Chapter 62

62 Noah’s back Ava I’m cleaning the house. A thorough cleaning just to keep my mind off things. I’m still coming to terms with the fact that I’m pregnant.

When Rowan rejected the idea of us having another baby. I all but gave up on giving Noah a sibling. Now I have another baby on the way and I didn’t know how to feel.

My phone rings and I pick it up. Normally I would have refused to pick up, but not today. Pushing those close to me away wasn’t doing me any good..

“Hi Letty” I murmur while sitting down.

I’ve been so tired of late. I should have known that there was something more to it.

“Oh my God. You picked up. I thought you wouldn’t” she screams through the phone before sniffing. “I missed hearing your voice. It’s been weeks”

م “I’m sorry.” I release a breath. “I just didn’t know how to handle everything so I pushed you away”

I’ve never been good at communicating my feelings. I’ve never been good at even acknowledging them. When I’m stressed or over emotional, I shut down. I try to bury them so that I can function properly. Pushing my emotions down is usually better than acknowledging them. Now I know that isn’t healthy at all.

“Are you okay now?”

“Not all the way, but I will be” I assure her.

I don’t know how I plan to do that, but I was going to come out of this stronger.

I still can’t believe that I thought of killing myself and my own child. I may not know how to feel, but this baby was my blood. Just like Noah is. I plan to be a good mother. I plan to be the best mother to him or her.

I shake those thoughts away. I don’t want to think of how low I had hit. I don’t want to think of what I almost did.

“I’m pregnant” I whisper, when she doesn’t say anything after a while.

What? She shrieks in surprise “When did you find out?”

“About a week ago Just like win Noah, this baby is unexpected and unplanned. That won’t stop me from loving him or her. I always wanted another child. I may not like his or her father right now, but it’s not their Laush Oh darling, congratulations” she tells me as the surprises fades and joy fills her tone.

You sound happy about the news. I thought you wouldn’t, given who the father is”

“I am. I truly believe that a baby is a blessing, and this baby is who you need to pull you through the heartache you’ve recently been through. This baby is your saving grace. He or she came to you just in time.” She takes a deep breath as emotions clogs her voice.

“You were drowning, Ava. I could see it. Everyone could see it. I believe this baby has done what no one else has managed to do. Pulling you out of the darkness”

I think about what she’s said and it’s true. It’s because of Noah and this child that I want to get better. That I’m willing to get the help I need.

“Thank you for trying Letty. Even when I kept pushing you away, you still kept trying. You never gave up on me” I was close to tears.

Every single thing makes me emotional now.

You’re my bestfriend. More like the sister I never had. Of course I wouldn’t give up on you because I know you would do the same”

We catch up after that. Moving away from serious conversations. By the time we say goodbye and hang up. It was an hour or so later.

It felt nice talking to her. I didn’t realize how much I had missed her. Just how lonely I had been these past few weeks. I felt more like myself, now. I wasn’t quite there yet, but I was on my way.

I finish cleaning and I am exhausted by the time I am done. I collapse on the sofa, just as I hear my front door open.

I frown. Who the hell would dare enter my house without knocking or ringing the bell?

My question is answered when I hear his sweet voice.

“Mommy Mommy I am home!” he screams.

A big smile takes over my face and I stand up. I rush out of the living room just as he breaks through the entry way.

“Noah!”

His body crashes with mine. I hug him close to me as tears fall down my face. His body just fits perfectly. I had missed him.

Kissing him all over his face, I hold him tighter.

“Mom!” he giggle, but he doesn’t push me away.

“I’ve missed you so much! How are you here right now?” I ask him as I pull away a little though I don’t let him go.

We were both on the floor, but I didn’t care. I was just so fucking happy to have him here with me.

“Dad, came for me. He said you needed me. It was supposed to be a surprise, that’s why I didn’t tell you when we talked yesterday”

It was only after he mentions his father that I realize Rowan was standing before him. Our eyes lock. I see an emotion in his eyes, but I just can’t figure out what it is.

“Hi” I say softly.

He has been by my house everyday just to check up on. He has been supportive and kind.

Something that still surprises me. He was so different from the Rowan I was used to that I didn’t know how to react to this version of him. 2 True to his words, he got me a therapist who I began seeing three days ago. Every time he does something nice, I’m left surprised by his action. It was so unlike him. 1 “Hey, Ava…how are you today?” he asks with a small smile.

“I’m good” I shrug. I was making steps to get better and that’s what matters.

Noah pulls at my sleeves and I look at him. “Is it true that you’re having a baby?”

I glare at Rowan who looks at me sheepishly while rubbing the back of his head.

“Yes” I tell him in fear.

He has never said anything about wanting a sibling, so I don’t know how he’ll to react.

I’m surprised when a huge smile takes over his face and he bumps his fist in the air “Oh man, this is so cool” he screams in happiness. “Can you make the baby be a girl? I always wanted a baby sister“.

His joy eases something in my heart. A bit of the panic I had settles down. If Noah is okay with me having another baby, then everything will work out.

“It doesn’t work like that, baby” I gently explain it to him. “It’s a fifty–fifty percent chance, so it might be a boy”

“No! It’s a girl mommy. I’m going to get a baby sister because that’s what I want and I always get what I want” his face is etched in determination.

Right now he looks so much like Rowan that it’s really uncanny.

“Noah…” I didn’t want him to be disappointed if in case the baby is boy.

“No” he goes to argue but Rowan cuts him off.

“Buddy, could you give me and your mom a chance to talk?” he looks between the two of us before nodding his head and going upstairs.

I had made a live video and given him a tour of the house, so he knows where his bedroom is.

“How did you know I needed him?” I ask him standing up.

He shrugs his shoulder. “Call it instincts, I can’t really explain it”

“I’m happy to see him, but isn’t it unsafe for him? The Reaper’s still remain a threat even if we haven’t heard from them”

He sighs “Don’t worry about that, they won’t hurt Noah. I can’t promise about the rest, but Noah isn’t a target and for me that’s all that matters”

I don’t feel particular anything when he mentions the rest. Like he said, Noah is my main concern.

Apart from Letty, the others could burn in hell.

“Thanks for bringing him back and for everything you done for me” I tell him genuinely. He has done a lot for me these past few days, and I’ll always be grateful.

“Anything for you, Ava.”

I frown when he says that. It was so weird hearing him say that when he has never really cared about me. I was tempted to check his forehead. Just to make sure that he doesn’t have a fever.

Before I can dwell on why he’s changed so much. Running footsteps echo as they come down the stairs.

“Mom! My room is awesome…It looks better than in the video” he screeches.

I smile. It really doesn’t matter why Rowan has changed. It shouldn’t be my concern. Beside I’ve got so many things to think about. Like how the hell I was going to face Ethan tomorrow.