Under an Endless Moon: Chapter 8

The next morning, I stood beneath the hot spray of my shower, the water close to scalding. My head was slumped between my shoulders, and I supported myself with both hands against the wall, trying to breathe through the turmoil that ravaged.

The careening of thoughts and the disorder of senses.

The fall pounded against my head, shoulders, and back, the water gliding over my body and swirling at my feet a blood-tinged pink.

Washing away the evidence of what I’d done, but there was no chance of it erasing what had been written on me.

This revenge both sickening and sweet.

The thing I’d wanted for so long but still didn’t come close to making me feel complete. The grief no less. No reconciliation for her broken body that had been left like garbage on the floor.

Because of me. Because of me.

Rage and regret coiled deep down in my soul, an ugly red glow that clouded all sight.

Last night when I’d broken into his house, the fucker had laughed in my face when I’d given him the chance to repent. His grin smug when he’d spat at my boots and told me he’d enjoyed it.

So, I gave him no mercy—the same as they’d given her.

One monster down. Six feet underground.

Two more to go.

Gasping for breath, I forced myself to wash, to stand, to remember exactly why I was doing what I was doing. I had to get my shit together.

It wasn’t like this was the first life I’d taken.

It was just the first I’d sought out since I’d ridden with Iron Owls MC. Back when we’d fully devolved into corruption. A stupid piece of me had thought that part of my life was over, but the truth was, it was what had caused this tragedy in the first place.

I rinsed, turned off the faucet, and stepped out, grabbing the towel hanging on the hook and drying myself off.

I roamed out into my bedroom.

Sunlight poured in through the floor-to-ceiling windows that sat behind the massive bed that was covered in black. The entire place was cool as fuck. Everything I’d ever imagined my dream home would be.

Was struck with the truth that I didn’t deserve it.

That I shouldn’t be here when she’d never made it through.

Still roughing the towel through my hair, I wandered up to where I’d tossed my phone to my nightstand when I’d come in an hour ago.

The morning more than half over.

I fought the swelling wave of guilt that nearly inundated me as I looked at the text. Like I might look down and there’d still be blood covering my hands and splattered on my clothes. But even though soap and water had washed it away, that didn’t mean I wasn’t stained.

I tacked on a bunch of winky faces at the end like this was all a big fucking joke.

It was the most dangerous part of what we did. Someone going back. Exposing who we were. It’d only happened twice.

First one had somehow kept her oath and hadn’t thrown us under the bus. Other had ended up dead, and her piece of shit husband had come after us. That choice hadn’t exactly landed in his favor.

My spirit thrashed.

Nah, I was gonna wallow for the whole fuckin’ day. Try to make penance for my sins when they could never be forgiven.

I meant it.

I chuckled when he only replied with a bunch of winky faces, the asshole tossing them right back at me when they were typically my favorite way to give him shit. Didn’t think the guy had even known what an emoji was before he’d met Charleigh who’d come into town about six months ago and had changed everything for him and Nolan. Wondered if he realized his grumpy ass was going soft.

Made me damned happy, though, that he was happy.

I pulled on a fresh pair of underwear and flopped onto my back, picking up my phone and staring at the text thread from Raven.

Thumb hovering over the text that I’d left unanswered.

Should leave well enough alone.

But I was never so good at that.

So I tapped out a message like the selfish fucker I was, never able to fully let her go.