Chapter 13

Chapter 13 — Closure Or Something Like That

Since Aaron obviously won't be in for the rest of the day, and Chloe did tell him he can take an early leave, Liam leaves. But instead of heading on home, he finds himself driving in the opposite direction and out of the city and to a place he's promised he will not go. At least for a bit.

It takes him exactly twenty-two minutes to pull up in front a house with olive green walls — a house he should be avoiding if he truly cares what's good for him. Liam doesn't know what he was thinking when he drove over there and now that he's there finally, he still doesn't know what exactly he is thinking.

There is a bronze car parked in front of the house. Liam glances at the time; he didn't think he would be in the house then. He bites his fingernails, thinking what really he is to up here. He can't risk going anywhere near the house if he was in there; there's the restraining order, of course, and also there's no telling what Liam will do if he does see him.

The last time he saw him it didn't exactly turn out well and Liam doesn't want a repetition of that happening. He has moved on from all that after all, hasn't he?

With wobbly fingers, he turns off the car's engine and takes the key out of the ignition, getting out and slowly walking towards the place he once used to call his home. It has been more than a couple of months since his engagement was called off and his relationship went down the drains but still for the life of him, Liam can't figure out what it is that went wrong.

He really thought he had a good thing going on and that he had found his 'the one'. Yes, as cliché as it sounds, Liam believes in that arbitrary concept.

His parents got it right on the first try, and they're still very much happily together. His sister did find herself a good partner too except fate decided to play a rather cruel joke on her.

He reaches the front door and he hesitates before ringing the doorbell, his brain yelling at him internally 'what the fuck are you doing?'

And yes, what the fuck is he doing?

He shakes his head at himself and he decides that maybe it's better that he leaves before it's too late and he gets himself into something that he knows he'll later regret later on. But just as about he turns around, the door opens behind him and there's no mistaking the voice that he hears.

"Liam?"

It's him. It's Benjamin. The man that Liam thought he once loved, and maybe a part of him still does love him. He did think of him as his everything once, it will be a while before his rewires his brain and his heart to think otherwise.

Liam doesn't turn around, but he stops although he does entertain the thought of running away for a moment but dismisses it when he realises how ridiculous that would make him seem.

"I'm sorry," he says, still without looking behind him — he doesn't really have to, to know who it is he's talking to, "I... I, um, I don't know why I came here. I'll leave," he tries to keep his voice void of any emotions and starts to walk away, but stops once again when Benjamin replies.

"Wait, Liam," he can feel him stepping closer, and Liam fists his hands at his sides, but stubbornly doesn't look at him, "I'm sorry. For everything,"

Liam doesn't say anything back. He won't. And if that's all he has to say to him, he'll accept it and leave. He won't turn around, he won't look at him.

"Will you maybe come inside? Have a drink or something?"

And despite his initial resistance, Liam turns around, stunned, eyebrows raised. He lets out a bitter chuckle — so much for not engaging the man into a conversation, "If I remember correctly, you're the one who filed a restraining order against me and now you're inviting me into the house? Are you planning to send me jail yourself; is that it?"

Liam can feel a dull ache of some kind starting up at the bottom of his chest, looking at the man before him, standing tall before him, looking just like he did before — the man Liam unapologetically fell for and is now maybe regretting it. Maybe he should have been more cautious when it came to the matters of his heart.

He chooses to not acknowledge the unpleasant feeling for now, and lifts his chin defiantly, narrowing his eyes.

"Oh, I actually lifted that restraining order," he scratches the back of his neck, "Didn't you get a mail or something?"

"You did?" and then stupidly, he asks "Why?" because really why file a restraining order if he was only going to undo it.

"Because..." he hesitates, looking down, "Do you maybe want to come inside?"

"Why?"

He lifts his shoulders into a shrug, "I thought we could talk maybe,"

"About what?"

"About... everything," he sighs, rubbing his forehead with his wrist, a sign that means he's getting angsty — Liam hates that he still remembers that, "Can we just go inside and talk?"

"Are you worried that I'll cause a scene?"

"No. I just..." he lets the sentence hang incomplete, letting a low breath, "I'm sorry, Liam. For everything. I really am,"

Liam crosses his arms, and takes a step back, "What do you want me to do with that now?"

Benjamin only shrugs back at him, "I don't know. But I have to tell you, you have no idea how sorry I am,"

"And you have no idea you telling sorry to me is not going to change anything, Benjamin," Liam replies, without missing a beat, feeling his heart pick its pace up a little, his skin prickling with heat.

"I know, I know,"

"No, you don't,"

"Why don't you come inside and tell me then?"

"What makes you think I even want to talk to you in the first place?"

"Well, you're here. So, I figured that's a start,"

"Clearly, this is a mistake,"

"It doesn't have to be,"

Liam is mad, very mad. But still Benjamin had been his weakest point for so long that he can't help but be persuaded by his relentless invite. He gives the slightest nod of nods and that's enough for his ex-fiance to be beaming and opening the door wide open, welcoming Liam in.

Liam, on the other hand, tries to keep calm, as he steps inside the house. He is not going to make note if there were any changes to the place he once used to call home as well. He is not going to notice how most of the pictures have been taken down — that's maybe understandable since most of the photos were of them two anyways.

Liam is definitely not going to notice how the whole layout of the house has been changed. The sofas in the living room looks different, and the TV is not where it used to be. There are potted plants inside the house; he didn't know Benjamin likes plants although they had been engaged once.

It's weird how there still can be things that you don't know about the other person no matter how close you are, or used to be. But then again, Liam doesn't think he knew Benjamin as much as he thought he did, since he didn't know that the man was capable of causing such hurt until it was too late.

"Want something to drink? Coffee, tea? Something heavier?"

"What did you want to talk about?" Liam jumps straight to the point, he doesn't have time or the energy for small, mindless chit-chat; he tries to avoid looking into his brown eyes, for so long, because he knows those bewitching eyes can once again beguile him once again, only to leave him heartbroken.

"Right," Benjamin nods, and then gestures at the living room, "Take a seat. I'm just gonna grab myself a beer first," he says, before disappearing into the kitchen.

Taking a deep breath, and reminding himself to stay calm and mentally assuring that he can do this, he ventures into the living room, and sits on the armchair. Benjamin returns with two bottles of beer, handing one out towards Liam.

"You didn't ask for one, but still..."

Liam shakes his head, and keeps his arms folded across his abdomen, "I have to drive back,"

Benjamin sits in the sofa diagonal towards him, "You can stay here for the night if you want,"

Liam tries not to be shocked at the invitation, and instead turns and glares directly at the man, "What are trying to play at here?"

"Nothing," he says and then assures once again, "Nothing. I promise,"

"Hmm, okay," Liam is not really all that convinced — his assurance might have meant something once, but not anymore. He nods anyway, "So, I'm here. What did you want to talk about?"

"I'm sorry, Liam,"

"And so, you have said,"

"No, I really am,"

"Okay,"

"I shouldn't have broken off our engagement like that,"

That feels like a sharp whip, hearing the words. It's still a fresh wound, his called-off engagement, although it has been a while since it happened. And now his ex-fiance who is the reason for all this hurt in the first place is saying he shouldn't have done it? What the fuck, really?

"I should have talked to you. We should hav–,"

"I only have one thing to ask you," Liam interrupts him, before his heart very well thumps its way out of his rib cage — it's a miracle how he's not hitting the roof already.

"Yeah?"

"Why?" it's the one thing that has bothered Liam all this while — he never understood how their relationship could have ended and he still doesn't understand why it did.

He never got a reason. And he never was ready to hear the reason, he supposes. But now although he is still mad and maybe a little disappointed, he thinks he is much readier now to hear whatever Benjamin has to say to him.

He is apologising, but that's not what Liam wants. He wants to know the why. If not, how can he know for what he should be taking the apology for?

And maybe hearing the why will help Liam to finally move on, let go of this broken relationship, and not hope for a miracle save. And even if unexpectedly, their relationship is repaired somehow, Liam isn't sure if he'll want it anymore. He feels like he's past all this.

"Why did you break up with me?" he asks again, when the other man doesn't say anything.

The latter hunches his shoulders forward and moves back until he is leaning against the back of his sofa and lets out a rather long breath. He can't quite meet Liam's eyes anymore and is scratching his arm.

"I... obviously wasn't thinking,"

Surely that can't be all there was. There has to be something else and guessing from his tics that Liam recognises all too well, there is more. He is just not saying it. Liam doesn't say anything as well and waits. And in a few minutes, Benjamin does continue with a small sigh.

"I was..." he fumbles for a word, but fails to find one and starts over again, "I swear I'm aware how much of a dick this is going to make me sound. But it's the truth and it is what it is. After everything that happened with your sister, you felt like you had to take care of your sister, and I understood that. I understand it. But after a certain point, it just felt... I felt sort of deserted. You didn't have time for me anymore. It felt like you didn't care about us. And..." he waves his hand between the both of them and shrugs.

Liam looks at him, stunned. He did guess that this had to be the reason for their breakup, but finally hearing it and confirming his suspicions does not make it any better. What kind of a self-centered man he had to be for breaking up with him just because he had to take care of his widowed sister with two little kids just for a bit?

Liam cannot believe he ever loved this man. He cannot believe this is the man he thought he was going to spend his future was. Was he always going to break up with him if he ever put anything before him?

"That's why you broke up with me? Are you fucking kidding me?"

Benjamin bows his head down and shakes it, massaging the back of his neck, "I also felt guilty,"

"Guilty?"

"Yeah," and then in an intake of a breath, the following words rush out, "I cheated on you,"

Liam must have not heard him right. There's no way he heard what he thought he did. There's no way—

"Come again?"

Benjamin still doesn't look up and is fiddling with his fingers, "I cheated on you," he repeats himself — it seems like Liam heard him right after all. He continues to explain as if this needs any sort of explanation, "And I couldn't look at you and live with you or myself after that. So–"

"You broke up with me? You dumped me?" gone is the resolution had Liam on staying calm. He cannot believe what he is hearing right now, "And you made me feel like shit — like I'm the one in the wrong here? What the fuck, Benjamin?"

Liam stands up, hands in his hair, letting out a scoff. This cannot be true. This cannot be true at all.

Benjamin stands up as well, and it looks like he's about to say something but Liam beats him to it.

"No. You do not have any right to say anything right now. I cannot believe you," Liam doesn't even care that he is yelling now, "You cheated on me, and yet, you're the one who broke up with me and called off our engagement too. Tell me how does this make sense at all. No, don't tell me. I don't want to hear a single word out of you,"

"Oh my god. I've been such a fool. I quit my job, I left our house. I spent all these days thinking that I have been the one who did something wrong and fucked it all up when you– You motherfucking asshole!"

Liam shakes his head, exhaling sharply. There's no use standing there anymore, and there's definitely no use talking to him anymore. He turns and starts to leave.

"Wait, Li–,"

"No. No, do not fucking even try to stop me. I'm so mad, I think won't even hesitate to kill, so I'm just going to leave. And I don't want to fucking see you or ever hear from you ever again," and with that Liam storms off.

He doesn't even feel how much his eyes are burning until he's out of the house. He is not going to turn back. He has nothing to turn back to anymore. He gets into his car and drives away.

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