Chapter 9

Zithanial and I sat for hours talking, well me writing and him talking. At first we talked about what had happened when he was absent. When I wrote about the somewhat, graphic violence, that had happened, couple times Zithanial was going to Wolf out on me. I, gingerly, laid a hand on his shoulder or arm whenever I though he was going to Change. It calmed him down but it took awhile, I know that if I did something a bit for bolder to calm him down, it would have worked faster; but I am not ready for that. After talking about that happened, we talked about what he has done at Alpha Camp. It took awhile and a lot of paper to persuade him, but eventually I did. When I got Zithanial talking about Alpha Camp, he couldn't stop.

It is hard to not have anyone to talk to about these kinds of things, I should know.

Zithanial talked about the Alpha’s and Trainers he met, what he learnt, and what he now valued most. That is were we are up to now.

“I learnt so many thing, but my favourite lessons were when we would learn about Mates.” Zithanial grins at me.

I feel a smile come to my face. Mates. I look down with a blush on my cheeks, I still can’t believe that we are Mates.

But what if— NO, none of that. Must go back to listening to my Mate!

“Some of the Alphas-in-Training had already found their Mates, and just listening to them talk about theirs, made me want a Mate so badly. Whenever I heard them talk about their Mates I though, ‘I just need to get this over and done with, then I can find my a Mate. I will search for her as soon as I get home, no matter if I have to leave straight away and search in other Packs.’” Zithanial look down at his hands with a goofy smile on his face. He looks back up and take my hands in his, causing me to put down my pen and pad. Zithanial brings his face closer to mine, resting our foreheads against each other. “But I didn’t need to go anywhere.” His hand comes up and tucks a strand of my brown hair, behind my ear. “She was right here the whole time, waiting for me to come back to her.”

I slowly melt at his words. How could he be so sweet with me and cold with everyone else? He is really amazing, sweet and gorgeous.

We are his Mate, that is why he is sweet with us. My Wolf puts in.

I still don’t understand how this gorgeous, muscular man, can be destined for a Mate like me, a women like me. The bullying aside, I am still an over weight and non-beautiful women. How can I be sure that he actually likes me and not just settling because I am his Mate? What if he get disgusted at my body after a while and leaves me for another, skinny, pretty woman?

I can’t help that I still have these doubt in my mind.

“Honey, I can see in your eyes that something is worrying you. Tell me please, let me help you. You don’t have to fight alone anymore.” Zithanial whispers tenderly.

How can I tell him that I am afraid of him rejecting me because of my body? I am going to need a computer and three hours to write this essay.

I look down at our conjoined hands; his much larger hands covering mine. His tanned hands against my pale, white ones. My glaze travels further up to his arms, tanned and strong with veins from hard work and dedication. Mine dull and fat with scars from being bullied and abused. Zithanial’s biceps bulging with power, set on very large shoulders. Mine flabby and weak. His chest and torso, broad and hard, I would also imagine equally tanned as the rest of him. Mine, still white from no sunlight but is equipped with rolls and lumps and bumps.

Everywhere I look on Zithanial, all I see is perfection. I see the opposite from what I am, where his is hard, I am soft. Where he is tanned, I am white as snow. As I look between our bodies, I feel heat seep into my glaze, anger for letting myself become victim towards Saxon and his minions amusement.

Don’t you dare beat yourself up, it is not your fault. It is theirs!! Now pay attention!

Before I can wonder what my Wolf means, Zithanial’s low voice fills my ears.

“If you keep on looking at me like that, we may be having a little problem.” Zithanial whispers to me.

I look up startled, what?

“You look like you want to kill me,” he laughs awkwardly. “I don’t know how I am going to win you over, if you keep on looking at me like you want me dead.”

Win me over … Funny, that has already started. I form a small smile on my face, how can I not start falling for a man that has showed me more compassion and love in the space of two hours, than anyone else in these last 13 years?

“You have a beautiful smile.” Zithanial ducks his head so he can peer into my eyes.

I am compelled to look into his green glaze as a blush reddens my face.

That is the first compliment I have been given in years. Warm tingles begin to shoot through me body, not just from where Zithanial is holding me, but everywhere.

Happiness. This is what is it, this is what it feels like. I love this feeling.

My smile widens and I sit up a bit straighter. I take the right side of my bottom lip into my mouth, like I have seen other girls do when they are talking to their Mate or guys they like. I don’t know why, but it feels right.

Zithanial gets a strange look across his face, his left hand cups my cheek gentle.

I freeze for a second, no one has touched me so gentle before. More warm feeling rush into my body, happiness.

For the first time in forever, I am happy.

And the reason for my happiness, is my Mate. I have made my choice, I am going to trust Zithanial.  I am going to trust my Mate with all my heart, this is either going to be the death of me … or the redemption.

Here goes my whole life.

“Mate.” I whisper. The whole world stops, I put my faith in our Mateship into the word. I wait scared and hopeful that I didn't make a huge mistake, that it is okay for me to talk now. I am with my Mate and he has given me nothing but kindness and protection. So doesn't this mean I can talk to him?

Probably not anyone else but only him.

Baby steps.

Or maybe not.

Zithanial’s smile drops, all of his emotions drain from his face and eyes.

As I see Zithanial’s reaction, my mind goes into overdrive. A bad kind of overdrive.

I should have never said anything, I should have just kept quiet like I have been told. I am going to be punished now, punished by my Mate.

Mate. It doesn’t matter that he is my Mate, I know my low statues, I should have never talked because it isn’t my place. Saxon has told me again and again and again, I know better. How could I have ever thought that having a Mate would change anything? I am still just an unless … Fat … Ugly … Pathetic excuse for a werewolf.

I squeeze my eyes shut, just waiting for the impending hit. Just waiting for Zithanial to rise his hand at me. Just like everyone else does, in the end doesn’t even matter. My breathing stops as I hear movement.

A body sends me flying back into the sofa.