CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Jenny picked up on the second ring.

"Next Chapter," she greeted on the other end of the line. For a moment, I hesitated, considering whether or not I should have even called. This wasn't her mess to get me out of. It wasn't her responsibility to help pick up the pieces, and trust me - there were plenty.

"Hello?" She said, and the cash register ticked open in the background. Jenny counted the drawer a half hour before closing every day because she preferred spending the rest of the evening making sure the shelves were tidy and the space was welcoming. Honestly, if the bookstore wasn't as popular as it was, I was pretty sure she'd still be more concerned with creating a place for people to feel at home rather than the money.

"Jenny?" I put on my steadiest voice. "It's Nat."

"Natalia! You sure know how to keep an old girl hanging. What happened? How'd it go? Where are you?"

The last day played in my mind like a sick montage. Each intimate moment flashed across my memory bringing unwanted emotions with them. In an ideal world, I'd be calling to share good news like my father wanted to make amends by being a part of my life, or my mother reached out and apologized for being radio silent. Instead, the man I drove across the country for referred to me as a client and my mother sold me out for fifteen minutes of fame. Oh! And my heart was ripped straight out my chest and left on the driveway like roadkill.

Dirt and pollen powdered my black jeans. "Sorry I didn't call earlier," I dusted rocks off my palms with my thigh and jumped down from the stone wall, "today's been...a lot."

Chalk it up to her age, but Jenny was exceptionally good at knowing when something was wrong even when you didn't show it. And although I was forcing a smile she couldn't see, praying it kept the emotion out of my voice, it was no use.

"Natalia, what's wrong?" The cash register slammed closed.

Where was I supposed to even begin?

I barely got one word out before my voice cracked. "Jenny, I-I'm really sorry for calling, but you're the only person -"

"Natalia, sweetheart, where are you?" There was an edge to her voice and it cut through the last shred of my composure. The darkening blue sky softened behind my tears.

"At the boys' cabin in Morin Hill."

Over the landline, I heard her quick footsteps scurrying around the bookstore and the metallic clatter of our OPEN a-frame being dragged inside. I didn't want things to end like this but we don't always get what we want. I knew that better than anyone.

Still, I said, "Jenny, really, I'm fine. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called," I stepped in a thick pile of amber leaves, my sneakers squelching in the mud beneath, "I was just upset, I can -"

"Natalia, stop."

The words died in my throat.

"You never have to apologize for calling me. Ever. Do you understand?"

I nodded, then remembered she couldn't see me. "Okay."

"Now, I don't know what happened between you and your father or you and those boys, but you can bet your ass when I get there, you will be telling me everything."

I really didn't want to rehash the last twenty-four hours, but I knew there was no getting out of it with her. After we hung up, I paced the width of the driveway until street lamps flickered on and mosquitoes buzzed around my head.

Every stubborn atom in my body refused to go inside. Between having to face Nick, Matt, and Chris or being eaten alive by insects - I was leaning towards the slow death. But, I couldn't wait out here forever. Or at least not for the next three hours until Jenny arrived. I'd have to go in for my bags eventually.

I halted in front of the door, listening to the boys' voices on the other side. Through the wood they were garbled syllables at best, and I pressed my forehead against the frame. It's amazing how quickly things can fall apart. An hour and a half ago, I thought the worst had come in the shape of my mother standing beside a reporter, and then, like it always does, the universe showed me what real rock bottom looked like.

I love who I am with you, Matt whispered in the recesses of my mind, don't let one mistake fuck this up. I tapped my forehead against the splintering door frame. Forgiving him - all of them - was the simple choice. I'd walk inside and tell them I overreacted and we'd probably hug it out, then spend the next month and a half talking on the phone or texting, spending every day in our perfect little bubble.

But what did that say about me? About our friendships? If we pretended everything was okay, we'd be living a lie.

"I deserve more than that," I lifted my head. If it came down to enduring the loss of Nick, Matt and Chris or feigning happiness to keep them, the choice was clear.

I made my way into the living room. No one was in sight. Nick's backpack sat open on the recliner and Chris had shed his hoodie on the edge of the sofa. Someone was in the shower by the sounds of the pipes rattling. I had an inkling Matt was locked away in the sunroom.

One of the back bedroom doors was shut and a thin line of yellow light creeped across the hall carpet. Even though I was fairly certain I'd find no one on the bunk beds, I still held my breath as I walked into the room.

Judging by Chris's open suitcase in the center of the hardwood floor with sweats and mismatched socks hanging off the sides, he was the one in the shower. Someone had brought my duffel in and placed it on my bunk.

Nothing here is yours. Not the bed. Not the boy.

The grey and white plaid comforter wrinkled under my butt. I hadn't noticed how hard the mattress was the first night, but you could feel the springs with every movement. Even if I hadn't slept on a beanbag the rest of that night, I most likely still would've woken up with a pain in my neck.

I heard the door open first, then slow, anticipatory footsteps down the hallway. I braced my hand on the nearest bedpost.

Nick looked more docile than normal. His hands were already lifted by his waist, demonstrating he came in peace as he moved cautiously toward me.

"I'm not a cat." I narrowed my eyes.

"I don't know, I've seen those claws," he stopped in the middle of the room, "Don't really want to be on the receiving end."

I flipped him off. He took that as a temporary white flag and sat next to me on the bed.

"Look -" he started.

I cut him off. "Nick, I really don't care. What's done is done. Jenny's already on her way."

He looked taken aback. He turned, pulling one of his legs up and tucked it under himself. "You called her already?"

"Why wouldn't I? Not like you're sticking around."

He sighed heavily. "Nat," he raised a finger when I tried to cut him off again. "Will you stop being stubborn for five seconds and let me speak?"

My jaw snapped shut. I wasn't happy about it but I gestured for him to continue.

"Thank you. As I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me -- I know you're pissed. You have every right to be. I would've reacted the same way you did if I were in your shoes. Trust me, Matt's not off the hook with me either. Or Chris for that matter."

I laughed through my nose, rolling my eyes.

Nick made a face. "Okay, maybe 'trust me' isn't the best phrase to use right now, but you get the point. Either way, some part of you has to believe that Matt cares about you. We all do. I know being Miss Independent, can-do-it-on-my-own, is kind of your only mode of operation, but we all need somebody sometimes. And sometimes those people hurt us. We're not perfect."

Not everyone is your mom and dad. I knew that, and somewhere in the back of my mind I registered that if they really were like them, we wouldn't be having this conversation. But they'd hidden a secret from me once, there was no guarantee they wouldn't do it again.

"I never asked you to be," I looked at him head-on. The bedroom light reflected off his gold nose ring, making it twinkle. "I never asked you to do this with me. To come here. Let me into your lives. You offered. I should have never said yes."

Unlike my argument with Matt, I wasn't saying this to make Nick feel bad. We were being honest now.

"I know to you this feels stupid, like I'm being stubborn for the sake of it," I stared out the bedroom window over his shoulder, "but I trusted you faster than anyone else in my life - except for Jenny - and from the very beginning you've kept this from me. All those comments about making sure I didn't hurt Matt or Chris, and the whole time you were hurting me. It's one thing for Matt to lie. That hurts like hell, but you? With you, it felt like I had a brother. Someone who'd be painstakingly honest even when I didn't want them to be because that's who you are. Or at least who you pretend to be."

It felt like I'd severed a chord between us. Nick flinched at the last words. The sadness permeating the room was thick enough to choke on. He nearly tripped on Chris's suitcase on his way out the door.

He paused, his hand on the frame. He didn't turn around, but I knew he was crying. The words caught in his throat. "I'm sorry."

⎯

Chris tried to talk to me after his shower, but I refused. After the fourth try he gave up and left me alone in the back room until Jenny knocked on the front door.

She exchanged pleasantries with Nick who stood closest to the entrance while Matt and Chris hung back near the recliner. This wasn't the kind of goodbye that warranted hugs, so I made my way beside Jenny and slung my duffel strap higher onto my shoulder. This is the last time you'll see them. I stared at the standing lamp I had imagined was a person when Matt and I snuck away to the sunroom our first night. It glowed orange in the corner behind him as he stepped towards us.

We couldn't look at each other. "Jenny, I'm sorry that you had to drive all the way out here," he said. That was Matt speak for I know I fucked up, please let me explain.

She put her arm protectively around my shoulders and I was grateful to have something steady to lean into. "No apologies necessary." And that was Jenny speak for I don't want to hear it.

The conversation was over before it started. She headed down the narrow concrete path towards the idling sedan in the driveway. I hesitated in her wake. Once this door closed behind me, that was it. Done. Over. The rational side of my brain was trying to make peace with knowing that it was better to deal with it now than suffer later. However, that didn't mean it was easy.

My nails dug into the strap on my shoulder. "Thanks," I cleared my throat. My sneakers were caked in dried mud. I rocked on my heels. "For letting me stay here. Best of luck on tour, and you know, with everything else."

No "let's keep in touch." No "I forgive you." Nothing that really said what I was feeling.

I fought the urge to turn around as I beelined for the car. I could feel their eyes on my back, watching me leave. No one moved to stop me, to try and change my mind, and the tiniest rush of relief settled over me. If no one put up a fight, that told me what I already knew: I didn't mean as much to them as I wanted to believe. And that was okay.

This is for the best.

I tossed my bag in the trunk and buckled myself in the seat next to Jenny.

"Ready?" Her aging fingers were already wrapped around the gearshift, putting it in reverse.

The scene was disturbingly familiar to leaving Woodbury with the boys, except, this time, it felt a lot more final. My mouth was dry, my eyes itched from all the crying, and I could hear my mother clear as day in my head saying I told you so, still I nodded at Jenny. I forced my brain to lock up any emotion that resembled doubt as I watched the cabin and everything inside it get swallowed up by distance. "As I'll ever be."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello my lovelies! We've reached the point we've all been dreading...this is going to be the last chapter update for some time. I'm not going to put a time stamp on this break as I may surprise you guys with an update here and there over the next couple of weeks/months, but as for now -- this is where we will pause. (I know you hate me, I'm so sorry!!!) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking with me through this ride and for sharing the love for these characters. You have no idea how much this means to me. I can't wait to get back on here *soon* and share more of Nat's story with you! I love you all tremendously! And for those of you that don't have me on socials, you can find me on IG & TikTok @ peachyniks <3 I post about the book on both of these frequently (including edits of the characters!) muah muah muah! xoxo N