the second he saw my arse.

Flopping back to the sheets, I crushed my face into the pillow. I'd been crying all weekend and my tear ducts were dry, so I simply keened in humiliation, wondering how I would ever find a modicum of acceptance for myself again.

***

Monday morning, I waited in the lobby for the production assistant sent to pick me up and take me to my newest work place. Nervous, I picked at my teeth with a fingernail, before remembering I'd paid a lovely Malaysian nail lady to visit my room and paint my fingers and toes in a vivid scarlet the night before. I may be fat, but at least I can have pretty nails...

As I studies the blood coloured carpets, cream walls and oil paintings of the foyer for the dozenth time, a freakishly tall redhead rushed in through the revolving doors. "Miss Moore? I'm Heather!"

"Hey, Heather," I said, standing to greet her, looking up into her speckled face. "Call me Evi."

She was obviously a natural ranga, with freckles packed so tightly on her pale skin, they merged together in certain places, forming Rorschach blots begging to be studied. "It's such an honour to meet you! Robbo hired me to help you out for the next few weeks. I'll drive you to work, organise our meals, all that jazz. Whatever you need, I'm your girl!"

"What I really need to know right now is where we're going." I'd spent the night before torturing myself with images of what revolting job Robbo had lined up for me. He'd gone to such lengths to keep me in the dark about what I'd be doing for the week, I knew it must be horrendous.

Sewerage worker? Prison guard? Personal assistant to Tony Abbott? I had a thousand guesses but no clue. All I knew is that it would be something that would be interesting viewing. I was half-hoping for something so degrading, it would take my mind completely off my own body issues for a while. After all, it would be pretty hard to obsess over my muffin-top if I was hosing out an abattoir.

I'd dressed as generically as possible in jeans with an elastic waist and a baggy tunic top in black, and I turned to grab my giant white coat as I said, "So, tell me."

"Oh my goodness! You're going to be so excited," she gushed, looping her arm through mine and drawing me towards the door.

I wasn't sure about her instant familiarity with me, but her ecstatic tone gave me hope. "Yeah?"

She pulled me out into the fresh Melbournian air and bounced a little on her toes. "We're off to Melbourne fashion week!"

Oh, this book is turning out to be so much fun!  Please leave me a comment if you're enjoying the reading as much as I'm enjoying the writing, and remember to vote by clicking the star!