Chapter 31

Logan waits for me on the steps in front of the main entrance. His hair is ruffled, as if he repeatedly ran his hands through it, and he's staring down at the skateboard in front of him. It's cold, the sky grey and ready for the icy cold winter weather, and Logan isn't wearing a coat, still in his crisp white dress shirt plus really nice black jeans. His expression is unreadable and even though he doesn't look up, he notices me right away.

"Why did you bring this?" I ask, "Did you want to skateboard - here?"

Logan makes a face. "Maybe I wanted to pose with it. But Johnny said no way."

I chuckle and sit down next to him, but Logan doesn't smile. He presses his lips together and doesn't even look at me. I sigh.

"Logan. What now?"

Logan snorts. "Nothing."

I want to strangle him.

"Jesus. Talk to me or don't. I have no idea what's going on."

"Oh really?" Logan says and laughs bitterly, "Really June - you don't know?"

I cross my arms in front of my chest. "No, I really don't. So tell me what's going on or I'll go and -"

"And what?" Logan spits on the ground in front of us, "You go back to cuddle up to your boyfriend? Rub it in my face some more, how happy and in love you guys are? Yeah, please go and do that."

I'm quiet for a few seconds, trying to comprehend what he just said.

"... what?"

"Yeah what, was this really necessary?" Logan sounds furious now, "This whole cringey couple shoot, what the actual fuck, June."

"Matthew wanted to take pictures -"

"Oh sure, Matthew," Logan snorts, "Seriously, what even are you two? Is he blackmailing you or something?"

"What?"

I have no idea what Logan is on about, but he sounds extremely mad for some reason.

"Why are you like this with him?" Logan spits, "I can't even look at you, this whole sweet-sweet cuddle-cuddle nonsense makes me sick."

"Says the guys with his tongue down Vivian's throat 24/7."

Logan gives me a glare. "Well sorry, but I am always like this. Meanwhile you - with me, you were cold as ice, seriously. I felt like I was kissing a statue! You never initiated anything between us, not even once!"

"I came to watch you at the skate park all the time!" I say and raise an eyebrow, "Do you know how exciting it is to sit there and watch you fail the same trick over and over again? And I still did it anyway! I did it because I really liked you, while you were all busy two-timing me with Vivian!"

"Oh, sure, I was so grateful you came to watch me, looking all annoyed and never talking to anyone," Logan snorts, "Really, great support. I felt the love."

I narrow my eyes at him.

"Also, talking about love," Logan continues, "Why do you tell me now you liked me, but never when we were together? I sometimes felt like you hated me. That was so hard for me, that made me feel so horrible, like an absolute scumbag taking advantage -"

"What is this, Logan," I hiss and cut his ranting, "Are you pissed I wasn't the perfect girlfriend? You're dating Vivian remember? Why do you care now, this is so dumb."

Logan looks taken aback and swallows hard. He runs a hand through his hair, making it even messier, and then shakes his head.

"You don't understand."

"Then make me understand!"

Logan gives me a look that is nothing like the furious one before, but surprisingly soft.

"I told you it wasn't serious." Logan says, "Our relationship."

"Yes?"

Logan sighs and shakes his head. "I lied."

I stare at him.

"I liked you - I liked you so much, do you even know that?" Logan chuckles, and it sounds bitter, and hurt, "I had a crush on you for like half of junior year, and then on the last day, when I kissed you and you didn't push me away, I was ecstatic. So freaking ecstatic, really. I thought this is it, the girl I like likes me back. I was so happy - for about two weeks."

Logan sighs and then takes my hand. The tips of his fingers are cold, but his palm is warm, and fits perfectly against mine. It feels comforting, in a familiar kind of way.

"Do you know how it feels like - holding the hand of the person you like, but knowing they don't like you back?" Logan says slowly, "Did you even notice how it was killing me, every time you turned away, refused to hold my hand, didn't even look into my eyes after I kissed you?"

"Logan," I hiss, "Logan - this is nonsense. If you're trying to say you liked me, how could you cheat on me the same time?"

"Yeah, how could I?" Logan snorts and the look in his eyes is hard and freezing, "How could I cheat on you, when I was nothing but frustrated being close and still so far away to you? How could Vivian possibly show up, act just the right way, just as affectionate as I wanted you to be?"

It's like a stab right into my chest, and I'm mostly hurt because Logan manages to twist things to make me feel like this was all my fault. Logan looks so furious, and so, so hurt. His one hand is clenched, while he holds my hand tightly in his other.

"So what?" he continues and spits out, "So what if I'm with Vivian now? Does this make it any better? Does that make the fact you look so perfect with Matthew any more bearable? You were supposed to look like this with me, not with him!"

My eyes are burning, and I furiously rub my sleeve over my cheeks. Logan reaches out as if to touch my face but stops himself halfway.

"What is this?" he asks with a sigh, "Stop crying, I'm supposed to be mad at you."

I shake my head and turn away from him to take a few calming breaths.

"This is dumb," I tell him and press my lips together, "Why do you say all this stuff now? Why do you tell me you're hurt looking at Matthew and me, when I felt the same way about Vivian and you? Why do you tell me now, now that I'm finally not looking at you like that anymore?"

Logan looks taken aback, as if this is definitely not the reaction he hoped for. "I just thought I needed to tell you because -"

"Because of what?" I retreat, "What do you expect me to do, Logan? Break up with Matthew? Come back to you? You cheated on me, if I dare to remind you. You cheated on me, as if it meant nothing, and this shitty excuse, saying it was my fault -"

Logan pulls me in by my neck and kisses me.

It's warm, and so familiar it's not displeasing. I close my eyes, then open them again. Logan's cheek is right in front of me, and I'm wondering what exactly he's doing. And why, after all this time, there is not even a single spark, a single rollercoaster feeling inside my stomach. Instead I count to ten, before slowly pushing him away.

"Logan?" I start and tilt my head, "Uh - what the hell?"

There's a pause, almost awkward but then not, because it's Logan and he looks so pitiful. He bites down hard on his lower lip, and exhales loudly.

"I kinda expected something different from this."

"What exactly?" I ask and furrow my brows.

"Dunno - fireworks maybe? Fanfares somewhere in the background?" Logan shrugs and ruffles his hair, "The answer to all of my questions?"

I snort and lean back. "Not sure that worked?"

"Maybe we have to try it again?" Logan says lightly and both of his hands hold gently onto my neck.

He kisses me again and it's more light pecks than anything. I allow him to hold me close and when he leans back I roll my eyes. This may probably be the most ridiculous thing ever.

"No fireworks?" Logan asks.

"No fireworks," I say and nudge his shoulder, "Nice try though."

Logan rubs his nape and looks sheepish. "Well, I guess this is the answer I needed."

"To what?" I ask and allow him to play with my hand.

"The answer to whether we're meant to be together," Logan says.

I can't really read his expression, but there's a certain spark missing in his eyes. Instead, he looks almost defeated.

"I'm sorry, Logan," I say, "But besides everything, too much shit has happened. This, you and me, can't work out. Not anymore."

Logan is quiet for a good minute, his fingers grazing lightly over my hand before holding onto it tightly. "Do you hate me - for what I did? Cheating on you, I mean?"

"Do you really think cheating wasn't a big deal?" I retreat, "Do you really think the way I acted around you gives you the right to cheat on me, because Vivian's a better girlfriend anyway?"

Logan shakes his head, and his blonde locks are covering his eyes.

"No. I'm sorry."

"Then I don't hate you," I say and squeeze his hand, before freeing myself from his touch, "You know what? This is all I wanted to hear from you, ever since school started. A simple apology. Though this was still pretty lame."

"Should I buy - roses? Bake a cake?"

"Sweet, but I don't trust you in the kitchen," I pause and tilt my head, "Remember last year, during cooking class?"

Logan makes a face. "I thought you forgot that."

"You set Mrs. Johnson on fire with a Bunsen burner -"

Logan laughs and takes my hand again, and I let him. It doesn't feel as comforting as when Kaia's doing it, or my mum, and can definitely not be compared to Matthew. It doesn't feel awkward though, and reminds me of summer in a way that doesn't feel all that bad anymore. I feel happy. Maybe not too happy, but happy enough to be hopeful. Things look like they're finally working out, and this is a great thing, right?

My good mood lasts for another ten glorious seconds, until I look up and notice Vivian watching us. She's right on top of the stairs, and the look in her eyes is absolutely murderous.

Oh. Oh no, this is not good.

"No," I say and quickly shove Logan away, "No no no, this is not what it looks like."

Logan looks puzzled, and then all color drains rapidly out of his face.

"Holy cr­­­- Viv, I'm sorry -"

"You're sorry?" Vivian screams from where she's standing and her voice is sharp and very, very dangerous, "You say you're sorry?"

She struts over, until she's right in front of us and reaches out. I'm afraid she's going to slap me and jump backwards, but instead her fists tighten around Logan's collar.

"What - are - you - sorry - for?" she hisses and shakes his collar furiously, "The fact you kissed June? Not even once, but several times? The fact you want to get back with her? Or the fact you started a relationship with me while you were still head over heels for her? You told me you were over!"

I'm quickly move out of the way until I'm back on top of the stairs, watching them from a safe distance. Vivian never looked more intimidating, what with the way her carefully styled hair flies wildly all around her head and her glare is absolutely piercing. Her blouse is wrinkled, and the knuckles on her hands are white while she's still shaking Logan's collar.

"I'm really sorry, Viv -" he starts again.

"Oh please!" Vivian lets go of him and pushes him backwards, "You're not even denying it! We are so over, Logan!"

"What?" Logan practically screams, "You can't be serious -"

I turn around, because this is definitely not my business. For nothing in the world would I want to get involved in this, especially not when Vivian's voice turns up 110 percent.

"Oh? You'll see how serious I am after I assassinate your sorry ass!"

The door closes behind me and I wonder if I'll ever see Logan alive again.

"June!"

Liling calls as soon as I'm back inside the green & gold room, waving her hands and clapping.

"You have to look at this - our pictures look so good!"

Sam has set up a laptop, and all the council members are huddled around him. Matthew takes my hand and pulls me close towards him.

"Where did you leave Logan and Vivian?" he asks quietly.

I furrow my brows. "Who?"

The pictures came out great.

I never expected all of us to look so good, in a professional, classy kind of way, especially not the boys. But everyone sports handsome, serious, if slightly stiff expressions. Our faces are highlighted and flawless, rows of stern gazes directed at the camera. I quickly check myself and am pleased by the indifferent expression on my face. My hair doesn't look as glossy and shiny as Liling's, nor is my skin as flawless as Kaia's, but I look nice. Logan and Duncan both rest a hand on my back rest, and they look really good, like young and ambitious employees. Johnny looks like the soon to be CEO he always is and Matthew almost as serious with his stern glance, if it wasn't not for the small grin playing his lips. Carlos next to him is way more obvious, the corners of his mouth pulled upwards and a sparkle in his eyes.

"What is this?" Johnny complains, "Didn't I say serious? Carlos, you're grinning in every single one of these!"

"Sorry," Carlos shrugs, "I can't help it, I'm a positive person."

Johnny rolls his eyes and then points at the third picture. "I'll say we choose this one for the banner. Everyone's expression is good - minus Carlos - and no one has their eyes closed."

"This is really nice," Kaia agrees, "You look good in it, Johnny."

"Can't say the same about you," Liling tells Duncan.

"What? Have you seen your face? You look like a hamster."

"Guys," Agatha gently pulls Liling back who looks ready to jump Duncan's throat.

"Okay then," Sam nods and selects the picture. "I'll send it to the print shop. I can also print a few copies right here, for personal use."

"Yes please!" Liling claps her hands, "I need to show my parents!"

Sam taps lightly on the keyboard, and then turns to Matthew and I, "What about you guys? I can print you small copies of your pictures to keep."

I have no idea how our pictures came out, since I didn't even look at them yet, but Matthew beams and gives him a thumbs-up.

"They look so good," Kaia sighs, "I'm so jealous June, I want a photoshoot with my handsome boyfriend, too."

I'm curious, leaning over Matthew's shoulder as Sam hands him two sheets of high gloss paper, each with a stripe of four small pictures on it.

"Thank you," Matthew says with a really pleased smile.

Sam turns away and Johnny immediately strikes a conversation with him, telling him president-worthy phrases about how we're so thankful he did the shooting for free and that he's a really great photographer with a bright future and high prospects on succeeding in launching his own photo studio.

I look at the sheet Matthew hands me, and am amazed by how good we actually look. Not supermodel-like, with perfect skin and beautiful faces and bodies, but not bad either. The way Matthew looks at me has me stunned.

He's completely focused, dark eyes deep and intense, and his hand rests perfectly on my waist. I look half embarrassed, half awkward, but it's not too obvious. There's something about the way I smile in the pictures that surprises me myself. I'm glowing.

"This one is pretty cute," Matthew says, and I half expect him to point at the one where we kiss - super embarrassing - but he lightly flicks the fourth, where he holds me close with a laugh on his face while I glare up at him, "Will you keep it in your purse?"

"Cheesy," I mutter.

Matthew chuckles andpokes my nose and I roll my eyes at him. I'll keep it in my purse, of course Ido.