chapter 46

He's not here.The talent show has ended but he is not here.I heard from his friends a while ago that he was dismissed from the hospital today. But why isn't he here? Why isn't he performing at the talent show like he told me?Why did he practice and perform infront of me and Yuri if he weren't going to show everyone else how talented he was? Everyone should know what he is capable of. This was the perfect chance to show people his hidden gift - his talent.And I took this chance away from him.It's my fault again, isn't it?He might have been dismissed from the hospital but that doesn't mean that he was completely fine. That doesn't mean that he was ready to perform and exert energy in everything and anything.I took this opportunity away from him.Why am I even here?Why am I trying to have fun and walk around these hallways filled with Christmas lanterns and lights like nothing had ever happened, like nothing is wrong? How can I even smile and let Yuri know that I'm fine. How can I lie to her and say that I know nothing about his absence? How can I even try to be happy?I want to see him.I really want to see him.But he doesn't.He asked you himself, Dara. To stay away from him.You bring nothing but troubles to him.Nothing but problems.I need to go back home. I can't stay here and pretend like everything is alright anymore. I can't. Not when my mind his full of his thoughts. Not when all I can think about is him suffering just because of a mere person like me.I began to run as I let go of Yuri's arm. She stood in front of a table filled with snacks for sale. Students continue to pass by us, entering classroom to classroom with different themes and booths." Dara-ah!" She runs after me, and soon enough, I felt her grip on my shoulder. " Where do you think you're going?"" I'm going home." I say keeping my eyes away form her. " I........ I forgot something."I didn't care what any lie I could come up with. Anything that can make me out of here will be fine. Just as look as I would work, as long as Yuri buys it. I'm not deserving enough to be enjoying this jolly place. She didn't answer right away. But instead, she just looked at me and took a long breath. A deep breath that said something like she understands me.That she knew everything, but is choosing silence over words for my comfort." Be careful." She says, letting go of my shoulders. " But please come back for the karaoke party later."" I can't." I said right away, shaking my head. " I'm ... I-I I'm go-"" He would want you to show your talent just like you want him to show his." She whispers, her voice making me feel pressure building up in my own eyes. " Don't be too hard on yourself."I pulled her into a tight hug, and before I knew it, my eyes started to water." I'll be there."♡♡♡Everyone from our class is here.The karaoke party was held in one of the local restaurants near our school and it was rented by our class for the evening. Plastic chairs and tables were set on one side of the restaurant that we rented together with the karaoke machine that hasn't stopped playing ever since I got here. There are shacks like peanuts everywhere and even bottles of beer and soju. I sat alone at one of the chairs while everyone else was at the other side of the restaurant. They were choosing what to eat and I couldn't be bothered. I don't feel hungry. I just feel... empty. I don't feel like anything at all. I feel like a leaf just floating in the direction in which the wind blows. I looked down at the box on my lap. A box wrapped in red felt paper and shimmering ribbons.I know that he's not going to come, but maybe, if I ask his friends to give it to him, he will accept it. I know that he doesn't want to see me anymore and want to have nothing to do with me. But this is for him.I bought this for him.I worked hard to buy this for him.This is for him.I take it out of my lap and slide it down under my chair. Maybe, if I leave this here, people will see it with Yoongi's name and they will eventually give it to him. He will be able to recieve it without actually having to see me.He doesn't have to know that it's from me. I just want him to get it.I reach for the song book and flipped a few pages. A song on the top of the page thst I stopped on, was something that made me want to express my feelings. Maybe after I sing this song, it would make me feel a little bit better. And since everyone's busy at the other side of the restaurant, no one will notice me.I want to let this out. I want to let out everything I'm feeling. I take the remote control and pressed the numbers. I pressed on the enter button, and soon enough, words popped into the screen.Love, That One Word by: Taeyon.( A/n:- Play the song to feel connected.)The intro started , ever so softly and melodic, making me close my eyes. I peeked and looked at other people not paying any attention to me. This was what I needed. It's perfect. Just give me four minutes alone.❝ Without anyone knowing,Without even me knowing.I don't know when but you came into my heart.Tears fell yesterday,And tears are falling today.With my head down now, I'm looking at you. ❞I chose the wrong song. I should have chosen a song that didn't have anything to do with whatever I'm going through right now. This song makes me think of him even more. It perfectly describes what I feel.❝ Love has come,Without you knowing.Without any reason,You're in my heart.All alone, I repeat these words as I cry,Do you know? ❞I gripped the microphone closer to my mouth, continuing to sing as quiet as I could get. My hands started to shake uncontrollably as I reached the chorus , hot wet tears swelling from my eyes.❝ The one word that you draw inside of me, The one word that's always hidden inside of me,I'm looking at you,I'm always by your side.But I can't say the words,I love you.❞And that's when I couldn't handle it anymore. My shallow and short breath echoed through the speakers combined with my sniffing. My throat felt like it's closing up by itself, making me force the words of of my mouth pitching higher than before in able to continue singing. I managed to sing with breaks and deep breaths, until I reached the bridge of the song. ❝ Words that my heart says, I want to love you more than myself.I want to love you.❞My eyes let go of all my tears, unable fir me to do it. It felt like an unstoppable tiger escaping a dam, and there is no way to stop it. I couldn't continue anymore. No matter how hard I try to squeak my voice just to continue, I just couldn't.I want to see him. I really want to see him. I want to tell him how sorry I am. I want to tell him that I regretted that day. I want to tell him that how important he is to me. I want to tell him that I want able to think of anything else but him. I want to tell him that he's all I see. I want to tell him that he mattered to me. I want to tell him that he made my days better.I want to tell him that I liked him.Let me just please talk to him one more time. Let me see him one more time. That's all I want. I just want to tell him everything that I kept on bottling up inside of me. I want him to know now. I want him to know that despite his own actions and behaviour, someone is able to see something in him.Please.Let me talk to him.My cheeks started to hurt as I rubbed on it again and again, trying to wipe off the tears. I looked down at the ground and covered my face with both of my hands, hoping that maybe if I put pressure in it, I would soon stop crying. But it didn't help.I lift my face up, and as I did, a loud unpleasant sound bounced around the walls of the room, making me realise that I dropped the microphone on the ground.Min Yoongi.Am I dreaming? Am I hallucinating?A reflection of him, standing in the window made me whip my head and look behind me. He's wearing a black knitted hat with a white sweater. He looked like a snowflake lost in a snowstorm.He's there.He's really there.He looked like nothing had happened to him, except a gauze patched down to his left shoulder upto his neck. As I laid my eyes on him, I can feel my face becoming as white as a pearl. My lips were trembling even more now. His eyes looked hollow and empty. But even though his face looked dark and full, he became the only thing I could see. Everything was black except him. It was just only me and him." Yoongi..." I whispered as more tears made their way out of my eyes. I quickly word then away, " I'm so-"But before I could say anything else, he tried his back towards me and started walking away, slamming the door shut so loudly that everyone from other side of the room came back to where I was. I bend down to reach for the present, tears streaming down my face. I stood back up with present in both of my hands, people surrounding me. Tears continue to come out of my eyes as I bump into each and every single one of them, not caring what they're saying.As I got out of the door, snow had filled the whole area. It looked like a white paradise. I stepped out, my feet dipping into cold, wet snow. I looked to my side only to see Yoongi walking faster than he ever did before. He stepped right through the snow, right into the dead, empty dark roads.I repeatedly called for his name as I followed him, sprinting towards him. But then, as I ran with my eyes only focused on him, I stepped on a solidified snow that had turned into ice. I feel down onto my knees, making the present slip out of my hands and into the snow. The bright red felt paper that was wrapped around the machine is now a dark piece of paper that was badly threw around.I stand up, feeling the cold air going inside my nostrils. I take the present in my hands again, and look ahead of me to try and look for him.But he's already standing infront of me." What do you want?" He asks me as his breath shows through thin air, his tone as cold as the snowflakes falling down on our heads.I take a deep breath in attempt to hold back my tears so that I'm able to speak. I swallowed the lump in my throat before continuing." I like you."♡♡♡(2056 words)A/n:-Hey folks!Sorry for making you wait so much but my health wasn't at the best state past few days. You guys are so understanding and patient.Thank you for reading and giving your reviews on this part.Borahae,Nini🦋💜