Chapter 20

“Gray will hate you for this,” Earl croaked, his breathing ragged. I didn’t say anything, only watched the life drain out of him as the blood left his body. He hadn’t mentioned Mom. I would have to tell her about his death myself. I owed it to her, even if she’d never talk to me again. And Gray? I could only hope he was far away. He was still young. He had a future ahead of him. I hoped he’d try to find something he was good at and not go looking for the next MC.

Earl’s chest rose once more before he sagged into himself. I felt a pang in my chest, a strange mix of guilt and wistfulness.

My breathing was shallow and quick, still nothing in comparison to the pounding of my pulse. Earl lay lifeless at my feet, his eyes locked on mine. There was hatred but also disappointment in them. Maybe I imagined both. He’d never been a good man, and definitely not a good father, even less to Gray than to me. Still, I’d have never thought I’d kill him. He’d been my guidance on my path to revenge. He’d fired up my hatred whenever it threatened to extinguish. He’d been my idol when it came to women, school, and every other life choice. Many of them had been shitty, but I doubted my choices would have been better on my own. With my old man’s blood running through my veins, a messed-up life had always been my destiny. Falling for a mafia princess was the cherry on top.

That wasn’t why we were here now, why I’d killed the only father figure I’d known since I was a little boy. I hadn’t wanted to see his bad sides, and I had enough bad sides myself so I’d never dared to cast my judgment over another human being. Yet, Earl had gone too far. He’d crossed a barrier that had always been in place, a barrier that took him and our club down a road where there was no coming back from. We should have realized it when more and more members became Nomads, many good men the club could have used during votings.

I was guilty of kidnapping an innocent woman, and even allowing Earl to lock her in a kennel and video-recording her naked. All of these made me feel fucking guilty and like a major dick. We should have stuck with Vitiello and his men. We should have attacked him directly, but at the very least we should have kept Marcella safe of pain. That Earl had begun torturing her, that he had wanted to keep doing it, I couldn’t accept it. I’d seen the look in his eyes. I had been as lost to him as he was to me. He wanted to kill me and he would have done it if Vitiello hadn’t smashed our clubhouse to the ground. He would probably have killed Marcella first and made me watch. I had been a traitor in his eyes, when he had betrayed everything we’d always wanted the club to stand for. Honor and a free lifestyle. A home for all those who didn’t fit inside the confines of society. Brotherhood, friendship. We lost all those along the way and what remained was bitterness and hunger for revenge and money.

Still, Earl’s death had been merciful in comparison to the end Luca would have given him.

I finally dragged my eyes away from Earl. My fingers cramped around the handle of the knife and my skin was sticky with sweat and blood. Some of it my own, but most of it was Earl’s. I met Marcella’s gaze. I wasn’t sure how much of the torture she had watched. She was pale as she leaned against the wall, her arms hugging herself and her knuckles white from the grip her fingers had on her elbows. She swallowed, her eyes searching mine before she straightened and cleared her throat. “Thank you,” she said simply.

I nodded, lost for words.

“The knife,” Luca said in a voice like a whip. He was probably pissed that Earl had only suffered a brief time. He’d no doubt make sure I suffered twice as much to make up for it.

I unfurled my fingers and let the knife tumble to the ground with a clang. This might have been my last chance to ram a knife into Luca’s chest, but the hunger for revenge had been replaced by my need to guarantee Marcella’s wellbeing. Once I was dead, and I had absolutely no doubt that her father would soon kill me, Marcella needed her entire family to get past the events of the kidnapping. Even if she’d told Earl that his actions—our actions—didn’t leave scars, I’d heard the slightest tremor in her voice, seen the brief flare of pain in her eyes.

Amo moved forward and picked up the knife, his eyes never leaving me. Hatred simmered in them. I would have felt the same if I were in his place.

“It’s time to go now, Marcella,” Luca said firmly. He motioned at his brother who’d watched everything with a calculating look.

She nodded, but instead of leaving, she headed toward him. He lowered his head so she could whisper in his ear. He shook his head at first but she gripped his arm, her fingers turning white again, and whispered some more. Eventually he pulled back and gave one sharp nod, but he didn’t look happy about whatever he’d agreed on.

Her eyes darted to me, and I felt a fucking pang in my heart, knowing that this was the last time I’d see her. I wanted more time with her. I wanted another kiss, another whiff of her scent. I needed more seconds, minutes, hours, days with her, but even then, it would never be enough. I had a feeling that even a lifetime with Marcella wouldn’t sate my longing for her. It was an insatiable hunger, a burning need. I didn’t have a lifetime, not even a few seconds.

She turned and left the room. The heavy steel door fell closed with a harrowing bang.

Earl was dead. Cody was as good as dead, and Smith was a simpering mess. I supposed I would be next. Maybe Marcella had asked her father to give me a quick death, a trickle of mercy. Maybe he’d agreed. Maybe she trusted his promise. But she wasn’t here now, and I knew the kind of hatred Luca must feel for me. It was one I was painfully familiar with. I’d given up mine for Marcella.

I sank down in my chair, waiting for them to do what they wanted. I met Luca’s gaze. I wasn’t scared of him, and I’d die with my head held high. Amo shook his head and staggered toward me. Would he kill me with the same knife I’d used on Earl? It would be a fitting end.

Amo gripped my arm, and I had to resist the urge to smash my fist into his face. These were my enemies. My feelings for Marcella hadn’t changed that.

“You’re lucky my sister has a heart,” Amo snarled as he jerked me to my feet. “If it were up to me, you’d choke on your blood.” He shoved me toward the door where Luca was waiting. My body bristled at his closeness. Two decades of hatred flared up.

“Because of Marcella, you’ll live, even if you don’t deserve it,” Luca growled.

I smiled coldly. “Ditto.”

His eyes flashed with fury. He wanted to kill me. I could see the desire burning him up. But Marcella’s influence was too strong. This woman held more power in her elegant hands than she realized.

“Take him to the other cell, Growl,” he barked at a big guy with tattoos all over. The guy looked as if he wasn’t sure he heard his boss right, but he didn’t protest, only grabbed my upper arm and led me down the dark hallway. He unlocked another steel door and shoved me inside. My legs almost gave out, but I caught myself against the wall. Growl regarded me a second longer.

“Nice tattoos,” I said dryly.

He nodded but didn’t deign me with a reply. Without a word, he closed the door. I sank to the cold stone floor, suddenly feeling every cut and bruise and broken bone in my body. When I’d expected death, nothing had mattered. Now I wondered if I’d be left to rot in this place. Maybe death would have been kinder than being locked in the underground with only the memory of Marcella while she found a new guy, probably some Famiglia asshole, to marry. Eventually I closed my eyes, waiting for death or whatever else Vitiello had in store for me.

When the steel door fell shut behind my back with a chilling bang, I leaned against it and took a shuddering breath. “Marcella?” Matteo asked. He was supposed to take me home.

“Give me a moment.”

I closed my eyes. Maddox had really killed his uncle. I hoped he wouldn’t feel guilty for it. He must realize that his uncle had been a dead man the second my family had captured him. Dad would have made his end far more excruciating.

“Watching something like this takes some getting used to,” Matteo said gently.

I opened my eyes. “I don’t think I want to get used to something like that.”

Matteo smiled. “You don’t have to. After today, you can leave all this behind you.”

“You really think I can?”

Matteo shrugged. “Not if you don’t try. Some things always stay with you. You just learn to ignore them. Let’s get you home now. Aria is probably already worried sick. I don’t want her to kick my ass.”

I didn’t laugh despite the humor in his voice. “I’ll stay. I’m going to wait for Dad and Amo to be done. I want to be there when they come out. They do this for me. I owe it to them,” I said firmly.

“Torturing bikers isn’t a huge sacrifice for them, trust me. Go home and think of something else. Let today be a new start for you,” Matteo said imploringly.

It was a new start, but not in a way Matteo meant.

“I’m staying.”

Matteo sighed. “You tell your mother.”

I took out my new phone and send her a quick text before I followed Matteo toward a table and chairs beside a run-down kitchenette. He sat down, but I was too agitated.

I paced the warehouse, my stilettos loud in the huge building. I gave Matteo a look. “Why aren’t you in there, helping Dad and Amo torture and kill the two bikers?”

“Two bikers aren’t enough for all of us, especially since you took care of the two Whites we really wanted to get our hands on.”

“You want Maddox dead.”

“All of us want him dead and he wants us dead.”

“Maddox killed his uncle for me, and Dad promised to spare Maddox’s life.”

Matteo chuckled, shaking his head. “That’s not the outcome I expected.”

It wasn’t the outcome he’d wanted was what he really meant. I didn’t expect their hatred to evaporate but I wanted there to be the chance for it to vane eventually. “Where did Growl take Maddox?”

“Don’t even think about going there now. Talk to your dad and your mom, and sleep over whatever you think you want right now. All right?”

I nodded. Matteo was right. I sank down beside him on a chair. A couple of guards crossed the warehouse and threw me curious glances. I nodded a greeting at them.

Two hours passed before Dad and Amo finally showed up. They had changed clothes but the darkness still clung to them, especially Dad looked worn out. He was impossibly strong but his guilt ate away at him. I could see it every second I was with him.

He glanced at Matteo. “What’s she still doing here?”

“I refused to leave,” I said before he could reprimand Matteo.

“You should forget all this, Marci. Live the life you used to have. I’ll make sure nothing ever happens to you again. I’ll triple your guards and kill every man who means a danger to you.”

I smiled sadly. “This world means danger. You can’t shield me from it.” I loved that he still thought he could.

He shook his head. “This was never meant to happen.”

He looked like he wished he could torture himself to death. Guilt wasn’t an emotion he was very familiar with. That probably made it harder to deal with. I walked over to him and hugged his middle tightly, my cheek pressed against his chest.

“I’m my father’s daughter, Dad,” I whispered thickly. “And if that means I’ll have to bleed for our family then that’s what I’ll do. I’ll do it gladly.”

“You paid for my sins,” he rasped, and I had to look up. His eyes were so full of darkness even Mom’s light wouldn’t be able to penetrate it.

“What is the sin but a manmade phantasm?”

“Too clever and beautiful for this world.”

“This world doesn’t scare me, Dad. I’m thankful for your protection, but ultimately freedom always comes with a certain risk, and I’d rather have the freedom to walk around and do things I like than being locked into a mansion. I don’t expect you to guarantee my safety, but I love you for trying.”

Dad touched my cheek. “I could send you to a university in England where you’d be safer.”

“Dad, no matter where I go, I’ll always be a Vitiello and I don’t want to be anyone else.” I paused, knowing what I’d say next would be even a harder pill to swallow for Dad.

“I want to be part of the business.”

Dad tensed, already beginning to shake his head. I’d expected this reaction and in the past, it would have made me retreat, but I’d gone through hell.

I pulled back from him. Hugging him like a small kid wouldn’t increase my chances.

“Don’t say you want to protect me from this side of our world, Dad. I deserve to reap the rewards of my suffering.”

Dad glanced at Amo, who’d been listening with a deep frown, still cleaning his hands with a towel. Amo met my gaze. Amo was alpha. He was born to be Capo. He carried natural authority. He’d be a good Capo one day. I’d never take that from him. I could see that both he and Dad thought I was asking to become the head of the Famiglia, the first woman to ever lead an Italian American family. But like Dad had said, I was clever and knew how our men ticked. They’d never accept me, no matter what I’d do. I’d have to rule with utmost brutality and still they’d never admire and love me like they did Dad and would one day Amo.

My family was more important than being number one.

“You are older,” Amo said quietly. “It’s your birthright.” I could see how much it cost him to give me this, and I couldn’t believe what he was offering, that he was really willing to step back from the position he’d been groomed for from birth.

I swallowed, overcome by unwelcome emotionality. I stalked toward him and hugged him, my face pressed against his chest, feeling his heart pound against my cheek.

“No one deserves it more than you,” he murmured.

“You do,” I croaked. “And I won’t take that from you. Never.”

I pulled back and stared at Amo. Darkness and anger still simmered in his gray eyes and I worried they’d never go away.

He nodded, obviously fighting with himself.

I turned to Dad, who looked honestly confused. “I don’t know what place I want in the Famiglia yet. For now, I want to lead a group of enforcers who’ll hunt down every single member of the Tartarus MC in our territory who sympathizes with Earl White, and if Remo Falcone allows it, even beyond our borders. They can die or they can fall to their knees and swear loyalty to us. Once that’s taken care of, I could handle logistics or negotiate new co-operations.”

Admiration flickered in Dad’s eyes, but at the same time, his hesitancy remained. What I had to say next wouldn’t make it easier for him.

“I want Maddox at my side.”

Dad’s expression hardened, and Amo scoffed. “He’s not one of us.”

“Sparing his life is one thing, which I still consider a mistake, but allowing him to work for us and be near you? That’s out of the question, Marci. I won’t ever allow it.”

I straightened my shoulders, prepared for the battle. “He could be one of us. He saved me.”

“After he kidnapped you,” Amo growled. “Those pieces of MC shit aren’t loyal.”

“He’s loyal to me.”

Dad glowered. “Marci, don’t mistake him leaving the sinking ship for anything but what it is: fear of losing his life.”

I narrowed my eyes. “I’m not a child and I’m not a fool. Maddox isn’t scared of death. Were you even close to finding their clubhouse when he called you?”

Dad and Amo exchanged a look. “We would have found it eventually,” Dad said carefully.

“That would have been too late. Earl enjoyed torturing me. He wanted to pass me around like a trophy.”

I could see the battle in Dad’s eyes. “Your mom told me you weren’t…” He swallowed hard, torn between fury and despair.

“I wasn’t raped, no, Dad. Maddox kept me safe. He risked his life to save me. He killed his uncle to avenge me.”

“Then why did he do it?” Amo asked.

“Because he loves me.”

Amo laughed as if I’d lost my mind, but Dad only regarded me with worry. “How do you know?”

“He told me, and I can see it in his eyes. I just know it deep down.”

Dad looked away.

“Let him prove himself, to you, to me, to our family.”

“I won’t allow him near you or your mother or Valerio without supervision.”

I touched Dad’s arm. “Trust me on this, Dad.”

“I trust you, Marci, but after what he did, I can’t see myself trusting that man. And I doubt your mom would want your kidnapper near you or our family.”

“I talked to Mom about Maddox. She knows how love can change everything. It changed you.”

Amo grimaced as if the whole love discussion made him sick. “If love turns you into an idiot, I’d rather not fall in love. It’s a waste of time and energy. We are enemies, Marci. That won’t change.”

Dad ignored him. He had only eyes for me, and he looked almost scared as he asked, “If you talk about love, you mean his possible feelings for you.”

“His feelings for me, yes, and my feelings for him.”

Dad released a harsh breath. “What are you saying, Marci? That you love him?”

I swallowed hard. “I think so, yes.”

Amo cursed in Italian, and Dad shook his head, looking full of despair. “Thinking isn’t enough in this case. He’s the reason why you got that horrible tattoo. He’s the reason why you lost your ear, and you tell me you like that bastard?”

“Maddox isn’t the reason. He wanted to stop his uncle.”

“But he didn’t.”

“He couldn’t.”

Dad shook his head. “He’s the enemy.”

“He doesn’t have to be.”

“He can’t be part of our world. Our men would never accept him.”

“I know it’ll be a hard battle, but it’s one I’m willing to fight.”

“And Maddox, do you really think he wants to work for me, follow my orders?” Dad motioned at the cut on the side of his head then at his leg. “He stabbed me. He wanted to kill me. He probably still wants to kill me and your brother.”

“But he didn’t?”

Dad chuckled darkly. “Did you ask him if he wants to be part of our world?”

I swallowed, trying to come to terms with the fact that Maddox had attacked Dad. Maybe his desire for revenge was still too strong. But what would become of us then? I wouldn’t leave my family. “I have to talk to him.”

“We can give him a quick death if that’s what you want after the talk,” Amo said.

I gave him a hard look. “That’s not funny.”

“No, it’s not,” Amo agreed. “It’s fucking bullshit that you think you love our enemy.”

Dad wrapped an arm around me. “Wait a day or two before you talk to him. Give yourself time to bring distance between yourself and the kidnapping. Talk to your mom again.”

“Okay,” I said. Dad was right. I needed a clear head for my conversation with Maddox. Too much was at stake. Not just my happiness and his life, but also my family’s wellbeing. I couldn’t be selfish with this.

Dad and Amo exchanged a look with Matteo. It wasn’t difficult to read their expressions. They all hoped I’d change my mind and let them kill Maddox.

“If we let him live, maybe even let him go, he might try to kill your father and brother again. You really want to risk it?” Matteo asked quietly as we headed to the car outside.