Chapter 330

“I didn’t use Ava; I wanted you,” he says as he pockets the key. I guess I wasn’t leaving the room.

“You wanted me? Then how come you took a shower the moment you pulled out of me? How come you never took me raw without wearing a condom first? How come you always held back? Hell, you rarely even kissed me on the mouth! And you say you wanted me? You could have fooled me.”

All the things I’ve tried burying came to the surface, and I hated how vulnerable they made me feel, so instead, I replaced them with anger.

“One of the memories I had after our date was sleeping with Ethan. It was everything sex should be.

Passion and heat. With him, I felt wanted and desired, while with you, it felt like I was just an obligation.

A chore. You say you wanted me, but that’s a lie. Ethan showed me what it truly means to be desired by a man.”

The memory of having sex with Ethan had come unexpectedly, just like the others. It had also shown me what had been missing in my sexual life with Rowan. I didn’t want to compare both experiences, but he had to see that I wasn’t a fool to believe that he’d wanted me I stare at him and see the pain that flashes in his eyes when I tell him about sex with Ethan. I didn’t care, though; I was way past the point of caring.

I didn’t even feel anything when I remembered having sex with Ethan. There was just no feeling.

Nothing close to what I felt for Rowan. (2)

“The only time you’ve ever taken me like you wanted was when we first slept together and we both know we were drunk and you thought I was Emma.”

He closes his eyes before opening them again. “You know me, Ava; you know I never do anything unless I want to. Tell me, would I have slept with you if I didn’t want to? If some part of me didn’t want you?”

I go to argue with him, but I stop. He was right. Rowan never does anything he doesn’t want to. He’s not one to be swayed to do things he doesn’t want to do.

“I believe the way things ended with Emma is what held me back. I never got closure, and neither did she. You’re right, I could have gotten a mistress, but I preferred you even though I thought I hated you.

I preferred sleeping with the woman I believed was my enemy instead of getting a mistress, even though I knew you wouldn’t have a problem with it.”

I drop on the bed and just stare at him. “If that’s the case, why did you hold back then?”

“Because in the back of my mind, I believed it’s wrong to want you. You’d destroyed what I believed were my chances with the love of my life, how then could I want you? How could I “What I said, I said in a fit of anger. You know me, Ava, and you know I say things without thinking when I’m angry. It’s not an excuse, but I want you to understand me. Emma had said that you hurt her and that you’d told her some pretty hurtful things. I didn’t know she’d lied, so I came to confront you. I wanted to hurt you just like you hurt her. I knew those words would kill you; that’s why I said them in the first place.”

I stop struggling, but not by much. Hearing what he said for some reason just hurt even more.

“I’m guessing this didn’t happen long ago and goes to show your feelings for her if you were willing to hurt me that much, just so you could avenge her.” I snarl at him, refusing to accept his damn explanation.

I didn’t even want to know what went down between me and Emma. If I’d hurt her, then I must have had a pretty good reason. I wouldn’t have just attacked her for kicks and giggles.

“I don’t love her,” he growls back.

“Well, it looks like you did; otherwise, explain what moved you to say those disgusting things to me.” I ask. “I never held you back. I always knew our marriage was only because of Noah. I wouldn’t have stopped you if you decided to have a mistress, as long as you kept it private and away from the media, but to use me like that? That is downright disgusting.”

This time, when I struggle, I jab my hand into his stomach, and he releases me with a groan. I stood up and was about to leave when he crossed the room faster than the flash and locked the door.