Chapter Nine.

Chapter Nine.

I stared at Logan, my eyes wide and unseeing. It was as if everything within the room had stopped including my breathing as I processed the small sentence that Logan had just spoken out loud to me.

It was as if everything I had ever known was slowly crashing down around me. The only world I had experienced was shattering into small pieces that would be impossible to put back together. The complicated puzzle that I knew was my life was broken up into fragments and scattered everywhere making it impossible to put it back together.

There was no way that I wasn't human but as I looked between my mum and Logan I somehow knew that they were telling the truth. I wasn't human; I was some sort of monster just like my dad. The very thought of ending up as someone like my dad had me cringing both inside and out. I would never end up like my dad even if it killed me. He had caused my mum so much pain in the past few years of her life even before I was born and he had also caused me pain in all of my seventeen years of existence.

It didn't seem real. The entire situation that I had found myself in seemed like a dream; at least I hoped that it was only a dream. I was still waiting for the moment that I would be rudely awakened by my dad kicking me in the stomach for sleeping too long, but deep down I knew that it wouldn't ever happen. The life I was now living was real; the life that werewolves were real in, along with mates and the fact that I wasn't human was all real. The only good thing about what was happening was that both me and my mum had escaped my dad.

My entire body began to shake as I forced myself to breathe in and out. If I wasn't human then I didn't know what I was but I knew that my cells were mutated with the werewolf gene. I didn't know if I was a pure blood werewolf as my mum had tainted the line by being human. I knew that I at least had the blood of a werewolf flowing through my veins and the thought made me feel sick.

I clutched my stomach tightly as I slapped my hands over my mouth. I could already feel bile rising up from my stomach and the hand over my mouth seemed to be the only thing keeping the bile down. A grey coloured cardboard bowl appeared in front of me as I took my hand away from my mouth and puked up the contents of my stomach which mainly consisted of water.

It wasn't long until I was left dry heaving over the cardboard bowl. Logan had immediately stood up and pulled the hair out of my face and rubbed my back in a soothing motion while my mum helped me hold the bowl up in front of me. It was rare that I was sick but it did happen once in a while, especially when I worked myself up. Just thinking about the fact that I wasn't human though, made me feel sick to my stomach. Stifling a sob, I tried to get myself under control by taking deep, controlled breaths.

"Are you alright?" Logan asked.

I only nodded my head as I fell back onto the pillows resting on the bed. A glass of water was handed to me and I gratefully took it as I awkwardly sipped the water. I didn't want to drink it all in one go as I wasn't sure that I would be able to keep it down. I was thankful that the water had gotten rid of the awful taste in my mouth.

I took a few moments to calm myself down before I sat upright and faced my mum and Logan. My mum was sitting down with a worried expression while Logan stood by the head of the bed his arms at his side as if he didn't know what to do with them. I nodded my head slowly in a way that said thank you before I turned to my mum. I knew that neither of us were in any fit state to continue the conversation but I needed to know what I was.

I gave my mum a look that said 'continue'. She spared a glance at Logan who was slowly lowering himself on to the seat he had been sitting in before I got sick. Logan only nodded his head at her in an encouraging manner before he focused his attention back on me. My mum sighed loudly as she took my pale hand in hers once again before meeting my eyes.

"You're not human but you're not a pure blood werewolf. I didn't understand until your dad told me that you were only half human, half werewolf. I think the term is hybrid. Your dad didn't like that you weren't able to shift and once you turned sixteen it was as if all hope that you would ever shift had vanished." My mum told me sadly as she continued to hold my hand in hers.

It was weird but I was relieved to hear that I would most likely not shift. I didn't want to turn into a huge wolf, the entire idea seemed crazy. I knew from experience from what I had witnessed when seeing and hearing Logan shift that it would most likely be painful. If I had changed into a werewolf I knew that my life would have been different and I didn't know if that was a good thing.

I already hated the fact that I shared my dad's eyes and I didn't want to share anything else with him. I didn't want to be a werewolf and I was sure that that was made clear when I felt my tense shoulders sag a little in relief while I sighed audibly. The thought of turning into a werewolf terrified me and I only hoped that I would never, ever turn into a werewolf especially if I had the choice.

I now understood why my dad hated me so much. I was a girl; I was weak and pathetic in his eyes and maybe he was right. I wasn't the son that he wanted to take over his pack and rule it with an iron fist. The fact that I couldn't shift only seemed to fuel his hatred for me. It all made sense and I suddenly felt a little calmer knowing why my dad had acted the way he had for so many years. The werewolf explanation, no matter how scary it was seemed to explain everything that had happened in my seventeen years of life.

"It's unlikely that you will ever shift as most werewolves shift between twelve and sixteen." Logan told me softly as I looked up at him.

The fact that I now knew that I wasn't completely human and that my genes were mixed with the genes of a werewolf would explain why I was able to have a mate. My mum had said that werewolves could only have mates that were werewolves too and I guessed that my mutated werewolf genes within me were the reason why Logan's wolf was able to choose me as his mate.

I could see the frown marks that seemed to be permanently etched onto his beautifully sculpted face and I briefly wondered what he would look like smiling. Logan's unusual brown eyes seemed to be clouded with worry and what looked like longing as he continued to gaze as me. I was clueless when it came to the opposite gender but I did know when someone was attractive and Logan was a very attractive male.

I could try and deny the attraction between us all I liked but I knew that no matter how much I denied it, it would always be there. I felt it every time we touched. It was as if there was an unseen force pulling my body towards Logan's. Every cell within my body seemed to be calling out to Logan for his touch, the electricity that seemed to hum between ourselves made the air around us teem with static. I knew deep down that Logan was my mate but it would be a long time before I could accept that fact or act upon it.

I still struggled to understand that the man in front of me had moments ago claimed that we were mates. That he was made for me and I was made for him, that we were bound together by fate for the rest of our lives. It was a lot to process and it would take me time to comprehend what being mates really meant and what I would have to do. As I lay in the hospital bed I found that it would be a long time before I could even accept Logan as just a friend.

I was damaged. I had trust issues and it would take a lot for anyone, especially a male to earn my trust. I wondered if Logan was patient enough to take the time to get to know me before he went telling the world that we were mates. I didn't doubt that once Logan knew who I was and what I had been through that he would wish that we weren't mates and I would have to prepare myself for his rejection.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner Mae," my mum's voice pulled me out of my thoughts as I found myself reluctantly pulling my eyes away from Logan's and looking into my mum's blue ones, "it was never the right time and I wanted to tell you when you were older. I wanted you to be ready when I told you and I wanted to prepare you. I'm sorry for lying to you."

My mum's voice was laced with sorrow as she hung her head. I felt my heart physically ache at the sight of my her. I shuffled along the hard mattress with difficulty until I was in front of my mum. I wrapped my arms tightly around her slender shoulders and pulled her towards me. I felt her arms wind themselves around my waist as she pulled me to her.

I missed the warm embrace of my mum. I missed the comfort that her arms seemed to offer and I missed her scent of lavender and jasmine that I always seemed to associate with her. If I could talk I would be telling her how much I loved her and whispering comforting words into her ear.

I couldn't hate my mum for not telling me. It was understandable as to why she had kept such a secret to herself for so many years. It must have been hard for her to tell us everything and I knew that she blamed herself for everything that had happened to the both of us and I hoped that she could tell through our embrace that I didn't blame her. She was my mum, my protector, my guardian angel and if I had been in her position I was sure that I would have done the same.

The moment was ruined by the sound of my stomach growling loudly, my stomach was empty and I was surprisingly hungry despite throwing up a moment ago. My mum giggled in my ear as she pulled away from me only to hold me by my shoulders. She tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear while she smiled adoringly at me.

"You will always be my brave little soldier," she told me as she kissed the tip of my nose. I smiled at the nickname that she had given me when she would find me crying after I had crossed my dad's path. She would tell me how brave I was before kissing the tip of my nose and hugging me tight.

"I'll get us all some lunch and tell the pack the good news," Logan said awkwardly from our side as we both looked up at him.

"Oh no," my mum said in a hurry as she stood from her seat and wiped away the remainder of her tears from her cheeks, "I'll go, I could do with stretching my legs and getting some fresh air."

I stared wide-eyed at my mum's retreating back. She hadn't given us time to react as she had already been walking towards the door before she had finished talking. I wanted her to stay because I felt uncomfortable and a little bit scared in the company of Logan especially when I knew that he was capable of turning into a wolf at any moment that his emotions got the better of him. I wanted to call out to her but as I opened my mouth no sound came out.

My mum slipped out of the room in one swift movement and pulled the door closed behind her. I quickly looked away and around the room so that I wouldn't find myself staring at Logan whose eyes I could feel studying my face.

I jumped as I felt someone gently hold my hand and I looked down to see that my childlike hand was engulfed in a much larger tanned one. The tingling sensations that danced across my skin, the butterflies that came alive in my stomach and the heat that rushed through my body told me that Logan was holding my hand before I even lifted my head to look up at him. I slowly tugged on my hand to free it from his grasp which only caused him to grip it a little tighter, his grip though like a gentle caress was firm but not enough to hurt me.

"Esme," he began, the way he said my name sounded natural as it easily rolled of his tongue causing shivers to run down my spine as I stared at him, "this isn't the way that I wanted you to find out about my world, I wanted to give you so much before I brought you into my world. I wanted you to be comfortable around me and my pack so that you could easily accept us but when your mum told me what had happened to the both of you I knew that I had to tell you."

I nodded by head slowly. I could hear the truth in his voice, the desperation he felt for me to understand why he had acted the way he did and I did appreciate his position to some extent. I had read that male wolves were naturally dominant animals, they were possessive and territorial and I guessed that Logan had some of a natural wolf's instincts embedded into his genes. I was trying to understand his way of life as best as I could but I was overloaded with information that would take quite a while to process.

The conversation had seemed to take a dramatic turn as we had moments ago been discussing the fact that I wasn't who I thought I was and we were now talking about something entirely different. It made my head spin with the sudden conversation change but I forced myself to concentrate on what Logan was saying.

"Your mum told me everything," he whispered softly as if he had read the underlying questions behind my eyes, "I couldn't bear not knowing what had happened when you stumbled onto my territory bruised and battered. I knew that you were mine from the moment that you stepped out of the car and when I found you I had to stop my wolf from going on a rampage at the sight of you. Your mum explained everything to my dad, my mum and me while you were unconscious and it was agreed that you deserved to know as soon as possible."

I could understand why my mum would tell Logan and his family everything that had happened to us even though they were complete strangers. My mum understood the entire mate concept better than I did as she had read books on it and she had probably witnessed it herself. I was new to the werewolf world but my mum seemed to know the importance of mates and that Logan and his family could be trusted. I knew that if my mum could trust them then I should learn to trust them too. She had always been a good judge of character and she knew who to trust and who not to.

"I have waited so long for you. I have waited twenty two years for you and ever since I found out about mates I fell in love with the idea of someone being made specifically for me. I knew that you would be mine and I would be yours from the moment we met. When I did meet you, you were the most beautiful little thing that I had ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes upon," Logan continued.

I didn't know why Logan was telling me all of this but I felt like he had wanted to tell me everything that he was feeling from the moment that we had met. I was learning something new about him with every sentence; he was telling me about himself while he explained his feelings to me. I was learning his age and his personality beyond the animal within him.

I could feel a small amount of heat make its way up my neck and slowly colour my cheeks as I blushed. I had only ever been called beautiful by my mum and grandparents. It seemed important to me that Logan thought I was beautiful. I didn't know where my sudden change in attitude had come from but I suspected that it had something to do with the fact that my mum openly showed that she liked and trusted Logan as well as the mate bond between us.

"I will spend forever showing you how much you mean to me, how beautiful you are, how strong and brave you are and what it feels like to be loved and cared for. I want you to see beyond the monster that you think I am and get to know me as a person. I want you to know the real me and not the wolf that you're terrified of. I will protect you with everything I have as will my... our pack. I will never, ever hurt you for as long as I live and I will never let anyone else hurt you again. I know it's a lot to ask and I know that it's soon but all I am asking for is a chance to prove myself to you that you won't be making a mistake if you let your walls down and trust me." Logan's voice was almost a whisper as he trailed off at the end.

I felt my head spin at his declarations. I had never had someone openly admit their feelings unless it was hatred and to have Logan suddenly tell me everything that he was feeling was a little overwhelming. I didn't know what to say and I didn't know how to react as I had never been in a situation like this before. I felt a little bad knowing that it must have taken Logan a lot of courage to openly admit how he felt about me after all I had done was push him away and call him names.

"I know that you must have a lot on your mind right now," Logan spoke softly. I felt myself being drawn in by the sound of his voice, "but I promise you that I will never let your dad hurt you or your mum ever again."

Logan's voice was so fierce that I found myself cowering away a little. I could see the fire behind his brown eyes and I knew that he was mad at my dad, that he hated the man that had hurt me as much as I hated him. I hated my dad but I would never want him to be hurt or killed because of me. It would take a lot of convincing to stop Logan from going after my dad.

I wasn't used to such an open display of affection and it was doing strange things to both my mind and body. It was unfamiliar to me to have someone care for me so openly. I knew that Logan did care for me, that he only wanted what was best for me; he only wanted me to be happy. I didn't know how to react to him or his way of life and his sudden displays of affection and so I shied away from him.

I wanted to believe everything that Logan had said but my mind was still clouded with doubt. My dad would come looking for us and he would eventually find us no matter how secretive or well hidden we were. I was even more scared now that I knew my dad was a werewolf and he had an entire pack with him that was most likely just as unforgiving as he.

Logan had said that both he and his pack would protect me and my mum but I didn't want to put so many people's lives in danger. I couldn't be responsible for others getting hurt and the thought of people possibly dying because of me had guilt washing over me like a cold blanket. I found myself wanting to believe everything that Logan had said, I wanted to trust him but I couldn't find it within me to let the walls I had spent so long building up fall for a complete stranger that I wasn't quite yet ready to trust.

"You don't have to give me an answer right now but I just needed you to know how I feel, to understand what I'm thinking. You can give me your answer whenever you want, it can be days, weeks or months but I want you to know that I am not giving up on you and I will never let you go, mate of mine." Logan told me with small smile on his face. A satisfied glint seemed to appear in his eyes. It was clear that he had wanted to get it all off his chest for a while and now that he had he felt a lot better.

I had to come to terms with 'who' and 'what' I was and I knew it would take a long time. I could only hope that Logan was patient as I had no idea how long it would take me to give him an answer.