T W E N T Y | Disappointment

{Gif of Neel}

Song: Say Amen (Saturday Night)

Artist (s): Panic! At the Disco

Love the life you live. Live the life you love.

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"You do know that practically everyone thinks you're a gang leader?" I asked Neel on our way back from the beach.

"Of-course they do." Neel rolled his eyes. I never did believe that rumour. One time I over-heard someone tell their friends that Neel spent 30 days in worship and had holy water regularly which is why he's so hot.

"Dude, this could work in your favour. Anytime someone bothers you just pretend you're taking out a gun" Julian laughed. The sun had set a while ago and the roads were only dimly lit as we travelled back, which was Neel was more concentrated on the road rather than the conversation.

"I have a question" Neel finally spoke up.

"Go on" Julius answered from the backseats leaning forward.

"Not for you, dumbass" Neel sighed before flicking his eyes over to mine and then back on the road. Neel opened his mouth to ask me whatever it was that he wanted to ask but then quickly closed his mouth, his eyes scanning Julian and Julius who were both staring at us intensely.

"Later" Neel mumbled. Julian and Julius let out a groan muttering something about Neel being no fun. Neel ignored them and instead stared at me. Just as I was about to tell him to keep his eyes on the road, something flashed in-front of the car.

"Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit." Neel yelled his hands gripping onto the steering wheel. Neel pulled at the steering wheel to control the car as it skid across the road but it was too late. When Neel realised that everything was now out of his control his hand left the steering wheel and fell against me instead to hold me back just as the air bag broke free. It all happened so fast that I didn't even realise we had crashed until we had completely stopped.

Once the car stopped spinning we all sat in silence not understanding what just happened. That was until the carbon monoxide began filling the car restricting out breathing. As if everything had come back to us we all jumped out the car violently coughing. Everyone except Neel.

"Neel! Get out of the fucking car!" Julian yelled still coughing. I peeked inside the car and watched Neel violently kick his door that wouldn't budge so instead he gave up and jumped out the passenger seat door. He walked outside taking deep breaths sitting down and I followed his movements feeling the dizziness hit me.

"Is everyone okay?" Neel asked scanning us. Julian and Julius did a few stretches and concluded that they're fine. Their eyes turned to me.

"I'm fine. Just a whiplash." My entire neck, left arm, ankle and hip were hurting but I'm not complaining. It could have been much worse. The car was a complete wreck and was now stranded in the middle of the road covering both the lanes. I scanned the area and saw that a wall further down the road and broken and realised we had done that. Which also meant that  despite it feeling like the accident lasted a few seconds, the car hadn't stopped spinning for a good minute to have gotten this far.

"Neel, you're bleeding" I stood up running to Neel holding up his wrist to see it scratched up, bleeding and bruised.

"I'm fine." Neel got up but let out a low groan, rubbing his chest slightly.

"Does your chest hurt?" Julian asked walking towards us with Julius in tow.

"I think I pulled a muscle. Nothing big" Neel shrugged. He walked back towards the car and opened the trunk of the car and thankfully it opened since most of the damage was done to the front of the car. Neel retrieved our bags with the help of Julian and Julius and got out a water bottle which we shared between the four of us.

"So, now what?" I asked looking around the deserted road. There were two cars which had gone by but decided to slow down to see what had happened but didn't bother stopping.

"We're going to have to find somewhere to stay for the night" Neel answered closing all the car doors. Neel, Julian and Julius all pushed the car off to the side of the road so that it was no longer blocking any lanes while I cleaned up the large pieces that had fallen from our car off the road. There were two bags which Julian and Julius offered to carry and no one complained as we began our trek to find anywhere to stay. I whimpered slightly when the pain in my hip and ankle increased as we continued walking which Neel picked up on.

He stood by me wrapping his arm around my waist so I wasn't putting any pressure on my left side. In return I also wrapped an arm around his waist so that he didn't have to strain much either.

"You sure you're okay?" Neel whispered looking down at me.

"It could have been worse" I shrugged smiling at him. He didn't say anything and instead pecked my forehead mumbling a sorry.

"Seriously? Neel, none of this was your fault" I stopped mid-way turning to look at him.

"What's going on?" Julian called out from where he was standing.

"Neel's apologising"

"Bro, none of this your fault. That fucking car came out of nowhere" Julius sighed as he rubbed his eyes. Everyone was beyond exhausted at this point and just wanted the day to be over. Neel didn't say anything wrapping his arm around my waist again so that we were in the same position as before as we continued walking. Luckily, after around ten minutes a small motel came into sight and I nearly cried in happiness.

"Hi. How can I help you?" the middle-aged man who sat at the reception desk asked looking between the four of us.

"How many rooms do you have available?" Neel asked glaring at him probably because the man wouldn't stop staring at me. The man looked through the register he had on the desk for a few seconds before replying.

"We have two rooms available, sir" he replied still not looking away from me.

"We'll take them" Neel slammed his hand on the desk making the man jump.

"Of-course, sir" Neel paid for the rooms before retrieving the keys and leading us to our rooms, which were conveniently side by side.

"You can have a room to yourself. We'll share one" Neel said as he unlocked my door.

"I'm fine sharing" I said not looking at Neel. I didn't feel safe without Neel, especially with that man downstairs.

"You sure?" I nodded at Neels question. Neel threw the key of the other room to Julius before leading me into our room, switching the lights on. It was...dirty to say the least.

"Do you want to shower?" Neel asked dusting the bed.

"Not really. I feel like the shower is going to be the dirtiest place here" Neel nodded scanning the room.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked Neel once again when his movement seemed constricted.

"Yeah, like I said before I've just pulled a few muscles." He sighed sitting down on the edge of the bed running a hand through his hair. How did such a good day end up like this?

"Maybe I could help?" I offered walking to him as he looked up in question. He watched me as I took my shoes off climbing onto the bed and sitting behind him.

"Take your shirt off" Neels looked at me with raised eyebrows and a small smirk making me blush

"Just take it off" Neel chuckled pulling his shirt over his head placing it on his lap. I nearly swooned when I saw his back muscles flex. Without thinking over anything much, my hands went straight to his shoulders beginning to massage him. Neel moaned lowly dropping his head forward giving me more access. I continued massaging him ignoring the pain in my left arm as I did. A few minutes later Neel grabbed my hands stopping me, turning around to face me.

"My turn" He stood up so I could sit down.

"No, it's fine. You don't have to" I protested as he pulled me to take his position on the bed.

"Well, aren't you prince charming" I laughed. Knowing he wouldn't budge I did what he asked as he began rubbing my shoulders making me react the same way that he did. Minutes passed as he continued massaging my neck and shoulders.

"Hmm and this prince found his Queen" he replaced his hands with his lips, leaving small butterfly kisses along my shoulder, making my breath hitch.

"Erm, you wanted to ask me something in the car" I spoke up wanting to ease the tension in the room. Neel pulled away leaning back against the headboard of the bed patting the space near him which I happily took.

"I just wanted to ask if you were okay with everything" Neel said looking at me. I scrunched my eyebrows not understanding what he was talking about until it hit me. Our kiss. We hadn't really talked about us after we left the beach. And I didn't want to bring it up either, since I was so lost in my own thoughts.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I asked looking back at him.

"I don't know, I mean I could be wrong. Once I kissed you on the beach after I told you how I felt, I swear I saw a flash of disappointment on your face" Neel clenched his fists looking away from me.

He saw that?

"No, no. You're getting this all wrong." I grabbed a hold of Neels clenched fist moving to sit in-front him so that we were facing each other.

"I wasn't disappointed in the kiss or you even. I was just..." I stopped speaking when I realised how stupid I was going to sound.

"You were just what?" Neel prodded interlocking his fingers with mine placing our hands on his lap.

"I was disappointed that you weren't my first kiss" I sighed looking away embarrassed. "I never got to choose who I would give my first kiss to. I've always been someone who's wanted to find that one special someone to share myself with completely for the first time but I can't even do that." I snapped my eyes shut not wanting to remember the harsh, horrifying memories that still keep me up at night.  Neels fists clenched by his side as his eyes lit up in anger at the mention of my past.

"Olivia, whether or no-- look at me Olivia." I looked up at Neel trying to hide my tears but as soon as he cupped my cheeks there was no holding back. Neel pulled me next to him wrapping his arms around so as I rested my head on his chest.

"Whether or not I was your first kiss doesn't change the way I feel about you. But I promise you Olivia, since I wasn't your first kiss, I promise to be your last. And yes, I know that's a big-ass promise but I'm willing to fulfil it. If you'll let me." Neel promised holding me tighter as he spoke. I pulled away from him so I could see his face. I didn't say anything and just nodded.

Neel smiled down at me cupping my cheeks once again before pulling me in for a kiss which I returned without a second doubt. Only a few seconds had passed until we heard a loud banging at the door making me jump. God, I hope the guy in the reception desk didn't follow us up.

"Wait here" Neel ordered jumping off the bed taking a look through the peephole, letting out an aggravated sigh, before yanking the door open.

"We forgot Nathan" The twins practically screamed. My eyes widened at the realisation. How on Earth had we forgotten to bring him back with us.

"Someone text him. Or call him" I said and Julian did exactly that. The phone had only been ringing a few seconds before Nathan answered it.

"Dude, are you still at the beach?" Julian asked biting his nails.

"Erm, not really. I met a girl in my physics class from school at the party and I got a ride home with her" Nathan replied through the load speaker. I let the breathe I was holding go sitting back on the bed. Before Julian could reply Nathan spoke up again.

"Shit. I know I shouldn't have left without letting you guys know." Julius was about to open his mouth to correct Nathan but Julian stopped him.

"Yeah man. We were worried sick. Can't believe you forgot about us" Julius winked at me when my mouth dropped slightly.

"I'm sorry. I got caught up" Nathan apologised. After ending the call Julian burst out laughing muttering something along the lines of 'I got him good'.

"Now, tomorrow morning we can tell him about the crash and he'll feel so guilty he'll offer to pick us up himself" Julian boasted walking out of the room with Julius right behind him. Neel locked the door behind them before coming back to sit next to me.

"What a day" he sighed.

"What a day" I replied.

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The car accident scene in this chapter I wrote from a personal experience. I was in a car crash just like that in December and that's all I could use to make the scene realistic. Every part of the accident is a true story from all the injuries to any character to how the accident happened.  Apart from the entire motel nonsense we just had to wait for 2 hours at night while it was freezing for someone to pick us up. Still, I'm not complaining because like Olivia said; it could have been much worse. When the police showed up the only thing they kept repeating to us was about how lucky we were. It was either coming out the accident as we did or coming out dead. There was no in between. Oh and I cried like a baby afterwards because I was so scared but I didn't want to make Olivia cry because I know for a fact that so many people would have complained about it.

P.s. I actually forgot Nathan existed when I wrote this chapter and had to come back and edit it when I remembered him.

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