Chapter 29: Stay With Me

Chapter 29

Eros Dylan Donovan

Stay With Me

Pacing back and forth, my fingers on my chin, thinking deeply, I'm aware all eyes are on me, watching me as I struggle to calm myself down. This doesn't happen always. In fact, this is the first time that I've waited anxiously for a surgery to get done as soon as possible. It's not like I had a family who had a surgery before. This is a first.

To be honest, I'm more depressed than the father himself. Mikel is just looking calm and laid back, like the man in the Operation Room is not his son. But I do understand Gloss' point, Noah's boyfriend. Nothing good will happen if you think something bad's going to happen. I told him I was just worried. Then he said something unexpected that caught me off guard.

"Why do you need to worry if you know a positive thing will happen?" He threw back at me. I just looked at him. "Worry and negativity sometimes are connected. You won't worry, you're set. If you're worrying, then there's this teeny tine part at the back of your head that says negative things."

He's right. What do I need to worry about if I know that everything is going to be alright, and everything is going back to the way it used to be? Yes. But what if Mike wakes up, and he decides that he doesn't want me anymore? That he hates me? I'd break. I can't handle being rejected by him. He can break my heart, because I broke his, but the thought of losing him sends me to the edge, making the rim of my eyes water at the thought, my heart beating like a drum, each beat is painful.

The surgery has been going on for hours now, and so far, we haven't gotten any news yet. Dr. Zuta is still inside that goddamn Operating Room, doing god knows what to my Mike.

"I want to vomit," someone says. I whip my head to the direction of the person who said it. It's Nero. And he's glaring me. "Calm yo' ass down. Mike's going to make it!"

Sighing, I take a seat beside him. Brad is fast asleep on Mikel's arms. I introduced him to Mikel and he was very happy to see Mike's dad. He said he has the same features as him and has the same accent, which made Brad frown a little because Mikel's accent is much more slang than Mike's. But nonetheless, they had fun together. Mikel let out his father side and played with Brad and until he got tired and slept. And now, he's being craddled by Mikel, who has his arms around him, rubbing his back to comfort him. Everyone's kind of giving me sympathetic looks but I just brush it away. Everyone except Gloss. He sure does know how to make me lift myself up. I don't want to receive those looks, because it makes me guilty. But what's been done is done. The damaged has been done. There's nothing I can do to change it. But there's something I can to make up for it.

+++

'Mike, I'm really for what happened. I felt so guilty. I was being an asshole, and it was my fault you got into this mess. I knew I should have swayed you up in my arms, but I chose not to. I was being dumb. I wasn't in the right state of my mind. You made me happy, Mike. And the thought of losing you is making my heart bleed with guilt and pain. Physically and mentally. I'm not yet ready if you'll leave me. But you can leave me. For you, I'll move on. I will let you leave me. I will leave you alone and never bother you again. Of course, you can still see Brad. But I won't be there when you see him. I don't want to see my man being with another pair of arms, holding you tight as he whispers adorable things right in your ear, as he showers you with love. I can't bear the sight of it. I'll set you free. I know that before you turned 18, you already wanted to leave the house and us, so I'm going to give you that privilege. I will never ever stop you. But there's one thing I cannot do: I cannot remove my love for you. It will stay within me until I die. I love you, Mike. I know it's too fast and wondering why the hell could I love you at the small time frame that we've been given. To be honest, I don't know, too.

In case you're wondering, I do not love Mel. At first, I thought I did. But I realized that I was just looking for someone who could stay beside me, who could fill the emptiness that I was feeling, who could make me satisfy. But then you came. You changed me. Too cliché, but it's true. You filled them emptiness that my parents had left. You stood beside me. You made me satisfy with just having you around. You made me feel love. You cared for me and Brad. And I'm thankful to you.

The reason why I'm writing this letter is that, I can't trust my voice when you wake up. At least, I don't have to say this, because I know, the moment I open my mouth, words would not come out. At least, at this letter, you can feel my emotions. I want you, Mike.

I'm so in love with you. So much.'

+++

The surgery has been successful. They did a surgery on Mike's lower back, where the bullets had stucked in and grazed his nerves. Now, Mike is now lying on the bed with his hospital gown on. His eyes are shut softly and his lips are slightly parted. I want to kiss him here. I want to ravish him. But that would do no good.

Taking his hand, I lift it up and put a soft kiss at the back of it. The surgery happened two days ago, and yet, Mike still hasn't woken up yet. Dr. Zuta said it's normal, but I think it's not normal. Mike's chest is heaving up and down slowly. I trail my fingers across his chest and I rest my head on it, where his heart is placed. I shut my eyes and listen to soft beat of his heart. My eyes well up with tears as I choke a whimper.

"Mike, why don't you wake up?" I sob, tightening my grip on his hand, letting the tears fall down. "Don't you want to see me again? Brad? You friends? Your father?"

Tears keep flowing. And I'm glad that they aren't here to witness me crying my eyes out to the man who made me miserable for the past few days. I know I'm being a jerk, but it's not fair that he keeps torturing me by not waking up. I lift my head out of his chest, crawl up onto him and plant a soft kiss on his lips. His lips are still the same. It fits my lips against him. I still feel the fireworks exploding inside me as I pull away from the kiss, tears still flowing and lands on Mike's face. I brush it away using my thumb. I watch him sleep, still brushing the tears that keep landing on his beautiful and angelic face.

"Mike, please wake up." I plead, placing my forehead against his, whimpering. "Please, please, please. Wake up and tell me that you're okay. Open your eyes and let me see how beautiful they are. Please, Mike, I'm begging you." I keep crying like a teenager, hugging him as he rests.

It's midnight. I should be sleeping, but no, I choose this moment to let out my emotions until I grow tired and sleep.

+++

"Hey, the fruits!" Noah says as he points out Brad, who keeps stealing grapes. Brad purses his lips as he hesitantly puts the grapes back inside the basket and gives Noah a pout. Noah frowns and mumbles about Brad being a cute devil and lets Brad get some grapes, which makes Brad so happy as he pops some into his mouth. "It should be for Mike,"

"Leave the kid alone," Collins says as he tightens his arms around Kevin and gives him a kiss on the cheek. Kevin slaps Collins' arm softly and playfully as he rolls his eyes, pushing Collins lightly.

"Yes, Noah, leave the kid alone and let him have some grapes," Kevin chirps as he keeps pushing Collins. "It's not like those grapes are the last grapes in the world."

John chuckles. "True, Kevs." Ashton has his arm slung over John's neck and pecks John on the lips. I envy what they have.

"God, you guys are being an A-holes." Noah says, frustrated. Gloss laughs at this and so does the whole group. Even Mikel and Brad.

"Why, Noah? Can't tolerate the little kid?" Ashton teases as Nero, Derek, Kaila, Rob and Beau react to this and snigger.

"He keeps eating fruits!" Noah groans as I let out a chuckle. I realize this is the first time I let out a sofr laugh after the incident. "I thought he was so innocent and cute. But turns out he's a little devil!"

"Looks could be deceiving, you know," I say, smirking at Noah.

"Oh great, like father like son."

Everyone laughs and from the corner of my eyes, Brad is stealing a bite to the apple that he has silently taken and he catches my eyes and gives me a smirk. This kid. He has my genes. He really does.

It's night time again and everyone leaves. They said that they would come back tomorrow.

Earlier this afternoon, Dr. Zuta checked Mike's vital signs and he said that he's doing fine and recovering fast, that made me frown. If he's recovering fast, why has he not woken up yet? Why is he still lying on the goddamn bed? I kept my mouth shut though. I do not want to offend Dr. Zuta, but he's giving me a headache and false hopes.

"Why don't you go and I'll look over Mike?" Mikel offers, but I shake my head rather harshly and quickly.

"No," I state firmly, keeping my eyes glued to Mike. "I want to look over him. You can go home, Mikel. Thanks for offering. I'll take good care of Mike. This is the least that I can do."

"Don't blame yourself, Eros. No one wanted this to happen."

"I know, but thanks. Really."

"Okay," he says, patting me on the back. "Just rest? Okay. In return, I'll look over Brad."

I thank him and he goes off. I watch Mike as he sleeps peacefully and I smile. I sleep with Mike beside me.

Something brushes my hair and I groan at the contact, spooning myself to the warm feeling that envelopes me. I smile as someone keeps brushing my hair, making me sigh and snuggle closer.

I wrap my arms around the body and sigh as the warm feeling envelopes me again. Someone lets a chuckle and I scrunch my nose up in confusion but ignore it anyway.

My eyes flutter when 'it' stops combing my hair, looking up, and I let out a gasp as the most beautiful eyes pierce through mine. I shoot out of the bed and stare at him wide and shock. He chuckles again and I have to slap myself to check if I'm dreaming or not. Definitely not.

Mike's awake!

"You're awake!" I say, basically throwing myself on him. He releases a soft, melodic laugh and kisses my temple.

"Yes, baby, I'm awake."