6 | dont worry darling

a month later - lelilani's pov -

"do you have your toiletry bag?" i asked billie as we stood over her suitcases.

"yes," she nodded.

"and everything's in there?" i asked.

"yeah," she nodded.

"vitamins? razors? tooth brush? tongue scraper?"

"yup. yup. yup. yup."

i sighed. "okay."

"can't believe you didn't ask if i packed my skincare," she chuckled.

"oh i know you'd never forgot to pack that," i chuckled. "you'd have the whole plane turn around if that happened."

"i really would," she laughed in agreement.

"should we double check everything else?" i looked at her.

"lani we've double checked my luggage for the 4th time now.

"i know but you never know if you're forgetting somet-"

"lani," she cut me off.

i just sighed. "sorry."

she knew exactly what i was doing. i was just looking for an excuse to keep her here at the house because she's supposed to be leaving to board her flight soon.

and i'm not able to go to the airport with her because i have a mandatory doctors appointment for a checkup around the same time.

"alright guys," margie walked in our bedroom. "the truck is here. your family's coming in to grab your things."

"ugh i feel like your mom is mad at me," i rubbed my forehead.

"stop," billie chuckled. "she gets it. it's all good. i told you zoe's gonna take your spot so i won't be lonely."

"okay," i smiled. "i have to remember to thank her."

"hi guys," maggie smiled as she walked in.

we all spoke and greeted each other and started bringing all billie's things to the truck.

i was moving pretty slow tbh. basically dragging my feet and picking up only one thing at a time. my mood was just down.

i was bringing a bag to the trunk when finneas came up to me and said "hey, you got it?"

"huh?" i looked at him. "oh yeah i got it. it's not heavy."

"here let me just get it," he suggested as he grabbed the bag from me.

"thanks," i breathed.

i then started breathing heavier, noticing that it was now manual. i put my hand over my stomach and walked inside the home, hoping that no one would really notice.

i walked in and margie was carrying something out when she saw the look on my face.

"you okay?" she furrowed her eyebrows.

i just nodded and kept walking.

"lani," she squinted. "hey."

then i dropped to the floor.

"lani!" margie exclaimed as she dropped everything in her hands and ran to me. "lani what's wrong?" she kneeled down to me.

"i can't-" i began panting as i was now sitting on the floor. "i-"

"lani breathe."

"i can't do it," i managed to get out.

"do what lani?!" margie asked, concerned as ever. "billieeeee!" she yelled.

"no please," i put my hand over my heart, still panting. "don't call her."

billie then ran in with worry on her face. her eyes got a little wide as she spotted me on the floor, tears streaming down my face.

"what happened?" she kneeled down to me.

"i-" i shook my head. "i- i'm sorry."

"she's having an anxiety attack," margie looked at her.

"i'm sorry," i cried.

"no no baby don't cry," she sat in front of me on the floor and pulled me in to hug/ hold me.

"i'm so sorry," i cried in her shoulder as she rocked me.

"shhh," she said as she repeatedly kissed my forehead while rubbing the back of my head. "i'm right here. i'm right here."

"she's scared billie," margie told her as she stood up. "she hasn't been without you in like 3 years."

"oh lani," billie looked me in my eyes.

"i don't wanna make it about me b," i shook my head while sniffing. "it's cool. i'm cool," i nodded.

"no lani shut up," b said as she stood up and then helped me up. "don't ever apologize for your feelings. they're completely valid."

"i um," i dusted off my clothes. "i don't know. i thought i was fine."

"you've probably been holding all your emotions in," b shrugged.

"its not the emotions that i've avoided," i started. "it's the reality."

billie just nodded.

"like i guess i haven't really sat there and thought about the fact that we won't be together everyday like we have for the past 3 years," i let out a deep breath. "i have to find a new way to feel safe now."

"oh baby," she poked her lip out. "you can do this, okay? you don't need me. maybe this is a good thing after all."

"you think so?" i asked her.

"yeah," she shrugged. "i feel like we've both developed a sense of codependency with each other. so it'd be good for us to get some time away from each other."

"wow," i rose my eyebrows. "good point, you're right."

"see i could be a damn therapist," she smiled in pride.

"um no," i patted her shoulder. "no you couldn't."

"well," billie chuckled. "you just had a whole anxiety attack. so who really needs a therapist?" she rose her eyebrows.

"oh the pale queen has jokes?" i rose my eyebrows.

"baby that's 100% truth," she laughed. "i'm not joking."

i let out a sigh. i knew she was right. i just feel weird about looking for one now. you guys know what happened last time i had a therapist.

"okay fine," i playfully rolled my eyes. "i guess i could get one too."

"good," she started. "but this time please don't fuck them."

my mouth dropped and billie walked off laughing.

oh this bitch thinks she's real funny.

"everything okay guys?" patrick, billie's dad, walked in.

"yeah yeah," i said with a grin. "all good."

"k well the truck is loaded and ready to go," he said.

"oh," i said. "okay um i'll be right out."

he looked at me with empathy. "come on," he held his arm out for me to join him in a side hug.

i went and side hugged him but we stayed standing in that position. my arm wrapped around his waist, while his arm was around my shoulder.

"it'll be okay honey," he said as i leaned my head on him, letting out a sigh.

"you know she takes breaks every month in los angeles," he continued. "maybe if you get a break from modeling, you can fly in and visit."

"you're right," i nodded. "thanks pat."

"anything for my daughters," he said before kissing the top of my head. "cmon, come say bye."

patrick and i walked out there where everyone else was. billie and i met eyes and sighed. i could see her eyes start to tear up.

i just looked down cause there's no way i can watch her cry right now without breaking down myself.

"go on," her dad gently pushed me towards her.

billie and i gave each other a big, long hug. "i'm gonna miss you so much," i whispered while we were hugging.

"just promise me you'll be okay," she whispered back.

"i promise."

"ugh i told myself i wouldn't do this," margie said as she began fanning her eyes.

billie and i laughed as we broke out hug. "oh come her marg," she held her arms out.

they hugged pretty tightly while chuckling.

then margie and i went and hugged maggie, fin, and patrick once more before watching them get in the truck.

billie walked up to me and we both just stood there.

"are you gonna be okay?" she rose her eyebrows.

"yeah b, i'll be fine, please don't worry," i shook my head.

"lani i just watch you have a whole anxiety attack," she started. "there's no way you're telling me not to worry."

"i'll be fine," i chuckled. "promise."

"mhm," billie playfully rolled her eyes.

"will you be?" i rose my eyebrows.

"yeah," she nodded. "i will."

"promise?"

"promise."

billie then got into the truck, and margie and i watched as my wife rode away.

-

i arrived to my doctors appointment and went into the room where my doctor was. we ran through all my lab work and everything looked good.

"yeah leilani," my doctor started. "everything looks great."

"really?" i smiled.

"yup you're all good to go," she smiled.

"yes!" i exclaimed.

"here's your paperwork for proof that you're cleared," she said.

"k thanks," i grabbed it.

"didn't bring your wife today?" she asked.

"oh um she actually left for tour today," i looked down.

"you okay?" she rose her eyebrows.

"if i'm being honest," i sighed. "i need to get back into therapy."

"well i can go ahead and assign you again if you want," she shrugged.

"yeah if you don't mind," i nodded.

"you want the same one as last time-"

"god no!" i immediately exclaimed.

her eyes got wide in confusion.

"sorry," i nervously chuckled. "um no though," i shook my head. "someone else please."

-

after i left the doctors office, i drove to the beach to try and cheer myself up about billie leaving. i spoke to riley as i passed by the tiki bar and went and laid in one of the lounge chairs that are under the umbrellas.

i just sat there, breathing in and out. trying to clear my head of any and everything. it wasn't really working though tbh.

after awhile of people watching and overthinking, my thoughts were cut off by someone setting a glass on the mini table in between the chairs.

i looked at the cup and furrowed my eyebrows before looking up.

and i could've had a heart attack.

"leilani fucking rose," jacob smirked as he sat in the chair next to mine. "long time no see."