chapter 25

Angel’s POVFinally it stopped, the slideshow that someone had played in the background for me intentionally had stopped. I didn’t know how I had stopped myself from crying on the stage. I sighed and turned around and ran to the back stage.I was the last one to walk on the ramp. So no one was there except the emcee. But she had to handle the audience and the show behind me.I continued running to the green room. With mu luck there was no one again. I didn’t wanted to talk or meet with anyone. My mind only kept replaying the scenes from the show and the reality that had happened, the harassment, everything. I quickly change the dress and get to my car before anyone could get hold of me.I open the car and sit and I drive. It was very late and I had taken a longer route to my house. I had switched off my phone. The roads were empty as it was more of an untraveled road. I finally stop under a street lamp. I take few deep breaths and then… I couldn’t hold back and I cry…I cry and cry, for seconds, minutes which seemed liked hours and hours. The whole scenario kept playing again and again. It kept becoming difficult for me to stop it. “AAHHHHHH” I hold my hands near my ears for it to stop, but the voice kept getting louder and louder. I even bang the steering wheel for a few times but it didn’t. Tried pressing the horn continuously so it may stop, but all my efforts went in vain.It’s been so many years. After that incident I had tried to do so many things. I had not just tried losing weight and do workout and other things, but even tried pushing my past away forever as if it never existed.I tried forgetting it. I had to after all after that incident, the way those guys had bullied me, and I couldn’t forget it. Due to that I had lost self-confidence and depression. I started considering myself as a loser and anytime I would see food I would feel like puking because of that incident. It took me more than a year to become fit from being fat, but the mental trauma it took me almost 2-3 years to forget it.The day Viki had just mentioned I had felt goosebumps. It made me feel like a loser again, and now I finally became a loser today…People might be different today but the humiliation, the pain, the hurt what I felt today is similar to that day and not just of that day but in a whole what I had been going through.I still remember the day when I used to work out for 6 hours and once due to all the stress I ended up being admitted in the hospital as I had felt sick, dull and weak.I’m glad that my friends were there with me for the whole time.Zach, Lucas, Mia and Leo weren’t there at that time.All this controlled me for so long and it still controls me.It had been a while since I had stopped at the road. I had to buck myself up and get home before my parents worry more.So I wipe of the tears and start the car, the window was half open so while I was driving, the cool breeze kept hitting my teary wet cheeks. It gave me a bit of calmness.I finally had reached my house and it was very late. I park my car and open the door to see Sarah waiting for me and walking up and down. I look at her and she looks back.“Sis, are you okay? Mommy called asking where are you, please talk to her.” said Sarah.“Sarah, could you please call mommy and tell her that I’m home and I will be in my room.” I say and hug her tightly and then leave for my room.I quickly go and lock my room, change my clothes first and my makeup. It’s so strange that whether you are awake or sleeping, conscious or unconscious your mind is always working.It doesn’t let you to be at peace, it constantly keeps haunting you again and again.I tried and tried doing this and it had worked too. I had controlled myself and my past, but today again it came back like a snap.I had pushed away my past so far in the back of my files of my brain as if it never existed.After changing and everything I was on my bed with the same thoughts.I put my legs up on the bed and head down while hugging me legs and kept crying uncontrollably.Sarah kept coming in and checking in from outside my door. I could hear her call mom and give all details of me crying but because of that I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I didn’t want anyone to be near me, especially Sarah.Sarah was my little princess and a sister I loved to the most but I couldn’t show her my weaker self. She was strong and I knew it unlike me.I couldn’t let my insecurities, pain, hurt, crying or anything affect her. Neither did I want her to feel more painful. I knew she would start crying too if she saw me crying so I couldn’t let that happen. After about half an hour, there was a knock at the door. Before I could tell Sarah to please go back, the voice said, “Dear, please open the door.” “No mom, please let me be alone.” I say“Dear, I promise we won’t talk anything about tonight or anything else but please have dinner. Sarah knows you haven’t had your dinner and she insists on you having it, and you know if you don’t she may start crying. So please for her sake. Please open the door.” My mom says.I then wipe off my tears and take a deep breath. I then get up from my bed and open the door.I see my mom and Sarah smiling at me for finally opening the door.They both hug me and I hug them back tightly.They both come in, and we all three sit at the bed and my mom feeds me. With every bite she even tries to explain me and try to calm me down. I hear her. But my mind still kept thinking.Sarah then gets up and kisses my hand and forehead, and says, “Thank you for opening the door and also eating. Take care and if someone bad comes, then you can come and sleep with me.”I smile at her and reply, “Yes my little princess, you too go and sleep its late now. Good night.” I kiss her forehead and caress her.“Goodnight!” she says and leaves.“I see you have switched off your phone.” My mom says.I nod at her and she understood.“Alright! If there is anything, let me know, I will take care of everything, you can trust me. If you want to even talk ever at any time too, feel free to come to me. Please. I would love it. Also if not me if you are comfortable in talking with someone else do it with that person, but do it, that’s more important to me.” She says.I nod at her and understand her. I assure her of it but I’m still very unsure of it.She puts me to bed and covers me with the sheets and was about to switch off the light when her phone rings.“It’s Ryan” my mom looks towards me and says.“Mom not now I don’t wish to talk to anyone at the moment, not even Ryan. Please.” I say.She disconnects it and then kisses my forehead and then says, “Goodnight my dear, take some rest, and we shall talk in the morning.” I smile and say, “Goodnight!”She then leaves and I was again lost in my thoughts. I kept crying and thinking throughout the night even though my mom tried to explain it to me but it didn’t help me.I finally didn’t realize when I drifted off to sleep.The Next morning.I got up a bit late and did the usual chores. I didn’t go out or down, and was still in my thoughts and I still cried.I skipped my lunch too as I wasn’t in the mood for it.Mom and Sarah tried coming in but I didn’t let them this time. I needed time.It was around 5 p.m. I was sitting on my bed, still crying and thinking about what had not just happened in my past but what had happened yesterday too.My phone was still switched off. I knew that everyone would have called and messaged but I wasn’t ready to talk to anyone.You know it’s kinda traumatic not just being and going through hell but even after you’re done with it, you still feel like it’s not done yet as the new way of hell starts.It is as if that if I go back out now someone will again judge me and make fun of me and call me names and I can’t handle it.Everyone were present at the show yesterday, our whole school with their parents and others too. It’s just… it’s just… just… I’m done… I can’t handle any more of this and won’t deal with this. I’m done with this.I then get up from my bed and with my messy hair and wet cheeks, and take an oath loud and clear.“I HEREBY MAKE A DECISION THAT FROM NOW ON I WILL NEVER EVER STEP OUT OF THIS ROOM EVER AGAIN. BE IT ANYTHING HAPPENS.” I say.A small whisper came from other side of the door, “You sure?”I instantly knew who it was.I quickly sit back down and say, “YES RYAN, NOW GO BACK, I’M NOT OPENING THE DOOR. AND STOP LISTENING TO ME”“Your wish is my command.” He replies.“Good now go back” I say.“Open the door Angel” he says“NO, and you just said my wish is your command so why do you want to come in?”“I said your wish is my command for, “Stop listening to me Ryan” and that is what I’m doing.” He replies“No please go away, I don’t want to talk to anyone.” I say again.“Well… you have 2 options, either you open the door, or I break in” he says.“Are you threatening me?” I ask.“No, requesting. Threatening would be to put a cockroach in your room so that you open the door.” He says. Hearing the word cockroach I freak out and jump up from my bed. I sigh thinking Ryan always knows how to handle me. He had been with me them and I’m glad he is with me now.“Fine” I say and walk as slow as possible in a hope he changes his idea but he didn’t.I take few deep breaths and open the door.Our eyes meet, I don’t know there was some strange feeling inside me wanting to hug him tightly. I didn’t wanted anyone to come in or to talk to, but seeing Ryan strangely changed a lot of things.He sees my eyes and says, “Those red eyes have been too red, it’s time for them to be normal forever.” and pulls me by my waist and into his arms and hugs me tightly. That embrace made me weak in a way that I couldn’t hold back myself. I hug him back too and he holds me tightly.Our embrace lasted for few minutes and it felt relaxing.I then pull off and he says, “We need to talk and please follow me and don’t say anything.”I just kept looking at his eyes and he guided the way and I kept following him.He took me to a place behind my house and we sat there and spoke.“Please Angel, see whatever happened, happened. But please don’t sit and cry. It is not going to bring a solution. We can’t see you like this. You have gone through a lot and I wouldn’t want you to do something crazy to yourself because of some idiots like Viki around you.” He saysI say while a tear falls off from one of my eye, “After what Viki did I don’t think I have enough courage to face the school or anyone.”“It’s for the best if I don’t go back. Its best if this remains like that. Its best and a win-win situation for all of us.” I continue.He seems shocked and says, “Win-win? May I know how?”“I stay at home and Viki at school, no one is hurt or troubled that way.” I say.He looks at me disappointedly.“Win – win or lose – lose I don’t know. I know you’re strong and you will come tomorrow to school. I don’t know Viki but I definitely know you. And as far as you being pushed inside by Viki, there are chances that may be the same with Viki too. What she did to you, I did to her with her past. I know it’s wrong but she deserved it and I’m sorry for it” he says in one go.Listening to him I was shocked, Ryan exposed Viki’s secret for me?“Ryan you shouldn’t have done that, it isn’t right. I know Viki and I have differences and TRUST ME I HATE HER, but our feelings our same. I hope she is okay. I really hope she gathers enough courage and I know she will, she has to come to college tomorrow. She may be irritating but she has to its important. Being shamed in front of people isn’t nice and I really hope she comes to school tomorrow.” I say.Ryan chuckles in amusement, “It’s so strange that Viki being your enemy you still wish for her to be well and want her to come to college and face the crazy crowd who may call her names. But for yourself you don’t want to?”“I don’t want anyone to call her names, I know how it feels Ryan, and it’s painful...but…” I say“But that one thing bothers you a lot… you had completely erased that entire piece so you don’t have to deal with it. But you are still dealing with it anyway. Please forgive yourself, and embrace what was in the past. All of it made you who you are, and who you are still evolving.” He said.Those words did make sense, I had pushed my deepest darkest fears and traumas deep underneath me but I still kept dealing with it, now it was time for me to finally accept it.“You know what Ryan, you’re right I was fat, so what, I’m fit now and I like me. I have you guys and my family. I don’t care what others say or do. I will keep making myself better but not because of others but because of me. You know what this things that happened yesterday, it wasn’t Viki’s fault it was mine. I never understood this the previous time. I tried changing myself because of others but not because of myself. But now no more changing myself for others I will change only if I want to.” I say happily and proudly.Ryan then smiles at me and I smile at him, I then hug him and he hugs me back. He strangely smelled good.“I’m crazy because of all this I didn’t eat at all and I’m starving now, let’s go home.” I say.He chuckles and says “I know”I quickly get up and slip and fall backwards and I close my eyes thinking I would fall and hit my head now, but to my surprise I open to see Ryan had held me from behind and I start laughing loudly.He helps me in standing again and then asks, “Why are you laughing suddenly?”“N-Nothing it’s just that I remembered how you had fallen on me when I had come to your house a day before my birthday. Seemed pretty ironic but this seems too cliche but still funny, so just laughing.”He then laughs with me too. To be honest, Ryan always manages to make me smile no matter what. I am lucky to have him as my best-friend. God bless people with such best-friends. I wish he stays happy like this. We both looked at each other and it was silent for few minutes. I felt something strange inside me. I feel sparks inside me when he looks at me in that way. I feel like I am liking the way he looks at me. Why am I feeling this way for Ryan? I cannot understand. I smiled at him and he smiled back. Gosh I am feeling so weird right now. It's like I am getting butterflies when Ryan smiles. Gosh why am I feeling like this????I hugged him and said "Thank you for everything Ryan. God knows what I would do without you."He hugged me back and said "What are best-friends for sweetie? I will always be there for you no matter what." I was feeling strange again. Like, I am liking the way he said that. Why am I feeling like this?“Alright let’s go” said Ryan while he held my hand and then we walk quietly to my house.I was very hungry and wanted to finally eat as I had not had anything since morning and it was 7 now.I rush towards the door and open and, “SURPRISEEEEE” said everyone.Hey guys!!!Hope you liked the chapter. What Angel said is absolutely true, we should never change for others but for ourselves. Let’s see what beholds their future in the coming chapters….Do like, share and comment my lovelies….