Ch.30 If I had a soul....

Chapter 30

Maya used both of her hands to apply pressure on the wounds on Heyder's chest. She felt his warm blood soak into the sleeves of her sweater. It's metallic scent filled the interior of the car as Owen drove through the forest. Ali, sitting shotgun, rolled the window down and stuck his head out. From the corner of Maya's eyes she watched the jinn caught up a mouthful of blood.

"Ali," Maya called to him. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"My insides hurt," Ali groaned.

"Owen, hurry!" Maya said as she applied more pressure to Heyder. She looked down at his still face as her heart shriveled into a raisin. When was the last time she had seen him be silent for so long?

"Heyder...." Maya lowered her lips to his ear. "Can you hear me? You have to get up."

"Maya," Owen said over his shoulder as he hit the breaks. Maya looked up and through the two front seats she spotted the large portal.

Exton and Alec waited for them as a team of medics rushed towards the car. They jumped into action as they took Heyder out of Maya's arms and disappeared through the portal. One stayed behind and helped Ali walk through slowly. Covered in Heyder's blood, Maya climbed out of the car with shaking keens.

"I got you, baby," Exton said as he pulled her into his arms. Maya looked up at him with cloudy eyes before he pulled her head down and buried it in his chest. She didn't move as her father covered her head with kisses.

"Are you hurt?" Exton asked, pulled Maya's face up.

"No," Maya shook her head. "But dad.......I think I did that to Heyder and Ali."

"We don't have to talk about that right now."

"Do you see this?" Maya pulled away and looked down at her black sweater. "I'm covered in Heyder's blood."

"Let's get you home and cleaned up."

"I'm telling you I almost killed two jinns and you're worried about cleaning me up?" Maya yelled in frustration.

"What do you want me to do?" Exton matched her. "Let's go home and we can all talk about it with a calm head. You're running with adrenaline right now."

Maya blinked in surprise. She knew her father had a temper but he had never been stern with her or Adeline growing up. It was her mom's job to be the bad cop. She wasn't used to the alpha commend in his voice. It may not have had the same effect on her as it would have if she was a werewolf, but Maya still felt it's weight.

"Are we clear?" Exton asked.

"Yes," Maya nodded.

Owen looked over his shoulder from where he was talking to Alec and some of the other queen's guards. He walked over and put his hand on Exton's shoulder.

"Let's go," he said looking over at Maya.

Maya gave her father one last baffled look before she marched towards the portal. Behind her, she heard her father's footsteps followed by Owen's.

Maya, Owen opened his link just as they all stepped through to the palace. Exton is worried. He's not mad at you or anything.

Maya didn't say anything. She rushed up the stairs towards her room. She passed Adeline and Clare as they tried to speak to her, but she pushed past them. Entering her room, Maya ran into the bathroom and jumped into the shower. With fumbling hands, she turned the water on and hugged her midsection.

The hot water soaked through her headband down her back. It took a while for her sweater to gather and fill up with water before the blood started to rundown. Maya stood still as a rock with her eyes glued on the trail of blood. She didn't know how long she stood there until she heard Adeline come into the bathroom.

"Ada," Maya looked up at her twin. "Get this thing off of me."

Adeline nodded as she moved into the large shower and pulled the wet sweater over Maya's head. She tossed it aside and then moved to remove her sister's pants and shoes. Maya complied like a child as her sister helped her undress. The shower was filled with blood.

Once Adeline had removed all of Maya's clothes, she checked over her sister's body to make sure there weren't any cuts or injuries. Other than a few bruises and minor cuts, Maya was untouched. Adeline got out of the shower and waited for Maya to finish. She patiently bit down on her tongue and switched into Maya's dry clothes as she heard her sister scrub at her skin in the shower.

"Maya," She said, once the room started to fill with steam. "That's enough. Come out now."

"I still smell the blood," Maya said as she tossed the sponge away.

"It's in your head."

"There's so much blood."

"Maya, if you don't come out right now, I will have to come in there and drag you out," Adeline counted to three in her head as she stood by the bathroom door. She heard Maya shut off the water and then watched her reach for the towels.

"Did you hear from Mimzy?" Maya asked as she tucked her towel in.

"Not yet," Adeline shook her head.

"Do you think Piggy will give him blood if he needs it?"

"Why wouldn't she?"

"They don't have the best history," Maya sank into the edge of her bed. She undid the towel on her head and let it hang around her neck.

"Heyder is your mate," Adeline sighed. "Piggy won't hold anything against him."

Maya's chest tightened. Mate, she thought.

"Maya..." Adeline touched her sister's face. "Do you want to go to the hospital?"

"I'm not hurt," Maya shook her head.

"No," Adeline frowned. "To see Heyder."

Maya averted her gaze. She tugged at the towel around her neck and rubbed her hair. Adeline watched her closely.

"I don't see how I would be of any help," Maya said as she rose to her feet.

"I'm sure it would make him feel better if you were there," Adeline said.

"He wouldn't even know," Maya shrugged. "Which reminds me. Can you please send a guard to go get Fiza."

"Why?"

"She's alone and I'm sure Heyder didn't tell her where he was going," Maya walked into her closet and pulled on her pajama set. "Have them bring her here and put her in a guest room or somewhere."

"You're upset," Adeline frowned as she eyed her sister.

"No," Maya looked over her shoulder as she moved to her dresser to grab the lotion.

"You're wearing matching pajama top and bottom."

"So?"

"You only do that when you are upset," Adeline said.

"Ada," Maya let out a breath. "Please just go see if someone can get Fiza. I don't have the energy to get her myself."

Adeline didn't move from where she stood by the closet. She watched Maya lotion her legs before she tied the little white ribbons on her shorts and buttoned her top.

"It's not your fault, you know," Adeline said after a pause.

"It is," Maya struggled with the buttons as her fingers shook.

"You wouldn't have possibly known this would happen."

"But it did."

"Maya -"

"Please, just go get Fiza," Maya turned away. "She needs to be here."

Adeline sighed, "Okay."

________________________

For the rest of the evening, Maya stayed in her room. Whenever anyone came by to check on her, she shut her eyes tightly and pretended to be asleep. She had zero ounce of energy left in her body to deal with anyone. There was just one thing running through her mind.

Like the insides of a well oiled clock, Maya's brain ticked nonstop. She ran through all the information she had gathered in her head about the feys and placed them in an order that made sense in her mind.

What were the feys capable of doing to have the jinns fear them? Ella's question echoed in Maya's mind.

Every time she heard the question, she felt Heyder's fingers touch her all over again. She felt the surge of energy inside of her roll to the surface of her skin and then burst like a bubble. If she closed her eyes tight enough, she could still picture Ali coughing up blood and Heyder laying still in her arms.

As Maya stayed lost in her thoughts, she heard the door to her room open. She quickly shut her eyes with her back turned to whoever had entered.

"Fiza is here," Adeline said from the doorway. "Heyder is out of surgery. He's still healing. I took Fiza to see her. She's now in the second floor guest room."

"Thanks, Adeline," Maya said quietly.

"He said your name."

Maya felt her heart lodge into her throat. She pulled the covers to her chin and bit down on her bottom lip.

"He's not fully conscious, but he muttered your name," Adeline waited for a few seconds to see if her sister would respond.

"Thank you." Maya said after a long pause.

Adeline sighed as she switched the lights off and shut the door. Maya turned onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. There was no way in hell she would get any sleep. Even if she took medication strong enough to knock out a horse, Maya still wouldn't be able to sleep.

Frustrated, Maya threw the covers off of herself and sat up. She leaned against the headboard and picked up one of the fey books from the nightstand. Aimlessly, she flipped through the pages, not reading a single word. Her mind was occupied with so many other things. She felt restless and cranky.

Maya's heart debated on whether she should go see Heyder. A huge part of her wanted to. But somewhere in there, she feared his reaction. He was just so unpredictable. What would he say to her?

But wasn't going to go see him while he's unconscious the best option? Maya asked herself. She wouldn't have to say anything to him. He wouldn't ask anything of her.

The more Maya thought about it, the more she liked the idea. With a quick look over her shoulder at the clock beside her nightstand, Maya got out of bed. She slipped on her slippers and quietly hurried out of her room.

The halls were dark and silent. The night staff lingers and guarded in the shadows as Maya made her way to the hospital wing. Her eyes took a few seconds to adjust as she moved from the dimly lit palace to the brightly lit hospital halls. The nurse at the front desk stood and bowed her head as Maya entered.

"He's in room A23, your grace," she said before Maya could ask.

"Thank you," Maya gave her a quick smile before she moved around the round desk and headed for the room.

The nurses in the hall all paused to bow as Maya slowly made her way to room A23. Once she arrived, she stood outside and observed the dark room. The glass doors were closed and the curtains were pulled across them. Maya shifted from feet to feet as she asked herself one last time if this was a good idea.

"Your grace," one of the nurses passing paused. "Do you need anything?"

Maya looked up at her, "No, thank you."

Before she had any more attention from the staff, Maya slid the door aside and walked into room A23. The first thing she noticed was how cold it was. Maya felt goosebumps rise up on her legs as she patted over to the bed quiet as a mouse. Her fingers trembled as she looked down at Heyder's unconscious form.

Maya's breath caught as she noticed the white band-aids over his chest in the dark room. The white sheets were pulled up to his waist, leaving his chest and his many ink on full display. Maya slowly counted all the bandages. There was one over the little humming bird and another over feather. Smaller ones were harder to see in the dark but Maya did her best to count them all.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8......

The sharp pain that rose in her chest made Maya feel dizzy. She couldn't understand why her heart felt as if it might give up and stop functioning. She stood by the side of the bed and counted the bandages again.

After Maya's third count, she focused on Heyder's face. His sharp features seem to be cutting the shadows to assert their dominance. The light scruff he had along his jaw looked as if it needed a good shave. His lips looked softer than ever as Maya leaned closer. She reached out with her finger to push back the piece of hair that had fallen over his forehead. But as soon as Maya's finger grazed the piece of hair, Heyder's arm shot up and grabbed her wrist.

Maya gasped in the darkness as the jinn opened his eyes. Instead of his warm brown gaze, she was greeted by his silver eyes. But before Maya could process what was happening or even say a word, they were gone.

"Maya," Heyder said breathlessly.

"H-hi," Maya took in a deep breath. Her skin was starting to heat up around where Heyder still held her wrist. When she tried to pull away, he held on tighter.

"Where are you going?" Heyder frowned.

"I.....I don't know," Maya confessed.

"Stay with me," Heyder said. His voice was rough and groggy, as if he was fighting off sleep.

"I shouldn't," Maya frowned. Her heart was starting to burn and pain in a strange way.

"I'm cold, birdie," Heyder's eyes flutter close. "Come here......please."

Maya looked around the darkroom to see if she could spot the termostat. When she spotted the little white box all the way across the room, she cursed under her breath. Once again, she tried to pull her wrist free to see if she could walk over to the little box. But Heyder pulled her and she toppled over his chest.

"I am so sorry!" Maya said immediately as she heard Heyder groan. She placed her hands on either side of the jinn and tried to push away, but Heyder pulled her closer.

"Babe, I don't have the strength to pull you up right now," he said with his eyes close. "Just please get on the bed."

"But-"

"Just for once stop being stubborn," Heyder smiled. "I want you here with me."

The rare plea in his voice made Maya's mind go numb. She had no fight left in her to resist his request. With extreme slowness and caution, Maya climbed onto the bed beside Heyder. He shifted over and turned to face her.

"What's wrong?" Heyder asked as Maya buried her face in the crook of his neck.

"I don't like the smell of hospitals," Maya frowned.

"Hospitals don't have any smells," Heyder said as he pulled her closer and wrapped his arms tightly around her.

"They do," Maya pushed her arm through the space between his neck and the pillows.

"I'm here," Heyder kissed her hair.

Maya felt her chest tighten. The corners of her eyes watered as she shut them tightly. Her warm breath came out and brushed Heyder's neck.

"Are you okay, my love?" he asked.

"No," Maya shook her head.

"What's wrong?"

"I.....I'm sorry," Maya said. He could feel Heyder try to pull back to look at her face, but Maya preferred to just hold each other and not look. She didn't think she could stop her tears if she had to look into his eyes. "I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sorry I did th-"

"Shhh," Heyder whispered into her ear. "We don't have to talk about that."

"But,"

"Not tonight," Heyder sighed. His breath tickled Maya's neck. "I just want to hold you and sleep. I can't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep."

"Heyder....."

"No, birdie," Heyder moved his face closer to Maya's neck. "Not another word."

To the jinn's surprise, Maya actually listened to him. He felt her shut her mouth as he ran his finger up and down her back. He wasn't sure who it was for, but the repetitiveness of the simple action was therapeutic. Heyder felt Maya's body relax against his after a while as her heart slowed. She fit against him like a perfectly cut diamond on a ring.

Heyder slowly pulled his head back and looked down at Maya's sleeping face. He picked up her hand and brought it to his lips. With a quick inspection of her cut from earlier, Heyder pushed a bit of his energy into her to heal the stubborn scar. He watched silently as Maya's lips parted and she let out a soft breath. He knew his magic had a blissful effect on anyone he healed. But Maya's reaction was the only one he could never get enough of.

The first time he had healed her in the throne room, he feared his heart might stop from the way her eyes had lit up and her breathing hitched. At the time, all he cared about was making sure he healed her as much as possible before her family arrived. But afterward when he healed her again and his attention was undivided, Heyder's body reacted much differently.

His mind had started to conjure up very detailed images of Maya's mouth falling wide open as her head rolled back. Her little sounds and fingers all over him. Jinn, werewolf, witch, vampire or human.....male bodies all reacted the same exact way.

Heyder felt his lips pull back into a smile as he pressed another kiss on Maya's hand and brought it to his chest.

"Maya?" He asked very quietly. His voice barely a whisper.

Maya was in deep sleep. Heyder's eyes scanned her face as hers moved in her dreams.

"There is nothing I wouldn't do for you," Heyder whispered looking at her. "I love you. With all of my heart and more. If I had a soul, it would belong to you, birdie."

The sweet declaration of love hung in the air. Heyder gazed upon Maya's sleeping face as he imagined her reaction in the morning. He wasn't going to waste a single second. As soon as she woke up, he would tell her just how much she had put him under her spell. He had half a mind to wake her up in that moment, but he couldn't disturb her peace. With a heavy brick over his heart, Heyder closed his eyes wishing the night would end.

________________________

"Is he healing?"

Heyder heard Maya's voice. He was trying to hold on to a dream with her in his arms. She was under him, on top of him, beside him, rolling around in the sheets, calling his name.

"Maya..." Heyder said her name as his eyes fluttered.

"I'm here," Maya quickly took his hand. Heyder opened his eyes and found her standing beside his bed. He looked her up and down and frowned.

"You weren't wearing that last night," he pointed out. Maya looked down at her jeans and plain gray shirt.

"No....I changed," she said.

"You left?" Heyder didn't like the way his chest stumbled. He hated the way he suddenly felt like a needy teenage boy.

"Yes," Maya looked away from the jinn to her grandmother. Rye raised a silent brow before she went back to checking Heyder's wounds.

"Heyder, stop moving," Maya placed his hand down on the bed. As soon as she removed her hand, Heyder felt a shiver run down his spin. He bit down on his tongue and went along with the check up, all the while keeping his eyes only on Maya.

He felt her fight herself from looking at him. Her eyes would start to lift up but at the last seconds she would catch herself and look away. He tried many times to hold out his hand for her, but Maya always found an excuse to move around and avoid him. Heyder frowned as he worried about what was in her mind. He counted all the seconds in his mind until Rye left the room before he could tell his girl how much he loved her.

She wanted flowers and chocolates, Heyder thought. He looked around the room and wondered if the place was big enough to fit a giant teddy bear made of roses. But once he realized how childish a teddy bear was, he shook the idea out of his mind. He needed to do something big. Could he wait until he was discharged to take her on a boat ride? One look at Maya and Heyder got his answer. No way in hell could he wait any longer.

Finally, after what felt like hours, Rye was done with her routine. She patched him up with new bandages and informed him she would be checking in a few hours later. Heyder quickly thanked her and rushed her out of the room.

"Maya, I need to talk to you," he said even before Maya could shut the door behind Rye.

"Okay," Maya said looking over her shoulder. She slid the door shut and walked over to the bed. Heyder watched her as she pushed her hands into her back pockets and gave him a tight lip smile.

"There's also something I need to say," she said. "Can I go first, it's all finally straight in my head."

Heyder didn't like the idea of her going first. She needed to know how he felt about her. But putting himself over her would not be a smart move. With every bit of patience he had left in his body, Heyder nodded. He took a deep breath and reached for the fresh white shirt Rye had left for him. He pulled it over his head as Maya took a seat.

"Heyder," Maya took in a deep breath. The way her eyes flickered made Heyder uneasy. "I..... I think it's best if we.......went our separate ways."

The impact of her words left Heyder gasping for air. He stared at her, not believing what he was hearing. His insides disappeared. His mind stopped working, the fire in his core keeping his magic fueled went out, the universe stopped spinning.

"What....what brought this on?" Somehow Heyder managed to say. He couldn't even recognize his own voice.

"You were right," Maya said as she played with her fingers on her lap. "I've been doing a lot of thinking and.......I realized......"

Heyder felt the cracks appear around the edges of his world. There was thunder somewhere but Maya didn't seem to hear it.

"I'm not in love with you," Maya's voice dropped.

"So we just pack everything up and give up?" Heyder was baffled. "Are you giving up?"

"Heyder!" Maya finally looked up. "It's not going to work out between us."

"How the fuck did you figure that?"

"I have fey magic in me," Maya placed her hand over her chest. "I almost killed you."

"Minor inconvenience," Heyder shrugged. "Every couple has issues."

Maya shook her head, "Don't you see?"

"No," Heyder said. "What am I supposed to see?"

"All this happened for a reason,"

"Bullshit," Heyder felt his temper flare. "Don't give me t-"

"There is a reason why I have fey magic in the same life where Fiza came back."

"No," Heyder's blood chilled. "Maya, don't you dare sa-"

"It's not supposed to be you and I," Maya spoke as if she hadn't heard Heyder. For a second the jinn started to wonder if he was even speaking aloud. "It's supposed to be you and Fiza."

"Maya, you can't just go around assuming shit," Heyder said in frustration as he ran a hand through his hair.

"It all makes sense," Maya said looking away. "I have the fey magic because I can't be with you. That's why the universe brought you Fiza back."

"The universe can go fuck itself," Heyder's eyes shimmered silver.

"It's for the best," Maya slowly began to rise from her seat.

"No, Maya," Heyder grabbed her hand. "Stop it."

"Heyder, please....." Maya bit down on her bottom lip. Heyder's nonexistent heart began to hurt from the tears that had gathered at the corner of her eyes.

"Maya, I can't let you do this," Heyder's chest felt heavy.

"If you ever had any kind of feelings toward me, then you would let me go," Maya's eyes rested on the spot where Heyder held her hand.

"Stop this emotional drama," Heyder snapped. "This isn't a movie!"

"Heyder,"

"It's not Heyder and Fiza," Heyder got out of the bed. Maya's eyes widened as his bare feet touched the cold ground and he swayed just a tiny bit.

"It's Maya and Heyder," he said, pulling her closer. "Don't do this."

"I can't," Maya let the tears drop. Heyder's hand tightened around her wrist.

"Baby, no......not like this."

"Please don't make this harder," Maya begged. "I need to walk away from you before...."

"Before what?" Heyder frowned.

Maya lifted her eyes, "Before I fall in love with you."

"Maya..." Heyder's voice shook.

"I can't," Maya shook her head. "I can't put myself through that. I'm scared I will never live through that pain."

"You will never have to," Heyder cupped her face. "Please, stay. You have no idea of all the things I need to say to you."

"I have to go," Maya wiped her face with the back of her hands.

"No, Maya. Listen to me, I-"

"I have to go," Maya pulled away from Heyder and took a step back.

"Maya..." Heyder reached out.

Their eyes meet. Heyder's heart stopped. Maya's tears poured down.....

"I'm sorry," she said before she walked out of the room.

What do you think of Maya's decision?