Chapter 25

Carter's arms had dropped to his sides and as he stared, wide-eyed, at the shocked faces of his friends. Paxton's arm was draped over Chris' shoulders and he looked pale because of the amount of apparent spiked punch he had drunk. A brief glance was exchanged between Carter and Josh and he could see he panic in the blond's eyes.

When Carter looked back at Chris and Paxton, he saw Paxton suddenly leaning forward, letting out a sound of disgust before liquid fell out of his mouth and splashed onto the flooring. Chris flinched a bit to avoid getting Paxton's vomit on his shoes but kept holding onto him.

"Come on," Josh said before he grabbed Carter by his wrist and pulled him along. No word was spoken as he was being pulled along until they rushed out of the gym and through the hallway.

"Where are we going?" Carter eventually asked as they rushed through the school building.

"Out."

Carter couldn't stop thinking about the faces of Chris and Paxton, and knew that now they've witnessed them kissing, the secret was out. They now knew that him and Josh were gay, and in love with each other. He wasn't entirely sure what to think of the situation. He had wanted to tell them eventually, after all. But now that they found out like this, he also felt a sudden fear. He was afraid, so very afraid. Would they disapprove of them? Would they stop being friends with them? Would they tell everyone they know, and call them "fags" from now on?

When they were outside, Josh let go of Carter's wrist and Carter now only noticed how much he was panting. He knew a lot must be going through his mind at the moment, knowing how afraid he was of their secret coming out. Carter himself didn't care all that much about it. He simply didn't understand what was so bad about being gay, and why people should treat you differently because of it, but Josh didn't think the same way. Josh appeared to know exactly why gays were rejected within society, and how people would treat you upon coming out. Especially in a small town like this.

"Shit..." Josh cursed. "Shit shit shit shit!" He leaned against the outer wall of the school building as he caught his breath, and Carter could sense how tense he was. Almost as if he was close to panicking.

"Josh, calm down," Carter said, trying to comfort him. Though he knew his efforts for comfort were probably in vain.

"No I won't calm down!" Josh said, confirming Carter's assumptions. "They saw us... They stood there and saw us and..." The blond couldn't form sentences out of panic, it appeared, and Carter took a step closer to him.

"Josh, listen to me," he said. "Calm down. We will talk about it with Chris and Pax, alright? Sooner or later, they would have found out anyway, and there's no changing it now. If they really are our friends, they'll let us be whoever we want to be. And if they don't approve of it, well, then it's best to not be friends anymore. I refuse to be friends with anyone who lets sexuality determine the value of our friendship."

Blue eyes flickered up to meet with Carter's but Josh still hung his head, letting out an audible sigh. "I know but... I just wasn't ready yet, alright? Of course I knew they'd find out eventually, but not so soon. I wished I had some more time to prepare myself for the confrontation that is to come." Josh bit his lip and turned back to the wall. "I don't know where to go from here. I don't want them telling anyone, but for all we know, they could be telling the entire school about it right now."

Carter wanted to say something upon hearing his remark but he stopped himself from talking when someone came rushing out of the building. A girl. She turned towards the two boys and stared at them for a brief moment before she approached them. It was then that Carter could see that the girl was Alyssa.

He knew that Josh saw her as well upon hearing his soft curse under his breath. Carter wondered if she came looking for them because Chris and Paxton told her about what they saw. Whatever the reason, he knew had a feeling that she knew.

"Did Chris tell you?" Josh spoke to her when she stood still in front of them. Carter looked back at Alyssa and could read from her face that she was hurt, yet at the same time, she looked angry.

"Chris didn't tell me anything," she said, which surprised both Carter and Josh.

Josh looked up and his eyes met with Alyssa's. "...Then what are you doing here?"

Alyssa turned to Carter before speaking. "Carter," she said, "could you give us a moment alone?"

Carter exchanged a quick glance with Josh before he looked back at Alyssa and nodded. He walked away from the two, towards the backside of the school building, which was a few feet away. He knew he should let them be in private, and to not eavesdrop them out of respect, but he couldn't help but let his curiosity get the better of him. When walked around the corner, he leaned against the outer wall, standing still and hoping to not get caught standing there. This wasn't something he'd normally do, but he was tired of all the secrecy and not knowing what exactly was going on now that he finally got a grip on the truth.

"What do you want to talk about?" Josh's voice was heard first. Carter could hear that he was a bit nervous.

A silence followed, and Carter wondered what Alyssa wanted to say that took her so long to put into words.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she then spoke.

"So Chris did tell you," Josh said.

"Chris didn't tell me anything!" Alyssa's voice was loud and angry. "I heard you! You and Carter! In the auditorium, two weeks ago. I didn't want to believe it. In fact, I refused to. But I'm not stupid, Josh. Hearing you two back then... it was enough for me to know what has really been going on."

Carter's eyes had widened when she spoke, thinking back of his conversation with Josh in the auditorium about him taking Alyssa to the prom. She had heard that? This announcement surprised him, if not, shocked him.

"...You heard us?" Josh asked, his voice sounded just as surprised as Carter was feeling. "Well, why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you come out and show yourself?"

"Because I wanted you to be honest with me from yourself, and not because you're forced to tell me because I busted you," Alyssa said, and Carter could hear from her voice that she was on the verge of tears. "Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I'm sorry..." Josh's voice was heard softly. "I wanted to tell you but... I was afraid."

"Oh cut the bullshit, Josh," Alyssa snapped. "I don't care if you're gay. I don't care if anyone's gay. Heck, I've had the feeling that Carter was gay ever since before he moved away!"

Carter's lips parted in surprise. She knew he was gay? Had it been that obvious for so long? He guessed he had always been girly, but he hadn't expected anyone to have suspicions about his true sexuality already since Middle School. He rested his occiput against the wall as he continue listening, the energy this entire evening had drained from him was starting to make his head spin.

"Really, I am okay with you being gay. Congratulations! Good for you! However, what I'm not okay with, is the fact that you used me. You turned me into some sort of beard! I waited for you to come out to me, and be honest with me. But instead, you continued to use me. Do you know how that made me feel?!"

Josh didn't answer, but Carter could only imagine the look on his face right now. He was probably hanging his head, looking down at the grassy earth, with a hand placed on the back of his neck.

"I'm sorry," Josh apologized again. "I'm really sorry."

"Yeah, of course you're sorry," Alyssa said, her tone angry. She exhaled deeply and Carter could hear her walking a bit. "You know, if you had told me, I would have helped you! If you had told me that you have been in love with Carter all this time, I would have rooted for you, and I would have put my feelings for you aside. I really care about you, Josh. I've always considered you to be one of my best friends. But this is not what best friends do to each other. You used me, you used my feelings for you like some sort of mask to hide who you really were. Do you know how much that hurts?"

"I'm sorry, alright? I don't know what else to do or say!"

"There is nothing you can do or say! I just..." A deep sigh was heard and again, a brief moment of silence. "I just wished you had more faith in me as your friend."

Carter tensed his jaw and he stared out at the empty football field, which was dimly lit up by the large sports field lighting.

"Just... Just forget it, alright? Don't touch me, don't look for me, and don't talk to me before I decide to talk to you."

Footsteps were heard, and Carter knew that it was the sound of Alyssa walking away from Josh. Carter pushed off the wall when the footsteps had disappeared and he found Josh standing alone in the small open spot. Even from behind, he looked miserable and sad, as if all energy had been drained from him. Emotionally, it probably had.

Carter walked up to him and stood still once he was next to the blond, looking up at him before he grabbed his hand.

"I fucked up, Carter," Josh spoke, his facial expression almost blank. "I really, really fucked up."

"No you didn't," Carter said. "You made mistakes out of fear, but that doesn't mean that you fucked up." He laced their fingers together and tried to make the blond look at him. He gave a soft sigh and looked up at the large school building before he gave Josh a soft nudge with his elbow. "Come on, let's just get out of here. Stay over at my house tonight, okay? I won't leave you."

Josh's finally locked his eyes with the shorter male's, and he gave a slow nod. "...Alright," he agreed.

They kept holding hands as they walked, and Carter gave one last glance back at the school building, wondering, as well as fearing, of what was to come now that the secret was out.