Chapter 54

The Howell’s

It was almost noon when I wake up. At first I thought that everything was as it was supposed to be, but then everything comes crashing down on me. It wasn’t a bad dream like I had thought.

Ethan had really betrayed me.

I feel my tears well up. I cried myself to sleep yesterday and I was just so damn tired of crying. I went to bed wishing that it would all change when I woke up. Praying for a miracle, but here I am.

Nothing’s changed. What I wanted to be nothing but a nightmare, was now my reality.

I slowly get out of bed. I had no energy to do anything, but I also knew I couldn’t sleep and wallow in bed all day.

I take a long shower hoping it will make things better. It doesn’t. I don’t think anything can make everything that happened better.

After dressing in a t–shirt and some yoga pants, I go to the kitchen for something to eat. I was just taking out some eggs when my doorbell rang. I heave a sigh of defeat. I wasn’t in the mood to see anyone. I just wanted to be left alone.

“Hi” Letty says with a small smile when I open the door.

She looks as tired and worn as I am. Hers is probably more physical unlike mine which is both physical and psychological.

“Hi Letty” I stand awkwardly at the door.

I didn’t want to be rude but I also didn’t want anyone near me or around me. Like I said, I wanted to be left alone to come to terms with all that I learned yesterday.

“I know you probably don’t to see anyone right now, but can I please come in?” she pleads.

It still surprises me how well we’ve come to know each other. It’s like we’ve known each other for years, instead of months.

I let out a breath. “Yeah sure”

It as she walks in that I notice she has a couple of boxes with her.

“Food” she says and I nod.

I am grateful. I really didn’t feel like cooking even though I was hungry.

We go to the living room instead. Seating down on the big sofa, Letty joins me and sets down the boxes of food.

I immediately dig in. We don’t talk as we eat. Both of us seemingly lost in our own thoughts.

“So how are you? I’m worried about you Ava. This can’t be easy for you” she says after we are done eating.

For a moment I think about lying to her that I was okay. Just to get her off my back. Besides, it was easier to pretend most of the time than to face reality.

As soon as that thought crosses my mind, I push it away. I needed to talk because I felt like I was drowning.

“It isn’t” I begin. “I’m still having a hard time accepting that Ethan isn’t the man I thought he was and that the people I thought were my family aren’t really blood related”

I don’t know which of the two was harder to accept. I keep asking myself if things would have been better for me. If life would have been great had I been raised by my real parents.

It would have saved me from ever meeting Rowan, but then I would never have had Noah. Every time I think of how things would be different had I not met Rowan, I turn back from those thoughts immediately. I would do everything all over again if it meant having my son in my life.

Gosh I miss him. Now more than ever I wish Noah was here with me. He has always been my anchor.

“I can’t even begin to imagine all you must be feeling. I don’t even know where to begin in giving you comfort” Letty says, pulling me back from my thoughts.

I look at her and smile a little. She really wasn’t good at comforting someone or making them feel better. I don’t mind that though. Her realness was better than someone pretending to know how I feel.

“I know, Letty. I’m just having a hard time. Not to mention that it hurts. I was finally starting to move on, you know? I thought that I’d finally gotten a guy that would love me and then before it can blossom into anything, it gets ripped away from me” I blink away the tears, not wanting to be weak anymore. Especially for a man that played and toyed with me.

I honestly don’t know who is worse. Rowan for using me for sex while he thought about Emma or Ethan for playing me and still using me for sex while he planned on killing me.

+15 15 She sighs. “I don’t want to come out as rude but I’m gonna hit you with the truth. If I knew that this was what you were thinking the whole time, then I would have put a stop to it.”

“What are you talking about?

“You can’t keep looking for men to love you” She sighs again. “How do I put this out without hurting you further you went into a relationship with Ethan wanting someone to love you You can’t build you whole expectation on someone else. You can’t think that a man loving you will fill the hole Rowan and you family dug”

I don’t get to say anything before she continues.

“You build this fantasy and I never saw it until now. You think when you find the man that will love you then everything will fall into place. The only person who can fill that hole in your heart is you You alone can love yourself the way you want to be loved. You have to love yourself first and judging from the way I see things, you have never loved yourself” She slumps against the back of the couch “You’re wrong” I glare at her feeling a bit attacked and defensive.

“Am 17”

I want to argue with her. Of course I love myself ‘Are you sure‘ an inner voice asks ‘Yes‘ I force out internally Then why did you desperately want Rowan to love you? Why did go looking for love after you divorced? Why did every sentence you said about moving on consist of finding someone to love you?

You can’t expect someone else to give you the love you can’t give yourself, Ava‘

I shake those thoughts away. There is no way they’re right. What Letty and my inner voice are saying is that I’m depending on others for love. That’s just not true.

“Ava?” Letty calls “What?” I snap at her feeling pissed and irritated at her for making me doubt things She stares at me for a while before answering “Someone’s at the door”

It’s only then that I hear the door bell ringing. I had been so lost in thought that I hadn’t heard a thing I immediately feel guilty for snapping at her Feeling already tired and drained, I stand up and go and open the door.

I’m shocked to find Ethan on my doorstep. My first instinct is to close the door on his face and that’s exactly what I go to do.

“Ava wait.” He says holding the door before I can slam it in his face.

He was the last person I wanted to see right now. Not when the pain of his betrayal was still fresh “What do you want, Ethan?” I ground out, not sure what I wanted to do more. Slap him or cry.

“I know you don’t want to see me, but there are two people I would like you to meet” he says stepping aside.

It’s then that I notice the beautiful couple behind him. The woman had long black hair, striking brown eyes and the most beautiful face I’ve ever seen. The man was tall, broad, with wavy honey brown hair and beautiful green eyes.

I stare at them completely captivated by their beauty. Something about them seemed familiar, I just didn’t know where I’d seen them.

“Ava, I want you to meet my adopted parents, Theo and Nora Howell. Mom, dad” he takes a breath.”

I want you to meet Ava Sharp. Your long lost daughter” (6)

The moment he says their names, it hits me. Not only are these two apparently my parents, but they’re Theo and Nora Howell. No wonder they looked familiar.

Standing before me is one of the most powerful couples in the country. Not only that, but the Howell’s are said to be even more powerful than Rowan’s family.