Under an Endless Moon: Chapter 39

So let it be said that Otto Hudson was delusional.

Completely, freaking delusional.

Forget?

Seriously?

Yeah, I think not.

My mind was a foggy haze of lust as I struggled to focus on arranging a birthday bouquet that a man had ordered for his mother who’d turned eighty today.

Everything ran on a slow-moving reel as my mind replayed every time he’d touched me in the last twenty-four hours.

In the darkness of his room after I’d had the nightmare.

In the garage.

The feel of him as he’d stood behind me in the shower, my head tipped back as he’d massaged shampoo into my hair. His eyes tracing the trails of where the sudsy rivulets had streaked down my body.

His drenched, gorgeous flesh written in the horrors of his past writhing with restraint as he’d touched me gently.

Adoring me even though he didn’t want to admit what it really meant.

Not to mention the protection that had roiled from him when he’d brought me to work on the back of his bike. I loved that he’d already known that I would insist on coming in today. That he’d already known there was no chance I was going to allow some asshole to chase me from the one place I’d created for myself.

Besides, I needed a moment away from him. A breath. Some clarity.

Fat chance since Otto loitered across the street, leaning against the brick wall to the right of Sunrise to Sunset Café.

Tattooed hands stuffed in his jeans’ pockets, so big and intimidating that I felt his presence covering me like a shield.

Refusing to let me out of his sight, just like he’d promised my brother.

Brutally intimidating and still tossing out easy grins at people who passed. It seemed most were uncertain whether to grin back or run because the man was rabid and likely to bite.

From over my shoulder, I peeked that way, through the panes of glass at the man who toiled intensity, his focus unending as his attention continually swept the street.

I turned back to the pile of fresh-clipped flowers and started tucking the pink roses and white irises into the bright green sprigs. I didn’t even realize I’d gotten lost in my thoughts until I startled when the door banged open from behind.

I whirled around, silently chastising myself for getting caught up and lost, not that Otto was going to let some deviant get to me, anyway.

Unnecessary since a giant smile took to my face when I saw who was coming through the door.

Nolan started bouncing and clapping his hands overhead like he was doing jumping jacks when he caught sight of me on the other side of the counter. “Auntie Raven! Auntie Raven! Hi, we came to see you because you’ve been staying at my uncle Otto’s all the time and I miss you so much.”

His blond curls bounced around his cherub, chubby face, his blue eyes alight.

My heart panged with the adorableness that was my nephew. Panged with how much I’d missed him, too.

“What, you came all the way over here to see me?” I enthused, playing it off like I was shocked.

He giggled like it was absurd. “What are you even talkin’ about, Auntie? We got here in only thirty-five seconds. I counted.”

Charleigh’s grin was wry as she stepped through the door and let it drift shut behind her. Her warm blonde hair glinted in the rays of sunlight that sheared in through the window.

“He might have lost count a couple times and had to start over,” she said.

“Okay, maybe it was a hundred seconds, but I’d count all the way to a million if I needed that many to come see you.”

Adoration clutched my spirit, and I stuffed the last rose into the vase and came around the counter, and I bent down so Nolan could bounce the rest of the way into arms. My eyes squeezed closed as I hugged him tight, breathing in his sweet innocence as I did.

His little arms were locked around my neck, squeezing me, too, though he was gritting his teeth with the effort.

A grunting laugh rolled out of me. “Goodness, when did you get so strong? You’re squeezing me so tight I can hardly breathe.”

He let go of me like he’d been holding hot potatoes. “Oops, sorry, but you know I gotta be liftin’ my weights so I can get as strong as my daddy and my uncle Otto.”

Affection rolled as I reached out and ran my fingers down his plump cheek. “I think you’re almost there.”

I glanced up at my best friend whose brow was pinched in worry, though she didn’t say anything since it was clear we needed to keep the incident that had occurred at Otto’s this morning from little ears.

I sent her an encouraging smile.

I’m fine.

It’s fine.

Okay, I’m really not fine because I’m freaking out and I really need to talk to you and it has nothing to do with the reason you’re actually here.

“It’s about time you came to see me,” I told her, hoping she could read the rest through the tease.

She grunted a soft sound, and she chose her words carefully. “I’m lucky I was able to make it out at all. But River figured it wouldn’t hurt for him to stop by to check up with Otto.”

She gestured out the window, and I saw there were now two brutes loitering off to the side of the restaurant. It was a wonder they hadn’t had the sheriff called on them.

“Of course, he did.”

Her frown deepened, and she mouthed, Are you okay?

I gave her a look that said we needed some privacy, and I scrambled around in my brain for an excuse to earn us some. I turned my attention back to Nolan. “How about doing a special project for me?”

Excitement blazed through his expression, his smile so wide that it actually tipped down on the sides and showed off his teeth. The spot where the baby tooth he’d knocked out a few months ago was partially filled with an adult tooth. “What kinda special project? You know I got all the skills, Auntie.”

I loved the confidence this kid had.

“I need ribbons tied around a bunch of flowers. Since you just learned to tie your shoes, I think it will be the perfect job for you.”

“Like a real job? Do I get paid? I don’t have to get paid because I already got five dollars, but if you got a job, I think you get extra money.”

Laughter rolled out of me as I set my hand on his back and guided him through the door to the back where there was a regular-sized desk. “I’m definitely going to have to add you to the payroll.”

He popped onto the chair on his knees. “I’ll do the best job ever.”

“I know you will.”

I set him up with a handful of violets and ribbon that had already been cut, then I slipped back out into the main area to where Charleigh was waiting at the end of the counter.

The second I did, she rushed, “What the hell is going on?”

Cringing, I crept forward as I shook my head. “I don’t even know, Charleigh. Some idiot who has no idea what he’s up against has decided to mess with me, I guess.”

Her brows shot for the ceiling. “Mess with you? Someone shot Otto. I would hardly call that messing with. This is serious.”

Dread clamped down on my chest. “I’m not trying to downplay it. I totally know this is crazy serious, and I know the guys are freaking out right now.”

“Completely. Then I got your text saying you really needed to talk to me, but you didn’t want to do it over the phone. You should know that I’m the one who’s really been freaking out.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you more than you already were, I just…” I trailed off.

“What?”

I glanced over her shoulder to make sure my brother and Otto were still across the street, then I leaned in so our heads were close to touching and lowered my voice like I was sharing the most scandalous thing.

Which when it came to this, it was.

“Otto.” I said his name like a dirty, beautiful secret.

“Otto?” She frowned, completely not tracking.

“Otto.” I drew it out even lower, letting the insinuation bleed into my whispered words. “Otto, you know, the one who is my favorite subject? Otto, the one who I really want to put his dick in me?”

I tipped my head to the side, trying to lead her back to the one thing that I’d sworn her to secrecy about. She was the only one who knew the way I felt about him.

Of course, she also knew that that desire and hope came from zero experience. Knew the issues I had with trust. With allowing someone to touch me when the only touch I’d known in my life was pain.

“Oh my God.” She grabbed me by the elbow and whipped her attention around like my confession had immediately garnered an audience. When she turned back to me, her brown eyes were wide with surprise, her voice hushed and excited. “You had sex with Otto?”

I released a frustrated moan and covered my face. “No…” I hesitated, then gushed, “But we did get naked.”

“What?” she screeched, then she winced when she realized that the whole block had likely heard it, and she was quick to drop her voice right back to a secret. “You actually got naked? With Otto? The man you’ve been salivating over your entire life?”

I peeked out at her through my fingers. “Freaking finally, yes. Can you believe it? And God, he is the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen, Charleigh. And the orgasms…”

I groaned some more.

She pried my hands from my face. “How did you finally make that man come to his senses?”

“I think living with him proved the attraction was more than either of us could handle.”

Not that I’d ever tried to resist him. Hell, I’d given him so many signs it’d gotten embarrassing.

“I finally told him last night that I’ve never been with a man—that I freak out when one even tries to touch me. I think we both hit a wall. Me telling him that he was the one I’d always wanted, and him giving me some crap about him not being good enough for me. I told him I was leaving this morning, getting out of his way because there was no way I could stay there with him after that.” My throat tightened. “But then I had a nightmare, and he came to me.”

Charleigh’s face twisted in empathy. She and I were a lot alike. Our experiences different but similar. Both of us traumatized. Hurt by the people who were supposed to love us most.

I think it was likely what had bonded us first.

She didn’t specifically know about the dreams, but she knew I remained haunted and chained.

“And when he did come to you, you weren’t afraid?”

“Not even for a second. There was zero hesitation. Like, I didn’t think I’d ever felt anything more perfect. I wanted it, and I didn’t want him to stop.” A little irritation wound into my tone. “Which I basically begged him not to, but of course, he went right back to telling me that we couldn’t happen.”

“How in the world did he resist my bestie? The man has to have a will of steel.”

“And a cock of steel. You should see it.” I fanned myself.

Charleigh curled up her nose. “Um, I’ll pass, thank you very much.”

Amusement rolled out of me, and I shook my head. “No. You’re right. You definitely shouldn’t. That man is mine, and I don’t need anyone else ogling him.”

“I’m perfectly fine ogling your brother.”

I pushed her shoulder. “Eww. I do not need the reminder. You both are lucky I didn’t go blind. That bleach was painful.”

Charleigh giggled before her demeanor softened, and she knocked her arm into mine, my best friend eyeing me in care and curiosity. “Don’t think I missed that you said that man is yours…”

I sighed. “I want him to be. That is if he could ever get over this whole idea that he isn’t good enough for me. He keeps saying these things, implying that he’s a bad man and I don’t really know him.”

Worry infiltrated. It was the part I didn’t get. I did know him. I knew the casualness he wore like armor and the pain he held beneath it. I knew his grief and his loss. I knew his joy and his belief.

Charleigh’s brow knitted in uncertainty, though she kind of shrugged as she speculated. “I think they all have a sense that there is something wrong about what they do. I don’t see how they couldn’t…the things they’ve seen, the things they’ve partaken in. It doesn’t matter that it’s for good, it’s still bound to scar them in some way. Plus…you know it was really bad when they were a part of the MC.”

Her words deepened in sympathy and dread. “In the end, they’re still criminals. They still have blood on their hands. River was terrified of letting me in. Of loving me. Afraid of what his involvement in Sovereign Sanctum could mean for me.”

“Yeah, and look what it did mean for you. It meant you found everything you’d lost. You found your family. How could that ever be bad?”

Charleigh’s head barely shook, and her gaze filled with compassion. “They all have their demons.”

I chewed at my bottom lip as I glanced back across the street. Even in the distance, I could tell that River and Otto were speaking in hushed, secreted tones.

I turned back to my bestie. “I’m worried that there’s more. That he’s hiding something. But you can’t tell River that I told you that.”

I would never betray Otto that way.

Concern twisted through her expression before she seemed to land on a resolution. “I think everyone has secrets, Raven. We each have things we hide because we’re ashamed of them or afraid of them or worried they’re going to hurt the people we love.”

My spirit shivered. I understood it intimately. The truth that some things couldn’t be shared.

Guilt bottled in my throat, but I swallowed around it and gave her a shaky smile. “Yeah. I know. It’s human nature. I just want him to see past it. See me and who we could be and not let anything stand in our way.”

I inhaled a deep breath. “He says he wants to fight for me, Charleigh, and I want him to fight for me. For all of it. That is, if he wants me that way.”

A bit of insecurity rippled in, my stomach sick with the idea that maybe he didn’t feel the same.

That maybe what had happened between us was purely superficial. Brought on by stress. Or worse, pity.

Charleigh blinked. “Are you crazy? Have you seen the way that man looks at you? He goes completely rabid. I think he has to restrain himself from tossing you over his shoulder and carrying you to his bed every time he sees you. I honestly don’t know how River doesn’t know or hasn’t noticed. Otto’s entire being shifts whenever you come into the room. You’re his gravity, Raven.”

In emphasis, she squeezed my wrist. “I promise you, this is not one-sided.”

Nervously, I chewed at my bottom lip. “And what about River?”

A tiny flicker of annoyance washed through her features. “I love that man with every fiber of my being, but it’s time that he views you as who you really are. A resilient, brave, capable woman who gets to make her own choices.”

Her gaze deepened as she angled around to make sure I was in her line of sight. “You are the only one who can decide how you live, Raven.”

“I know. The only problem is getting the rest of these overprotective bobbleheads to accept it.” I tossed it out like a tease.

“The only question here is exactly how my amazing bestie is going to get Otto to accept it?”

“By my sexual prowess, of course.” I let a dose of lightness wind into my voice. “Operation seduce Otto Hudson is officially in full force.”

Charleigh giggled. “Oh, the poor man isn’t going to know what hit him.”

“I plan on bringing him to his knees. I mean, not that he wasn’t already on them for me.”

I wagged my brows at her.

She choked over a laugh. “Oh, I can only imagine. You’re going to have that man crawling for you.”

“That is the plan.”

She let go of a breath, and her tone turned serious. “Just be honest with him, Raven. Let him know what you want and what you need, demand it in return, and if he can’t give it to you, then let him go. You deserve every joy this world has to offer, and you can’t wait around your entire life for someone who isn’t willing to return it.”

“I will,” I promised her. “It’s time. It’s been time for a while, and I’m not willing to pretend any longer.”

“Good.” Then she frowned, taken back to what had brought her here in the first place. “Be careful, okay? It’s so scary that someone is threatening you like this. Are you sure you can’t think of anyone it might have been?”

A face rose up from the depths. From the darkest place where I’d kept my own secrets hidden.

But it was impossible.

There was no chance.

I shook my head. “No. There’s no one. I keep thinking it has to be random. Some weirdo who saw me walking down the street or saw my picture or something. I don’t know…it feels unreal. Like another one of the nightmares I suffer.”

“You know they’ll figure out who it is and take care of it.”

A quiver rolled through my insides when I thought of the way it would be handled.

“I know,” I told her.

“Auntie, I finished the whole thing, and I think I did a really good job, so I think you should probably pay me about a million dollars.” Nolan’s little voice broke through the tension that strained the atmosphere, and I pulled away and pinned a smile on my face as he came bounding out into the main area of the shop.

“You finished them already?”

“Yup, because I’m a really good worker.”

He held the bundle up for inspection. Most of the flowers had been smashed, the stems bent and petals falling off, half with crooked bows and the other ribbons were in knots.

I suppressed a laugh. “Wow, you did amazing.”

“Do I get a million dollars?”

I ruffled my fingers through his hair. “Not quite, but how about twenty?”

He lifted the flowers overhead. “What? Twenty whole dollars? It’s a deal.”

He shoved the flowers into my hands then jumped toward Charleigh. “Mommy, you gotta take me to the store to get a new toy because I worked really hard, and when you work hard, you gotta play hard. That’s what my uncle Otto told me.”

Stark affection rolled out of her as she brushed back his messy hair. “Sure, we can do that. Why don’t you go use the restroom really quick before we leave?”

“On it!” he said as he fist-pumped the air then went scampering into the back, the door of the restroom slamming behind him.

When he was out of earshot, Charleigh slanted her attention my way, mischief on her face. “And Otto is working extra hard today, so I bet my BFF is hoping he wants to play extra hard tonight.”

I tried to stop it, but a cackle got out. “How did you know exactly what I was thinking?”

“It’s written all over you.”

My gaze moved to Otto. It didn’t matter that cars were traveling back and forth on the street between us. I could still feel the intensity of his stare cutting across the distance and burning into me.

Anticipation slithered down my spine. It was precisely what I wanted.

I wanted Otto Hudson written all over me.