Chapter 18

I watched Marcella being dragged away by Vitiello’s brother, the knife lover. Her eyes flashed with panic as they settled on me, and she shouted at her father to spare me.

I smiled wryly. The look I saw on Luca Vitiello’s face was one I’d seen many years ago, He’d come to maim and kill, not spare anyone. Certainly not me, and not Gray either. I didn’t deserve mercy, and I never wanted it. My gaze darted to my brother hunched behind a sofa. I didn’t care for my life, but I’d get Gray out of here alive even if I had to kill Luca and his men.

I made a mad dash for the sofa and landed on the floor beside Gray. He was bleeding from a bullet wound in his upper arm but otherwise looked unharmed. I checked the wound, ignoring his wince as I prodded around in his torn-apart flesh. The bullet was lodged inside, which wasn’t a bad thing considering it prevented worse bleeding. There would be time to remove it later.

Gray held a gun in his left hand but knowing he strongly favored his right, now injured arm, he might as well be unarmed.

“You got ammo?”

He nodded. “Four more shots.”

That wasn’t nearly enough against the army we were up against. It wasn’t even enough against Luca fucking Vitiello out for blood.

“Okay, listen to me, Gray. I’ll try to distract them and fire every bullet I have on them so you can save your sorry ass.”

His eyes widened. “I won’t run off like a coward. Dad needs my help.”

“Earl ran off upstairs to save his own ass, leaving you here to deal with Vitiello and his army. He doesn’t deserve your worry.”

Gray shook his head. “I’m not a coward.”

“No, you’re not. But you aren’t a fool either, and staying here is foolish. We can’t get out of this alive, not with the numbers against us. But you know all the secret pathways out of the woods. If anyone can get away from here, it’s you.” Gray kept shaking his head. I grabbed his cut. “Fuck. Mom needs you. If Earl and I die, then she needs you.”

That seemed to get through his thick skull.

“Get out of there, White,” Luca called. I assumed he meant me, considering that Earl had run upstairs to hide.

I gave a nod toward Gray. “You run toward the back door as fast as your legs carry you when I give you the sign, understood?” I wouldn’t be responsible for his death.

“Understood,” Gray muttered.

“Good.” I pushed to my feet and began firing at everything that moved. Luca and another man I didn’t know sought cover outside but kept firing at me. Amo Vitiello hid behind the overturned pool table but he too shot at me. I ducked behind the sofa, glad for the metal sheets Gunnar had attached to the underside a few weeks ago in preparation for a possible attack.

I jumped back up just when Luca and two men stepped in again. I raised my gun, ready to blast holes into everyone.

Luca was distracted by his son making a crazy-ass dash upstairs, probably to kill the remaining bikers by himself. I knew that invincible feeling of my teenage days. “Follow Amo!” he roared at his men. They didn’t hesitate and rushed after the younger Vitiello, leaving their Capo alone with me.

“Run,” I screamed at Gray as I used this once-in-a-lifetime moment and lunged. Vitiello reacted too late and I barreled into him, sending us both flying to the floor. He grabbed me by the throat, cutting off my air supply, but I only tightened my hold on the knife and rammed it into his leg, the only place I could reach. The fucker hardly winced but his hold on my throat loosened enough for me to suck in a deep breath. In his eyes, I saw the same hatred I felt.

His son let out a roar upstairs, followed by shots, screams, and more gunfire. Outside, the gunfire ceased, which meant soon the rest of Vitiello’s soldiers would arrive. Their Capo would be dead by then.

Vitiello tightened his hold on my throat once more, his eyes burning with rage. I rammed my knife into his thigh again. My head began to swim from lack of oxygen. I tried to shove away from him but his fingers around my throat were like a fucking vise. I brought up the knife and his other hand shot up, grasping my wrist to stop me from plunging the blade into his head and split his skull.

A scream rang out upstairs and for an instant Vitiello’s attention shifted, full of worry, and I ripped from his hold and brought the knife down, aiming for his eye. This was the moment I’d been waiting for all my life.

Marcella’s face flashed before my mind, and I jerked my arm to the side in the last moment, grazing the side of his head and ramming the knife into the wooden board. I couldn’t do this to her. Fuck. What had this woman done to me?

Vitiello’s eyes locked on mine, furious and questioning. He didn’t understand why I hadn’t killed him. I hardly did myself.

“This is for Marcella, only for her, you murdering bastard.”

His eyes moved to something behind me but before I could react, pain radiated through my skull and my vision became black.

The door of the van opened and Dad climbed in, limping badly. A long gash on the side of his head was bleeding profusely, dripping blood all over his shirt, face and arm. He immediately pulled me into a tight hug which he loosened when I winced. He stank of blood and even less appealing bodily fluids but his closeness still felt like a balm on my tumultuous soul. He pulled back and cupped my cheeks, searching my eyes as if he worried I wasn’t the same daughter he remembered. I’d certainly changed but I was still me, the version of me that had never surfaced because my cozy life had never required it. Behind Dad, still outside of the van waited Amo. He wiped blood and flesh off his arms. I marveled at the harsh lines of his face that hadn’t been there before. He briefly looked up and forced a smile that looked grotesque in his bloody face. I could still see the violence and wrath in his eyes.

For some reason, I couldn’t bear seeing him like that. The kidnapping had changed me. How could it not? But I’d hoped it hadn’t done lasting damage to the people I loved. Seeing them now, I realized my wish hadn’t been granted.

“What happened to your leg?” I asked Dad, looking away from Amo.

“Nothing. We’ll take you home now,” he said in a gruff voice. I’d never seen Dad like this, covered in blood and at the edge of control.

“What about Maddox?” I asked, couldn’t help it. I needed to know. Maybe his death would have made things easier, but my heart clenched agonizingly at the mere thought. He was the reason why I was here today, in more than one sense. He was guilty of my kidnapping and responsible for my freedom. I hated and… maybe loved him—if love could even bloom in a situation like ours.

Dad thrust his fist against the side of the van, expression twisting with rage.

My heart thudded harder. “Dad?”

Dad’s face darkened. “He’s alive like a few others and will be taken to a location where they can be questioned.”

Relief washed through me. I knew what questioning meant in mafia terms but as long as he hadn’t been killed yet, there was still hope for him, for us. If I should even hope for us or him. My thoughts were confusing and too unsteady to grasp hold of. Every new thought slipped away like quicksand before I could finish it.

Matteo grabbed his phone and jumped out of the van. “I’ll call Gianna. She’ll rip me a new one if I don’t tell her we’re fine.”

So many people had worried for their loved ones who risked their life for me. I couldn’t imagine what Gianna and Isabella had gone through while Matteo fought against mad bikers to save me.

Dad picked up his phone. His expression told me he was calling Mom. “She’s safe,” he said first thing.

I could hear Mom’s shuddering sigh. Then Dad held the phone out to me. I took it with shaking fingers.

“Mom,” I said. “I’m fine.”

“Oh, Marci, I’m so happy to hear your voice. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms.”

“We’ll be home in about an hour,” Dad called.

“Hurry,” Mom said softly.

Dad wrapped his arm around my shoulder as he led me into the house, trying to hide his limp but it must have been bad if he couldn’t hide it even around Mom. And even Amo hovered close by as if I needed constant surveillance now. Some of the violence had left his expression but not all of it.

“Get a grip,” Dad murmured. “Your mom doesn’t need to see you like this.”

Amo nodded and briefly closed his eyes. I could see his face morphing to something gentler and more boyish, but it was an obvious struggle, and his eyes, when he opened them, still felt off.

The moment I stepped into the house, Mom jumped off the couch. Valerio was with her and so were my aunts Gianna and Liliana, and my cousins, Isabella, Flavio, Sara, and Inessa. Romero and Growl kept watch like Matteo had said. Mom rushed over to me and Dad finally released me, only for Mom to take his place.

Mom hugged me so tightly I could barely breathe. I winced when her palms brushed the fresh tattoo on my upper back. She pulled back with tear-filled eyes full of worry. Her gaze flitted over my ruined ear before she forced it back to my eyes. Her palm still lightly rested on the bandage over my back. “What happened to your back?”

I didn’t want to tell her. Not because I was ashamed. I wasn’t. I was furious and scared. Furious because Earl had done this to me and scared that I’d always have to carry his judgment of me on my skin. When I didn’t say anything, she looked to Dad. The man who’d slaughtered several bikers in an act of fury and strength looked tired in that moment. His guilt over what had happened to me was unmistakable in every line of his face, but worst of all in his eyes. Amo made sure to look anywhere but at Mom, which was probably for the best, considering he still had that madman gleam in his eyes.

I didn’t want to put the burden of telling Mom about the tattoo on Dad. She didn’t look at him as if she blamed him for what happened, but I still worried that their relationship had suffered because of my kidnapping. My parents were absolute relationship goals in my mind and the thought that something might change that was almost worse than what had happened to me in the last few weeks.

“They tattooed me,” I said, trying to sound blasé.

The color drained from Mom’s face and Dad’s lips tightened in an effort to restrain his fury for the men who’d done this to me.

Mom glanced at Dad questioningly, but she didn’t ask what the tattoo showed.

“We’ll have it removed as soon as you feel up to it,” Dad said firmly. “I told the doc to make all necessary arrangements.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

Valerio came up to me and hugged me too. “Next time I’ll kick biker ass too when they kidnap you.”

I choked on laughter. “I sure hope this was the last kidnapping, and you aren’t supposed to curse.”

He rolled his eyes and I tousled his blond mane before he could duck away. After more hugging of Gianna and Isabella, Aunt Liliana, Romero, and my cousins, I finally went upstairs, bone tired. I quickly excused myself, overwhelmed by the wave of emotions I felt.

Alone in my bedroom after the first shower in what felt like days, I peeled the bandage off my back and turned toward the long mirror. I sucked in a sharp breath. Maddox had told me what the tattoo said but seeing it with my own eyes still felt like a punch in the stomach.

The black letters looked almost smudged and were thin. They reminded me of tattoos that prisoners got behind bars. The words Vitiello whore glared back at me. They sat right between my shoulder blades below my neck. A whore stamp how Earl had called it. I swallowed once, then I turned away from the mirror. Once people found out about what went on between Maddox and me, I would hear the insult often.

A knock sounded and I jumped, my heart rate picking up immediately.

I grabbed a bathrobe and threw it over before I went to the door, trying to banish my unreasonable anxiety. This was my home. I was safe here.

When I opened the door, Mom smiled at me. “I just wanted to check on you.”

I let her in. “Is Dad home?”

“Yes, he’s downstairs with your uncles, discussing their plans for tomorrow. He wants to tell you good night later.”

I smiled, feeling reminded of all the times he did it when I was younger.

Mom hesitated then touched my shoulder. “Is there anything you want to talk to me about?”

I shook my head. “Not yet. I’m fine for now.” There were so many things I was confused about, I needed time to sort through them before I could talk to anyone.

“Will you be all right alone tonight? I could stay with you.”

I kissed Mom’s cheek. “I’ll be fine, Mom. I’m not scared of the dark.”

Mom nodded, but I could tell she still worried about me. “Good night then.” After she left, I put on one of my favorite nightgowns to feel more like myself again and slipped under the covers. As I lay awake, I made the decision to transform the tattoo on my back into something that proved I was stronger than Earl thought I could ever be. I wouldn’t hide or back down. I’d attack.

I picked up my phone and began searching tattoo artists. I wouldn’t let anyone’s judgment determine who I was. Not now, not ever.

Despite my words, horrible images haunted me the moment I turned off the lights. Crude tattoos, cut-off pieces of me, torn-apart bodies, and fighting dogs. My stomach churned.

A knock made me jerk up in bed. “Yes?” I called, sounding shaky.

Dad stepped in, brows puckering. “Are you all right, Princess?”

“Can you not call me that?” I asked, remembering the many times Earl or Cody had used the term to make me feel dirty.

Dad stiffened but nodded. He remained by the door as if he suddenly wasn’t sure how to act around me. I could tell he had many questions he wanted to ask, but he didn’t. “I came to wish you a good night.”

“Thanks,” I said quietly. He turned to leave.

“Dad?”

He faced me again.

“I’m coming with you tomorrow when you question the captives.”

“Marci—”

“Please.”

He nodded, but his expression still said no. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, but I won’t stop you. Amo and I are going to head over to the prison very early. You should sleep in and come over later with Matteo.”

Once he’d left, I tossed in bed for another hour, but the dark brought up bad memories and I couldn’t sleep with my lights on. In the last few weeks, Maddox had been by my side at night, and no matter how ridiculous it was, I’d felt safe by his side. Now all alone, anxiety got the better of me.

I got out of bed, threw on my bathrobe, and crossed the corridor to Amo’s room. I knocked.

“Come in,” Amo called.

I slipped in and closed the door. Amo sat at his desk in front of his computer, only in sweats. “Playing Fortnight?” I asked, relieved he was back to his routine.

“That’s for kids and losers,” he muttered. “I’m doing research on interrogation methods used by the Mossad and KGB.”

“Oh,” I whispered. I felt a strange sense of loss. My little brother was gone. His sixteenth birthday was still two months away but he had grown up in the weeks I had been gone.

Amo looked up from the screen, frowning. “Do you need help?”

I shook my head. “Can I spend the night?” I couldn’t remember the last time Amo and I had slept in the same room together. We were too old for sleepovers, but I didn’t know where else to go.

“Sure,” he said slowly, eyeing me critically.

I crawled under the covers. “I’ll sleep at the edge.”

“Don’t worry. I can’t sleep anyway. Too much adrenaline.”

I nodded. “You should play video games again like you used to, you know?”

“I’m going to rip the bikers to shreds tomorrow. That’s the only entertainment I need,” he muttered.

I closed my eyes, hoping Amo would be back to his old self soon, but deep down I knew neither of us could retrieve what was lost.

I didn’t sleep much, so I was already awake and back in my room when Mom knocked at my door early the next morning. My thoughts had revolved around Maddox and my family most of the night.

“Come in,” I said, sitting up in bed. The night had been filled with pain in my back and uncertainty in my heart.

Mom was already dressed in a thin knit dress, and unlike yesterday, her eyes were clear. No sign of tears. She looked resolute as if she’d come to save our old family single-handedly. She held something in her hand as she headed toward me and perched on the edge of my bed. “I have something for you,” she said. I was glad that she didn’t ask how my night had been. She could probably guess that I’d barely slept. I hoped Amo wouldn’t tell her or Dad that I’d been too scared to sleep in my own room. Tonight I’d stay strong no matter what.

She stroked my hair like she had done when I was a little girl then she opened her hand, presenting a half-moon-shaped, white-gold ear climber studded with diamonds.

My eyes widened. “It’s beautiful.” I gingerly touched my ear. It was still tender but I avoided touching it.

“Until you decide to have it fixed, you can cover it with beautiful jewelry.”

I picked up the earpiece. “I don’t think I’ll get it fixed. It’s a good reminder that I shouldn’t take anything for granted.” I held up the ear climber. “Can you help me put it on?”

I still hadn’t looked at the wound but I would have to if I put it on by myself.

Mom scooted closer, then very gently attached the earpiece to my ear. I bit back a wince as the jewelry touched my still tender ear. “It’s a good thing that you have more holes in your ear.”

I laughed. I still remembered how Dad had disapproved of me getting my ear pierced, but I always only wore elegant small diamonds so he made peace with it eventually.

“How does it look?” I asked.

Mom beamed. “Absolutely stunning. Go, see for yourself.”

I climbed out of bed and checked out my reflection. The earpiece perfectly covered up my missing earlobe. I touched it and smiled. This way I could keep the reminder but choose when I wanted to present it to the world.

I turned to Mom. “How did you get this done so quickly? Please don’t tell me Dad threatened every jeweler in New York tonight to get it as soon as possible.”

Mom giggled. “No, no. I actually started looking for an earpiece like that when… when we found out that your ear got hurt.” She made it sound as if I’d had an accident that cost me my earlobe, and not that vengeful bikers had cut it off and sent it to my family. “But your dad would have threatened them all for you if necessary. He’d do anything for us.”

“I know,” I said. “I don’t blame him, you know. Please don’t tell me you and Dad fought because of me.”

Mom got up and came over to me. She touched my cheek. “I was terrified for you. And your dad blamed himself. I could see how much he hated himself for it. But I didn’t fight with him. We’re all part of this world. Your dad tries to protect us from it to the best of his abilities.”

“I always knew he’d save me. I never doubted it.”

“He barely slept. He and every soldier in his command searched for you day and night.”

Tears shot into my eyes but I didn’t allow them to fall. I didn’t like to cry, not even in front of Mom.

Mom, too, fought tears. She touched my arm. “Your dad said one of the bikers revealed the clubhouse whereabouts to him.”

I nodded. “Maddox.”

Silence spread between us as Mom searched my eyes. My voice had been off, even I could tell. I cleared my throat. “He and I got closer during my captivity.”

Mom didn’t show her shock if she felt any. It felt good to tell her. If anyone would understand then it was her. Mom believed in love against all odds, in true love. She’d taught me to believe in it as well. I’d clung to Giovanni, desperately hoping what we had would magically turn into the kind of all-consuming love Mom and Dad lived before my eyes every day.

I feared I’d now found it: the kind of love that left you breathless, that hurt almost as much as it made you feel good. It was a love I wasn’t sure I should pursue.

“Oh Marci,” Mom said, as if she could see all my thoughts.

“I wanted to use him so he’d help me escape and he basically did…”

“But you fell for him?”

Falling in love. I’d never really understood the term—as if love was something as inevitable as the force of gravity. As if it grabbed you and dragged you down with it. With Giovanni, it had been a logical choice. But what Maddox and I had defied logic. It went against everything he and I had believed in. It went against reason, against my family’s beliefs.

“Dad would never allow it. Not with a biker. Not after what Maddox did.”

Mom tilted her head in consideration. “I think the latter is the bigger problem. What about you? Can you forgive Maddox for what he did? For kidnapping you? For allowing others to hurt you?”

It was a question I’d often asked myself, already during my captivity and all the more in the hours since my escape. My heart and mind were at odds. I didn’t want to forgive him, but my heart already had. But I wasn’t someone who acted on impulse. I thought things through, weighed the pros against the cons.

Love didn’t work that way. But if Maddox’s love for me, or my love for him was toxic, I’d rather find the antidote as quickly as possible.

“If you have to think about it this long, he really has to mean a lot to you. But please don’t forget that trust is the base of a working marriage.”

My eyes widened. “Mom, I never said anything about marrying Maddox.” Then I realized that it would be expected to do just that—marry him. My dating Giovanni was tolerated because he was my fiancé and our wedding date had been set. The ensuing scandal after our breakup was nothing in comparison to the waves a relationship with Maddox would create. Even if I didn’t care about the backlash for my reputation, I had to consider what it would do to my family. But even a relationship with Maddox seemed impossible at this point. I couldn’t see how we could make a future work.

“You don’t have much time to make up your mind, love,” Mom said softly. “You know what your dad has planned for the bikers he caught.”

“I know,” I said. “Uncle Matteo will pick me up and take me to the Famiglia prison.”

Mom pursed her lips. “Your dad mentioned it. I don’t think it’s a good idea to confront the man who did this to you.”

I smiled. “Don’t worry, Mom. The tables have turned. I’m no longer in their hands. I won’t break down now, not after surviving weeks of captivity.”

“I don’t doubt it. I marvel at your strength.” She paused. “If you ever want to talk about what happened between Maddox and you, then I’m here, you know that, right?”

I nodded. “Did everyone see the video of me?”

“Many did,” Mom said honestly. “Your dad tried everything to have it removed and eventually he did it.”

“The internet never forgets,” I said.

To think that I’d spent hours agonizing over the perfect image to post on Instagram. Eventually I’d have to watch the video and face the resulting scandal on my social media accounts. But not yet.

“You have nothing to be ashamed of. They forced you, and you looked proud and gorgeous despite the situation.”

“That wasn’t my choice,” I agreed. “But I slept with Maddox. Not because he forced me and not even because I hoped he’d help me escape if I did, but only because in that moment I wanted to.”

I wanted to get it off my chest.

For a second, Mom was unable to hide her shock but then she nodded. “I thought that might be the case, but I’d hoped I was wrong.”

I pursed my lips. “Because I was supposed to stay a virgin for marriage.”

Mom shook her head. “I don’t care about that, Marci.”

I wasn’t sure if Mom really meant it. Few things had changed over the years. Dad may have abolished the bloody sheets tradition once I got closer to marriage age, but many people still followed the old ways. Now it was made out to be the bride’s choice and not a duty she had to succumb to. But few girls had the guts to decide against the bloody sheets tradition and those who did were often seen as sluts who didn’t want to risk revealing their wanton ways. Sometimes a choice wasn’t one as long as society only regarded one decision as the valid one.

“But Dad does.”

“Your dad would prefer if you’d go to a nunnery and never get involved with boys at all.”

I bit back a smile. “But he accepted Giovanni.”

“Dad knew he’d have to let you go and allow you to grow up. When you chose Giovanni, he tolerated him because he was someone he knew and…”

“Could control.”

Mom shrugged. “Your father is controlling.”

“Maddox isn’t as easy to control. Will Dad ever accept him?”

“I don’t know. Maybe, but it’ll take time and a lot of work on Maddox’s part. Maybe you shouldn’t yet tell your dad that you slept with Maddox. It’ll only complicate things.”

“Do you really think he doesn’t suspect something?”

“Oh, I’m sure he does. But your dad is blind when it comes to you becoming a woman.”

“Men.”

Mom touched my hand. “Did you use protection?”

It took me a moment to realize what she meant and heat rose into my cheeks. “No,” I admitted.

Mom nodded, swallowing. “I’ll grab a pregnancy test for you today, then you can take it in case you don’t get your period.”

My period was due any day now. I didn’t have a regular circle so it was difficult to say. “Thanks, Mom.”

My life had always been a carefully planned construct, an intricate entity I’d spent years structuring and building. It was nothing but a house of cards, I realized now. I always thought I had enough safety measures built into my plan of my future that even a few missing cards wouldn’t bring my house of cards to fall. Of course, I had never considered someone to barrel into my life and smash my house of cards to bits and pieces. All my cleverly laid ahead plans, suddenly on the verge of falling apart.

I loved Maddox, loved him as much as I’d always dreamed of loving someone, desired him as fiercely as I’d hoped for. My thoughts revolved around him in a way I’d never experienced before, certainly not with Giovanni. I loved him, but I also loved my family. How can you compare one love to another? How can you weigh it against each other? I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t give up Maddox. I couldn’t give up my family.

I stared back down at the earrings.

I’d give Maddox a choice today, the impossible choice, one that would determine if we even had a chance, a choice that could rip my heart in two.