22 | dont let me go

- billie's pov -

i woke up to the sun beaming through the window of the hotel. i looked at the hotel clock on the night stand and it was like 6am. so the sun was just rising.

i guess im waking up so early because last night i was so mad that i just turned my phone off and went to bed.

i held the side button on my phone to turn it on. while i waited on that, i started flipping through channels on the tv.

soon as my phone came on, it just started buzzing like crazy. then i saw that it was just multiple notifications from leilani.

i rolled my eyes. she must've been blowing me up with apologies. what the fuck ever.

i opened my phone and furrowed my eyebrows at the sight.

32 missed calls from leilani.

19 messages from leilani.

i opened the message thread and my heart dropped. i quickly shot out of bed and out the door of the hotel room.

my mind felt like it went blank. however, i felt like everything was going through my mind at the same time. so many scenarios.

i only read like 3 messages and one of them said that luca broke in and she needs help.

FUCK.

what happened?

i have NEVER driven as fast as i am right now. im sure i ran like 4 red lights. but i don't care. i know im driving crazy cause all i hear is car horns as im speeding through.

on my way to the apartment building, i kept calling her phone. but she wouldn't answer.

"cmon lani, cmon lani please," i say out loud as i beg her to answer the phone.

nothing.

after what felt like 3 years, i arrive to the apartment building and barely parked my car before getting out and running inside the building.

i ran to the elevator and pressed the floor number. i was hyperventilating the whole way up. my foot was tapping, my jaw clenching.

im losing it.

i barely let the elevator doors open before i ran out, dashing down the hallway to get to lani's place.

i try to open the door but it's locked. luckily, lani gave me a key to the apartment to have on my keychain so i used that one.

it was super hard though considering how jittery my hands were but i eventually got the door open and busted inside the apartment.

i ran straight to her bedroom and stopped in the doorway, my eyes damn near falling out of my head.

there luca marino was, laying on leilani's bed with nothing on but a white t- shirt that was basically fully red but i hope it's not what i think it is.

i looked over to see leilani sitting in the corner, holding her knees. she was in nothing but an oversized tee shirt.

it's like she wasn't facing his direction. as if she was afraid to see him.

i immediately ran to her, kneeling to the floor to hold her in my arms. she instantly started sobbing hysterically into my shoulder.

"billie!" she screeched in a cry.

"im here," i told her as i rocked her back and forth. "im here, im here. it's okay."

"he's dead billie," she cried. "he's dead."

i then looked her in the eyes, not wanting to believe it. i just shook my head. "no."

"i killed him," she nodded as she cried.

i then turned and actually looked at him, paying attention to detail. and i saw it. that's definitely blood all over his shirt and on the white sheets of the bed.

i then looked next to him to see a broken wine bottle covered in blood as well. i turned back to look at lani and she had blood all over her arms and hands that i didn't notice before.

at that point, i felt myself gagging. i quickly ran into the bathroom and upchucked into the toilet. i was shaking. scared. uneasy. worried. angry.

i came out and helped lani to stand up. "lani we have to go."

"no we can't leave him here," she exclaimed.

"lani-"

"i didn't mean to do it," she continued to cry. "i don't know what happened."

"stop stop!" i told her as i rummaged through her drawer for some sweat pants.

"but i was just trying to-"

"lani shut up!" i yelled. "shut up! please for just one second!"

please don't think im being mean. you gotta imagine if you were in this predicament. im too afraid to hear anything right now. it's like im overstimulated and anxious and terrified all at once.

but i can understand that lani is too. she's probably so worried and scared that all she can do is try to explain herself. so i have to help her calm down.

i finally found pants and hurried over to lani to help her put them on. i then made her put her slippers on and i started to drag her into her bathroom.

"we have to wash this off," i shook my head as i ran soap and water over her hands. i was scrubbing them with quickness like there was no tomorrow, so much panic in me. in both of us.

finally, her hands looked as normal as they could and i hurried and pulled her so that we can leave. i saw her phone on the floor and grabbed it on our way out of the bedroom.

she then turned to look at him.

"no!" i quickly put my hands over her eyes. "no, you don't need to see that, it's okay."

i held her close to me as we walked out.

"i need to go to the hospital," lani struggled to get out.

i stopped in my tracks. "did he hurt you?" i asked her with my voice slightly raised.

she just looked down.

"okay okay," i nodded. "what, do we um need to get you an mri or- or like an ice pack or-"

"a rape kit," she said lowly.

"im sorry what?" i rose my eyebrows.

"a ra- rape kit," she looked at me. "he raped me."

suddenly, my whole world fell apart. i honestly felt like dying right in that second. but i knew i needed to hold it together for my baby.

"o- oka-" i cleared my throat. "okay," i nodded.

i immediately picked her up from the floor and carried all the way out of the hotel and to my car. i put her in the passenger seat and i got into the driver seat.

i was so tense and anxious that i had both hands on the wheel, my body stiff as ever. i tried my hardest to fight tears because i didn't want lani to see me this way while she's already feeling bad but it was inevitable.

so the drive to the hospital, tears streamed down my face like a river. however i made sure not to make a sound of crying for as long as i could. i didn't even look at leilani but i know she was looking at me.

emotionally, i was holding on until she put her hand on one of my arms and took it off the wheel so that she could hold that hand. she began rubbing it with her thumb to try and comfort me.

i still couldn't look at her, i just started sobbing. "im so sorry lani," i broke down right as i parked the car at the hospital. "im so fucking sorry."

"stop," she shook her head. "shhhh," she told me. we were now both crying in each other's arms.

i sighed. "cmon, let's go."

we got lani checked in and i ended up calling 911, along with margie. lani didn't wanna let her family know yet.

margie rushed to the hospital and we all sat in the waiting room while they had lani in the back.

margie was holding me as i couldn't stop crying. "billie it's not your fault."

"yes it is!" i exclaimed. "as a partner, im supposed to protect her! im supposed to do all i can to keep her safe and i failed."

"you didn't fail billie," margie told me. "you defended her as a good partner does."

"but he came there and raped her margie," i sobbed. "and i wasn't there because i went to a fucking hotel and turned my fucking phone off!" i basically yelled.

"okay okay," she pulled me closer. "shhhhh. you couldn't have known that that'd happen-"

"and im sure he got in easily because i didn't lock the door when i left," i groaned.

"billie-"

"and now lani has to live with the trauma of rape and murder like," i continued to cry.

"i love you billie," margie began to cry. "it's gonna be okay. everything's gonna be okay."

then the doctor entered the waiting room. "leilani rose?"

margie and i quickly stood up, wiping the tears off our faces. he walked over to us and sighed.

"mrs. o'connell, as expected the dna on the rape kit does match the identity of luca marino," he started. "im sorry."

more tears started forming in my eyes.

"she also has a slight mark on her face from being slapped and she has some abrasions on her neck from being strangled."

my eyes slightly widened. i suddenly felt myself getting light headed.

"billie," i heard margie say.

and then everything went black.

- leilani's pov -

i looked over at billie who was now sitting on the edge of the hospital bed next to mine.

apparently, when the doctors told her about me getting strangled, she fainted. it didn't take much for her to wake up but now they wanna do a checkup on her just to be safe.

"okay mrs. o'connell," the nurse started. "you're good, just please stay seated for a minute."

billie grinned and nodded at the lady. and as soon as the nurse left, she got up and walked over to me. she sat at the edge of my bed and i scooted over, allowing her to lay next to me.

she held me, but we didn't say anything to each other.

silence.

our mines flooded.

then suddenly, policemen started walking in. "guys, the authorities are here to talk to leilani," the nurse said.

"she's not ready," billie spoke up.

"ma'am if we could just speak to your wife-"

"she's not ready!" billie exclaimed. "can you give her some time? gah damn."

"it's okay," i said lowly to billie. "i can do it."

"you sure?" she looked at me in my eyes. "you don't have to."

"im sure," i nodded to her. "as long as you don't let me go."

b nodded and pulled me in closer in her embrace.

"can you tell us what happened?" the police asked me.

"he broke into my home raped me," i simply stated.

"can you give us a little more detail?" he asked.

i sighed.

"i had just gotten out of the bath tub when i heard someone walk in," i started. "he backed me into a wall, threw my phone, pinned me to the bed, hit me, choked me, and ya know."

"and when did you retaliate?" the man asked.

"when he was um ejaculating into me," i sighed.

"oh my god," billie quickly rose up as she had to throw up again.

the nurse quickly ran and brought billie a trash bin to vomit in.

"im sorry," bil said afterwards.

"its okay," i rubbed her back. "do you need to leave out while i talk to them?"

"no no," she shook her head. "im here, im not going anywhere."

"okay," i said softly to her before continuing on to the police. "um yeah i broke the wine bottle and stabbed him in the stomach. but i didn't mean to kill him i don't know what i thought would happen, i just wanted him off of me."

"we know ma'am," they said. "did you just stab him once and pull the bottle out of him?"

"i stabbed him once but he's the one who pulled it out of him," i lied. "i ran to the corner to hide cause i thought he'd beat me or something."

"but instead, he bled out," the cops nodded.

"right," i looked down.

"do you know if there's any reason why he'd wanna do that to you?" they asked.

"i knew he wanted me throughout my time working for him but i never could think of any reason why he'd feel the need to assault me," i shook my head.

"did he say anything to you when he broke in that could hint to a reason?" they asked.

"um," i glanced at billie then looked down. "no."

i know im lying but the last thing billie needs to hear is that he basically said it was because of her right before assaulting me.

"okay," the cops nodded as they wrote shit down on notepads. "thank you so much for your cooperation."

"please tell his family im sorry," i teared up.

the cops just grinned as they felt bad for me.

-

"you're gonna be fine," my lawyer, lisa, said. "the law literally states that self defense is legal in cases of sexual assault. plus we have the proof from him hitting you and everything, we got this."

"okay," i nodded.

it's been a month and i've been doing okay. i hope this isn't taken the wrong way, but being put in a situation like that and seeing what i did has made me realize how brave i actually am.

it's like if anything, i am proud of myself because he could've very well killed me after he finished. it was literally him or me.

billie and i are back in therapy because of it though, individually. but we're honestly doing rather okay. i thought this would make her hesitant to leave me alone but if anything, now she trusts me to handle my own considering what i did.

but she definitely refuses to leave her phone out of her sight now, margie too.

and she also apologized to me damn near everyday the last month. but i also kept apologizing to her for not appreciating her defending me.

i never went back to victoria secret but they all sent me flowers and letters and what not once the news broke.

of course, the internet is mean so not everyone believes me. some people think i just flat out killed him because he was a "mean boss."

which i guess i can see because the internet was under the impression that luca was a gay man. so to hear that he raped one of his models seemed impossible to the media.

but for some reason, everyone at victoria secret believed me, which says a lot.

- another month later, back in LA -

"what are you thinking for dinner tonight?" billie asked me as she walked in the kitchen.

"for some reason i really want a burger," i shrugged. "wanna make some vegan ones?"

"yeah we can do that," she nodded.

then my phone started ringing.

"it's lisa," billie said as she looked at my phone and handed it to me.

i furrowed my eyebrows.

"hi lisa," i said as i put the phone on speaker.

"hi leilani," she started. "we have a problem."

"wh- what do you mean?" i asked her.

"a family member of luca's has called your case into question," she said.

"what?" i asked in disbelief.

"you have to go to trial."