Chapter 196

“Stop fucking telling me to push. I AM FUCKING PUSHING!” I scream at our doctor as she pats my leg and throws me a haughty look and Arry takes my hand and tries to turn possessed rage to face him.

My body is turning itself inside out with a pain they no way in hell prepared me for and the stupid women is getting on my very last nerve. Sweating, heaving, and panting and trying to not break my teeth with every wave of bone gnawing agony that rips through me. The room is coming down on me and I have lost all concept of time.

“Baby… Breathe, count with me, look at me. You’re doing so well. Just breathe and relax a little.” He’s stroking me, trying to get me through this, being sane and calm while my doctor and her nurse are making me crazy. I’m trying so hard, but I was not expecting this to be so traumatic. I don’t think I can do it. It feels like we have been here days and I am so overheated and achy that even my teeth are sore.

“It hurts… So much.” I start crying again and he pulls my face against his, pushing our noses together while wiping my tears.

“I know it does. I can see how much pain you’re in, but you’re amazing. You’re doing so well, and I need you to stay with this so it will all be over soon. You can do this.”

Arrick looks like Arrick. Calm, controlled and I know it’s because his master of all things unemotional mask is in place and holding his shit together for me to fall apart. I don’t think that pushing something that big out of my Va-Jayjay is natural at all. I mean, Arrick may be well endowed but sometimes even he is pretty filling, I have no clue how a fucking head is going to work its way down that same exit hole.

“You do it. I don’t want to have a baby anymore.” I whisper hopelessly, and he breaks into a smile, a hint of dimples that I impulsively reach up and touch.

“Bit late for that. I can promise you though, no more. One is plenty, and I don’t think either of us want to endure this again. I love you.” He lifts up and kisses my forehead, wiping my clammy brow as I start to pant through more pain, grinding my teeth and gripping his hand with brutal force as it hits me.

Do they not know how much this fucking hurts?

I am being twisted inside out with every pain, which is now pretty much a constant and I am so hysterical they even thought of tying me to the bed. I think if it wasn’t for Arrick standing guard they probably would have. The temptation to kick someone in the face is all I can focus on.

It’s been days. Well, hours. But it feels like days, endless days and I can’t handle this. I grab the gas mask from him again and hold it tight to my face as another body aching surge of agony grips me and I can hear the mumblings of ‘Push Sophie’ from the other women in the room.

“No more babies! … I will… Literally … Castrate… You… Myself!” I pant at him through gasps and tears and grunts. My doctor raises an eyebrow my way but Arrick grins and shrugs.

“Have to say, I agree.” He charms her with an honest smile.

This one is making me crazy, my teeth ache, my body is rigid, and the gas is making it all get floaty, so I’m locked inside my own bubble with my pain. I’m pushing, trying anyway and I want this agony to end.

It feels like a huge hot poker is being forced up my insides and twisting everything around that burns.

“Push, Sophie.” The Midwife orders even when I glare at her furiously.

“Push down, like they told you. I know it’s not exactly glamorous, baby, but she said push like you are taking a dump and it will come faster.” Arrick looks endearing, despite the words coming out of his mouth and I blanche at him. Inhaling gas, trying to keep my head in the game and your husband is coaxing you to take a shit.

I give it all I have in me and push like a crazy person. Not even sure my body can handle any more of the excruciating. I don’t know how I am still conscious.

Is this really happening?

“We have the head, Sophie. One more push and it will come free. One more, good girl. You can do it.”

Doctor. Annoying. is filtering through, with every face looking my way and I screw my eyes shut to focus on what I am doing. Every aching push I make. Grinding down, grunting like a pig, and trying to make this huge pressure exit from my rectum.

I grip Arrick’s hand so brutally that his whole-body flinches beside me, yet he says nothing and lets me carry on crushing his bones. It’s only fair he gets even an ounce of what this feels like and I am sure he can handle broken fingers if I have to devastate my lady parts in pushing out a full-sized watermelon with limbs.

The helpless crying through the dizzy haze is the first thing which pulls me out of my black hole of agony. Mumbles beside me, incoherent from his direction and Arry seems so far away, even though his face is above me and he’s saying something. The gas really did a number on me with the way I was inhaling and panting, gripping it to my face like my life relied on it. I am so lightheaded and out of my atmosphere for a moment I have no clue where I even am. As the fog starts to slowly recede, it occurs to me the pain has stopped being so intense and is more of a dull throb of afterburn than anything else.

Dreamy, phasing into reality as they take the mask out of my hand and I start to come to quickly. It only lasts as long as you breath it in, and I realize he’s smiling at me as I slide and slump back onto the bed from the clouds above, as all my limbs become re-attached. Getting heavier and more lucid with every passing second. Arrick kisses me on the lips and strokes back my sweat clinging hair from my hot face.

“You did it beautiful… I’m so fucking proud of you, baby. She’s here.” He swoops in and kisses me on the mouth again, even though I vomited from it like half an hour ago. I can’t seem to register what is going on as I wipe my mouth and frown at him.

What’s wrong with him?

“One more little push, Sophie, is all I need, and you can hold your little one.” The nurse looks at me with the first smile of the day and I stare at them in disbelief, pain is fading so fast, the wracking contractions and unbearable ripping is too. It all feels a little surreal and I try to catch my breath. I don’t even feel myself pushing much as she comes into full view between my knees; a little squashed faced bundle of angry red skin and light hair who blinks at me through loud rage filled screeches with a furiously murderous expression on that ickle face.

Yep, she’s mine.

No doubt about it.

Still covered in gunk, blood and still attached to me, she is placed on top of me face down and I don’t even flinch at the grossness of it. So instantly mesmerized by the tiny little fair-haired bundle who stops crying the second she is in my arms and I hold her close. Little eyes flicker and blink at me in a perfect little face that looks a lot like Arrick, and I instantly fall in love. Overwhelming love and emotion fills every single tiny inch of my body and I gasp in sheer happiness, tears falling free. I can’t help myself from falling apart.

“Look what we made.” I croak at Arry as he nuzzles close and kisses her on the back of the head.

Running gentle fingers over her tiny skull. She gazes up at him and I swear I see a hint of a smile, even if that’s not possible.

“Best thing we ever did. She’s as beautiful as her mommy.” Arrick kisses me on the forehead again and holds us both close in an awkward embrace, bringing all three of our faces together as close as he can as we breathe in the tiny perfection of her. It’s like all the months of bickering and discomfort and moaning, flutter away in the breeze.

She has Arrick’s eyes and his weird flat eyebrows, a little button nose and a tiny puckered mouth as she stares at me with utter bewilderment and probably wonders what she ever did to deserve me as her mother. My heart is fit to bursting, tears running down my cheeks with the sheer elation that she is finally here.

She’s flawless, beautiful, and perfect in every tiny little way.

Arrick strokes her head and leans in to kiss me and then her again, overwhelmed with his own emotion and cradles us both gently. His eyes glued to his little mini me and I laugh at the weird way they both wrinkle their noses at the same time when he bends down to touch his to hers. Like bookends.

He straightens back up as I nuzzle her up under my chin and kiss her little tiny face to absolute death. I have never been so overcome and filled with so much feeling in an instant before and I don’t know what to do with all this sudden happy energy coursing through me. Arrick exhales heavily and it’s the first time since this begun that he seems to visually let go of all that calm and cool.

“It’s okay… She’s okay, you’re okay. We’re all okay.” Arry sounds distant, weirdly drunk and I realize he probably was terrified of the millions of things that could have gone wrong this whole time and this is his relief washing out. No longer needing to be the rock and man to be leant it. He’s letting it out.

Looking suddenly rumpled and exhausted, like maybe he needs to lay down.

“You can pass out now. I don’t mind.” I laugh through watery tears as he slides his arm around me and kisses my cheek, temple and forehead in succession. I don’t think he knows how else to display how he is feeling, and I understand, because there’s too much bubbling inside of me to control either. Utter elation oozing from him as the Doctor and nurse mess around, still between my legs. It’s like half my body has been cut off and I don’t care whatever they are doing down there as long as I get to keep her with me like this.

Forever, and ever, and ever.

“I’m good. I’m glad it’s over. You did amazing, baby. I have never been so scared and yet so proud all at once.” He kisses me on the mouth again and then goes for another on our baby’s face. He holds the three of us together in another awkward cuddle and sighs once more. I lean back and blow out all my air, relieving all the pain and terror and all the other crap bundled up inside of me as I realize, it is truly over.

I really did it! Best achievement ever!

“You can cut the cord in a few minutes, Mr. Carrero” the doctor calls to him and he nods and stands staring at our tiny little precious. It’s like he can’t tear his eyes off her now she’s a real living thing between us.

“Hey you, beautiful… You finally came out to meet us. I’m your daddy, the one who kept talking at you while you were inside your mommy keeping warm.” He says softly, and I think I die a little bit inside with how perfect this is. How beautiful they both are. Overcome at the fact this is the first moment of a completely different life for us.

It never crossed my mind before that he would be anything but an amazing dad but watching him gently trace her little fingers as she latches onto his thumb, seeing the insta-love in action, I know he will be suckered by this little one for an eternity. She’s going to be a daddy’s girl; I can just tell.

If Arrick tended to baby me and turn me into a massive Princess, then this one is doomed. I think I may have major competition for his affection now, but at least this is one girl I don’t mind sharing him with.

He can love her to death and worship her the way he does me. I know I’ll be doing the same thing.