chapter 22

Shocks and SurprisesThe next day came with a lot more surprises. To start with, I had a headache like I never had before. It was monumental, and even opening my eyes seemed like a mammoth task. I groaned and turned in my bed, but only to fall from it. “Ouch! Son of a…” I screamed. My own voice pierced through my head and felt like hammers banging. Shiva came with some colored water and a pill.“What is this?” I stared at the contents in her hand.“A cure for your headache,” she was frowning and smiling at the same time. “Whatever,” I sighed and gulped down the glass along with the pill. I hoisted and deposited myself in the bed again.“So, last night?” she demanded with raised eyebrows. “Just too many things,” I spoke dramatically and pressed my head to relieve it from some pain.“Let’s start with the last thing you remember.”“I remember vaguely that I tossed and turned Sarv’s room to find something. It was bitter…” I hung my head in shame. I had violated my best friends’ privacy.“All thanks to you we had our first fight yesterday,” Shiva started. “We came back home and found empty bottles. That moron exclaimed, ‘my stash’ and I instantly knew that he had been boozing up in secret. I was furious,” Shiva barked. “Since when did you know?” “Well, he started when you went out with Mihir. Can’t blame him, he was into you, and you were off tripping with another dude,” I replied, and she screwed up her eyes. “I can forgive him for that,” she smiled thoughtfully.“What do you mean by ‘first fight?’ You guys have been fighting since we met him.” At this, she blushed. “Shivani, did something happen?” I asked seriously. Me taking her full name was enough for her to spill the beans. Grinning, she hid her face in her hands and nodded.“I knew it. The way you both were wrapped around each other last night. I knew it,” I laughed merrily at her reaction.She hugged me and spoke, “Oh, you were so right. When he kissed me, I knew he was the one. I was so naïve to ignore him for so long. I don’t think things could be any better.” Her hug was tight, and it hurt me at certain points, but given her happiness, it was all worth it.“Tell me everything,” I asked interestedly.“Well... We were there till after midnight. We kissed,” she blushed again, “talked, he proposed and shared his feelings. I accepted. We came back, and things would have escalated if my feet had not hit one of your empty bottles.” “Oh, I am so sorry,” I exclaimed.“No, I am glad we stopped when we did. Didn’t want to cross that line yet, but enough of that, you tell me, how did you come home?” She came back to my topic.“Hailed a cab,” I informed, and she raised her eyebrows. “You took a cab, half-drunk, dressed like this?” she was furious. I nodded sheepishly. She slapped me hard on my shoulder and spoke horrified, “Someone could have raped you. We would have found you dead in a dumpster. This is so careless.” I winced in pain but let her take out her frustration.“May-I-know-why-you-did-that?” she smacked my shoulder after every word.“Pratham,” I started, “Did you see him on the high-stage?” and an image of girls wrapped around him flashed in front of my eyes. I couldn’t help but replay the scene where two hands – red and black nail-painted – were massaging his bare-chest, and one girl was between his legs tugging at his jeans.“No, as you know we were busy,” Shiva rolled her eyes.“Good you didn’t, because that’s one thing no one can unsee. Everybody always argued that he was genuine. One of the good guys. I don’t think decent boys do that.” I added frustrated, trying to forget his grin when he had kissed Tam.“It bothered me, I couldn’t stand his charade, so I took a cab and came home. I drank, came to bed, and slept,” I informed simply and closed my eyes.“So why was Pratham in your bed this morning?” she asked skeptically.“WHAT?” I almost screamed.“You don’t remember, or you are trying to hide it from me?” She seriously couldn’t tell.“Pratham was here?” I asked checking my clothes, I was fully dressed, thankfully.“Yes, when we came, I checked your door, it was locked. But at 8 am when I went to your bathroom –my shower was causing problems– I saw a shirt hanging. It had glitter and lipstick marks,” she stated wide-eyed. “Oh Ishana, I have never been so scared. My heart thumped. I banged your door loudly. Sarv too woke up. Seeing me holding the shirt, he was ready to break down the door, but a very sleepy, shirtless Pratham came out. We were frozen for a moment, then I barged in to confront you, but you were deep asleep. Pratham borrowed one of Sarv’s shirts, his was literally too soiled to wear again.” Shiva finished, and I stared at her horrified. Did I really sleep through this whole commotion?“Pratham joined us outside and shared the details.”“What happened last night?” I asked. My hands were on my mouth in shock.“The good news is you both didn’t have sex. He said that you wanted to, but he didn’t because you were totally out of it. He said he didn’t want to take advantage of you.” I groaned at her words. “You guys kissed though. Your lipstick was on and in his mouth,” Shiva laughed. “What?” I was shocked.“Yes, and his exact words were, ‘we didn’t do anything, I didn’t take any advantage of her. She kissed me, and I kissed her back, whole night long.’ And he left with a wide grin whispering, ‘the best night ever’. And I think he went back to your room to kiss you again before leaving,” she finished.“I don’t remember a bit,” I moaned.“Well, the result of the fine booze supplied by Sarv Shukla.” I didn’t know how to react. This was just too much.“By the way, you won,” Shiva informed after a long, prolonged pause.“I know,” I whispered. I was still unable to digest that I kissed Pratham – all night long.“How? You were not there. The announcement they made was just cheap,” Shiva growled.“Why? What did they say?” “Well, they announced the winners and runners-up of all rounds. Only you were missing. So the judge who was announcing – don’t know who that pervert was – said, ‘It seems Ms. Ishana is occupied otherwise. I am genuinely interested in knowing which young lad took her home because she was something else.’ Bastard!” she abused venomously. “Sarv and I looked for you, but given even Pratham was not there, we assumed he took you home,” she finished.I couldn’t believe her. A judge to pass such a pathetic remark, I wondered what else happened.“Pratham already knew you won, he told us later,” she added thoughtfully. “Did he tell you?”“No. I am not lying when I say I don’t remember last night,” I whispered. I felt terrible that I didn’t recall any of it, because if I really kissed him, I should. And so should he, because it was not going to happen again, ever!“Then how?” she was curious, but I didn’t answer.“How Ishana?” she ordered this time, and at this, I handed her the envelope. She gawked at it.Before she could ask, I supplied, “Someone left it for me at the counter during the party. Don’t know who it was…” I finished, and she shrugged carelessly.However, careless was one attitude I couldn’t wear. She didn’t see what I saw!  Next, I focused on the task at hand. Exams!We were due to write our exams in twenty-five days, and suddenly I was panicking. They seemed too far away before the show, but somehow after crossing that night, I felt they were much closer.We resumed college, and all our extra-curricular activities were halted. I focused on lectures and didn’t pay any heed to any stares or comments that came my way. Both boys and girls had changed the way they were looking at me.Tam, who had not won any walk, was furious and more jealous than ever. However, her one consolation was Pratham. She was singing all over and to whoever would listen that they had spent the night together, and now Pratham was committed to her. I didn’t react to this because I didn’t care –superficially at least.Next day of the show, after the lectures, Ankit found me. He hugged and congratulated me. He was beaming with pride and was sure I would get some contracts and would soon be reunited with my brother. I was happy with his last declaration. “By the way, Pratham wants to see you. He said he has some things to handover before the exams,” Ankit informed. I was dreading the idea of seeing him again, but I knew I had to. I needed to close the chapter we started last night.Pratham was sitting in his seat when I knocked and entered. His face lit up like a Christmas tree when he saw me. “I have been waiting for you,” he spoke as he got up and closed the door. I just stood there. He came closer, wrapped his one hand around my waist, pinched my chin with another, and pressed his lips on mine. I was too shocked to react. Seeing me frozen, he pulled back and smiled at me. The way he tilted his face, it made him look even sexier. Only if he had not done all those things with Tam and other girls.“What?” scrunching his nose, he asked with a stupid smile. Ideally, this smile would have made my heart skip multiple beats, but not today.“I am not one of those whores who would do whatever you want,” words barely escaped my gritted teeth. “What?” He let go of my waist in shock and stepped back.“Why did you call me?” I demanded.He placed two cheques on the table. “Your winnings from last night,” he spoke carefully.“You don’t remember last night?” he added, sulking.“I remember it very well. You pole-dancing with naked girls. You kissing them, and they coiling all around you. Yuck! Why didn’t you have sex with them on the stage? They were tugging on your jeans anyways,” I spoke venomously. “I thought you were different, but you are just as pathetic as other boys, Mr. Pratham Khatri.” My words angered him.I started to leave, but he grabbed my wrist. Pinning me against the wall, he snapped, “What is your bloody problem?” I glared at him.“Do you know how worried I was last night. You disappeared. I followed you like a lost puppy. A million nightmarish scenarios ran through my mind. All night boys were planning to bed you, and I…” he paused, closing his eyes. It felt like fire was flaring from his nostrils.“I love you. Can’t you understand this one simple notion?”“I don’t want love from a guy who laughs when another girl tugs his pants underneath him,” I roared unashamed.“If I am so lost, then why did you kiss me?” he bellowed.“I was too drunk to even remember last night’s events. I am not like you.” Hatred was boiling in me.“Okay, so tell me something Ishana,” he spoke, folding his arms sarcastically. “If you are such an angel and I am of such foul character, then why the hell were you begging me to fuck you last night. I could have done anything and everything to you, but I didn’t. You even undid your dress–” and he paused. His words didn’t just break my heart but crushed my soul. My expressions made him realize the mistake of his words, but the damage was already done. Treacherous tears rolled down my cheeks, and all I wanted to do was maintain the farthest distance from him. I turned to step out, but he pinned me again. This time I had my back to him. He pressed himself in me and hugged me from behind.“I am sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to…” I moved a bit to get free, but he didn’t budge. “I told you last night too, I did all that to make you jealous. I love you,” he added. “You love me too, you said so yourself.” I didn’t react.“Please forgive me. I love you Ishana…” he forced me to turn. He lifted my face, but I continued to look down. Tears flowing non-stop. He kissed my cheeks, brushing my tears. I didn’t react to that too. “Please………” he moaned as if in immense pain. “I can’t live without you.” “Ishana I…” he started again and pressed his lips on mine. He tried very hard to make me move, but I just couldn’t. “You are right,” I whispered after his hundredth attempt.“What?” he was confused.“I am a slut indeed, am I not?” I finally looked up at him, fury dancing in my eyes. He flinched and stepped back. “Let’s fuck then. I am sober now, and that’s what you want, isn’t it?” I pulled my dupatta and threw it at him. Horrified and shocked, he just stared. “You too want to conquer this body, isn’t it? Let’s fulfill your wish and do it then,” I spoke, grabbing his collar and kissing him. “Stop it! Stop it! Please,” he begged, falling on his knees. “Just go…” he pleaded, his head hung low. Seeing him so devastated, I realized my mistake. If his words were cruel, my actions were way below the belt. I picked up my dupatta and stood there. I was on crossroads, if I leave now, my relationship with Pratham would be damaged beyond repair. But if I stayed, he would get false hopes.I looked at him again, he was still sitting on his knees with his head stooped low. No matter what, I didn’t have the heart to leave him like this. I slumped in front of him. Hugging my knees, I spoke, “You don’t deserve me.” He didn’t move. “Only bastards and perverts deserve me.” He fisted his hands. I continued, “You don’t know anything about me or my past. No matter what you feel for me, no matter what I feel for you. Whether I love you or not, we cannot be together. Just know this, I am not going to ruin your life. I am cursed, and I am not bringing the ashes of my heart to corrode yours. You said you did all that to make me jealous, but it doesn’t matter. Whether I am jealous or not, whatever I feel is my problem. Whatever happened with me is my burden. You are not going to share that load. I won’t let you,” and with this, I stood up. He still was sitting like a statue. He didn’t move. He didn’t say a word. Tears stained his jeans, he was crying heavily. I wanted to bend down and kiss him, I wanted to comfort him. Wanted to tell him how much I loved him. But my love was cursed. Every person I ever loved either died, cheated, or left me – my father, Rakshit, Dev, and Kunal. I couldn’t afford to lose him. Not again. I didn’t have the strength. And taking a resolution to draw a thick line between us, I stepped out.