chapter 24

The FaceAs a thank you for all the love and support, I bought cellphones for Shiva, Sarv and myself –I could afford them now, all thanks to my modeling career. I knew what they had done for me could never be repaid, but at least it was a start. My shoots with Sohail started too. Pratham, who was always distant, acted very friendly in front of others. His reason was – he didn’t want them to hit on me. I was fine, at least he was polite, even if under false pretenses.My life was all sorted now. Study all day, work all evening, and dream about a hypothetical life with Pratham at night. However, I was not happy, no matter how hard I pretended. I missed my friends – who were too busy in their own lives. I missed Pratham – who was not even looking at me. And I missed Rakshit – who was God knows where. I had turned sad and depressed. Sohail had started inviting me to all the parties of the fashion industry and had started introducing me as ‘his girl’. Many producers tried to sign me for their own brand, but I didn’t – as per Pratham’s suggestion. Pratham usually didn’t accompany because Sohail, very conveniently, often forgot to invite him. Sohail was growing wary of his cautious look. And I didn’t ask Pratham as well. It just didn’t seem fair to keep him as a bodyguard.I had started drinking slowly, and my body was now accepting some limits. Where earlier a few sips would make me tipsy, now multiple pegs did that. I took it as an accomplishment, and I aimed to reach a point where no matter how much I drank, I do not lose my senses. I never wanted to repeat the night of the college fashion show.I had started smoking too – a little more than I cared to admit, and even tried some drugs with Sohail. Drugs I didn’t like, so I decided to skip them after the first try. Sohail promised to ensure I did not indulge in drugs accidentally too. Apparently, I was a very precious face for him and his brand. But smoking I didn’t quit. I really avoided a cigarette when Pratham was around because I couldn’t stand his frowning expressions, but in his absence, I smoked my life away.Now alcohol gave me company, and cigarettes were my new best friend. Shiva, Sarv, and Ankit didn’t like my new habits as well, so I kept a sober face in their presence too. However, I was changing physically and emotionally, and that I was not proud of. I was falling in the darkest pits, and I knew if I soon didn’t find Rakshit, I would be as good as dead. My eyes now had dark circles, and I barely smiled. Shoots were not affected because there was not a single miracle makeup couldn’t do, but my life outside of those shoots was a problem.I was living –or slowly dying– in this small, suffocating bubble when I received a letter. The words written in it tossed my world upside down. I ran to Pratham’s office, but he wasn’t there. Ankit informed that he was at a shoot but didn’t know the location. The letter was making me anxious, so I went to his apartment. He wasn’t home, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to rest until I had shown it to him. So, I waited at his door. I don’t know when he came, but the next morning I found myself in his bed. He was lying next to me, bare-chested again. He was sleeping peacefully, and suddenly I realized what I was missing in my life. The sight of waking up next to him was the only thing I wanted ever. But I had rejected it and pushed it away – and for good enough reasons. I wanted to caress his face, his hair, and touch that perfect body, but it would be wrong at so many levels. I slipped out of the room. Luckily, he lived alone. I prepared tea for both of us and came back to his room. He stirred at the noise and smiled at me. It was a genuine smile –one he had not given me in ages. I felt my throat choke at that smile, however, it didn’t last for long.He picked up his cup and asked, “What happened?” I handed him the letter I had received and went to the washroom. I washed my face, looked in the mirror, and panicked. No makeup. My compact, foundation everything was in my purse, which was in his room. I sneaked back in; he was busy on his phone. I quickly picked up my purse and hurried out, but he grabbed my wrist. I didn’t turn, I didn’t want him to see me like this. He came around and stood in front. I hid my face with my hands, but he pushed them aside. He had the look of utmost horror. My eyes were vacant and had deep-dark circles, my lips were black, my cheeks had black spots, and my skin had lost its shine. He dropped my hands in shock. I went to the bathroom, did my routine makeup, and came back, smiling.“So, is this some joke, or is it genuine?” I demanded, ignoring his worried expressions.“It is true. You are the rarest cases, and I have no idea how it happened,” he spoke blankly.“Really?” I chirped merrily, unable to believe.“Yes. You indeed are chosen as the wild-card entry in the Miss Mystique India contest. It may not be as big as Femina Miss India, but certainly, it is something.”As he finished, I almost bounced on my heels. I was delighted but worried too. “Does this mean I have to wear a swimsuit on TV?” I asked, pacing up and down. He nodded. “Hmm… I don’t want that. But being on TV, especially in a contest like this would bring me many steps closer to Rakshit. I am going to accept this.” I beamed, but he just stared. “Why haven’t I ever heard of this? Is it so unpopular?” I wondered.“It is a new one. This is the very first time it would be held,” he replied flatly.“The final contest is in July next year. So, I have more than a year to prepare. And as per this letter,” I pointed at the envelope, “I don’t need to participate in Miss State and whatever it is... I just need to show up in the finals?” He jerked his head in affirmation. “Cool. And you are absolutely sure that it is not fake news?” I still couldn’t believe it.“I checked. They said they have made the rarest exception, because of some classified reason.” “Thanks then. I will go now,” I chimed. I wasn’t sure what was making me happy – the news to be a participant in the Miss Mystique India contest or Pratham’s company. I started to leave, but he spoke up, “What happened to you?”“What would happen to me?” I answered in a little high-pitched voice. He pointed at my face, and I casually dismissed him by saying, “Oh, just stress. Of late, I am unable to sleep.”“Why? You were fast asleep, or should I say practically unconscious last night.” He pointed, but I ignored his statement. No good could come out of this conversation. I started to step out, but he followed me, “Why are you not sleeping properly?” “I am becoming insomniac,” I replied coolly. “You didn’t even know when I picked you up and took you to the bed. What is happening to you?” he was worried.“Well, as I said, I am not sleeping lately,” I repeated, rolling my eyes. “I guess stress is getting to me,” I smiled and left. I didn’t have the courage to explain him my reality. And I didn’t have the courage to stay with him any longer. A few more minutes in the comfort of his company, and I would have either died in peace or would have hugged him and begged him to take me in his shelter.The moment I stepped out of his building I knew the answer to my question. I was not happy because I was selected in that contest. It didn’t matter to me at all. I was happy because I was with Pratham. And now, because he was not around me anymore, I was depressed again.  Present Day in Ishana’s House“After all this time, you still were haunted with the thought of Rakshit?” Ravi interrupted her, and she nodded mournfully.“And you really did do drugs?” he gave her a judging look.“Heroine, very popular drug,” she waved casually.“What happened when you did take it?” he was curious.“It was a frenzy like never before. I remember each second of it, and it was not pretty. I missed Rakshit horribly. I had cried like all my happiness was dead – which truly was the case. And I was missing Pratham like hell. It was as if I was reliving losing my brother over and over again… and it is something I never want to do,” she sighed, and Ravi just stared.“Losing a sibling is a curse,” Ravi sympathized.“Losing anyone you ever loved is a curse, no matter the relationship,” Ishana spoke, lost in some sorrowful thought.“True it is,” Ravi muttered.“I see you are not smoking here,” Ravi observed.“This house is a no-smoking zone. No one is allowed to bring a cigarette in here,” she informed in a matter-of-fact tone, and he just wondered why.“You will know soon enough,” she smiled, and he nodded. “So… where was I?” Ishana asked, recalling her story.“You got Miss India offer, which by the way is amazing and one of the rarest opportunities,” Ravi congratulated.“You will see…” she sighed and continued.Â