Chapter Fifteen: All Over

Content Warning: Mentions of sexual assault. Nothing too graphic. I have also included a CW in the blurb of this story.

Cute skirt that would definitely get Pat's attention? Check.

Black tank top that accentuated whatever curves I had? Perfect.

Brown ankle boots that created a long illusion of having longer legs? Yup.

A rather cool wind breaker to keep me warm enough in the slowly lowering temperature of fall season? Look is complete.

It was the first party of the school year and for some miracle, I was going with Pat. While I was slightly afraid of what was to come, I have been mentally preparing myself all week.

I cannot let the past that I've experienced mess with how I want to enjoy things in the present.

Well, technically I was still in the past but that was beside the point.

"You look nice," mom complimented when she passed by my room, "Don't stay too late, alright?"

Back then I wondered why my mother was lenient with me. Sure, she had moments where she was strict just like any parent, but for the most part, she let me do what I wanted. Even though I gave her nothing to worry about – I had rather good grades, she had already met my closest friends, and I haven't done anything bad – I soon realized the real reason.

Maybe carrying the guilt of hiding such valuable information about your husband from your own daughter would do that to you.

"Okay, mom," I replied, turning away from the mirror and smiling at her, "Also, I'll be careful."

I kissed her on the cheek goodbye just as Pat texted me that he was near my house. I fluffed up my hair one more time and got out of the door, opting to wait for him outside. I've been making sure his and my mom's interactions were kept to a bare minimum because I know she was rather chill, my love life wasn't something I was fond of discussing with her.

And while I would rather have him just stop the car so I could slide in then be on our way, he was rather a gentleman and wanted to at least get down to greet me.

"Hey," he smiled, pressing a kiss on my cheek, "You look fantastic."

"Thank you," I grinned, "Shall we?"

It was picture perfect. Absolutely picture perfect. The freaking image of a high school couple on their way to a friend's party. It looked like something out a coming-of-age film with indie music playing in the background.

And then, Zoey happened.

You know those scenes in the movies where a door opens and out comes the prettiest girl in the whole cast with boss bitch music playing in the background? Yeah, that was how it all came out inside my head.

First it was one red stiletto, followed by a long leg, then emerged Zoey's whole form. She flipped her perfectly curled hair, strutted in her black denim shorts, and looked amazing in this blouse that kept her usual vibe intact even if her outfit screamed badass.

She rarely dressed like that. While people thought that Zoey was beautiful with her usual charming sweet self, this side of her was what made boy absolutely mad. Spunky, playful, and drop dead gorgeous.

And Pat was no exception to thinking that.

She spotted me on her way to her car and her face instantly lit up, "Avy!"

Even though I knew it would only end up in heartache, I looked over to Pat.

Lo and behold, I was right.

You know what a person looked like when you can just tell that they have fallen head over heels? As if the world around them didn't matter anymore, as if everything just stopped and she was the only one living in the same reality that he did.

His head was in the clouds, his eyes sparkled with so much warmth and admiration, I could practically feel his heart beating a mile a minute in his chest.

That was no longer being simply starstruck.

She was oblivious to this whole thing and of course she would, she would never look at him in the same way he did at her. For her, he was only a guy her best friend was dating and even if she rarely shared her dating life, I was aware of her extremely high standards.

When she spun on her heel and started making her way to us, I knew I was doomed, "Where are you two going?"

"A party," I answered sharply, wanting to get this over with. Every beating second that I was here, made me feel worse than I already did, "What are you all dressed up pretty for?"

She twirled around, appreciative of the compliment I laced with my question. This did not bode well for my situation and how Pat was practically drooling next to me, "It's Lauren's birthday, we're going to celebrate."

She then eyed Pat, causing him to straighten up in attention. She let out a small playful giggle, lifting a hand then teasingly poking him on the arm, "You take care of Avy or else, okay?"

He was a goner.

He looked like he was going to melt into a puddle right there and then. His eyes were wide in amazement and I knew that a thousand spark lit up within him when she touched him. It was so painful to watch, but I couldn't tear my eyes away.

I believed Pat when he said that he liked me. I was so sure of that and even until now, there was no doubt in my mind that he did. However, I was also sure that he might be in love with Zoey.

Well, he was falling in love at the very least. And it wasn't slowly, he was falling at the speed of light.

Apparently, I was just a spectator in his love story. I was the side character, the stopover to his destination.

"We need to get going, Zo," I mustered the courage to cut this off because I couldn't take it anymore, "I'll see you."

"See you!" she said, also waving to Pat goodbye as she started to make her way back to her car, "You guys have fun."

I knew from that interaction that fun was the last thing I was going to have.

She left before us because the silly boy that was supposedly my date was over here busy daydreaming about her.

In any timeline, in any future, I was bound to be hurt by you. You were bound to see Zoey. I was bound to get heartbroken by seeing you two side by side.

"Let's go, Pat," I told him, snapping my fingers in front of his face, "Or else it's going to be all over."

And I wasn't talking about the party.

* * *

I was completely miserable.

Pat was trying to act normal but I knew that every time he looked at my face, there was something he was itching to say. I've seen him open his mouth about five times already but instead of actually talking to me about whatever topic he wanted to touch, he would shake his head and tell me something else instead.

We both knew what it was.

"So am I hallucinating or what?" Sasha sighed, swirling around the beer in her cup, "I mean, he looks cute and all that, but there are tons of cheerleaders here, he can't possibly interest in me."

Oh right, I had to be a good friend. Pause on the self-sulking, Avery.

"But you're funny, witty, and extremely pretty," I listed off with a shrug, "Why wouldn't he like you?"

While I was in the midst of trying to get Pat to talk to me about Zoey, Sasha entered a whole different crisis when one of the boys from the basketball team asked for her number. While I really wanted to be mentally present in order to assure her, my mind was just drifting away.

"I say give him a chance," Mia encouraged, "Come on, you've had us on facetime for a whole hour trying to choose your outfit, don't doubt yourself now."

Could I go back to an hour ago? When I sincerely thought that everything was going to be fine and dandy.

Honestly, how many disasters can you cram into one week?

"Okay," Sasha nodded, pushing herself up from the couch and straightening up her skirt, "See you, girls."

"Use protection," Mia teased, causing Sasha to look back at her incredulously before going on her merry way.

Here was a little spoiler for everybody – that guy will be the sweetest boy that Sasha will ever date. Though originally, they weren't supposed to meet until a couple of months from now but I guess the results shouldn't be that different.

You see, in the future, she will be happily in a relationship while mine was slowly crumbling down. Mia would still date around but never goes for anything serious.

At least that was how I viewed things.

"Hey I never noticed that you've been wearing a whistle this whole time," Mia suddenly pointed out. Well, I was basically wearing just a tank top under this jacket so there was no way to hide it. There was also no way in hell that I was going to a party without this, especially with the circumstances that surrounded it, "Strange, you've never accessorized with one before."

My anxiety would be through the roof without it.

I guess Pat was too busy with the tension between us to even notice it.

"I thought it finished off the look," I played it off coolly.

My eyes traveled along the room. It wasn't what people saw in the movies where teenagers were grinding with each other left and right. Everything was pretty tamed and people were just chatting and mingling. Sure, there were a few couples who didn't shy away from PDA but aside from that, it had a rather chill feel to it.

Then my gaze landed on Pat. He was by the kitchen in a deep conversation with Leon, judging from the way he nodded and hung to every word that came out of his best friend's mouth. Even though they thought that they hid it well, I could see how they tried to subtly glance towards my way every now and then.

"Hey Mia..." I spoke out, looking down towards the cup of beer in my hands, "Remember back on Tuesday when I didn't go to class?"

She hummed in confirmation, urging me to continue. My eyes were still trained on the liquid as I watched the small amount of fizz it still had, because this was better than looking up at Pat and knowing what exactly he was thinking about whenever he saw me, "I ran out because Zoey drove over to give my homework that I had forgotten and then Pat saw her."

"Was he completely starstruck?" she snickered because that was just how normal it was.

I nodded slowly, "But not only that. You should have seen his face, Mia! He was completely head over heels for her."

"Are you sure you didn't just think that?" she asked, "I mean, it's a pretty regular reaction to be a little speechless with Zoey."

But it wasn't the regular reaction. I saw little glances of admiration that everybody threw her away – I was beside her all the time – but Pat's was different.

"I'm sure," I murmured, still not lifting my head, "And then he saw her again when he picked me up and oh god, I knew that during the couple of minutes they were interacting, I was invisible."

She was silent for a while because it was so painfully obvious how fucking horrible I felt just from my voice. And I knew she was thinking long and hard what to say to me, because she never got to see those said interactions with her bare eyes. She didn't want to discount what I saw but she also wanted me to think that I was just being a bit overdramatic and that I had nothing to worry about.

Was I really being overdramatic?

"Avery," we both suddenly hear somebody call my name. I finally tore my eyes away from the beer and my gaze met Pat's, "Can we talk?"

His tone was solemn and the dread washed over me.

"S-sure," I stammered, turning quickly to Mia and sending her a panicked look. She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze but it was futile, I knew what was about to come.

Look at that, we didn't even last two days. How fucking fantastic this all was.

Then I desperately searched for Leon. When he caught my eyes, his eyebrows were knitted together and the defeat was written all over his features.

Did he try to talk Pat out of it?

Either way, I still had to go through with this conversation. Before I stood up, I tilted my head back and downed all the beer in one go. I just hope that the alcohol would give me a tiny bit of courage I needed to face him.

Here was the thing about me, I can fully admit that I was a lightweight. Plus, this wasn't my first cup since I already drank a few ones before to calm my nerves due to this whole Pat situation.

So when I stood up too quickly for my own good, I had to freeze a moment because I felt like I was going to fall back down again.

Okay, let's do this.

"Let's go outside," he suggested, placing a gentle hand on my back to lead me to the backyard.

Great, outside. I love that this whole time travel thing went into a complete circle and I was back outside with Pat, ready to hear the words that will break whatever relationship we had.

Absolutely great.

We found a place away from the crowds, but not too far from the house itself. He first made sure that nobody was within earshot and even though I knew what was coming next was going to hurt like hell, I still appreciated these little things that he did.

At least it wasn't a dump and go kind of situation.

He scratched the back of his head, doing the same old thing of opening his mouth and closing it again before the words could even come out.

"For the love of all things good in the world, just say it!" I unintentionally yelled at him because I was starting to get impatient. We have been doing this ridiculous dance the whole night and I was frankly tired of it.

Wow, I was right that the alcohol was going to let me be brave.

I didn't even look apologetic when I raised my voice. He, on the other hand, was shocked at my outburst.

"What?"

I stomped my feet and kept on this annoyed pretense, "Just say it!"

If I didn't act angry, I was going to cry. I felt my chest tightening and I could already feel the tears forming in my eyes. It was better to put on an act instead breaking down before he could even tell me his thoughts.

Let's just get this over with.

He took a deep breath, daring himself to look me in the eyes and say the same words he spouted out on that fateful day on the field. On the day before this whole time travel hocus pocus started.

"I'm sorry."

And there we go.

In all fairness, I was sorry too for thinking that we actually had a chance. I was sorry for going through all the trouble of playing hard to get and still letting him in anyways. I was sorry for giving him my heart again.

But I wanted to thank him for making me understand that no matter what timeline, we weren't meant to be. There wasn't a future where we had a happily ever after, where we could make it work despite the odds.

And I could never blame him for that. We can never choose who we fall in love with – trust me, I've tried.

"See?" I said but instead of sounding angry again, it came out as a sob, "That's wasn't so hard, was it?"

"Avery..." he trailed off, lifting a hand to reach for me. However, he stopped midway because maybe he thought that the wiser choice was not to touch me. So he slowly lowered it back down to his side while I slowly crumpled into a mess in front of him.

I wasn't going to beg. That was a different kind of low, even for what I've been through.

You know when I asked how many disasters can you cram in one week? Let me rephrase that – how many disasters can you cram in one night?

"Excuse me," I told him, turning on my heel and sprinting away. He didn't chase me and that was perhaps the best choice he has ever made because one look at his face and I wouldn't be able to walk anymore.

The moment I got into the house, a hand grabbed me by the shoulder and just from the warmth radiating from it, I knew it was Leon, "Avery!"

I wonder what kind of lifetime was waiting for me if I didn't let Pat invade me thoughts again. Then it made me think if there was a lifetime where Leon was waiting for me and I would happily be with him. Although, I didn't want to think that way because even I knew that Leon deserved far better than what I could ever offer him.

One of his hands was holding a beer and I knew what I was going to do was rude, but my thought process wasn't in its best. So I grabbed it and drank all of its contents in one go. At this point, I was full on crying and the embarrassment I felt couldn't be even put into words, "I want to be alone, even if it's just now."

I just had to get away. Anywhere else but here would be better.

He understood, because that was the kind of guy Leon was. He respected my boundaries while making sure I knew that he was there for me.

Thus, he let me go and took the cup from me. I, however, was already dizzy from the accumulation of all the alcohol I had drank throughout the night and the one I stole from Leon was just the right amount to push me over the edge.

I shoved myself past the crowds of people, earning a few annoyed protests but I didn't care.

I reached over to what I knew was a door leading to the bathroom and swung it open.

And then I saw him, the one that visited my nightmares.

He just finished pushing down the flush of the toilet and when he saw me, a sickening grin overcame his features. It made me want to throw up while my mind was screaming at me to run.

But I just froze. I felt my whole body shutting down at the sight of him.

He reached forward and grabbed my arm, pulling me into the room and locking the door behind him.

I knew it was good to yell, scream, thrash, anything!

But when he started running his cold hands on my body, my whole system felt like it stopped operating properly. The full trauma was taking over its place and my heartbeat started to rise in extreme panic.

I closed my eyes and desperately tried to remember how I got out of this situation the first time.

"It's a good thing Sasha asked Pat where you were," Mia told me, swiping away the stray piece of hair falling on my face, "We searched the second floor and he covered the first."

"God, I owe you everything!" I said to Sasha.

She sat on the bed next to me and gave me a one-armed hug, "Well, it wasn't like I was talking to anybody else."

My blood ran cold at the memory. Sasha was the trigger, that was how they found me. Mia probably thought that I was in here crying my eyes out and Leon probably informed her that I wanted to be alone. Pat for sure wasn't looking for me.

Sasha was talking to that boy we encouraged her to.

I felt like my brain finally stopped working when his hands kept going. My consciousness finally gave out when I knew that nobody was going to come bursting through those doors to save me.

And I had no choice because my body was frozen stiff. Everything went black and the nightmare continued.

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