Chapter 19

I had a really emotional moment this week, listening to the song attached to this chapter and reading through the hundreds of comments, PM's and wall posts from beautiful readers encouraging me.  Thank you so much, every one of you.  Without you, this book would be just a bunch of words in a document, rather than a living breathing story.

So many of you have related the changes in your lives since reading this book, which is something I never expected.  But in itself, that is a kind of special magic, don't you think?   Words tapped out on a keyboard in an Australian city have bloomed across the world and inspired change in the way people think and feel about themselves.  It's magic, and I'm so humble to be a part of this process and to have you invested in my creation.  Thank you.  If Curves ever makes it into print, the dedication will be to the readers here on Wattpad.

After a cliffy like that, you deserve an extra-long chapter – enjoy... :)

"Matt!" My heart literally skipped a beat, resuming its rhythm with intensity. Heat crawled over my skin in an automatic reaction to his nearness. He looked both amazing and awful. He couldn't help but appear gorgeous to me, with his eyes a cloudy grey and his lips open and inviting. Under his simple white tee, his sculpted frame showed through, perhaps a little leaner than normal, but with his trademark six-pack evident.

But his face was a pitted hollow of shadows, and his hair fell limply over his forehead, bereft of product or even a comb. His expression was a mixture of relief and frustration as he said, "Can I come in?"

"Of course!" I ushered him inside, feeling lightheaded. There was a very real possibility that the answer could have been no if I'd asked Lightfoot to stay the night, and I couldn't even imagine trying to have that conversation. "What's going on? Aren't you meant to be on air right now?"

I sat on the couch, gazing up and waiting for him to join me. Instead, Matt began to pace back and forth in the small lounge room.

"Yes, I am meant to be on air. The problem is for the last ten days, I've been going out of my mind trying to make contact with you. I've been emailing, calling, texting. I've argued with your assistant, who said you're voluntarily offline and refused to tell me anything. I tried to get the producer to put you on the line when you were in Darwin, which didn't work. No one knew where you were at all over the weekend, and Robbo only told me this morning that you were here in Sydney because I threatened to quit if he didn't."

He raked a clawed hand through his hair. "As soon as I knew you were less than ten minutes from me, I told Robbo I'd be back tomorrow and walked out, because I couldn't last one more day without seeing you."

"Oh." I wasn't sure how to respond. "I wasn't trying to avoid you, you know. Just trying to take some time out."

Matt's face swelled like a cherry tomato. "I understand that, I do. I'm just not sure if you understand how much... Alright. Alright. Here's what we'll do: I'll say everything I need to say, and then you can decide if you want to tell me anything. Alright?"

"Alright."

"Alright." He took a deep breath into his chest, which only seemed to further tighten him up. "Evianna, I love you. I should have said it weeks ago, but I've been wimping out. I'm manning up now and I'm here to tell you, I love you."

My eyes filled with prickles and heat, but I didn't try to reply yet.

"I know I've made a mess of things between us so far: I've been hiding my feelings for years, because I was scared. I tried to take you to bed because I thought that was what you needed, and that ended badly. Then I let you leave on this road trip, when I should have been convincing you to stay. I emailed you all this stuff about me, but it wasn't enough to show you how I really feel.

"And then the other weekend, when you found Taylor on my couch, you were so mature. You didn't jump to any wild conclusions or chuck a hissy fit. You actually supported her, even though I know she's said some stupid stuff to you, and you didn't freak out over the fact we used to date." His face crumpled a little. "I fell for you even harder that night."

He shook his head, fists clenched. "Then, I arsed it up again! Because you told me you wanted space, and I thought it was because you were enjoying yourself too much on this trip. It wasn't until Taylor asked me to fly up to the Gold Coast and told me she wanted to get back together that Thursday that I realised what was going on."

My mouth fell open. She told him!

"I said to her that I was around to support her as a friend, but I couldn't date her again, because I was in love with someone else. She was upset, but took it pretty well, and she guessed it was you. She told me about what she said to you, and I realised you were only being noble, because that's the kind of amazing person you are."

He finally sat beside me, face anguished. "Evianna, I don't care what you've been doing these last few weeks, if there's been other guys. All I care about is you. I'm here to tell you that I love you, and I'm going to fight for you. No more just accepting anything that comes between us. I know I told you that you needed to love yourself first, but screw that. I'll love you enough for both of us."

By this stage, both of us were crying freely. I'd never seen Matt so passionate and unreserved, as if he'd let years of bottled emotion blast free.

"I'd like to talk now," I said through my tears.

"Yes, yes, please." He reached for my hand, enveloping my trembling fingers in his as I tried to find the words to answer him. Be brave, Evi.

I started slowly, using my thumb to draw a pattern on his palm. "This has been the biggest growth period of my life. I feel like I've moved from this insecure girl, into a woman who finally sees her worth. It's been a weird journey, and it's been all about me, because that's how it had to be. Matt, you should know... I almost slept with someone last night."

"I don't care." He said it with such acceptance, I knew it wouldn't have mattered if I'd said I actually slept with someone. "We're not together, Evianna. Yet. You can't scare me off."

"Also, a miner kissed me."

"That's fine."

"And I made advances on a salsa dancer."

"You told me about that one."

"Oh, yeah." I looked away from his love-filled expression, unable to put my finger on what I wanted to actually say. "Matt, if you'd told me you loved me three months ago, I would have been so happy. And I'm happy now," I rushed to explain, "but back then, I was so messed up, I wouldn't have been able to accept your love, and I would have messed everything up anyway.

"Now, I know where I'm at with myself. I'm happier in my skin, I know who I am, my mind is more open, I've let go of a lot of judgement. I'm becoming a person who accepts what she gets, so she can give more too."

"You look different," he said, smiling through his luminous eyes.

My hands flew self-consciously to my belly, an ingrained reflex to hide the swell of my body.

"No, not there." Matt lifted his hand and cupped my cheek, his skin warm against mine. "Here. Your face is brighter, your eyes are clearer, your smile lasts longer. You shine more."

"Because that's how I feel on the inside," I said, tilting my head into his hand. "I'm in a good place."

I forced myself to meet his eyes, knowing that to be honest with him, I needed to stare into his soul while I said the rest. "But I'm not finished yet. I'm really close, I am, but I need longer. I'm just starting to love myself and if we start seeing each other, I'm worried that I'll stop pushing myself to be where I need to be, and then I'll fall backwards.

"Or, and this probably makes me sound horrible, I'll let you try to fix me, and I don't want that. I know now that I don't need that – I can fix myself."

"I know you can." I'd expected him to lash out, but it was unfounded. All I saw from him was love and understanding. "I don't want to wreck everything you've been working on. All I want to do is be there when you're ready, and I'll fight to show you that I'm worthy of being your man."

"Thank you," I whispered, walls collapsing inside me. I leaned forward and hugged him, trying to convey everything I felt with my embrace.

Matt held me tightly, as if I would vanish in a smoke puff. He threaded his hands behind my back, pulling me in and stroking me softly. I melted into him, breathing his sweet scent deep and allowing myself to enjoy the perfectly imperfect moment.

When he spoke, his words were muffled through my hair. "So... Not to rush you, but can you give me any kind of time frame? Are we talking months? Years? I'll still be here anyway, but it would be good to know."

I laughed, pulling back. "Not years. Not even months. Tell you what – let me get through these last two weeks on the road, and give me a few weeks to settle. Then, we can have this conversation again."

He used the pads of his thumbs to wipe the tear tracks from under my eyes. "Done. I'm yours, Evianna, and I can wait as long as it takes, because I love you, and I believe you love me too."

"Oh, really?" I said, my eyes alight with delight. "So confident, Mr Knight."

He kissed me on the cheek, just close enough to my ear to send my senses flying. "I am. I've got a feeling we're both due for a run of good luck."

I had to get up, or the temptation to kiss him would take over. "I hope so. Hey, how is Taylor doing? She looked like hell during the cross on Friday."

I crossed to the kitchen and pulled a container of orange juice from the fridge, just for something to do. Matt followed me, saying, "Yeah, that was the morning after we'd stayed up all night talking. We were tired, but she was actually okay. She still went up to the Gold Coast that afternoon, and ever since she met that doctor friend of yours, she's been remarkable cheerful."

"I'll just be she has." There was something fitting about the thought of Taylor and Dr Blake hitting it off. "Do you want some?" I asked, indicating the juice.

"Yes, please."

I reached up to the top cupboard, hunting for tall glasses, my back to Matt. As I stretched, my fingers just skating past the tumblers, my wretched pyjama bottoms decided they'd had enough. The over-stretched waistband slid from my hips and they slithered to the floor, leaving me standing in only my hot-pink boy-legs.

"Oh!" Too horrified to do anything else, I clapped my hands over my face.

Matt moved like a greased ninja; he was behind me almost instantly. "Here," he growled, his voice husky with lust. "Let me help you with those."

As I stood, trapped against the bench-top, he knelt down and retrieved the pants. Drawing them upwards slowly, he deliberately allowed his fingers to graze my exposed skin and my knees buckled helplessly.

His hands lingered over my butt cheeks as he tugged the pants over my hips. When they were up, I spun to face him, my face burning, my entire body awash with sensation. "You're playing dirty, sir."

"I'm not the one who just conveniently happened to lose her pants in the middle of the kitchen," he replied, snaking a hand around my back.

The tension between us was stretched as taunt as a bungy rope at the bottom of the bounce, and I allowed it to finally break. I pulled his face down to mine and kissed him.

The connection was electric; unlike other times, there were no misunderstandings between us, just open desire. Matt's fingers slid beneath the back of my shirt, seeking my skin and sending tremors skittering everywhere. I let my hands hold the back of his head, drawing him closer, as if I could press him close and absorb his essence.

We broke apart at the exact same moment. "I want you," I told him.

"I want you too. So much."

I could feel my logical choice bending as I said, "If we do this, it doesn't change anything. We're still waiting a few weeks. You have to understand that I'm still not saying yes yet – this is just two people sleeping together."

"That's fine," he said mildly, trailing his fingers around to my hips. "You can tell yourself that. As long as you understand that I intend to make love to you, and use my body to convince you that we belong together."

I wanted to argue, but I wanted him more. "You're impossible," I said, pulling him forwards towards the stairs.

"I'm in love with you." As he followed me up the stairs, he tweaked my backside, making me squeak. "The rest, we can work out later."

Once we hit the bed, we crashed together like two waves. I gave myself over to the moment, and felt my channels open wide, allowing my pleasure and confidence to flow through. Not once did I burst the bubble to worry about morning breath or if my stomach was wobbling. I was woman, proud and magnificent and in bed with the man who loved her.

In a pool of blazing Sydney sunshine, we divested each other of every scrap of clothing, until we lay bare and grinning. Matt was a perfect as I knew he'd be, but the knowledge that he loved me gave me the reassurance I'd craved to not feel imperfect beside him. The love and open lust in his eyes made me feel like a sex siren, a creature of wonder, and the emotion combined with the new sense of self I felt.

Matt reached for me, lowering his head, his eyes blazing, determined to seek my pleasure. Unlike the first time, I was ready to receive it, allowing him to lavish my body with his fingers and tongue until I fell apart, crying out his name and clutching at his shoulders.

Rolling waves of fractured pleasure pitched through me, at once exhausting and inspiring me. When I'd recovered my breath, I rolled onto my knees, pushing him down to the sheets and straddling him. With an open heart, I fished out an emergency condom from my bag beside the bed, and tore it open, ready for him.

When we joined together, I felt my world shift again. He was my perfect fit, the one who'd been designed for me, and as we fused, I knew my soul would be connected to his beyond the end of my days. I gasped as I came to sit flush against him, our fingers intertwined as we found our own rhythm, as ancient as the sun which cantered happily though the windows and upon our skin.

As I watched Matt's face enveloped in bliss, my own pleasure coiled and exploded a second within me. He called out, "Evianna!" as the heat between us pulsed, and I collapsed against his chest, as spent as him.

For an age, we lay there panting, intertwined in a thousand ways. Matt danced his fingertips across my back, and my sensitised skin reacted with shudders as I nestled into his neck. There was no work, no boundaries, no expectations, no worries – just us.

Eventually, I stretched up, a silly grin plastered over my face. "Um... So, I'm not sure what people normally say after something like that."

"I love you." He kissed me again, lingering just a moment. "That's what I'm saying."

"Matt..." I felt a tiny coil of sadness, the dark shadow on the golden cloud of our morning.

"You don't have to say it back now. I know you will when you're ready. I just want you to know that I mean it. Don't ever doubt that I love you, Evianna."

"I don't," I said, my heart bursting open wide, secure in his love. "I'll be home again in a week or so, okay?"

"Is that my cue?" He waggled his eyebrows at me. "I've got time for another round, if you do."

"Not today, truant. Some of still have work this morning."

We redressed, giggling and bantering. I didn't bother putting my pj pants back on – there didn't seem to be a point – and I walked him down to the front door in my panties.

We kissed again, our mouths open and our teeth clashing. "I will miss you every minute," he said, squeezing my butt cheeks tenderly.

"I'll miss you too. I'll turn my phone back on; call whenever you like. Thank you for this morning."

"I'll be waiting for you, Evianna. Come home soon. I love you."

I almost said it back, but kissed him again instead, hoping my lips could convey what my heart wasn't quite ready to say yet. "Bye."

"Bye."

He was gone, and I closed the door softly, leaning against it with a blissful expression on my face.

***

I just skated into WF at nine on the dot. Lightfoot had assigned me to spend the day with some of the on-the-ground charity workers, but he dropped in to say hi just before close of business. "Moore! How are you doing?"

My hot blush and uncontrollable smile gave me away. "Good, thanks."

He eyed me carefully. "You talked to him, then? Your guy?"

"I did."

"And you sorted stuff out?"

"Um... I guess you could say that we worked out a few things..."

He bellowed in knowing laughter. "You're a vixen, Moore. I hope he knows how good he's got it."

A slender girl in green jeggings and a tiny black tank appeared by his side. "Jace? Are you ready to go for dinner? I haven't finished telling you about my best friend's tea cup pig yet."

"Not dinner, Kimmy, just drinks. I'll meet you downstairs in five, okay?"

She was already busy on her phone. "Yeah, sure..."

After she drifted off, my eyebrows were still raised to the sky. Lightfoot noticed. "Not a word, Moore."

"Have fun with that," I said.

"It could have been you." He spoke with such disappointment, I wondered if he wasn't as immune to attachment as he proclaimed.

"No, it couldn't. All my tea cup pig stories end with me eating fresh bacon."

"If you ever change your mind, Moore, you know where I am." He kissed my cheek and went after his date, bound for a night of forced conversation and free loving.

My evening wasn't nearly as exciting; Heather and I spent the night on the couch, watching Grey's Anatomy reruns and painting our toenails. After my phone buzzed for the eighth time with a Matt message that made me smile, Heather finally caved. "Alright! I wasn't going to ask, but I have to know; what the hell happened last night?"

I filled her in, skimping on some of the details, which she quickly pounced on and drew out of me anyway. "Oh my God! So, you guys are...?"

"Nothing. Not yet. Right now, we're just in a holding pattern."

But there was none of the frustrating feelings I usually experienced waiting for a time-wasting circle on an aeroplane. Rather, it was a blissful pause, where we could both assimilate our new level of physicality, while discovering each other little by little. For the rest of the week, we texted, emailed, fell asleep with our phones glued to our ears, and rather than feeling pressured, all I felt was supported.

My live cross on Friday passed in a haze as I was distracted by the obviously tight shirt Matt had worn on air. Taylor looked much brighter, even going to so far as to offer me a compliment on my long necklace, which I'd worn to deliberately show off my cleavage. My report wasn't my best work, but it compellingly showed how charity needed industry to thrive, and encouraged viewers to support the work of WF.

After we'd finished, I waved goodbye to everyone in the office, and scooped up my phone to text Matt. Heather just told me we're off to Byron Bay this afternoon but I still don't know where I'll be working.

Have fun! Bring me home a crystal pendant and a dream catcher. Love you.

Heather had brought our suitcases to the office so we could dash straight to the airport. I met her downstairs as she danced from foot to foot on the sidewalk while talking on her phone. "Wait! She's here now!"

She covered the mouth piece. "I have to run inside and pee before we hail a cab, but Andie's on the line and she says she wants to talk to you and say thanks for last weekend. Can you chat with her and mind the luggage?"

I accepted the phone, premonitions tingling. "Okay, see you soon."

She sprinted inside, singing, "Weeeeee!" while I lifted the handset to my ear.

"Hey, Andie."

"Evianna." The other woman's voice was barely cordial, concealed seething lying just below the surface. "When Heather asks you about this conversation, you're going to tell her that I gushed and said thank you a dozen times. Got it?"

"What's this about, Andie?" I asked, bracing myself.

"Do you honestly not realise what Heather has given up to traipse around after you for the last five weeks?"

"Look, I know it's been really hard on your both. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to spend time apart, but-"

"Not me," she hissed. "Although, that's part of it. She's given up incredible opportunities just to be your little domo."

"She's a life coach," I said, puzzled. "It's not like she's curing cancer."

"She's not just any life coach. She's the most sought after career and life consultant in the country. Her client list is so exclusive, even I don't know all the celebrities and big-wigs she's worked with. There's a line of people a mile long falling over themselves just to spend an hour with her and you're occupying her for weeks, with little to no gratitude!"

"What?" My fingers tightened on the phone, clenching it to my ear. "She's never said anything."

"Of course, because she's modest and incredible, and for some reason, she's totally committed to you! She turned down $200,000 to work with the head of the biggest bank in Australia, and delayed her regular session with the Prime Minister, and blew off a meeting with Margot Robbie, and I can't for the life of me work out why she thinks you're worth it!"

I stood in silence. I didn't have an answer. Much as I was discovering my sense of worth, I didn't believe I could compete with any of that.

"I've asked her a thousand times to quit and come home, and she won't." Andie released a tight breath. "So, all I'm asking you is to appreciate the gift that is my Heather, then send her home as soon as humanly possible. Can you do that, Evianna?"

"Andie, I'm so sorry-"

"Can you do that?"

"Yes. I'll send her home now, if you like. She doesn't have to be around for the weekend, and I know I can survive the next week without her."

"Try, but she's determined to see out your final job together.

"I'm back!" My friend burst from the revolving door of the office building, and I couldn't help but see her in a different light, observing her short scarlet hair and towering height with new eyes. "What did I miss?"

"You're just in time to say goodbye," I said, handing back the phone.

"Baby! We gotta jump in a cab now, I'll call you tonight, okay? Love you!" She clicked off and began waving wildly for a taxi.

Once we were safely on our way to the airport, I said, "Hey, listen, I think you should probably head home rather than follow me up to Byron. Honestly, I'd rather spend the weekend alone, and you can just email me the details for the job next week."

With the right corner of her mouth pulled up in a knowing fashion, she replied, "Andie said something, didn't she?"

"Uh... No, I just think-"

Heather threw a long arm around my shoulders, leaning us both into the centre of the sweaty cab. "Lady, I'm not going anywhere. I started this journey with you, and I'm going to see it through."

"But, when you think about it-"

"No!" This time, she was forceful, her hazel eyes insistent. "This is our last weekend together, maybe for a while. We're both busy, we live in different cities, we probably won't get time like this ever again. And you're my friend now! I want to spend time with you."

Her tone was so plaintive, and it was all true. "But, Andie..."

"Andie and I are going to be together forever," she said with the true confidence of a woman who knew she'd found her soul mate. "But this week is for you and me."

"Alright." I squeezed her arm, excited despite the circumstance. If I couldn't change her mind, I might as well embrace our final days together before Matt and Andie and work and life tore us apart. "Let's go to Byron!"

What do you think of Heather's real career?  Are you feeling satisfied Evi and Matt finally spent some time together?  Do you think teacup pigs are cute or pointless?  I'd love to hear how you're feeling at the back end of this story - only a few chapters to go now!

Thanks as always for reading - and a special thanks to the people who have shared this story with friends or family, or placed it on their public reading lists so others can find it.  Please remember to vote by clicking the little star.  Much love, xxoo Kate