45. I hate myself. Along with you

ROOHI

I pivoted to look at him while I was feeling like a lifeless statue.

"If this is a joke. It's dreadful. Stop it." I murmured to him as he walked closer to me.

"You can diagnose me with your doctor," I said to him as he looked at me deeply in the eyes. "I only have a month or half left with me. And I want to spend my last time with you Roohi, Please?" he said as I hit him on his face again but lightly.

"This is not funny. It's not. Please. Don't use this to get me or anything!"

"I'm not!!" He yelled as I fall on the ground embraced in sorrow. My body was losing me.

"How can?  How can?" I said to myself as I realized he was in the rain. I stood and pulled him."Let's go inside. Change into something warm and take care of yourself, if you are not lying?" I said and start to pull him inside.

I took him inside the house and I saw Jatin standing with some files. I wanted it before. But he saw me and Rudram and his eyes widened as he ran towards me.

"What's wrong?" he asked me concerned.

"First soak him," I said as I yelled at the helpers to bring me all the supplies I need.

I started to dry him with the towel but he grabbed my hands.

"Please just give me your 35 days. I want to spend my last days and last breath with you, I made a huge mistake and I am being punished for the right. I lost the best years of my life without you, I just want you to be with me at my end?" he said to me as Jatin was shocked.

"What do you mean?" he asked me concerned I looked at Jatin and my tears rolled from my eyes.

"Save him. He needs a heart transplant. Please put everything inside to get it as soon as possible." I said while I was interrupted by Rudram.

"I have the rarest blood type. You can never get it,"  he said to me as I shooked.

"We will get in. Even if it's from the end of the earth." I said to him and he looked dull right now.

"Why were you out like that drenching, if you are sick!!!  Why? I hate you!" I said to him as I hated myself too because I left him to be there.

"If I have to die. I'd rather die while thinking and living around you," he spoke his words and all the hatred in me for him started to go away.

How can I hate him? How can I hate him anymore? Or blame him?

This is unfair to me! Once again!

"You just dropped a bomb on me. And now saying these words. What am I going to do?!" I yelled at him as he looked straight at me.

"Just be with me in my last days," he said as I hit him again. "Don't say words like this. We are going to find a match for you. From anywhere, I'm going to pay any amount. " I said as I hugged him.

He was dying and I was hating him.

But then I heard a scream from the top of my house. We both looked shocked as the caretaker of Naanaji came running to me after a while.

"Ma'am!! Sir is awake! He is awake!" I heard her words and my empty heart refilled again I looked at Jatin and we both started to run towards the elevator. We both went up as the door opened and I ran towards his room.

Running towards the room I saw Naanaji trying to sit up. As I went to him and helped him by raising his bed.

I took his hand in mine and caressed it smoothly.

"Naanu." I said as he looked at my face.

"How are you my darling?" "I did everything. Naanu everything. But now I regret it. I regret it. " I said and ended up crying despite everything.

Am I supposed to be happy that he is awake? Or sad that someone is dying?

How am I supposed to know what I should be feeling now?

Why when one arrives, the other disappears

Why??

But then Naanu started to look at the door and I saw that it was Rudram.

"Naanu your doctor is on way. He is coming. You rest till then." I said to him as he didn't let my hand go.

"W-wha-t...is... H-he...doing...here?" He asked me as I looked at him both of them.

"I have forgiven him, Naanu. Even if I don't want to. I can't be cruel!"

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