Chapter 24

Carter had never gone suit shopping before. He had just borrowed a blazer from his father for last year's prom, and wore a white button up shirt with black jeans. Though Chris really wanted to buy a suit and practically begged Carter and Alyssa to come along. Apparently he wanted the opinion of a girl, but didn't want to be the only one trying on suits. And Paxton already had one.

Carter had tried a simple black suit and looked at himself in the mirror after he had tried it on. Fortunately he knew how to tie a tie, despite still struggling with it. From outside his fitting booth, he heard Alyssa giving commentary on the suit Chris had just tried on. He pushed the curtain away and stepped out, giving a look at Chris who was standing next to him, being criticized by Alyssa.

"Carter!" she called out. "That one looks great!"

"You think so?" Carter asked unsurely, gazing down at the suit he was wearing. It did fit well on his body, and he did think he looked classy in it as well.

"How come the first one you try on fits great by I still won't look good after trying on three different ones?" Chris sighed, straightening out his blazer.

"I think you look good in that one," Carter said. "It fits you and you look classy enough. Besides, I think Melanie would like you in everything."

Alyssa let out a soft huff. "But that's boring. You want to impress her, don't you. Even if she'll like you in everything, you still need to look your very best. This will be your first fancy outing with her so you need to dress to impress," he said, waving her hand around a little. "Though I have to admit, this is the best one of all the suits you've fitted on. You should go with this one, unless you think it can get better."

"Honestly, I don't think it can," Chris said as he fiddled with the tie. "I'll just go for this one, then."

Carter couldn't help but smile faintly at Chris, finding the situation to be funny, before he looked at Alyssa. "So, I should just go for this one?" he asked, a bit hesitatingly.

"Yeah, totally! I looks great. It's simple, but classy," Alyssa replied, whipping out her phone. "I really need to leave in a bit, though. I'm going to buy the dress with Sasha."

"Oh, okay," Carter said, nodding his head lightly. "I think I'll hang around with Chris for a bit longer if he wants to. You're welcome to join us when you've bought your dress."

"Thanks, but I'll also be looking for a new lipstick after we bought the dress, so I don't think I'll be able to," Alyssa said, "but thanks."

Carter understood her reason and Alyssa raised from the large, leather chair she was sitting on and swung her bag over her shoulder. He thought back of Sasha, and about how Alyssa had told him she was interested in him, though he still wondered why, exactly. He didn't think there was anything special about him. He walked back into his fitting booth and undid his tie, looking at his reflection in the mirror. Carter was the only one without a date, he now realized. He wasn't entirely sure how to feel about it. He had never cared about things like these; having or not having a date for a dance or prom. Though it appeared to be a big deal for everyone else.

Carter looked himself in his eyes, before giving a soft sigh. He turned around and left the booth again, rushing to the entrance of the store where Alyssa was just leaving through. "Alyssa!" he called out to her. The blonde female turned around and Carter walked up to her. "Could you do something for me?"

+++

Carter could already hear the music coming from the gymnasium as they approached the entrance from the hallway. He had probably spent way too much time on his hair, trying to keep it in place -in vain- before he decided that it looked good enough. He walked over the hallway, following the lead of a few students in front of him who are also arriving just now, with an arm hooked around his. When the door was pushed open, the loud music really filled his ears immediately and he had to say he was impressed by the decorations of the dance. There was a big christmas tree against the wall, and more Christmas decorations all around the gym. The area looked a lot smaller like this, but still quite big.

Carter turned to the person next to him and gave a small smile. "Looks nice, right?"

Sasha nodded her head and returned the smile. "It does. The party-committee always does an amazing job," she said.

Carter looked around a bit, but couldn't spot any of his friends just yet. They were a little late, so he figured they had already arrived. But he wasn't exactly tall and there were a lot of people crowding up in the center of the dancefloor. He tried to see if maybe he could see Paxton dancing somewhere between the crowd, since he was very tall and easy to spot, but he couldn't find him.

"You look nice, by the way," Carter heard Sasha say, and he turned to her, seeing her smile up at him. Sasha was a rather short girl, though she wasn't that much shorter than him. But then again, he was a bit short himself as well.

"Thanks," he said, offering her a smile in return. "You look nice as well." Even if he wasn't attracted to girls, he could admit that Sasha looked good. Her blonde hair fell in loose curls over her shoulders, and she wore a dark green, long dress with a strap over just one shoulder. Carter almost felt a bit downgraded with such a pretty girl next to him, while he himself was just a skinny, short guy with a girly face.

"Carter!" A voice was then heard. Carter looked up before he saw Chris waving at him, standing near the the punch bowl and food table together with Josh, Alyssa and Melanie. Carter made his way to them with Sasha by his side, glad to have found them already. He couldn't even begin to imagine how awkward it would have been to be alone with Sasha for a long time. He had no idea how to behave during a date with someone, let alone on a date with a pretty girl he wasn't even attracted to, while she apparently was attracted to him. The painful silences would've been agonizing.

Carter's eyes flickered up to meet with Josh's when they joined the circle. This was the first time seeing him in a suit, and he couldn't help but think he looked so very handsome. His lips formed a small, but sad smile as their eyes met. The smile was for how good he looked, but the sadness showed through upon seeing Alyssa's arm hooked with Josh's.

Chris, on the other hand, was holding hands with Melanie and only appeared to have eyes for her. It made Carter happy to see the two of them together. They made a lovely couple and were both amazing people.

"Sasha you look great!" Melanie said, reaching out to touch the skirt of her dress. "I love the color."

"Thanks, I bought this together with Alysa. You look great as well," Sasha smiled and leaned against Carter a bit.

They all almost seemed like the perfect group of friends. All the boys and girls being each other's dates. Though the truth was far from that perfect image. Just one real couple and the other two boys were gay and in love with each other. Oh, the irony.

"I really wonder if anyone's going to attempt to spike the punch," Chris commented, giving a glance at the bowl.

"They'd be dead before they even tried. The principal made sure to have almost every single teacher at watch," Alyssa said, glancing around a little. "Anyone who tries is sure to get suspended.

"And that is exactly what gives them the thrill," Josh said, shrugging a little. Carter knew he was right, most students would attempt to spike the punch simply because for the feeling of not having been caught doing it. He could imagine that a thrill like that could be additive.

The evening went by smoothly. Even though Carter had never been much for dancing, he went along with his friends anyway. He wanted to have a good time, despite feeling bitter over Josh and Alyssa. He figured he should at least try to be a good date for Sasha. Which was proving to be a challenge when a slow song came up.

Couples immediately started to slow dance together, and the obvious poor souls that didn't have a date, retreated from the dance floor to get some of the most likely spiked punch. His eyes were quick to travel to Josh and Alyssa. Her arms were already around his neck and Josh placed his hands on her waist. Carter thought back of all the other times he had seen them being intimate and it pained him again. He have a glance at Sasha who was smiling up at him hopefully. He knew he'd have to slow dance with her as well now and he, hesitatingly, placed his hands on the fabric of the dress that covered her waist. Sasha was a nice and pretty girl, and it wasn't that he didn't like her, but he really did not want to do this with her. He told himself to man up in his mind and just go with it. It was his own stupid last minute decision to have Alyssa ask her if she wanted to be his date to the dance, so now he'd just have to bear with it. He now also owed her a nice evening so he could at least try to be a good date.

Sasha's hands found their way to Carters neck and she smiled up at him with a shy one. Carter wanted to smile back at her but it turned into an awkward one as they slowly started to sway to the music. It was then that he saw Paxton standing at the punchbowl, all by himself. He looked grumpy and disappointed, and Carter could immediately tell that his date must have bailed on him.

Carter looked back at Sasha and gave her a small, awkward smile again, just continuing to sway along to the music. When he looked up, though, he saw Josh doing the same movements with Alyssa and his eyes eventually also flickered up to meet Carter's.

Carter wanted to be in Alyssa's place. He didn't want her touching him like that but he knew that it had to be this way; they had to hide who they were and were therefore separated from each other. He wondered how it ever could be possible or Josh to be so close, yet so far away. His blue eyes stayed focussed on him, and even though they were holding onto different people, just for a moment, it felt like Carter was dancing with him, and that there was no-one else between them. Though reality was quick to come to surface again, and they weren't alone. They were at a dance, surrounded by people who would most likely all reject them if they showed their true selves. For Carter, knowing this was heartbreaking.

His eyes left Josh, and he looked back at Sasha, who appeared to be staring at his shoulder. Her eyes then traveled up before they settled on Carter's and he could see the faint blush dusting her cheeks.

"Kiss me," she spoke softly.

Carter's eyebrows twitched a bit at the sudden demand and he felt his heart starting to pound. "W-What?" he stuttered. "Kiss you?"

"Yes," Sasha said. "You can kiss me. I want you to."

Carter knew that this was every boy's dream; having a pretty girl asking them to kiss her, and if he was attracted to her, he probably would have done it without hesitation. But he wasn't, and there was definitely a lot of hesitation. He had never been asked to be kissed before, nor did he ever expect it to happen. And now that it had happened, he had no idea what to do.

When Sasha closed her eyes and started to lean in, Carter started to panic a bit and pushed her away.

"Sasha, I-" he stepped away and gave a deep sigh. "I can't, I'm sorry." Carter looked at the girl and he could see that he had hurt her feelings. She gave him a sad look before she walked away from him and left him behind. Carter wanted to come after her and explain to her that he thought she was a really nice girl, but that he didn't like her in that way. Though he knew that no matter what he said, it wouldn't improve the situation at all.

Cursing at himself, he walked away from the dance floor as well, wanting to be alone for a moment. The music was too loud, the air was too stuffy and the place was too crowded. Maybe he shouldn't have asked Sasha to be his date, maybe he should've stayed home since parties like these were not his thing. He looked around once he was away from the dancing crowd, and his eye fell upon the large, black curtains which were hiding the storage area of the gym. He walked up to it and pushed the curtains away before letting them fall back, making him gain entrance to the area. Even though it didn't conceal much, the music was a bit softer here and he immediately felt better being alone.

He leaned against the wall and stared up up at the ceiling. Why did everything have to be so hard? He didn't know. He thought love was supposed to make you feel happy, but it only made him feel hurt and disconcerting. He felt like love only made him suffer. He let out an audible sigh and ran a hand through his hair, not caring if he was messing it up after having spent so much time to make it stay in place.

It was then that he saw the curtain being moved and someone also stepped into the secluded area. Carter looked up and his eyes widened just slightly in surprise of seeing Josh.

"Josh...?" he breathed out, looking at him.

"Hey," Josh said, walking up to him. "I saw what happened with you and Sasha."

"Oh." Carter wasn't exactly sure what to think of it. It must've been painful to watch and it was just incredibly embarrassing and awkward altogether.

"She tried to kiss you, right?" Josh asked after a moment of silence.

"Yeah," Carter answered. "Well, first she told me to kiss her, but then she leaned in to do it herself. I kind of panicked."

Josh let out a soft snort and Carter narrowed his eyes at him as he looked up. "Sorry," the blonde said, clearing his throat. "But yeah... After I saw it happen, I left Alyssa as well. It was... strange to watch. I've never seen a girl hitting on you like that," he spoke. "It didn't feel nice, honestly."

Carter looked away, chewing the inside of his cheek. "Yeah, well, I had to watch you and Alyssa actually kissing each other, remember? You can try to imagine how that must've felt."

Josh went silent and Carter could feel his eyes piercing right through him. He knew he was being a little hurtful at the moment, but he had to let that out. Because he wasn't lying when he said that it hurt. It really did hurt. Seeing him and Alyssa together was one of the hardest things he had to see after having seen Josh running after the car the day that he moved away.

"Honestly," Josh then spoke, "Each time I was kissing her, I tried to convince myself into thinking that I was kissing you." Josh's words had Carter gazing up at him again. "Though when I really kissed you, I knew that all those times with Alyssa couldn't even compare." The blond looked down at his shoes and Carter noticed how tense he looked. "...I don't want anyone kissing you, Carter. I don't want anyone kissing you but me. I know that what I'm saying isn't fair, since I've had to let you see me doing that exact thing with Alyssa, but it also hurt me when I did it. It hurt, having to kiss someone else when the one I actually wanted kiss was right there, watching me."

Carter hadn't thought about the possibility that he wasn't the only one hurting when Josh was with Alyssa. Knowing that now, he felt selfish and he bit his lip.

"Well, don't worry about me kissing anyone else," Carter said softly. "You're the only one I want."

Carter's eyes traveled back up and they locked with Josh's gaze. His usual light blue eyes now had a much deeper color, and he felt himself getting pulled closer to him the more he stared.

Josh leaned in and brought their mouths together, kissing Carter after his eyelids shut. Carter's hands went up to Josh's neck and he felt the other's arms wrapping around the small of his back. He  opened his mouth to give Josh's tongue access and his hand stroke through the shorter strands of hair that reached his neck. There was something about kissing Josh that sent warmth throughout his entire body, warming him up from both the inside and outside. The feeling of when they first kissed after five years in Josh's boat came back to him and his body almost automatically pressed up against Josh's. Carter felt his back being pressed against the wall and the kiss got deeper, feeling himself fall into a flustered daze while his lips and tongue moved against Josh's.

"Dude, I told you the punch was spiked! Come on, the teachers can't see you like this-"

Carter got shot out of his daze upon hearing the male voice and the kiss broke. When he looked into the direction the voice came from, he looked right into the shocked, wide eyes of Chris and Paxton.