Chp. 5

I stumbled through the forest, hollering loudly, “Claire!”

I followed her voice, searching frantically through the jungle for her face but came up short. I started to panic, I couldn’t be left alone here…

“Claire!”

I ran silently, deeper into the jungle as I waited for her voice to ring out again, but then I hit a body as I ran blindly into it. I winced in pain but I saw what she was so terrified of, she pointed into the vegetation but I already knew what it was when I heard a loud hiss coming from the ground.

I backed away slowly with her, “Be quite.”

The python was wrapping around an animal it had found to for lunch, and I guided Claire away from it, watching the snake disappear into the distance. I took the wood from her as we fell into step again back towards the camp, she spoke, “Scared the shit out of me.”

I smiled to myself, “Obviously.”

She looked up at me, flashing something in her hand, “I found this next to that rock.”

It was a long, sharp piece of rock that she was holding, and I could tell this was going to be extremely useful. I took it from her, “Thanks.”

She nodded, facing forward again, and not saying anything else as we made it back to our new home. She tended the fire silently, and I knew something was on her mind, but I was to shy to ask. I didn’t know how to approach this, I didn’t know how to approach her…

I carved the stick as I watched her, wondering what I could possibly say to her to make her open up to me. I knew this was a very emotional situation, I was taking it hard to, but we needed each other.

And as much as I hated to admit it, I needed her just like she needed me.

I continued to carve the thick piece of wood as she sat silently next to the fire, and then reaching over and cracking the already broken coconut in half. She took a long thin stick she had found and stuck it through a piece of coconut, setting it above the fire to roast.

She was way to quiet for my liking, and even though she had done me wrong I felt compelled to talk to her. I felt like I needed to get back under her skin, but that meant making myself vulnerable to her again, and did I really want that?

I crawled out of the den and sat next to her, “You ok?”

She nodded silently, “Yea, I’m great. Stranded here on this fucking island just waiting to die.”

She was still shaken up by the whole ordeal, and the snake incident probably didn’t help either but the words kind of took me by surprise, “Don’t be negative.”

She looked at me, anger was written in her eyes, “Seriously? We’re stranded on this island in the middle of no where. How can I not be negative, Alex?”

“We’re not gonna die.”

She shook her head, staying silent after that. I couldn’t make her feel better about this, mostly because she’s never listened to me once since we had known each other. I stood, “I’m going walk down the beach, if you want to come.”

She didn’t budge, and I knew I was going alone, which I didn’t mind. I started down the long beach, hoping internally that she would soon join me but she never did, leaving me to my thoughts.

Soon enough memories were brought back to the night me and Claire had out fallout, and it was one of the most painful nights I had had in my life.

~ ~ ~ FB ~ ~ ~

I was driving furiously to Claire’s house, I needed to talk to her, I needed to lay everything I had been feeling for the past year with her on the table. I was tired of being played with, my feelings weren’t a toy, and she needed to know.

I was tired of being hurt.

She knew I was coming, and she knew I was upset, I was just curious on how she was going to try and get out of this situation this time.

But I knew I wasn’t going to let her.

I pulled up in her drive way, throwing my car in park and getting out, the anger radiating off of me. The image of her and that guy kissing in my head was burning me up and I knew I would have to stay strong when I saw her.

She was home alone, it was just her car, so I knocked on her door viciously and waited for her to arrive at the front door. Then it opened, revealing Claire and I nearly broke down and cried in front of her.

But I wouldn’t let myself break in front of her.

“Alex… I’m sorry-”

“No, you’re not Claire, I know you’re not. You say you’re sorry but then you just do it again and again, if you were truly sorry you wouldn’t continue to do it.”

As my angry words cut her off she fell silent, and I knew I had struck a nerve in her. She knew I was right, and I was going to keep pressuring her until I got a straight answer out of her.

“Claire, what do you want from me?”

She looked up at me, and I could see her fighting her feelings, which was something she often did with me. She shrugged, and I saw a tiny bit of tears in her eyes, “I don’t… I don’t know.”

I pressured more, “A friend? More then that? What? Cause if you want to be just friends, that’s what we’ll be.”

She looked down, and I knew what was coming. Denial. She was going to act like she didn’t care about me that way, but she would try to hide her lies as she stared at the ground. She shook her head, “Alex I don’t-”

“Claire I know you like me, I know you do, but I need you to be straight up with me. I can’t take the games anymore.”

I was usually a very introverted person about my feelings, and I never fell easily for someone, for this exact reason. Claire, she was different, she had captured my attention from day one and she was tearing me apart inside.

She shook her head, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to know if she liked me or not, I wanted to know if everything we had done together had meant anything to her.

I moved in, grabbing her face between my hands and kissing her quite forcefully. Her back was pressed against the door, and I could feel her kissing me back, which gave me the answer I needed. She did like me, somewhere, deep, deep  down, but she was going to fight it.

I pulled away, “Answer me, please… truthfully.”

She stuttered, “I-I, Alex… I like you… I just don’t know if it’s what I want.”

“So why’d you toy with me? For your own personal experiment?”

“No… I just-”

I held my hand up, “Save it Claire, I don’t want to hear anymore bullshit.”

I turned, getting into my car and backing out of her driveway, knowing this was going to be the last time I talked to her. I didn’t want her in my life anymore, she was nothing but confusion and heart ache, something I couldn’t live with anymore.

I watched her as she disappeared in my rearview mirror, and I tore my eyes away from her as I let the tears silently run down my face.

~ ~ ~ ~

Thinking about what happened between us was weird, and it hurt, and now we were stuck on this island together. I knew I could try acting like I hated her, I could try my best to neglect her and her attention needs but deep down I still loved her.

I couldn’t fake hating her forever.

I realized it was almost about dinner time, the sun was starting to set and as I decided I was going to make my way back to camp I saw something in the water. I walked over to the swarming school of fish and smiled, I could easily stab one of them. They weren’t even paying attention to me, they were mating, and as I slowly made my way into the water I stayed slow and steady.

Then I forcefully brought my spear down, jabbing a thick fish and bringing it back up out of the water. I smiled in victory, thinking this could possibly cheer Claire up a bit.

I nearly ran back down the beach and back to Claire, feeling like I was just running back into her arms, knowing I really wasn’t.

But she wasn’t next to the fire, and as I got closer to the camp I realized she was in the tent. She was lying down on her side, her chest rising and falling slowly as I felt my mood dim a little. Maybe I could cook the fish and then serve it to her…

I grabbed flat looking rock from near the jungle and placed it almost in the fire, to heat it up as I studied Claire inside the tent. Her shoulder length blonde hair that was matted from sweat and sand, she was dirty, but I was to, but the water hole had cleaned us well enough for us to feel a bit ok.

I slit the fish down the stomach with my sharp rock, cutting the head off and de-boning it the best of my ability. I knew it was going to be bland but it was meat, and that’s all I could want right now.

The scent of cooking fish filled the air as I waited for the fish to finish cooking, still glancing at Claire every once in a while. I wanted to wake her up, tell her everything was going to be ok, but I couldn’t do that because I didn’t know for sure.

And after all this time she still had an effect on me.

I studied the fish, pouring some coconut water onto it and roasting some coconut pieces to go along with it. I put some fish and coconut pieces into both the half broken coconut shell and crawled into the den, placing my hand on Claire’s shoulder and rocking her gently.

She turned over, and I could tell she had been crying, but I was just going to ignore it because I wasn’t ready to approach that situation. I smiled, “I made dinner.”

She sat up, facing me with her legs crossed, reminding me of a child almost. She took the coconut bowl from me and popped the fish into her mouth, “You’re pretty creative.”

I smiled, “Guess I have to be now.”

She looked at me for awhile, still chewing on her fish, “It doesn’t taste that bad.”

“I hope it’s cooked all the way.”

She looked at me seriously, looking like she was about to spit it out when I laughed.

“It’s cooked Claire, I promise.”

She shook her head, “Alex…”

Hearing her voice lighten at my jokes made me a little bit more optimistic. I smiled, finishing up the fish and throwing the scraps into the ocean, to rid the temptation for predators. I joined Claire back into the den, looking at the opening and sighing, “We need a door.”

“Agreed, I feel exposed.”

I looked at her funny, and she knew exactly what I was thinking, making her roll her eyes. I smiled, crawling to the front of the den and throwing a large shirt over the opening, tying it so it would stay in place to suffice for a door.

I crawled back in, smiling, “There.”

She laid down then, facing the other way away from me, making me wonder what she could possibly be thinking about me. I laid next to her, facing the other way as well, not really knowing what was going to come out of this situation anymore.

But it was just her and I, and playing games with my heart was going to be a hell of a lot harder now that she needed me to survive.