32

Chapter Song: The District- Obadiah Parker

I furiously walked towards him. The sight I saw alone was revolting not including the past conversation I just had.

Across from me was Noelle batting her stupid eyes at my boyfriend. Well technically he never asked, but he still was my boyfriend. At least I thought he was.

I watched them as she forced a laugh and placed her hand on his arm flirtatiously. He didn't seem that into it thank god. He seemed more annoyed that she was there. I could tell he was just trying to be polite about it. I almost started laughing at the whole thing, it was ridiculous.

Finally when our eyes did meet his eyes grew wide. I think he sensed my anger because his eyebrows began to rise too. I stood there just looking at him never feeling so humiliated. I could tell Noelle was smirking standing there as if I caught the two of them, but little did she know.

"Is it true?" I whispered through gritted teeth biting back tears finally within distance of him. I met his eyes and suddenly knew there wasn't going to be an actual answer.

I felt so fucking sick to my stomach.

I didn't have to wait for one. I could see it written on his face. The way his shoulders sunk at the last of my words. Even how his barely open mouth twitched at what he wanted to say. Almost as if he was trying to form the words but his body wasn't comprehending what his brain was telling him. Maybe he was in shock that I actually found out.

It was as if the concern or happiness or any other emotion he felt completely drained from his face. The only expression I saw was panic. I had caught him in the wrong, but it wasn't with Noelle. At this point maybe that situation would have been better to face.

"Good luck with him. I hope round two really works out for you guys," I nodded towards Noelle before turning my back on them.

"Parker I-" he reached out as I stepped away.

"Don't!" I shrieked throwing my hand up to stop him.

The touch would have been poisonous for all I cared. I walked past him towards the nearest trash can.

You know when you hear something and you get butterflies in your stomach but not the good ones? Well, there were thousands of them rumbling my stomach. I was beginning to think I was actually going to be sick. It was a gut-wrenching stab in my abdomen except there was no knife. Just heartache.

I stumbled over towards the trash can wishing I could just kick it and all these feelings away. Or at least puke the feelings out of me as I trembled to grip the trash can. I started to dry heave but didn't have anything to throw up except a few bites of the pretzel. I wished I could just thrown up, it would be better than this. I forced my eyes shut feeling the tears between my lashes.

I felt so used. So vulnerable. How could someone do something like this to a person? It was fucking disgusting. I shuttered at the thought.

I think that talking to my mother was better than this. I would prefer talking to her over feeling like this. I started to chuckle as I leaned over the trash can waiting for the next round. This was seriously some sick twisted shit.

I heard his footsteps but I didn't feel like turning around. Instead, I gripped the trashcan harder and harder until my knuckles were white.

"Kennedy just please let me explain," I heard the pain in his voice begging me.

I turned to face him. I stared at him with stone-cold eyes. I could not break. Not here. I heard Riley call my name, but I ignored her. I didn't know what to say to him or what excuse he was going to give me.

Did I even care at this point?

He sighed contemplating on what to say first. Instead I decided to be the first one to break the silence.

"Congratulations McCormick." I muttered walking past him brushing him with my shoulder.

He never called out for me. No one did. I knew their eyes were watching me as I walked away. I pushed myself to walk towards my car without losing it. While I walked towards the parking lot there were random passersby that tried to wave hi or call me to join them but I ignored them all. For once I wish nobody noticed me.

As soon as I started up the Jeep I completely lost it. I couldn't hold it in no matter how hard I tried. I let the tears fall down my face and shortly they turned to uncontrollable sobs.

I tried to wipe away the tears as I gasped for air but they kept coming. I kept slamming my fists against the steering wheel to feel any sort of pain, but nothing amounted to this.

I just didn't understand. That wasn't the Cal I knew. Why would he spend all these past months with me just to win a dare?

But then again he died his hair blonde the entire seventh-grade year for the dare and even painted his nails. In eighth grade, he spoke only in a British accent and actually became quite good at it. He always committed to every dare. The more I thought about it the more confused I became. I let my head rest against the steering wheel in defeat.

I rose my head suddenly feeling very exposed. I had shared everything with him, even things I've never told anyone. Would he really share my secrets or the moments we've shared with anyone?

My heart began to ache for everything I shared with him. For the Callum I knew, or who I thought he was. I tried to shake off the sickening feeling as I wiped away some tears. I tried to convince myself that no matter who he was there was still some part of him that was real in all of this. That he could be a good guy.

Somehow I made it home. I didn't remember the drive so I could have hit a car or something. Hopefully not. Most of my tears started to dry up. I noticed a light on in the house hopefully dad just left it on for us. I couldn't go in there like this even if I wanted to.

I got out of my Jeep and noticed my yard filled with something. I walked closer to it and when I saw it I sank to the grass on my knees and my heart went with it.

Spelled out in different color rose petals was the word PROM surrounded by other petals and roses. The weight of the world landed on my shoulders and I let it push me deeper into the soil staining my knees.

Letting out a low breath I forced myself up and began to kick at the petaled words harder and harder with each kick. I plucked the roses from the stems and grunted as I snapped each of them. I tried to throw them as far away from our yard as possible. They were poison to me. I needed them gone not caring that the thorns were pricking my palms.

There was too many of them drowning me with fake happiness and memories that shouldn't have existed. The more I thought about them the more I lashed out. Each move becoming more wild and sharp. The thorns pricked at me biting me reminding me that I was still human, and that we were made to be broken.

Arms wrapped around my shoulders gripping me tight to where I was unable to move. For once I decided not to fight it. As much as my inside was thrashing and biting at the arms, the outside of me went limp.

I let them pull me to the ground continuing to hold me. The tears came falling again. Hot wet tears trickling down my cheeks dripping onto the dewy grass, taping on remnants below.

"Kennedy calm down," it was Liam. Thank god for Liam.

He held me and began to rock me back and forth. Relief filled my veins slowly calming me down. The tears began again turning into sobs on his chest while I wiped my bloody hands against my shorts.

We sat there for what seemed like hours. We sat in silence until my sobs became sniffles. I finally felt him loosen his grip around me, but he didn't move and neither did I. The pain didn't stop. It transformed into an ache always lingering waiting to strike again.

"I was just a fucking game Liam," I whispered into his chest."Did you know tell me the truth?" I asked a little louder.

"Kind of sorta," he winced.

"What do you mean kinda sorta?" I sniffled. I pushed him away hard. I couldn't look at him anymore. I wanted to yell so badly, but I was too tired.

"Don't be mad."

"It's a little late for that don't you think?" I let out a snort.

He sighed and rolled his eyes but explained to me anyways. "Okay so I knew that was his dare which was why I was against it," he said slowly. I could feel my eyes getting bigger.

"And you never told me." I breathed. My insides were screaming bloody murder.

"Anyways that was one of the reasons I was against it, because I knew. He always said he was going to be straight up with you and tell you. When you guys were avoiding each other I thought you found out. Then when state happened I thought you forgave him or something," he shrugged.

He was unsure how to talk about this whole situation. Which I understood it was a messy one indeed.

"Wait why didn't you just ask me then if that's what you thought? It would have saved us a lot more trouble than all of this." I clasped my hands together.

"I don't know Ken," he groaned. "I guess I just didn't want you to think I was picking on you or trying to embarrass you. I just wanted to stay out of it," he winced.

"I wish you would have." I whispered leaning against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I didn't," he leaned against me. "I'm sorry I didn't ask you about it".

"So does this mean that everyone knows?" I asked. That would be mortifying.

"I don't think anyone knew." He pulled me up to look into his eyes. He was telling the truth.

"Tyler. Did he gave him the dare?" I snarled finally recognizing how angry I was about all of this. I clenched my fists and released them. I kept repeating the gesture hoping to distract me.

"Did-" he paused. I could tell the gears were shifting in his brain, "did you do that to Tyler?"

I started to laugh. At first it was a simple giggle than it turned hysterically loud and tears streamed down my face again. This whole thing seemed hysterical now. Cal actually being interested in me. Confessing his feelings for me. I ran onto the lacrosse field and made out with him in front of tons of people. Noelle trying to shag him when we were a thing. I punched Tyler Anderson in the face. It all seemed so funny that it ever happened at all.

"It felt so good." I finally admitted when the laughter died. "Holy shit I punched Tyler," I laughed again.

That broke a smile out of him. I looked at him wanting to say more but noticed his lip was split. When did that happen? I reached up to wipe some of the blood off of it and onto his shirt.

"What happened?" I said alarmed.

He looked away, "someone had to stand up for you."

"Y-you-" I stuttered, "did you punch Tyler too?"

He shook his head. Immediately I threw myself into him to hug him so tight I thought I'd never let go. If he didn't punch Tyler, that meant it had to be someone else. He had to have gotten into it with Cal. His best friend, for me. I really did have the best brother.

"Thank you" I whispered then added "can we not tell dad?"

"No problem" he smiled hugging me back.

We sat there for a while staring at the house across the street. I'm not sure if we were waiting for the truck to drive in or to see who's going to speak next. For a moment we just let the night linger on between us like we used to do when we were kids.

Sometimes we would sit on the porch together after she left us. Maybe we were waiting for her to come driving back with a trunk full of groceries but neither one of us admitted to that dream. Instead we would sit on the front steps without saying a word until one of us fell asleep or our dad would drag us back in. I missed those days.

I started to word-vomit everything that happened today including seeing her and walking away from everything. He never said anything throughout the story, he just let me talk. That's what I loved best about Liam he always listened to the full story.

"Do you ever wonder what it would be like if mom stayed?" Liam asked.

"No. Does that make me a bad person?" I turned towards him.

"No she's the one that left. Sometimes I just wonder..." He sighed picking at lint on his jeans.

"We wouldn't have Livi," I pointed out.

He gave a small smile, "yeah I couldn't live without her even if she is a mess." He laughed.

"Me either," I joined in.

More silence.

"Liam?"

"Yeah?"

"What am I going to do? You know, about Cal. How am I going to walk into school and act like everything is fine because it's not. I'm not," I finally admitted out loud. It felt kind of good.

"You're going to do what you always do Ken you keep going. Look, all I'm saying is what he did was wrong but I saw the way he looked at you and it was genuine." He paused. "But you don't have to forgive him either it's your choice there's no right or wrong answer."

"When did you become so wise?" I joked poking at him.

"It's a gift," he pretended to toss his hair over his shoulder.

I sighed suddenly nervous to go inside. I also thought I saw headlights coming down the street.

I quickly got up grabbing Liam's hand and raced towards the door. The thought of running into Cal after the whole mess of a night and me ruining the promposal was unbearable.

I turned towards Liam as I gripped the door handle. I couldn't face him after tonight, but I didn't want to go inside. I had to make a choice and fast.

"I'm still mad at you."

He laughed a little but he pushed the door open shoving me inside making the decision for me.

As we stepped inside my whole body suddenly filled with warmth. I looked around and to see the whole family was there watching us but not saying a word. My dad had to know something was up. I took a few deep breaths trying to focus on anything.

"I quit swim today," I blurted.