Confession

It was the morning and the bed was empty. I was so relieved that he left. My whole face ached, why was I in this stupid situation, why?

I got out of my bed and went to the bathroom. My face was swollen from one side and there were bruises on my face. Great I was going to cover it up with makeup.

I was already late for school so I decided I would go to the one place where I could let it all out. My mum and dad’s grave.

I went towards their graves and put fresh flowers and cleaned the area around. I could see flowers that were already their meaning my brothers were here earlier.

“Hey...I wanna talk to you guys. I haven’t been in the best of places lately and I’m so scared I have no way out like I’m trapped. Colton hit me and I...”

I started to cry and I couldn’t stop.

“He promised me that he wouldn’t hurt me and yet he did and I’m so scared because he has...your gonna hate me for this but...he has a sex tape...I know I messed up, but I was drunk so I literally don’t remember anything and now if I break up with him he will shame John and all the boys and I can’t let that happen. They mean the world to me mum and dad I’m so sorry but I never intended for this to happen please forgive me”

It started to put with rain and I let out a strangled cry. Everything in me, all the anger, frustration, guilt, pain, I screamed it all out.

“I’m so sorry mum and dad, I don’t know what to do like should I tell someone or keep it to myself, and I’m so confused. I wish that you were still here so I could cry in your arms, nothing can ever fill the space of you in my heart, the boys do everything to keep me happy but they are kids just like me, they miss you as much as I do. They remember you more than me and I never wanted to ever let the boys down. I hate myself so much. Please tell me what to do”

“Selena, you okay”

I literally froze when I heard Cole’s voice.

“I know you can hear me”

I could hearing his footsteps getting closer and let me tell you my heart started to beat so fast it nearly felt like it was gonna pop out. I turned the other way.

“Go away Cole, can’t you see I need privacy, just go.”

“Selena...I heard it all...”

“You don’t know anything Cole just go away, leave me”

“Selena...please don’t cry”

He turned me towards and me I saw his face change into shock but he quickly changed it back.

“What happened?”

“That’s none of your business Cole”

“Please tell me Selena, I have noticed lately that you aren’t yourself”

“Cole you don’t know me, you don’t anything okay, just please I’m begging you just leave”

“I’m sorry Selena, I just wanted to help you, sorry for upsetting you”

Ugggghhh I’m such an idiot why am I taking out my anger on him. Maybe it’s a sign from mum and dad. Maybe I should tell Cole.

“Cole...I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take my anger out on you..I just..I’m so scared and confused”

I started to cry and I felt Cole awkwardly hug me. I couldn’t help but flinch.

“It’s okay. I’m not gonna hurt you”

We went into Cole’s car and I covered up my bruises again.

We drove into a small diner and sat down and ordered.

“It’s a very long story”

“Don’t worry, take your time”

************************************************************************

“So I started to date Colton when I was around 15/16, he was my first ever boyfriend. I wasn’t allowed to date so my brothers didn’t know that we were together. He would get me flowers for no reason, take me on surprise dates to fancy restaurants. He was the best boyfriend ever.

None of my friends ever liked him because he was the douche of the school. You know the player and stuff. So everyone was kinda cold towards our relationship and they kept telling me he isn’t good for me. Yet I never believed them.

So we were at a party and I got drunk for the first time ever. I had asked Colton to get me coke, but he didn’t and I ended up drunk. I had no idea what was going on and so one thing led to another. All I remember is that when I woke up. I was alone on the bed and had a text from Colton saying ‘Last night was amazing’ I never thought much into it.

I loved Colton at the time and so him being my first seemed right.

Then a week later I went over to his house for our 1 year anniversary. I walked in on him with Emily. I just left I didn’t know what to think. It was 6 months before I turned 17.

So the week you guys joined, I was going into lunch and he pulled me into a room. He told me how he wanted to get back together and all that. I straight up told him no like you cheated on me. He then threatened me and told me he made a sex tape. I literally was so shocked. He said he will show everyone and I couldn’t let that happen. It would kill my brothers.

So I agreed to be his girlfriend.

Then the after he came back from the hospital he apologised to me. So I just kinda let his rude behaviour slide by. But he got really mad in school at and he hit me he literally beat me up and I was so scared. Later last night he came over to my house and I was scared to tell him to leave so he stayed in my bed and left this morning.”

It felt good to let it out.

“I’m just so disgusted at him like which fucking guy hits a girl. Why didn’t you tell anyone, like your brothers your friends”

“I didn’t because it would hurt my brothers so much and I cant do that to them”

“Selena sometimes you gotta be selfish and think about yourself, put yourself first”

“But don’t worry. From now on its gonna be okay. We need to find a way to tell your brothers and delete that tape.”

“Cole..I’m scared what if he hurts me again”

“He won’t”