November

Chapter Song: Circles- Post Malone

The past few weeks I strategically avoided Cal. When he would come over, I would go for a run, go over to Riley's, or stay in my room. In school, I would walk a different route to classes, or sit in the front row so I didn't have to look at him. I would do whatever it took to avoid him. Mainly it was because I still wasn't over that stupid kiss.

Even now, thinking about it sent electrical currents throughout my entire body. There was something about it. It was soft and passionate but also hungry. It was like the last time he would ever get to kiss anyone.

Maybe it was he needed to get it off his chest. Poor out all his feelings he thought he had and once he kissed me it disappeared. I hoped that it was the case. It would make everything much more simple. Then I could just get over the idea of us ever having feelings for each other.

I took another big bite from my bowl of Lucky Charms I was eating as I paced back and forth. More than anything I wanted these feelings to go away. They just couldn't exist. I took another bite and chewed carefully thinking about how I could make these feelings go away.

I could find another guy to date. I wasn't even dating Cal, but maybe dating someone else would help get everyone off our backs. Maybe if he got back with Noelle. No, she was a jerk. I opened for another bite.

I just couldn't do it to Liam. No matter how much I wanted to sort out these feelings I had to stop entertaining the thoughts. We only had these feelings because everyone was telling us no. Like he said a few weeks ago about wanting something more because you couldn't have it. That had to be it.

"Hey, Parker come join us!" I heard Cal call from the game room.

"Yeah, you've been avoiding us for weeks what's your deal?" Tyler chimed in. I could see him smile widely from where I was standing in my doorway.

"Rude," Mason commented grinning at me.

I stopped right where I with my mouth full of Lucky Charms and my spoon holding out another bite. I really should have just stayed upstairs in the kitchen.

"Mmm, no thanks," I said between more bites of cereal. The more I ate the less I had to say. So I kept shoveling in spoonfuls of cereal.

"Are you eating my Lucky Charms?" Liam gasped.

"Our," I stated, pointing my spoon at him.

"Oh c'mon join us please KP," Mason begged, giving me the puppy dog eyes. I rolled my eyes when everyone else including Liam joined in. Why did they want my company anyways? I didn't even play video games with them.

"I have to work on my essay for English its due at the end of the month." I groaned. It wasn't a lie. I really was going to work on it tonight.

"Here," Cal said pushing a punch or snacks, wrappers, and wads of paper towels to the other side of the coffee table leaving a large space. "Now you have room to do your homework".

"And you can use my headphones," Liam said. They were tempting.

"But Riley is supposed to come over and watch The Bachelor after our essays," I said taking another mouthful of cereal. It was starting to get soggy which really grossed me out so I had to eat it faster.

"So do your homework with us and then well watch the bachelor with you." Ty shrugged as if they did it all the time. They never offered that. It was sounding really tempting.

"There's no way you guys could make it through the entire episode of The Bachelor," I said bluntly.

I stood corrected.

They sat through not just one episode of the Bachelor, but three. Riley and I vowed to watch it together so we got a little behind since it was nearing towards the end of the semester. Thankfully it was a Sunday and none of us really had anything to do today.

They all kept making comments about how they would have chosen which girl. They would make fun of a few which was actually pretty funny. They gave great commentary throughout the episodes. Except for a few times, they wouldn't shut up and Riley had to throw a few pillows their way.

Cal acted his usual self. It was a little odd. How could he sit there and act like nothing ever happened? The fact that he sat there smiling and joking with everyone else seemed ridiculous to me. But maybe I was just overthinking the situation.

Not in a total heartbreak, I'm going to cry myself to sleep at night ridiculous but just had me feeling a little down. Here I was not being able to get it off my mind, and he was 100% okay. I guess the feelings were one-sided, and I was just making it all up in my head.

"Are you guys really watching the Bachelor?" I heard my dad ask clomping down the stairs to join us in the basement.

"Girls choice," Mason shrugged at him as if there wasn't another option.

"No no no." Riley paused the TV pointing at Mason, "don't try to blame this on us you guys offered."

"What!" Tyler exclaimed followed by everyone else's I would never.

"You guys said you would watch it with us." I joined in shooting fire at Ty with my eyes. The nerve of those guys.

"It was your choice wasn't it Callum," my dad eyed him grinning wildly. My dad was the only person to call Cal by his full name. He never corrected him or said that it bothered him. I kind of liked that he did it.

"You got me," he admitted. "I just really think they have a real shot at love." He tried to sympathize with him by placing a hand over his heart sarcastically.

"They do!" Riley protested. "If you watched it from the beginning you would see why Rachel is perfect for him," she shoved her hands in the TVs direction.

"I think Becca is going to win," Tyler argued.

"Ugh whatever," she threw a pillow at him launching herself back into the couch. I shot my dad a what-can-you-do look.

"Alright just trying to see who's staying for dinner," he sighed looking around. Everyone raised there hands. "Okay see you guys in about an hour or so, its Chinese tonight." He let out a small laugh before making his way upstairs.

"Love you, dad!" I called.

"Love you too Ken!" He called back without another look. Everyone looked at me and rolled there eyes but I just shrugged before turning my attention back to The Bachelor.

After dinner, we were all hanging out around the kitchen talking and having a good time. Liam was doing the dishes while Riley helped put away the leftovers. I was wiping down the counters while the boys were picking up the trash to take out to the dumpster for my dad.

"Hey my mom needed to ask you something about the wedding," Cal came and poked my side. Immediately I jumped back knocking the bottle of multipurpose cleaner over.

"Uh sure okay." I picked it back up and set it in the cabinet.

I slipped on some shoes giving everyone in the kitchen one last look. I mumbled something about being right back, but I didn't think anyone actually heard. I wondered what they would think when they realized we were gone.

We walked across my yard and onto the street in silence. I didn't know what to say or why his mom couldn't actually just call me about whatever the wedding question was.

Cal's older brother Nolan was getting married next month in their backyard. Even though it was a backyard wedding by the sound of it, it was supposed to be very elegant. My family and I were invited because of our close relationship with their family. Although I don't think I met his fiance since they've started dating. I didn't mind though. Nolan was a great guy and there was no way he would marry some awful girl like Noelle.

"Soooo..." Cal said interrupting my thoughts as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants.

"What did your mom need to talk to me about?" I asked staring at his navy blue door a couple of feet ahead.

"Oh she didn't," he stated.

"Wait, what?" I stopped right in the middle of the road.

"You better keep walking before you get hit by a car," he nodded towards the end of the street.

"It's not a busy street no one will hit me." I looked at him.

For a lazy day, he still looked incredibly good. He was wearing joggers that really hugged his butt, a black hoodie, and a black beanie that made his curls stick out underneath. It was really casual but it was my favorite thing I've seen him in. I loved it when he wore beanies.

"C'mon Parker," he huffed wrapping his warm hands around my arm pulling me farther from my house. He sat me down on his front porch steps.

The wood was cold on my legs even through my leggings. Shivering I scooted closer to him without realizing.

"Sooo..." I said sitting up straighter. This was strictly business I told myself.

" I just wanted some alone time with you since clearly, you've been avoiding me." He shivered staring into the empty street. The sun was beginning to set so it cast a violet hue on the street in front of us.

"What I have not!" I opened my mouth further before he quickly interrupted me.

"You have too! Don't try to deny it," he laughed. All I did was sigh because deep down I knew he was right.

"Okay so maybe I have." I admitted looking at a dead leaf by my shoe. I didn't want to look at him afraid that I might get lost in his eyes.

"I knew it!" He gave a playful smile as he nudged me. "Was kissing me really that bad?"

"What?" I choked. Did he really just ask that? I didn't think I could answer that. The kiss was incredible.

"You heard me," he smirked looking down to meet my eyes.

Part of me wanted to melt into a puddle of goo. The other part of me wanted to kiss him again just to see if it felt the same. There was also a small part of me that wanted to run back home to avoid this conversation entirely.

"It wasn't that." I sighed inching closer to him.

"Then what was it?" He murmured into my hair.

"You know what it is." My voice was barely a whisper. "Cal," I paused turning to face him while my eyes focused on his lips just inches from mine."We can't."

"Just one," was all he could say before his lips touched mine.

At first, it was soft and slow. The world seemed to slow down too. Our lips melted together in the winter air. We danced around each other's desires as we tangled ourselves together. Fueled by passion and longing, we both know this couldn't last.

But at that moment nothing else mattered but us. Finally, when we pulled apart resting our heads together breathing heavy. It may have been mid-November getting closer to snowfall, but I was sweating. More than anything I wanted him, but I knew better.

We always wanted what we couldn't have.

"Tell me you didn't feel anything," he pleaded. It was as if he was begging not to feel anything. How could I not feel anything towards him?

"Truth or Lie," I whispered afraid to open my eyes.

"We can't," his voice was strained.

"I know." I finally opened my eyes placing my hand lightly against his cheek. He leaned into it making this so much harder. He looked into my eyes and I saw the pain swirling around like the milky way.

"Where does this leave us," he sighed a little frustrated.

I got it. We both knew there was something there between us, but we couldn't really act on it. Could we? I had to choose my brother over him, and that was his best friend. I hated this. Every bit of it. I continued to stare at the ground tapping my feet against the concrete unsure of what else to say.

"I think I should go," I whispered after about ten minutes of silence. Sitting here next to him was great and all even with the silence. But there was no point to sit and torture ourselves.

I got up slowly without saying another word. I waited for him to say something, anything. I took a few steps forward each growing heavier than the one before. I continued to wait.

Nothing.

I kept putting one foot in front of the other hoping.

"We can't keep torturing ourselves," I finally turned to face him. "We can't keep doing this hot and cold thing. It's confusing and frustrating." It was hard to say but it needed to be done.

He was clenching his jaw together for reasons unknown. His eyes met mine and never left. He didn't move or try to argue. I think he knew too.

I turned around clenching my own jaw when he called out "Parker!"

"Yeah," I called back.

"I didn't feel anything. Lie." He smirked but it looked painful.

"Yeah," I mumbled. "Me too."