CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

If I was anyone else, I probably would've been foaming at the mouth to be stuck in a car for five and a half hours with the Sturniolo triplets. One might imagine a road trip with Nick, Matt, and Chris being full of banter and good playlists and a bag brimming with gas station snacks - you know, the stereotypical coming of age film scene where the main character realizes she's in love on a deserted highway and the wind is blowing through her perfect hair.

Unfortunately, that was not happening on this little adventure.

"Nick!" Chris bellowed in the backseat. "If you fucking touch me one more time, I swear to God!"

"You're touching me!" Nick cried, shoving Chris' arm away.

I watched the screaming match unfold in the rearview mirror. Chris was inching his hand closer and closer to Nick until he brushed him slightly, resulting in Nick raising his hand like he was going to hit Chris, and then he actually did when Chris got in his face, sticking his tongue out like a toddler.

I winced at the sound of knuckles on flesh. Nick socked Chris so hard, his arm went dead.

"Nick!" Chris's voice pierced through the car, causing Matt to swerve in the lane.

I reached for the dial and turned down the music. "Enough!"

We were only an hour and a half into the drive and eighty percent of it consisted of bickering over who picked the next song or who was on whose side of the backseat. If I heard one more moan about not wanting to listen to Lana Del Rey or Chris' foot touching Nick's shin, I was going to freak. You'd think they were twelve and not twenty with the way they were behaving.

"He just socked the shit out of me!" Chris protested.

"Good!" I flipped in my seat to face the two of them. "If he didn't, I was going to! Quit antagonizing him. It's a big backseat, and you're big boys, I think we can find a way to keep our hands to ourselves. Don't you?"

I leveled the two of them with my eyes, which I hoped reflected a look similar to the one my mother used to give me as a kid when I'd talk back. Her mossy eyes would narrow slightly, just enough to snuff out their amusement, and she'd set her mouth in a hard, pin straight line. On the days I really pushed it, she'd lower her voice until it reverberated in your chest like a gunshot, and that's when I knew I was really in trouble.

Nick huffed indignantly beside Chris and trained his attention out the window.

"God, you make me sound like my mother," I muttered, turning back to face the road. Matt stifled a laugh behind a cough and Nick followed suit.

"What?" I demanded, though a giggle tried to push its way through the sturdiness of my voice.

"No - nothing," Matt coughed again. "It's just...you really tried to sound serious."

Chris was the first to break, his laugh booming around us like a crack of thunder. I rolled my lips to keep myself from breaking. It didn't work.

"Oh, fuck you guys," I remarked between giggles, "you're so annoying."

Nick wheezed. "You have to admit, you're not very intimidating."

Scoffing, I tossed a crinkled Doritos bag at him and it dropped lamely between him and Chris on the seat. Matt was beaming behind the wheel. Daylight caught on his eyes, making them brighter than I'd ever seen the color blue become. He shook his head at me and I turned towards the window to hide the blush creeping up my neck.

We were surrounded by trees colored in gold and plum and crimson and they went on for miles, lining the curves of the highway and coating the ground in a mixture of leaves and pine needles. We were nearing the Maine border, and as we drove further around the bend, the mountains seemed to expand into the horizon. I pressed my forehead to the passenger window and watched formless clouds break above their peaks.

If I looked hard enough, I could spot houses scattered along the hills. Pockets of cleared forest opened up and thin spirals of white smoke swirled from their chimneys, dissipating into the clouds.

Down here, everything felt so big. The mountains, the trees, the uncertainty of what was to come. But up there? Imagine being that far up - witnessing the world from a bird's eye view. Would it change anything? Everything? I bet it feels lonely and all together peaceful knowing the rest of the world is staring up at you, creating stories in your image. So close, yet so far from the truth.

I glanced at Matt.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there," he said, making eye contact with Nick in the mirror.

"Preferably, we'd make a decision now so I'm not stressed out." Nick leaned forward and propped his elbows on the middle console. "What do you think, Nat?"

I shifted in my seat. "Oh, uhm -"

Nick gave an exasperated sigh. "You weren't listening."

My shoulders rose to my ears and I tried to give a smile that said sorry but instead it gave oops. Matt chuckled before swatting Nick to sit back.

"Nick wants to book a hotel since we won't be getting into Harborough until after six," Matt clarified.

I pulled my legs onto my seat and shrugged. "I mean it probably wouldn't hurt. Even if Mark welcomes me with open arms, I doubt I'd feel comfortable enough to stay in his guest room." Actually, there was no doubt. I was one-thousand percent certain I would not be comfortable sharing a wall with his other kids, or him and his wife. The thought alone made me cringe.

"We might be sleeping in the car," Chris teased, turning his phone to Nick who gasped.

"What?" I snagged the phone out of his hand. When I saw what they were gawking at, my jaw came unhinged. "Six hundred dollars?"

"For one night!" Chris took back his cell to continue scrolling and I seriously hoped he would find something much much cheaper.

"Where the hell are we staying, the Ritz?" I couldn't wipe the shock off my face. There was no way we were paying six hundred dollars for a hotel room. If we were in L.A. or Vegas, maybe - and that's a strong maybe, but Maine?

"Everything else looks booked."

"Car it is," I said.

"Oh, he was kidding about that," Nick piped up. "I will not be sleeping in this vehicle."

"It's not so bad," I remarked, and Matt shot me a questioning look. "Don't ask."

"Dear, sweet, sweet, Natalia," Nick cooed, brushing my hair from behind. "I would sell my left kidney before I slept in a backseat in a city I've never been to."

I rolled my eyes. "Dramatic much?"

"You sound surprised."

"Never with you."

He blew me a kiss and tapped Chris' leg. "Book it, Christopher."

I fumbled around in my bag looking for my wallet. No one really carried cash anymore, but Jenny told me it was smart to keep some on hand in case of an emergency. I pulled fifty dollars out and held it out to Matt.

His brow pinched. "What are you doing?"

"I only have fifty right now, but I can give you more later."

Something between offense and disbelief flickered across his face. His brow deepened. "Nat, I'm not taking that."

"Why not?" He was being polite, but I wanted to hear him say it. That he felt guilty taking money from someone like me. That it was "too much to ask."

I kept my stare and hand firm, holding out the bills.

In the backseat, Nick adjusted uncomfortably and the air in the car became thick. Every second that passed added another layer of stuffiness, still, I held my ground.

Matt's Adam's apple bobbed. "Because we offered to make this trip with you."

He knew I was baiting him. Shadows fell over his face from the remaining sunlight breaking through the branches overhead as he kept his eyes centered on the road. There was no logical reason as to why I felt like I needed to push him other than the fact that they needed to know I didn't accept handouts.

After fifteen minutes of awkward silence and several cramps in my fingers, I tucked the money away and decided to slip it into his bag tonight.

Chris apprehensively broke the tension. "The room is booked, but they only had one left."

"Okay?" Matt prompted.

There was a beat. And another. "There are only two beds."

God, do you hate me?

The audible groan that left my body was far more aggressive than expected.

"Of course," I mumbled. Because why wouldn't there be?

I took a very long, very deep breath and held it for a few seconds. It's fine. That's fine. One of us can sleep on the floor or maybe they'll have a cot we can ask to have brought up. It's fine.

"We'll make it work," I said awkwardly, pasting a feeble smile across my face. Matt nodded and attempted a smile back, but all it did was make his lips twitch slightly.

I hugged my knees to my chest and watched the rest of the world blur into a smear of colors as we continued over the state line. Why was it that everytime things started to settle, my knee jerk reaction was to stir them up again? I was supposed to be grateful that the boys were willing to travel this far with me and expect nothing in return, but instead, I was stubborn and defensive and hell bent on proving to myself that their intentions were anything but pure. Eventually, they would grow tired of always having to prove themselves. And maybe deep down some sick and twisted part of me wanted that, wanted to know I was right. You can only push someone away so many times before they stop coming back.

⎯

The sun had almost completely fallen beneath the skyline when we crossed into Harborough. Street lamps blinked on alongside dozens of string lights draped around their poles and across the way. Their bright yellow bulbs flickered softly in the breeze.

Matt slowed as we pulled onto the main drag, and all of us peered up at the buildings in awe.

"Wow..." I whispered.

"This place is..." Nick started.

"Yeah," Matt finished.

Chris rolled down his window and a shock of cold air made the hair on my arms stand up. The breeze smelt exactly as I'd imagined: salty, crisp, and little like seaweed masked in coconut tanning oil.

"Look at all these people," Chris pointed out. Though it was a Sunday, dozens of people were sitting on restaurant patios enjoying a glass of wine with their meals, laughing with their families or partners or both, surrounded by standing heaters and more fairy lights. It looked like we'd just stepped into a Hallmark movie.

"And here I thought Woodbury was as close to Storybook, New England as you could get," I said.

"Woodbury is cute and quaint, but this? This is..." Matt slowed to a stop at a red light, "charming."

I arched a brow at him and he licked his lips to hide the smirk that was forming.

He wasn't wrong though. Charming was the perfect word for Harborough. It had all of the endearing aspects of small town New England, plus the laid back energy found on the coast. I could see why so many people decided to vacation here. It was captivating.

As we got further away from downtown and closer to the residential areas, the bigger the houses became. At first they were standard colonial-style homes, still relatively big and beautiful, but nothing in comparison to the ones that were tucked away in their own private estates. Each had perfectly manicured hedges that were just tall enough so you could make out the top half of the house, but even still, there was plenty to see. One was at least three stories with a long, winding driveway closed off by a towering black iron fence. Tiny lights lined either side of the drive and illuminated the pathway up to the house.

"Your dad lives in one of these?" Nick marveled at another property that had a swimming pool sized fountain adorning its front lawn.

I swallowed thickly. "I guess..."

We were minutes from arriving at Mark's and every house we passed made me want to throw up.

I inhaled deeply and dug my nails into my palms. There was nothing any of them could say that would reassure me this was the right decision, and Matt knew it, so instead he said, "Well, at least we know you didn't miss out on anything." And the snort that came out of me was shocking.

"Oh my God!" I covered my mouth, embarrassed, but then another came, and another, and then I couldn't keep the nervous laughter from taking over.

Matt let out a startled chuckle. "Wow, you're really freaking out about this, huh?"

I nodded, still laughing and wiping at my eyes.

"Do you want me to pull over?"

I waved my hand. "No, no, really. It's fine."

I sat up straight and brushed my hair out of my face before taking a series of deep breaths. I've got this.

Every cell in my body was vibrating as we pulled up to the curb outside of Mark's place. I shouldn't have been surprised at its size or spectacularity given the other homes we'd seen, but there was an extra wave of shock that came with actually knowing someone who lived in a place like this.

And in knowing that this could've been my life, too.

Matt killed the ignition. No one moved. I stared up at the house. It had more windows than I could count on the first floor and a beautiful white wrap-around porch, furnished with a swing and tiny flower pots. Above the front door, a long wooden sign hung with my last name on it.

All the lights were on in the house, including the ones on the front porch, and as the sun snuffed out behind the bluffs, it stood there in front of me like a beacon. I wanted to move, but my body wouldn't listen.

Through the windows I could see silhouettes gathered around a dining table. Four heads moving and laughing, passing dishes. The sheer drapes distorted their faces, but I knew who I was looking at.

Matt's hand came down on mine and I realized I was shaking. I needed to do this. I had to do this.

"Nat..." he started.

"Drive." It came out so quietly, I wasn't sure he heard me. I squeezed his hand tighter. "Please."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Thank you to everyone who has been showing this book (and me!) so much love! <3 Let me know what you think by voting and leaving a comment. xoxo N