Chapter 25

Less than an hour later, we’re boarding Jake’s private jet at the airport with all our bags in tow. This has happened so fast that I’ve barely had time to think, let alone breathe. I feel like I’m running away from work, life, and everything and taking a time-out in some fantasy romance novel with a millionaire who can pull strings like no one else. Since we used to take business trips at the drop of a hat, I should be used to this side of him, and to him, this is no different. To me, though, this is craziness. My whole world has been upended overnight.

Jake pulls me up the steps and into the jet with him. There’s a sense of familiarity that feels so good. I missed this plane; I missed everything that was a part of him, of being with him. I missed our trips together.

He guides me to a window seat and slides in next to me, laying a hand on my lap with a smile and another kiss. Jake’s constant kissing is starting to be my normal, but it still catches me by surprise how demonstrative he can be; I’ll never tire of it. With the hugging, hand-holding, affectionate gestures, and constant verbal praise, I never imagined he would be this way. I never saw it with any of the women he hauled along or went out with; they were the ones who always clung to him, pushed him for a kiss, or grabbed his hand to hold, always trying to get affection from him. He always seemed aloof and overly polite with them.

He shifts in his seat to retrieve his phone from his pocket and looks down at the vibrating gadget; a frown of frustration crosses his face. He glances at me with a fleeting moment of doubt, then answers hesitantly.

“Marissa. How can I help you?” he sounds tense and glances my way warily, obviously watching for my reaction.

My stomach drops, and I turn away to look out the window, biting my lip in vain. I won’t let him see me upset over this. She had to surface at some point; I couldn’t go on pretending she didn’t exist. His hand finds mine on my lap and pulls it back to him, entwining our fingers gently and giving me much-needed attention and reassurance.

My caring boyfriend.

Who knew that Casanova Carrero could be this attentive? So in tune with me that he knows when I need his touch.

“I won’t be here for the next couple of weeks, so that will be a no.” He seems irritated. I try not to listen and lean my face against the window instead, concentrating on watching the airfield while the crew load our luggage and get ready to take off. The door is still open, and I am urged to get up and go outside until he’s off the phone.

“Look, I told you… No, I did… I’ll be there at the end of the month… You’re the one who doesn’t want me at the other appointments… Because I’m not coming to see you. There’s no reason to come more often,” he snaps. “Okay, Marissa, I need to go… I’m taking my girlfriend on a break… Emma! Fuck off, Marissa. Just hang up before you say something you’ll regret.” He disconnects angrily and throws his phone across the aisle at another seat with surprising accuracy; his fiery temper has seen many cells hurled this way. He turns to me and tugs my hand, so I glance at him. Seeing how worried he looks when I face him melts some of my iciness.

“I’m sorry, bambina. I didn’t expect her to call.” He leans down and rubs his nose against mine, catching my chin with his hand and tugging my mouth open so he can kiss me tenderly. Trying to forget my annoyance, I respond to his touch. As I hear the thud of the door being shut, I pull back to look past him; we’ll be taking off soon, so I move to fasten my seatbelt.

“You don’t want to talk about this?” he asks warily, watching me, but I shrug and tend to my belt.

What is there to talk about? I don’t want there to even be a situation with Marissa, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

“What’s there to say?” I finally answer because his eyes are boring into me, and he hasn’t moved.

“You haven’t even asked for updates, like what’s expected of me before the baby comes.” He’s walking on eggshells, trying to gauge my reaction, and I look away as the tears rise inside of me. I don’t think I’ll ever feel able to talk about this.

“What is happening?” I mutter softly, only because I feel he wants me to. He senses my distance and sits back; he knows Emma is in closed-down mode and knows when to step back a little. I may be improved Emma nowadays, but it’s early days and so easy to revert. Jake seems to be in a new and improved mode too, though, and instead of old Jake pushing me for answers, he’s being gentle.

“I need to fly to LA once a month and attend antenatal classes with her as she wants me at the birth.” He shifts, creaking the seat with his weight, and turns toward me to better watch my profile. I stare out the window, trying to detach myself from this conversation, distancing myself from the pain clawing up inside me and strangling my soul. “She doesn’t want me at medical appointments, scans, etc., just the classes. Every four weeks for the next six months, then every two weeks until the baby comes.”

“LA?” I repeat in surprise as his words sink in. Last I knew, Marissa lived in New York. Location seems like a safe topic, but also one that annoys me. He’ll have to go there once a month to see her.

“Yeah, she headed out there after we came back. She’s got a condo there. It means I’ll need to stay over one night for the class and fly home the next day.” He glances down at my hand and sees I’ve loosened my grip on his; I hadn’t even realized I’d done it. He gently drops my hand and slides an arm around my shoulders, pulling me toward him. “Talk to me,” he pleads a little desperately.

“I am…” I start, but his look with furrowed brows stops me, and I swallow down the pain.

“You’re just asking questions, not telling me what you’re thinking, bambina,” he chides softly. “I want to know how all of this is making you feel. I want to know if my going to see her will upset you,” he sighs. “You’ve never told me how you feel about there even being a baby.”

I turn my face away and hold down everything because talking about this is too hard.

If I tell him how I feel, what then? It’s not exactly good. And then he’ll know how much I hate this.

All I can manage is a shrug, the words too painful to spit out, but he sighs and squeezes me a little tighter.

“You know the old me would have been pissed at this, you going silent and brushing it off, acting like you’re bored and don’t care. I now realize that this version of you is when you’re hurting the most, dolcezza. You don’t need to say it, Emma; it’s pretty clear you’re distraught over this whole situation. It’s okay not to be fine with this. I’m not fine with it either.”

He pulls me tighter, his mouth coming to my temple and pressing softly, exhaling warm air across my skin soothingly.

I’m devastated. I’m beyond ‘not fine.’ She’s the thorn in my happily-ever-after who ruins everything.

“This is the last thing I ever wanted,” he says. “I want you and just to have us and a clear future. This shit with Marissa complicates things, but all I can do is try to do the right thing while at the same time trying to make you feel better about it.” His nose brushes the side of my face as he gently kisses my temple again. I relax slightly, his touch soothing me as always, even when my heart is shredding.

“I hate it,” I utter softly, finally, “I hate her.” The tears fill my eyes bitterly, and he turns my face to him by holding my chin, coming close enough to inhale me.

“You’ll never have anything to be worried about when it comes to her. I choose you; I’ll always choose you. She’s my past. I’m only putting up with her for the sake of this kid. If I had my choice, she would be nothing in my life. Our life,” he soothes me huskily.

“Why did you even go back to her?” I search his face imploringly. I’ve never understood it. He told me it was a drunken mistake, but I know how safety-conscious he is when it comes to sex; he always carries protection. I’d ordered him bulk amounts to his apartment in the past. He also had his heart broken by this woman when he was a teenager and spent years afterward unable to commit to any girl because of her. It makes no sense to me that he would be able to spend just one night with her.

“Honestly? I don’t even remember it. I’m not saying that to make you feel better. I’m serious. I went to a party with Daniel and some other guys I know, and I was already far too drunk. I don’t even remember seeing her there, but I woke up in a strange bed beside her. I left. She hounded me for days after, and I told her to forget it.” He shrugs, sighs, and holds me firmly. I should have known his rich, party-wild, idiot best friend would have been involved in him getting so drunk he couldn’t see straight.

“You don’t remember any of it at all?” I question dubiously. I’ve seen Jake really drunk, and he always seemed to remember most of his nights, regardless.

“Seriously, Emma. I swear. You’ve never seen me as drunk as I can get. The last thing I remember is downing shots with Daniel, then waking up feeling like an elephant had stomped on my head. And there she was, lying beside me. I felt like an idiot and got out of there as quickly as possible. I didn’t even wake her to say bye!” His frown deepens as he tries to keep my eyes on his.

I could imagine Casanova Carrero hightailing it without a backward glance. He’d never been shy about telling women he wasn’t interested.

“This was before the yacht?” I ask, thinking back to her behavior and how she kept trying to make eyes at him, some unspoken message.

“Yes. And, no, I didn’t know she would be Vincent’s date on the boat. I never invited her. I wanted to dump her ass over the side when she showed up. I already knew I had feelings for you by then, so she was the last person I wanted around. She manipulated her way into being there because I wasn’t returning her calls.”

I stare pensively at the front of the plane, aware we’re already climbing in the air, so I unclick my belt and stretch out, taking a deep breath.

“I didn’t like her from the second I met her.” I shrug. “There’s something about her.”

He pushes his arm further behind me, his other scooping my legs, and lifts me onto his lap with a quick, effortless movement. He sits me sideways across him, cradling me close so we’re nose-to-nose.

“I love you. I’m not hung up on my ex. I didn’t have sex with her because of any unfinished business, closure, or feelings that still lingered. It’s only you. It will always only be you. She’s only in my life now because of the circumstances, and she would be gone in a second if there was no baby,” he holds me close, forehead to forehead. I smile despite the pain in my chest and the niggles of insecurity within me.

“You always know what to say,” I whisper. My fingers softly trace his chiseled jaw across the roughness of his stubble and seductive lips, finding comfort and cooling my inner turmoil.

“It’s easy with you. It’s always been easy with you. I can tell you anything.” He kisses me lightly, yet I experience only pain constricting across my chest, guilt rising inside of me as tears begin to fall involuntarily.

“Hey, hey, bambina? What is it? Don’t cry.” His hand comes up to smooth away the tears. His expression is concerned as he cuddles me closely.

“I know I’m useless at talking; it just feels one-sided. You’re giving me so much, and I just clam up. The words won’t come.” I bury my face in his neck, wrapping my arms around him tightly, afraid he will disappear, clinging on like a life raft. His arms come around me snugly, hauling me as close to him as humanly possible.

“When we were apart, I did a lot of thinking. About how hard it was for you to tell me things. And how much of a big deal it was that you told me the things you did. It still is. I know what an ass I was. I talked to my mom a great deal after Sophie and gained insight into why you’re both this way. I’m not expecting miracles, dolcezza. I know I need to be patient and not push you. You’ll open up in time, and it’ll be worth the wait when you do,” he soothes softly.

“What if I can never tell you everything? Some of it’s too hard…too shameful,” I cry against his T-shirt, dampening it slightly as his hands caress up and down my back, trying to comfort me.

“Then I’ll live with it. Nothing that ever happened to you will ever change how I feel; it doesn’t change who you are to me.” He strokes my hair, his face pressed against it. “Knowing there are things which haunt you, Bella, they make me so angry. I want to be the one to take them away. I’ll always protect you.” His voice is raspier, with a hint of raw emotion that causes me to lift my chin back to face him.

I search out his mouth fiercely, crushing mine against it, and meet no resistance; his hands come around my body and then my head possessively. He deepens the kiss, pulling me hard against his chest, searing me into instant heat. Panting, I pull away, desire flooding me, and I caress his erection suggestively, but he grins back.

“As much as I want this right now, I’m pretty sure one of the flight crew will walk back here.” He smiles, hovering close and covering my hand over his crotch.

“I don’t care,” I reply defiantly, catching the gleam in his eye, his lips parting, and I wiggle my fingers free to continue feeling him out.

“And I thought I was the wild and naughty one.” He grins, needing no more encouragement. He pulls my legs over, lifting me so I straddle him on the seat. He moves me back a bit to unzip his pants and then slides my skirt up to my thighs. “I love this side of you, bambina, my cute and sexy little wildcat. Who knew I would find such a fiery little number once I thawed out the icy exterior?”

“You bring it out in me with all this crazy Italian hotness,” I poke him in the cheek and give him a puckered air kiss. Watching how he dips his brows, frowning with a smile, I’m starting to realize his “you’re too cute for words” look. God, he makes me horny.

“Better make this quick then; can’t disappoint my girlfriend,” he growls seductively and pulls me down for another skin-scorching kiss.

***

“Wake up, bambina, we’re almost there.” Jake’s mouth hovers over mine, his breath soft on my skin. I yawn and stretch out in the seat beside him, confused that I’m in a car, not the plane. I look up and around quickly as I sit up fast.

“How the…?” I’m seriously confused. We’re in a limo, and the scenery outside is tropical.

“You fell asleep on my lap. I carried you to the car. We’ll be at the port in a couple of minutes.” He smiles at me, stroking back my hair from my face. “You look beautiful when you sleep, bambina. Completely at peace and cute as a button.” My face heats as the blush rises; I don’t know why I’m always surprised when Jake is so sweet, so non-Carrero. I knew he could be this way even when I was only his PA, but he’s definitely upped the ante since telling me he loved me. With fewer sexual references and more adorable ones, he makes me feel desirable and beautiful like I’m floating on top of the world.

As for sleeping in peace, I learned long ago that sleeping anywhere near him put an end to my night terrors. I don’t wake with dark shadows looming over me when he’s close by, protecting me even in my dreams.

“Are we in the Caribbean already?” I rub my eyes and sit up in the seat to look out the window. Despite the air conditioning blowing on full, I can tell we’re in a warmer climate; there’s stuffiness in the car.

“It’s only a four-hour flight. The yacht’s already docked here. My father likes to come out here often, so we have a permanent mooring.” He hauls me back to him, pulling me into an embrace.

“I missed you while you were sleeping.” He grins before sinking a kiss on me that fully wakes me up.

Will this burning desire he ignites ever calm down? I feel like I may self-implode every time his lips meet mine.

Moving against him fully, absorbing myself into the sensation of his kiss, I feel his hands come up around my face and tangle in my hair. We always seem to ignite passion quickly. He pulls away to lock eyes with me again, simmering the heat between us.

“I never told you how much I love your hair. I could run my fingers through it like this for an eternity.” He smiles softly again, melting the last ounces of me, and I beam back. I smile and flick my hands through the short waves with a wink as the car comes to a slow stop. Cutting my hair had been a huge change for me, and now obviously, one of my favorites.

“We’re here.” He nods with a raised brow before turning to slide out of the car and helping me out after him. The sun immediately blinds me as heat engulfs us, and I feel him slide his shades onto my face. The gesture, so normal, so typical boss Carrero, makes me grin and hug him like a child. This tiny detail, this caring mannerism, has been so vacant in my life of late that its return makes me stupidly ecstatic.

He drapes his arm around my back and walks me through the marina, leading me along a concrete walkway past some expensive-looking boats until we come to the familiar Rosalina, the beautiful, long, white yacht belonging to his family.

This boat held only heartbreak for me the last time we were here when he left me alone; I shiver at the memory. He’d gone off with God knows how many women to put distance between us, to try to forget how he felt about me.

As though sensing my memories, he kisses me on top of the head and squeezes me.

“Erasing the past…remember?” He nudges me and leads me on board by the hand, our fingers entwined as if they belong together.

***

The last few days have been like some erotic fantasy with endless days of sex, sunbathing, and frolicking in the sea. We’ve been wrapped up like a couple on their honeymoon. He was right about coming away; we needed this time to be together and get used to our new roles as a couple and no longer fight our feelings. Time to heal the hurt. It’s been more about bonding and getting comfortable, talking through the misunderstandings, and just learning to co-exist in a new dynamic, uninterrupted, with eyes only for each other, time just to be.

On the rare occasions when we’ve left our bedroom, we’ve been swimming, sunbathing, reading, and eating on the loungers on the upper deck. The staff has given us space, and it feels like we’re on the cruiser alone. I guess Jake has given orders to be left in peace since we tend to have sex wherever he sees fit. We’ve christened every sun lounger, flat space on deck, and most of the boat's rooms.

As I’ve learned, Jake’s sex drive is never fading; it has kept us up late almost every night and in bed until late every morning. He’s made love to me several times every day until my body constantly tingles and glows with his attention. I never knew it could feel this way, be this way, that someone could make me believe I am so desirable and beautiful, or that I could trust a man enough to let him do any of this to me. I would never have guessed that I’d have any reason to appreciate his past, littered with affairs and constant one-night stands, but now I see its benefits. He’s honed his skills for years, and now I’m reaping the rewards with a competent lover.

With his lack of inhibition in trying new things and his superior confidence in being able to pleasure the female body, he’s shown me so many ways I can be pleasured. He’s taught me so much in such a short time, taking me forward into my own journey of sexual awakening, as I trust him more than I ever thought possible. I’m finding confidence in being in my own skin. He has a way of taking away my shy awkwardness and replacing it with a hot, wanton version of myself who wants to be adventurous. I’m flowering beneath his capable hands, coming into my own, learning new things, and growing within myself. I’m finally putting part of my past to bed in ways I never thought I could, but it’s because of him. The trust and love I have for him make me capable of it; he’s healing me just by loving me.

Our relationship has come so much further than I would have imagined it could. Talking endlessly about things we like, hate, small talk, and life in general. Even before, when I thought we were the closest friends, we never had the conversations or laughs we’ve had the last few days. We talk about the vaguest things and laugh at each other’s lame jokes, and we have grown closer than I ever thought possible. I feel like I’ve finally gotten to know him in ways denied me previously, the inner workings of his mind, and how he truly feels.

I’ve learned that Jake isn’t all the ‘Mr. Confident’ he portrays, and his humor is sometimes used to cover what he’s really feeling. All those endless jokes and sexual innuendos were his way of testing the waters, probing to see if I loved him back, this childish part of him that I would sometimes see, so at odds with the alpha male everyone else saw. He has insecurities about love too, and about himself, but he always seems able to shrug them down, ignoring them for the most part and letting his stubborn nature tramp all over them. Letting me in and letting us happen has revealed a whole new side to him, a vulnerable and scared side, the part of him who was too afraid to tell me he loved me. And it makes me want him all the more.

We’re not so different after all.

Jake has opened up about things that I never knew. He’s never shy about being honest with me and coaxing me to question him on anything I want to know. I’ve met the gentle, attentive lover, the guy forever touching me, cuddling, holding hands, and kissing me. With me, he’s patient now, never pushing me to talk about things anymore, giving me time just to let it happen, and not saying anything when I can’t. He tells me he knows it will take time, and I’m floating in the clouds for now.