Under an Endless Moon: Chapter 25

I woke to the sunlight blazing through the windows and groggy as fuck. That and the scent of coffee riding on the air and the patter of bare feet.

That was all it took for it all to come back to me in a barrage of visions flash-firing through my mind, and my heart fucking seized as my mind spiraled back to last night.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I sat up on the couch, facing away from the kitchen as I scrubbed both palms over my face in an attempt to squash the anxiety that rolled through me. Throat thick and head pounding like a bitch as I sat there trying to figure out what the hell the protocol was after I’d walked in on her practicing the type of self-care I’d been idiot enough to tease her about when she’d first started staying here.

Turmoil swamped me as I sat there, itching like a fiend.

Raven’s soft voice hit me from behind. “Please don’t feel uncomfortable around me, Otto. Don’t tiptoe or treat me differently. That would kill me.”

I stood, slowly turning around to face her, not really prepared to see her in the morning light after the way I’d seen her last night.

So goddamn beautiful that looking at her felt like a kick to the gut. Body hidden beneath another one of those dresses. But somehow, I managed an easy grin when I told her, “It’s already forgotten, darlin’.”

She flinched like that wasn’t the response she’d been hoping for, though she pinned on a smile as she gestured to the coffee maker. “Coffee’s ready. I’m going to finish getting ready and I need to hurry to Moonflower. I’ll see you later tonight?”

“Yeah. I’ll be here. My turn to make dinner.”

Not that I wouldn’t be keeping an eye outside of Moonflower, though we’d scaled off, deciding that the incident with her window had been random.

That time, her smile was genuine. “That sounds nice.”

I blew out some of the strain and murmured, “Good,” hoping that by the time I saw her tonight, I’d have gotten myself together.

That I’d truly forget it like I’d promised.

Because standing there right then? I was afraid nothing was ever going to be the same.

“It’s almost ready,” I told her when she came down from the bedroom.

Raven inhaled, easiness on her face when she sighed and murmured, “Smells good.”

“We should eat outside tonight. It’s really gorgeous out.”

Easiness rippled between us, thank God. Maybe the incident hadn’t been forgotten, but at least it’d been reined, and the elephant was no longer loose and tearing through the room.

“Sounds great,” she said.

I opened a bottle of wine and poured two glasses, and she was all grins as she came padding barefoot to my side and picked one up. “Ugh, you know exactly what I need, don’t you, Otto Hudson?”

My stomach tightened as I thought of what she really needed, but I ignored it as I clinked my glass to hers and said, “Just taking care of my favorite girl.”

I piled food onto our plates, and she grabbed the silverware and our drinks before we headed out the door.

Raven let go of a tiny moan as we stepped out into the late afternoon light. I tried not to equate it to the same sounds she’d been emitting last night.

Hard as fuck, but somehow I kept it tamped and instead focused on the streams of sunlight that blazed through the spiked tops of the trees, painting the sky in blazing pinks and oranges. In the break of the woods, the lake was visible low in the distance.

There was a little round table set up in the perfect spot to take it all in, and we each took a seat.

Raven sighed as she looked out over the view. “I don’t think I’ll ever get over this place, Otto. It has to be the most gorgeous land in all of Moonlit Ridge.”

“That’s what you said then, too.”

A soft smile edged that delicious mouth as she took a sip of her wine. “You remember?”

My brow pulled into a disbelieving frown. “How could I forget? You standing basically in that very spot with your arms hugging your chest as you gazed out on the lake. You looked at me and said, This is it.”

If it was it for her, then it was it for me.

Redness flushed her cheeks. “I didn’t mean to sway your decision.”

It was times like these when Raven would get modest. Like she didn’t know the effect she had on me. The influence. Like she didn’t get that she could ask anything of me, and it was done.

Still, I let playfulness ride into my expression. “You didn’t mean to sway my decision? Don’t act like you wouldn’t have pouted and stamped those cute little feet if you didn’t get your way.”

Amusement danced across that stunning face, and it twisted my stomach in a knot of greed. “What can I say? I just have really good taste, and I wouldn’t have wanted you to make any mistakes by purchasing different land. It would have been a tragedy.”

A light chuckle rolled out of me. “Definitely a tragedy.”

“Which is why you should always listen to me. My advice is impeccable.”

“That so, huh?”

“Oh yeah,” she said right before she took a bite of her chicken marsala. She groaned. The sound went straight to my dick.

My mouth watered and it didn’t have a thing to do with the food.

I leaned over and took a bite like it might cover the reaction. Like it would actually suffice. Like it could stand the chance of sating the desire that thundered through my veins.

That damn vision still right there, bubbling right under the surface, ready to erupt and take over.

“As far as I’m concerned, you can do no wrong, Raven Tayte. So, you just keep giving me all the friendly advice, and I’ll keep right on taking it.”

She dipped her face like she didn’t want me to see whatever ideas played through her eyes. A blush striking her cheeks. Fuck. Didn’t think I’d seen Raven act shy in a long, long time, and I knew immediately where her thoughts had gone.

She was right back in that room with me watching down on her as she fucked herself with that toy.

I cleared my throat, doing my best to suppress it.

I took a sip of my wine since apparently she’d made me fancy like that, and I eyed her over the glass as I searched for a change of topic that would keep us in a safe zone. “Any progress on the apartment hunting?”

Frustration filled her sigh. “Not really. There was one place on the far end of Culberry Street, but the bathroom was so small I could barely stand in the shower, let alone find a way to shave my legs. It was not going to work.”

And there I went, out of bounds, my mind racing right back to the obscene.

Apparently, no subject was safe when it came to her.

My jaw clenched as I fisted the stem of the glass a little too hard.

Discomfort pinched her face.

Shit. She thought I wanted her to leave. Thought I was itching in my chair due to entirely different factors than what really had me shifting in discomfort.

“I’m sorry it’s taking so long. I really am trying to find a place,” she said.

I reached over the table and set my hand on her forearm. Fire licked at the connection. “Told you, you’re welcome here for as long as you want.”

She narrowed that raven gaze, the darkened depths sparking like diamonds beneath the glittering rays of the sun. “I think you’re just being nice, Otto Hudson. What man wouldn’t want to sleep in his own bed at night?”

A groan got free.

Fuck me, she was trying to destroy me, words right there on the tip of my tongue, treacherous ones stating that I definitely wanted to sleep in my bed, but I wanted to keep her in it while I did.

“Meant it when I said you could stay for as long as you needed. My house is always yours, Raven.”

Relief billowed through her expression, and then she shrugged a teasing shoulder. “I guess you don’t have anyone else to dance with when you come home at night.”

“And since you’re the only one I want to be dancing with…”

Probably shouldn’t have said it, but there it was.

Raven stilled, held in the energy that lapped. “I learned from the best.”

“Nah, I was just teaching the best.”

We got stuck there for too long, and I finally cleared my throat and started stuffing my mouth with food to keep myself from uttering any more reckless things.

We both fell into the silence, chewing and looking out over the view, making a few comments here and there, getting through the rest of dinner virtually unscathed.

A fuckin’ miracle with the way she had me spun up so tight I was lucky I didn’t split.

Standing, I gathered our plates. “I’m gonna do the dishes really quick. You go relax.”

“But you made dinner,” she argued.

Dipping down, I leaned in close to her ear. The scent of moonflowers curled through my senses.

Intoxicating.

Mesmerizing.

My entire being off kilter.

“Yeah, and tonight I just wanna take care of you.”

And this was going to have to suffice considering I wasn’t doing it the way I really wanted to do.

By the time I finished cleaning the kitchen, Raven was stretched out on the couch. There was a show playing on the television, but the sound was set to low, and she was reading a book rather than watching it.

I wound around the island, hesitating for a beat, but then deciding if we were going to truly put what happened last night behind us, I was going to have to act normal. No tiptoeing my way around her.

So I did the same thing as I’d done most nights since she started staying here. I moved around the couch and lifted her legs by the ankles and set her feet on my lap as I sat down on the far end.

Raven had changed into the tiniest pair of cotton shorts I’d ever seen, this baby blue color, and a tight white tank top that barely contained her tits.

It seemed she had set out to cause me physical pain.

Did my best to control the tornado of lust that twisted through me.

“What are you reading?” I asked, no interest whatsoever in the show playing on the television when I could be watching her instead.

A flush of pink flared on her cheeks. God, was her mind back there, too? Was she thinking about it? Me watching her?

Her tongue stroked across her bottom lip. “Just this small-town romance.”

Ah. Figured she’d be reading something sweet.

“Is it any good?”

“Really good. Definite five-star.” A tinge of excitement filled her voice.

A slow smile crept to my mouth. “You love it? Escaping into your books?”

She’d always been a reader. When she’d been young, she’d constantly had her nose in these giant fantasy books, the thick paperbacks half her size. I knew she still read, but I hadn’t had a clue how much until I found her on this couch or tucked up in my bed with a book night after night.

“I do. I love getting to have experiences through other people’s eyes. Things that I might not ever experience for myself. It’s different than when you’re watching TV. It’s like you’re there.”

“I can see that.”

She was staring over at me, and it wasn’t until then that I realized I was caressing my thumb up and down her calf, touching her like it was natural. Like I had the right.

I swore, her breaths had gone raspy, her body trembling as a new tension curled through the air.

Uncertainty.

Surety.

Our gazes tangled in this quiet intensity that keened between us on a tether.

Awareness spinning.

My throat grew thick, and I wondered if we both fucking knew.

Wondered if in that moment, we both knew if we’d met under different realities, if our circumstances were all different, we’d be doing this night after night.

Forever.

Two of us together in a real, permanent way.

But I think Raven knew it was impossible, too, because she suddenly hopped off the couch like she was about to catch fire. “I need to use the restroom.”

She tucked a bookmark into the paperback and tossed it to the couch and padded on those bare feet to the powder room that was on the far side of the living area.

Black hair forever a messy pile on her head at this time of night, the girl a beacon and a light as she scampered across the floor.

She clicked the door shut behind her, and the second she was out of sight, I released the strained breath I’d been holding. Trying to rein this shit in because it was getting out of control.

Then I glanced at her book. The cover was illustrated, with what looked to be some kind of jacked-up lumberjack type of dude and a girl who looked like either a teacher or a sexy librarian on the front.

Looked like the whole opposites attract sort of deal.

Curious, I picked it up, needing the distraction, and turned to the page she’d marked, scanning the words just to see what kept her interest rapt.

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head.

“Spread those legs and let me see your pretty little cunt.” Heath groaned and ran his fingers through my slit, and I thrashed, wanting to touch him but my wrists were tied to the bedpost, leaving me completely to his will.

“That’s right, look how you’re dripping for me. Good girl.”

He brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked all my juices clean.

What. The. Fucking. Hell?

This was what she was reading? I’d expected tender kisses and damsels swooning. Not this. My thoughts immediately went back to last night, wondering what she’d been envisioning when she’d gone after her release.

Wondering if this was the type of shit she was imagining.

My fool mind went even deeper, wondering if this was what she liked when she was with a man.

I tried to suppress the riot of jealousy that pummeled me like a thousand fists, and I turned back to the page.

He reached over and ripped the ties free, and he leaned in close to my ear as he growled, “Now get on your hands and knees. We’re going to see if I can fit in this tight ass.”

“What are you doing?” Raven gasped. She might as well have caught me peeking at her through a gap in the bathroom door with the way the question whipped out of her mouth.

I dropped the book back to the couch like it was a hot potato, and I jumped to my feet and lifted my hands in surrender. “Just was curious about what you were reading.”

Wasn’t sure why it came out sounding like I was guilty. Like I’d pried my way into something that was her own secret.

But there was a tension that was suddenly there that hadn’t been there before.

An awareness that I could feel thudding through her veins and pounding right back into me.

Or maybe I was just assuming it went both ways since my dick was instantly hard, thinking about Raven enjoying those things. In all the ways I’d spent far too much time imagining having her.

Overcome with the urge to pleasure her that way.

All while I wanted to rip out every hair on my head at the thought of some prick actually getting to touch her like that.

Raven’s pale skin was flushed, but she huffed as she walked the rest of the way across the room, grabbed her book, and plopped back down onto the couch.

Though this time, she remained sitting up, crisscrossing her legs in front of her. “Newsflash, Otto Hudson, it’s none of your business what I’m reading.”

Did she think I was judging her? Not even close. I couldn’t stand her thinking she should be ashamed.

So, I was murmuring, “Thought you said you were reading a small-town romance?”

“That’s what it is.” Her response was clipped. Not giving me more.

While I wanted to ask her a thousand things. Delve into her every fantasy.

Okay, so maybe we should have hashed out what happened last night. It had to be the reason my brain was blipping. Too many fucking memories of Raven in a position I should never see her in.

Or maybe I should have helped her pack her things this morning and got her the hell out of here because I obviously couldn’t act cool and controlled when my thoughts had skated in this direction.

The real problem was the possession that ripped through my nerves and fired into every molecule of my body when I thought of her experiencing it with some random guy.

I forced myself to sit, though my knee was bouncing a million miles a minute. Finally, I got myself together enough to look at her. Okay, getting myself together was a stretch. What I was really doing was letting a piece of myself go.

Traipsing a direction that I couldn’t afford, but my mind had already spun there anyway, so what the fuck could it hurt?

“That’s what you like?” My throat nearly closed off around the question.

She still had her attention fully trained on the book, though I got the sense she wasn’t actually reading. She was just…staring at the page.

Creases dented the corners of her eyes, and her head barely shook as she muttered, “What do you mean, is this what I like? You know I like to read, and I like to read romance. I’ve never made that a secret.”

“Not the books.” I pointed at the words on the page. “Is that what you like men to do to you?”

Kept my voice as even as I could, but I still couldn’t stop the wild rage of possession that burned me through.

Charring.

Incinerating.

The way I wanted to beat down any motherfucker who’d been anywhere near that sweet ass.

Her frown deepened, and her breaths turned choppy as some kind of hurt and incredulity seeped into her demeanor.

“Just want to know, Raven.” Had no right to demand it. But there it was, out there like some kind of plea.

Raven suddenly whirled toward me, flailing her book around as she shouted, “Maybe I would, Otto. Maybe this is exactly what I would want a man to do to me if I ever got up the courage enough to let someone actually freaking touch me.”

She gripped at her chest when she said the last.

Okay, it could hurt a lot.

So much.

It felt like a hot blade had been driven right through my stomach at the pain that poured out of her.

At the torment.

At the grief I could feel flood the room. Clearly in need of something that had remained out of reach.

Fuck.

I hadn’t known. I hadn’t known.

I’d been too wrapped up in wanting to gut every little prick who I’d thought had had the fucking honor of touching her to see what was really going on with her. Jealousy eating me alive any time she stepped out the door with another man.

And still, my voice went raw, needing her to actually confirm it.

“What are you sayin’, Raven?”

A tear slipped down her cheek. Fiery courage butted with the embarrassment that poured from her as she batted it away. “You know exactly what I’m saying, Otto. It’s just like it was then. I can’t let anyone touch me. I have a panic attack any time that I do.”

Her brow pinched in misery. “Every single one of them except for you.”

An arrow speared right through my middle because there was a goddamn plea weaved into her words.

That same desperation bleeding out as she stared at me.

Her lips parted and her chest heaved as both of us spiraled back to that one moment in time that I’d tried to eradicate from my memory. Bury it down so damned deep there would be no chance of ever uncovering it.

“So, you want to know about this, Otto?” She tossed the book toward me. “I read these stories because I want to be swept away. Because I want to imagine this happening to me. And every time, I wish it was you.” She kept right on, that chin held high. “I touch myself, wishing it was you. It’s you. It’s always you.”

I didn’t know what the fuck I thought I was doing when I shifted onto one knee on the couch and angled her direction. I planted my hands on either side of her.

Shocked, Raven rocked back, her back pressed against the arm of the couch as I hovered over her.

Tension bound the air.

The energy so alive I could hear it sizzle and snap. Tiny lightning strikes that cracked in the room.

But in her eyes was also a distinct vulnerability. This brave, bold, beautiful girl who’d been done so fuckin’ wrong. Scarred and wounded, and still she remained the brightest fucking light.

I didn’t want to be another. Didn’t want to be another who would only cause her pain.

My hand was shaking when I reached out and tucked a lock of her long, dark hair that had gotten loose behind her ear before I set my hand on her face, thumb stroking over that sharp cheek.

Our faces so close but an endless expanse raging between us as I gazed down at her.

“I’m not worthy of touching you, Raven. Not even close.”

“To me, you’re the only one who is.”

God. How was I supposed to refute that? Deny her?

But I couldn’t give in. Touching her would be a betrayal. I’d be nothing but a monster, taking advantage of this. This woman who didn’t know me the way she thought she did.

“You deserve the whole fuckin’ world, Raven Tayte. To be loved and adored. Touched in every way you want to be. But I’m not that guy.”

I was vile. A demon who hunted the wraiths in the night. Hands so dirty that I tainted everything I touched.

Hurt blistered across her face, and I could taste the sting of rejection on her heavy exhalation. Dark, dark eyes flitted all over my face, searching for the truth. “You don’t think I’m capable of making that choice for myself? You think I’m not wise enough to decide who that guy is?”

My head barely shook. “Not when it comes to me.”

Pain splintered through her being, but it was anger that twisted her expression. She pushed at my chest.

Hard.

I fumbled back onto my side of the couch.

She heaved a sound of disbelief. “Right, I get it, I’m still that dumb, injured little girl who can’t make decisions on her own.”

She was on her feet before I had the chance to respond, her book gripped in her hand.

“Raven—” I attempted before she gave me a harsh shake of her head and shoved her palm out my direction to cut me off.

“Don’t, Otto. Don’t make excuses that don’t mean anything. I don’t want to hear them.”

She turned on her heel and flew across the living room and up the steps, though she stopped when she got to the top of the landing. “Don’t worry, I’ll be sure I’m gone tomorrow.”

Then she stepped into my room and slammed the door shut behind her.

Regret barreled through me. Chains so fucking heavy they nearly dragged me to my knees.

A beggar on the floor.

So fuckin’ weak that I was a second away from going to her. Pushing into the places only a monster would go.

I’d promised I’d never hurt her, but fuck, that was exactly what this felt like.

Like I was hurting her.

Betraying her.

I dropped my face into my palms, trying to fight off the conflict that waged inside.

Heart and mind and soul.

Feeling like a piece of shit, I forced myself to turn off the lights, get undressed, and grab the throw blanket from the basket.

I just laid there on the couch, staring at the ghosts that writhed across the ceiling, unable to fucking sleep.

Wide awake and bleeding out.

Hours must have passed before I heard it.

Her cry from the depths of depravity.

There was no mistaking what was happening this time.

Her pain was so stark it was the only thing that I could feel.

There was nothing I could do. No wall or mountain or fucking cavern high or deep enough to keep me from going to her.

And I was there, crawling into the bed and pulling her into my arms, whispering her name over and over, “Raven, Raven, Raven.”

She jolted when I first touched her, then her whole body gave when she realized it was me.

She whimpered as she clung to me with trembling arms. “Otto. Please. Don’t leave me. Stay with me.”

A fucking army couldn’t have ripped me away.

“I’ve got you. I’ve got you. My moonflower.” I murmured it at her head as I pressed a bunch of kisses to her crown.

A shaky sigh of relief pilfered from her, and when I laid down with her in my arms, her heart beating its trust against mine, I should have known things would never be the same.

I should have known this girl would be my complete undoing.

Should have known there would be absolutely no going back.

Because she whispered, “Otto, I need you to touch me. Please. Don’t turn me away. I need to know what it’s like.”