Wildcat: Chapter 38

“Oh, honey,” Jade says, petting my hair. “You two can work through this.”

“How?” I wipe my snotty nose on a tissue and fall back onto my bed. I’m wearing his Boston University sweatshirt that he gave me the first night. I never gave it back, and now I don’t ever want to if it’s all I have left.

Like a good best friend, she came over with donuts and coffee as soon as I called to tell her I ended things with Leo. Paused is the way I’d like to look at it, but who knows when things might blow over. And his reaction. I felt like the lowest of lows. I knew comforting him or trying to ease it would only make things harder. We need a break to let things die down. I hope it isn’t forever, but I don’t see a way past things right now.

“He was so hurt. You should have seen him. He wouldn’t even look at me.”

“Well, you did break up with him before the sun rose. That’s bound to make anyone a little cranky.”

“He went to jail, Jade. Jail.” And still, he wasn’t going to walk away.

“They probably never even processed him,” she says with a wave of her hand, then nods. “But I get your point.”

I fling an arm over my face and continue to let the tears fall. Jade sits silently beside me, rubbing my arm.

It’s been only a few hours since I walked out on him. I wanted to end things last night, but I couldn’t. Instead, I let him make love to me and then clung to him through the night. It was the right thing to do, but it doesn’t make my heart hurt any less.

“Scarlett,” my mom yells from the top of the stairs, “you have a visitor.”

I sit up like a shot.

Jade smiles. “Attaboy, Lohan. I knew he wasn’t going down that easily.”

She scoots off my bed. “I’m gonna duck out and go search for wedding inspiration. Call me later.”

“I will.”

Jade goes out through the basement door, and I change out of my cloud pajamas and run a makeup wipe under my raccoon eyes. Then, I take the stairs two at a time. If I were thinking rationally, I wouldn’t be so excited to see a man I love and can’t be with, but I’m anything but rational right now. Three hours and I already miss him.

Mom’s voice is quiet, and I can’t make out her words, but I can tell she’s chatting with Leo. As I get to the top step, I pause as the deep voice speaks back.

Not Leo.

Rhyse stands from the couch when he sees me and offers a hesitant smile. His handsome and put-together appearance angers me as much as his presence.

“What are you doing here?” My tone is soft and disbelieving even though inside, I feel all the bottled-up anger rising inside of me. Misguided? Probably, but he’s the perfect target.

“It was good to see you again,” my mom says and shoots me a sideways glance that says, mind your manners, before she leaves us alone.

Rhyse and I stand across the room from one another, taking the other in.

He speaks first. “I’m sorry to just show up here, but you weren’t answering my calls or texts.”

I open my mouth to tell him the reason I haven’t is because I have absolutely nothing to say to him or because he showed up here, blew up my life, and then had his team wipe away his presence in all of it, but one side of his mouth lifts in a hesitant smile, and he steps forward.

“I can still read you as well as ever. I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right. I’m so sorry. That’s why I’ve been trying to call. I’m going to make a statement explaining why I was in Minnesota.”

Well, that isn’t what I expected.

“Explain it how?” I take a seat on the couch.

“That’s up to you. I could be an old friend, an ex-boyfriend, someone you just started dating again.” He moves to sit beside me. “Give me another shot? No more hiding.”

“Your team is okay with this?”

“I didn’t give them an option.” His blue eyes search my face.

“Wow,” I say. I’m glad he’s standing up for himself, but it’s too little too late for us. He’s no longer the man I’m in love with.

“I’m too late,” he says.

Damn. He’s good. I’ve never been good at hiding my emotions. I wonder what Leo saw this morning.

“You’re truly happy with the hockey guy then?”

I nod and smash my lips together to keep them from quivering with the weight of the white lie. I was happy with Leo. Happier than I’ve ever been. I love him so much. The kind of love I dreamed of my whole life. I thought I was in love with Rhyse, but it feels small in comparison. Or maybe it’s just that too much time has passed.

Traveling the world with him was exciting. I got to see so much, and I felt so special that he chose me. I owe a lot of good memories to him. They outweigh the bad by a lot. I hope for his sake he really is ready to stand up to his team and live his life, but it won’t have me in it.

I wanted Rhyse to blow up his life to make room for me, and he didn’t. Now Leo is doing just that and I broke up with him to stop him. Rhyse wasn’t wrong. Maybe I just didn’t love him enough to realize what I was asking of him.

“I’m sorry,” I say.

“You’re sorry?” Full lips exhale with a long breath. “I’m the idiot that let you walk away.”

“I understand better now why you made the choices you did. I hope you let yourself have everything you want.”

“Yeah. Me too.” He runs a hand along his jaw.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Anything.”

“Why now? You’ve spent years letting other people dictate your life. What’s changed?”

He’s quiet for a beat. The leather of his jacket creaks as he rubs at the back of his neck. “I don’t know. I probably should have done it years ago, but I was winning.” He chuckles quietly. “Am winning. I’m having the best season of my life. I’m on track to beat my dad’s record.”

“I heard, or I read. Congratulations.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Beating his dad’s record and proving himself consumed Rhyse while we were together. I doubt that’s changed. I think he has a long way to go before he has complete control of his life, and that makes me sad for him.

“It won’t be enough,” he says. “I know that now. It won’t bring him back. Won’t change anything.” He stands abruptly and pulls an envelope from his back pocket. “Take care of yourself, Scarlett.”

The folded manilla envelope is heavy in my hands. “You too.”

I walk him to the door, and we hug awkwardly. He steps out onto the porch and then faces me one last time, lifts a hand in a small wave, and jogs to the waiting car.

I spend the rest of the day eating my feelings and watching sappy movies. And avoiding opening the envelope from Rhyse.

At dinner, Dad tugs on the end of one braid, but he doesn’t say a word about Leo. The team is leaving tomorrow for an away game, and I’m hoping the distance makes my heart hurt less. There’s something about being so close and not talking to him that makes it that much more brutal.

Later, I lie in bed and scroll through all the photos I’ve taken since I’ve been back. Friends, pets, businesses, landscapes. I’ve taken so many. Lots of them really good. But the one I fall asleep staring at is of Leo on the beach. The lighting isn’t perfect, and I didn’t center him in the frame. It isn’t even close to being the best photo I’ve taken, but the man inside of the imperfect picture smiles at the camera, at me, exactly like I always wanted someone to see me.

Jade wanted him to fuck me back on my feet. He did so much more than that.