chapter five

Harris

Sebastian leaves after about another half an hour, leaving me all by my lonesome to do nothing but contemplate what has gone down. There's just a couple hours till sun-up, and my hand is resting over the fresh hickey left a couple inches below the collar of my T-shirt. I never would have guessed that he would have been capable of such feats, but in all honesty, I've never felt anything like that before.

It leaves a certain sort of pang in my chest, though, because it brings me back to those first few times of hooking up with Liam. We've been fooling around since we were fifteen and sixteen respectively, although we only started really dating when we were headed into our junior year. We lasted off and on again for about seven months, and I guess we'd been playing it as casual friends with benefits since then.

Because, with Liam, the magic wore off quickly. Being with him had been intoxicating at first; being with him was like an addiction I couldn't imagine shaking—and believe me, I did try. Even now, he has this weird kind of pull on me, this allure that I can't ignore. And I love spending time with Liam, I do. But what we had was just boring, and repetitive, and I wasn't really into it, especially when he started getting wasted and trying to push me farther than I appreciated. We're better off as just friends, sans benefits.

I was kind of hoping that Seb would have wanted to try out dating for real, but I get it. We barely know each other, no matter how intense our chemistry may feel. He's nicer than I'd anticipated, especially for someone who's close with Saanvi Gaddam. Not that she's a bad person or anything, I just figured she wouldn't be friends with someone fun. And on top of that, Sebastian is unbelievably quiet. We've grown up together, a block or so apart, and yet we'd never really spoken until tonight. It's alright though, his wanting to be just casual. Call it a situationship, call it friends with benefits, call it whatever you want—I've done that with Liam before. So I know how to manage my expectations, thankfully.

I roll over onto my side and reach for my white water thermos. I'm always thirsty as hell after a night of drinking. I'm usually really hungry too, but I'm too cozy to even think about getting up right now. Earlier, laying with my head on Seb's chest like that, his heartbeat quietly thudding in my ear, I felt surprisingly calm, and not that floaty kind of numbness I feel after drinking. Legitimately content. It was nice.

I can't believe I just had the most intense make out session with Sebastian Krause.

I think it's a small town thing, calling people by their first and last name. Because, if your town is the kind of small that West Denton is, people might not know who you're talking about, but they might just recognize their last name. For Sebastian's parents, I don't know too much about them, only that Sebastian's dad is an anti-vaxxer dentist, and his very quiet mom teaches kindergarten. No siblings, at least that I know of. And he lives so close by—it's surprising we've never spent time together before.

My phone is dead, and I finally muster the strength to go half off the bed to grab the end of the charger. We must have flung it off during the whole making out thing, which, oh well.

The second my phone turns on, its screen glaringly bright in the darkness, I see the few missed text notifications from Liam come in. I'm almost upset that it's only two, but whatever. He knows I can handle myself, I guess.

Liam: hey srry to ditch u but eli wakeman is taking me home

Liam: see u tmrw

I want to ask him since when have we had plans for tomorrow, but we were probably going to hang out tomorrow anyway. The apparent lack of concern he has for my well-being is a little upsetting though. Just, whatever. Whatever. I don't really care.

There's another notification that comes in, one I wasn't expecting. A notif from Instagram: @saanvigaddaaaam has requested to follow you.

I accept her request and send one back, then notice the message in my inbox from a couple hours ago.

saanvigaddaaaam: Thanks again for helping Sebastian earlier

saanvigaddaaaam: Hope y'all got home safe

Yeah, okay, it kinda stings that even Saanvi seems to give more of a shit than Liam does, but it's okay. I don't really care.

Upstairs, I hear the front door open and shut as quietly as possible. Usually, I don't hear my mom come back from work. She was behind in getting her MD—unplanned, undetected pregnancies will do that to you—so she's doing her residency right now. Generally speaking, at these times I'm either asleep, at Liam's doing God knows what, or a combination of both. I hear her footsteps creak with every step on the floor above me, all the way through the living room and kitchen to the door to the basement steps.

I don't think Seb closed it when he showed himself out, which is probably why I hear her footsteps quietly heading down the steps. I feel like a little kid doing it, but I pull my comforters up and shut my eyes, pressing my face down into my pillow.

The trick with pretending to be asleep is that sleeping people actually breathe at a pretty normal pace. That whole long, deep breaths thing—that doesn't work. So I just breathe as normally as I possibly can.

I can feel Mom's presence looming over me, probably just checking to see that I'm there. She hardly ever comes down here, at least as far as I'm aware. I'm glad that she doesn't reach out to touch me or anything weird, like how movie moms do that whole pushing back their kids' hair on their foreheads and shit. Like, if she did that, or even if she were to tug the blanket up farther or something, I would probably jump out of my skin and ruin the whole shtick.

She doesn't do anything though. Just sees that I'm there and that I'm probably asleep, and heads back to the stairs. I don't move until I hear the door to the basement shut and her footsteps creak all the way along to the bathroom.

I turn my phone back on and look up his name on Instagram: Sebastian Krause.

Surprisingly, his account is public, with over four hundred followers. He doesn't have many pictures up, just a few of him and Saanvi from proms and formals, and a few others of random spirit days throughout the years. He's tagged in a lot of photos, though, including one I hadn't seen before, from the Dartmouth 2026 page.

I honestly didn't know he was headed there for college, but the pictures he has up are cute. I never thought about it before, how attractive he is, only that he looks fascinating. But these pictures, with his sweet little smile and how he never looks at the camera—always away, usually laughing at Saanvi—are adorable. And there are a few of him in well-fitted suits which are ... yeah. Those are doing something for me.

I must have a thing for tall, slim guys, because Liam is exactly the same way, built like a leggy stick. But where Liam has shaggy blond hair and a nose that's been broken so many times, he almost kind of looks like Owen Wilson, Sebastian is pale and freckled and gives off unparalleled sick Victorian boy energy, which is disturbingly attractive to me. Like a mysterious and hot adult version of the cousin in The Secret Garden or some shit. Now I'm kicking myself for letting my mom make me watch that so much as a kid.

The mere thought of planting those kisses against his neck, how his eyes fluttered shut and his chin tilted back, makes me flush.

I'm scrolling through the multitude of tagged photos on his profile when my phone starts buzzing and an unfamiliar number flashes across my screen. The area code is local, which I don't necessarily trust, but I answer anyway, because if it's who I want it to be, then I'd be stupid not to.

Sure enough, it's his faint, low voice on the other end of the line. I'm not even going to ask how he got this number. "Hey," Sebastian says, "you doing anything tomorrow?"

A/N - what are you guys thinking of this so far? 👀 It's kind of edgier than my typical fluff (saying "edgier" makes my brain want to puke why does that feel weird y'know what it's midnight), and I don't tend to write mlm because wlw is my own experience, but like, I don't know, this story has kinda been in my head for a while sooooo.... yes

Btw do you guys ever feel like you've been body snatched and you don't know it??? Because I've been like, kind of productive in a weird way this week but also not and I'm not sure what I did to be becoming this person but ALSO, still can't clean my dorm so

okay bye