Chapter 31

Chapter 31 — I Do Not Like Him

Lately Liam feels like he is a mismatched puzzle. But he cannot quite figure out what it is that makes him feel so... scrambled. He cannot focus on anything, and most of the times he is just distracted. Even when someone tries to talk to him, they have to repeat the same thing at least three times before he can even process what they're saying. Needless to say, his memory is pretty much shot too.

This change in him of course does not go unnoticed by those around him but every time he is approached regarding the topic, he just shakes his head and reassures them he is fine. He is really not, but that does not mean he is going to admit it. And it's very manageable, at least according to him, so no need to make it into a big deal.

As long as he keeps himself busy, it's fine. But it is a Sunday, and he can't sleep, so he woke up early and he's already cleaned the whole house twice, but he's still not tired and he doesn't know what else he can do. The kids love cake — maybe he should try his hand at baking.

But before he can stand up from the couch, his sister, Rylee, plops down next to him, and places a hand on his knee, stopping his leg from jiggling. He didn't even realise he had been doing that.

"Hey," he smiles at her and notices the once again prominent bags under her eyes and squints at her, "You okay?"

She gives him a tight smile and nods, rubbing her forehead, "Just nightmares,"

"Wanna talk about it?"

She shakes her head, sighing, "It's... whatever. I think I'd rather unpack that with my therapist,"

"Wow, valuing your therapist more than your blood sibling, okay," he lets out a low whistle jokingly, feigning offence.

She punches his arm lightly, chuckling softly, "Shut up, idjit. You know it's not like that. I just don't want to have to talk about the same thing twice,"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I was just kidding," he ruffles her hair a little before clasping his hands together, declaring, "So I was thinking about baking a cake. What flavour do you think I should try?"

"Uh, uh, no," she clicks her tongue, and puts her arm across his chest, barricading him from standing up, "We're not talking about my nightmares, but we are talking about you,"

"About me? What about me?"

"Do I look blind to you? It's so obvious that something's been bothering you,"

He rolls his eyes, ready to deny the statement, but Rylee continues on without letting him interrupt.

"I didn't want to ask at first, to not invade your privacy, but it's been a few days now, and it doesn't seem like you've worked it out or even talked to anyone about it. So, what is it?"

"No–," he starts to say, the automatic response at the tip of his tongue, but swallows the rest of the word, catching the pointed glare from his sister — he settles for a sheepish grimace with a shrug instead.

"Lovers' quarrel?" she takes a guess.

"No!" he exclaims — if that were his actual plight, it would be much easier, not that he was wishing for a disagreement between him and Jason.

"Then what?"

Another shrug. It's not that Liam is purposely being obstinate, keeping his lips sealed, it's more that he does not know what his problem is in the first place. Or maybe he does, and he is just not ready to acknowledge it yet.

"Okay, fine. I'll call mom and ask her to come over and ask you instead,"

"No," he snatches the phone in her hand, and puts it away from her reach, and scowls at her, "And it's fine, Ry. I'm fine. I just need time to work some things out,"

"Look, I'm not trying to be nosy or anything," Liam raises his eyebrows at that mockingly and she scoffs, "I know it seems like that, but that's not my intention. I just know you, and I know you're not going to share your problem with anyone until it becomes something massive and possibly irreparable. I'm just trying to help you change the habit. You've done so much for me this year, and I wish to repay you,"

Liam sighs, "You don't owe me anything, Rylee,"

"Okay. But you're still my little brother and I wanna help you too,"

He takes a moment to reconsider his stance and finally relents. When Liam was younger and naive and more open and less cynical than he is today, Rylee is the one he would go to with every single little thing; so, if he's going to try and be more open once again, it only seems right to start with Rylee as well. He thinks back to his situation and well, his whole current state of being.

And as stifling as it is to acknowledge something that he's been steering clear of for quite some time, he pushes through. He is also very, very, very tired and would like to unburden himself even if it's only for a moment.

He checks his sister for a quick second and finds that she is still looking at him, waiting expectantly.

Since he doesn't quite know how to word what has been bothering him, he decides to start at something that he does know and is sure of, "I like Jason, like a lot," he feels very much embarrassed and pathetic admitting this to his sister as if he's still in high school and has an irreversible crush on someone, but still he pushes through, "And he likes me too — he's told me that much. And... we talk and laugh and hang out a lot, and it's been really fun. I don't think I've had this much fun in a very long time," he breathes out, fiddling with his fingers on his lap.

He doesn't dare to look at his sister just yet. This is beyond embarrassing; he thinks to himself and wonders if there's any way he could take back everything that he just said. There isn't — he knows that. And he's already halfway there, so he might as well just tell her everything.

"So... Jason recently told me that he is polyamorous," he glances over at Rylee briefly and continues, "I didn't know what it meant and he explained to me that he can be attracted to more than one person at once," he pauses, waiting for her to ask something, but she doesn't, "You're not confused?" he questions.

She shakes her head, "Oh, I know what polyamorous means,"

"You do? How?"

She lifts her shoulder, "I know people who are polyamorous. It's cool. Wait, is that your problem?"

"No!" he exclaims, "I mean... it is new to me and everything but no, I don't mind that about him. He's always been honest to me and that's what matters to me the most. It's what he said afterwards,"

"What did he say?"

"I'm getting there. Um, so a little bit of backstory: remember the dickface who crashed your birthday party?"

"You mean your boss?"

"Yes, that dickface," he nods, swallowing — his throat has started getting dry, and for no reason really. And the way his heart has picked up its pace — no reason for that too, "So, he and Jason are exes,"

"Oh," both her eyebrows raise in surprise — okay, the reaction that Liam was hoping for.

"Yeah. Jason told me this, and he said that the dickface broke up with him for no reason — and well, his loss, my gain. So, at first it seemed like Aaron — that's dickface, by the way, was trying to sabotage my relationship with Jason,"

"Yikes,"

"I know. But like Jason was honest with me from the start, so his attempts did not succeed, and he so obviously still likes Jason even though he is the one who broke up with him in the first place. And I confronted him about it — yes, I know, not very cool," Liam adds when he notices the disapproving look from his sister, "But I did that, and, um... it was weird. He didn't deny my accusation but also he didn't confirm it,"

Liam mulls over for a bit if he should include the other minor detail, and he decided, fuck it, "And he also maybe sorta, kinda tried to kiss me,"

"What?"

"Yeah. Like the day at our house when me and him were in the bathroom before you interrupted us, that time too,"

"He tried to kiss you?"

Liam nods.

"Twice,"

She slowly nods, processing all the information that he's just dumped on her head, "What does Jason have to say all about this?"

He grimaces, "Yeah, I haven't told him this,"

"I thought you were all about honesty, hypocrite,"

"I just..." he breathes out loudly, shoulders slumping, "Okay, yeah, I know I should have told him this, and I'm gonna. Don't judge me and just listen, okay,"

"There's more?"

"Oh, yes,"

"And this is you doing fine?"

He scowls, "Shut up. So, it had been a little bit awkward between Jason and Aaron but they talked a couple of weeks back, and everything was fine and Aaron even invited us to dinner with him. And like everything was fine for a bit,"

"Uh-huh," Rylee is not convinced, but Liam ignores her for the time being.

"But then Jason told me he's polyamorous and I guessed that he still likes Aaron, and he didn't deny it, and even though I don't quite like the dickface, he's actually decent when he's not a hardass, and I really, really don't mind that Jason likes him," he finishes in one breath and exhales sharply.

Rylee waits for a while for Liam to continue, but he doesn't and is emptily staring ahead, "Okay," she starts slowly, "So, that's it?"

Sighing, he shakes his head, raking a hand through his hair, "Like I said I don't mind that Jason likes Aaron. But..."

"But?" she prods.

"But... he said something else which is totally not true by the way," he wills himself to look in her eyes at this statement, affirming it strongly, because this is a rather important point — it's not true; it fucking ridiculous is what it is.

She nods, and gestures at him to go on. And yeah, he has beaten around the bush enough; time to finally get to the point.

"He–," Liam takes in a deep breath and rushes out the next words, "–accusedmeoflikingAarontoo,"

"Huh? What was that?"

Liam stands up from the couch, and walks a few steps away and then back, trying to be rid of his stupid nerves, and tries again, this time a little bit more slowly, "He told me that I like Aaron too," he says at last, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.

It's silent for a few moments, and it's absolutely wracking that Liam starts thinking of ways that he can convince his sister that this was all an elaborate prank and that none of what his said was true.

Fortunately, Rylee does respond eventually, and Liam takes a big gulp, bracing himself, "Okay. So, do you?"

He turns to her shocked and exclaims, "No! Weren't you listening to what I've been telling you? Aaron's an absolute dickface. I do not like him,"

"But you're doing that thing,"

"What thing?"

"That thing you do when you're lying,"

He scoffs, "I do not have a tell. I'm a good liar. Shut up,"

"You often are a good liar, but unfortunately not now. And stop plucking your eyebrow please,"

"I'm not–" he starts to deny it when he realises that he is in fact plucking his eyebrows and quickly drops his hand, clearing his throat, "And anyways, it's not true," he crosses his arms defensively, squaring up his shoulders.

"Okay, did you tell Jason say that?"

"Yes,"

"And what did he say?"

"That it's okay,"

"So, then what is the problem?"

"That he would even suggest that in the first place! How can he say that? Aaron's a dickface and I do not like him,"

Rylee rubs her nose with the back of her hand, and purses her lips to one corner and it's so painfully obvious that she's trying to suppress a smile. Liam scowls at her. She simply shrugs at him sheepishly in return.

"It's not wrong to like more than a person at the same time, you know — as long as you have the consent and are open about it,"

"Yes, I know it and that is so not my problem!"

"Clearly. Just remember that there is a very fine line between love and hate,"

"I–," he exhales sharply, shaking his head, "You're not helpful at all. I don't know why I told you anything at all,"

"Okay, okay, okay. Tell me why you do not like Aaron,"

"Because–," he comes to an abrupt stop.

There should be so many reasons he does not like Aaron, but right at that moment, he cannot think of any. He remembers how they first met, and every single instance that have followed, but Aaron has apologised for them, and Liam is not petty to hold on to all that — not when he's more than had his share of revenge. He thinks to the Aaron he's been acquainting with lately and to be honest, he's not really all that bad.

Shit, has the dickface been finally redeemed in his face and he hasn't realised it all along.

And what's with the stupid lightheaded feeling he gets when he is thinking about him — wait. Oh my, shit!

He faces his sister wide-eyed, and she knows. She definitely knows. That lopsided smile, and the small lift of her eyebrows. She 100% knows.

Liam stammers for a few beats before he is finally able to get it out — he knows he sounds like a petulant child but that's all he can manage for the time being. He needs to get away. He just needs to go. Right now.

"I just don't like him!" and with that he quickly takes his leave.

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