Chapter 15

“You’re holding up better than I thought,” Bart says, leaning against my bedroom’s door frame.

I sit on my bed, feeling a bit numb.

I had changed into my nightgown after going up to my room, while all the others either went to theirs, or decided to go and hunt. Apparently, Richard’s order was for them all to reside here, but they are free to move around London City. I think Rebecca, Anna, Grace and Cecily went to party downtown, while the others decided to hunt on their own or ruminate in their rooms. I can hear Lancelot a floor below, probably on the phone with vampires on the other side of the Atlantic. I lie down in the middle of my bed. There’s no way I’ll be able to sleep though. My vampire heart is back to beating slowly, but if it was still a human one, I can tell it would be going crazy from everything that unfolded. I feel like everything that was said within the last couple of hours is just some crazy movie of somebody else’s life…Daily Latest update www.noveljar.com “…It doesn’t feel real,” I mutter. “All of this. It’s as if I just… dreamt the two last days, and I’m going to wake up in that cold hotel room by myself.”

“Well, sorry to disappoint you, Baby Vamp, but that just won’t happen.”

“I think I’m… hiding. Hiding behind a thin, thin wall before it all crashes down and the truth comes to hit me.”

He closes the door and slowly walks over, taking a seat at the end of my bed, fingers interlaced on his lap.

“…Is it hard to believe?”

“It’s insane,” I scoff.

“You said you never loved that guy. But you loved your ex. So why do I feel like I’m missing the bigger picture there?”

“…Something happened,” I mutter, unable to look him in the eye. “Rick and I had to… go our separate ways. We belonged to different worlds, and it became… harder and harder to just stick together. I made some mistakes… Things I did and I couldn’t undo. …And Charles was there for me. It’s as simple as that.”

“Sounds like a lot of regrets.”Daily Latest update www.noveljar.com “You have no idea.”

Every single glance back on my life, I see regrets. Every time, someone I didn’t hold back, something I didn’t say, somewhere I didn’t go. Perhaps Bart was right. Perhaps this whole new life is so easy to accept for me because I’m afraid, scared to look back on June Starr’s pathetic life and for reality to hit me like a meteorite crash. I hate being questioned, because I can’t even bear to question myself. I picked every bad road and the deeper I got into the woods, the harder it was to admit I wanted to run back.

“Why do you think Richard is so focused on looking into my death?” I whisper.

Bart frowns faintly, visibly deeply pondering as well. He glances at the door, and slowly shakes his head.

“It’s hard to know what an Overlord thinks, Baby. My guess is, there’s got to be something bigger around your death that Richard wants to look into. First, I’m curious as to why he bothered to go to New Amsterdam for you.”

“You mean New York City.”Daily Latest update www.noveljar.com “Whatever. Richard never goes overseas, Hera. Never. The last time I ever saw him go anywhere was France, and that was in the eighteenth century. Overlords don’t typically leave their territories, it’s just…

too dangerous. They usually stick to their own while all of us pray it stays that way. Vampire wars are ugly. Grace, Lance and the others have friends in every country, and we’re free to go around, but Overlords stick to their own territories, and I’m pretty sure some of them still use good old-fashioned letters to stay in touch.”

“Juliet mentioned something like I was Richard’s… first vampire in a long while.”

“You are. The human wars impacted us too, we lost… a lot of friends. I think that prompted Richard to not create more of us and wait to see what the humans were doing for a while. Some Heartgraves have never reappeared since World War II, Hera. Juliet was the last child transformed before you, and I thought Richard was done making new vampires, to be honest.”

“Then, why…?” I mutter.

“I have no idea. But, if we look into your death, who did this and why, we might get more clues. To be honest, I think you should mind your own business for now. If Richard doesn’t want to let you know, he won’t.”

Yeah, I had kind of already noticed that…

“…I’m terrified,” I suddenly blurt out.Daily Latest update www.noveljar.com Bart glances at me, without saying anything. I swallow down, trying to ignore the clutch around my throat, and that heavy feeling in my heart. I slowly sit back up, combing my now red hair back.

“It’s just… too much. If… anything they found and said is true, that means I’ve been… manipulated until I killed myself. How much of a blind, deluded idiot could I have been to do that?”

“Baby, you’re the victim here.”

“That’s what I’m terrified to find out!” I shout. “Bart, I lost my mom when I was four, and I loved her. I was young, but I remember I was happy with her. I lost her and I had to move into a cold, big house with complete strangers who couldn’t bring me the smallest comfort. After that, I lost my only best friend, and I lost the one man I ever loved. I even… I even lost my cat! I lost… every single person who mattered to me. Every time I had a chance at happiness, it vanished. I thought I’d never get better, but I had Charles. Charles was always there, and I had been holding on to that, thinking perhaps I’d work something out, that maybe we’d be okay, until it wasn’t enough anymore. Now, you’re telling me he actually wanted me dead!”

“…First stage of grief, Baby,” he sighs. “Denial.”

My jaw almost drops, and I can’t help but glare. Is he for real? He’s giving me the psychoanalyst speech now? He shrugs.

“Don’t give me that look,” he chuckles. “That’s just how it is. They’re not… a hundred percent accurate for everybody, but you’re definitely in denial right now.”Daily Latest update www.noveljar.com “Fuck you.”

“You wish.”

I roll my eyes, not amused at all. Bart tilts his head.

“…Why do I have a feeling your ex-fiancé being your potential murderer was not what shook you the most?”

I grant him another glare. He’s annoyingly good at reading me already. I look away, but he hit the nail right on the head. I stare at the dark sky outside the window. I still get my heart doing crazy jumps whenever I dare to think about Rick… It’s like Pandora’s box and even scarier to open than the one with secrets around my death… or murder, whatever they call it, I guess.

Bart suddenly pushes me down on the bed.

“Go to bed before you think too much, Baby Vamp.”

“I don’t think I can sleep,” I groan, feeling like a reluctant teen.

“Oh, you’re going to be a pain in the butt… Then what do you want to do? You’re not thirsty again, are you?”

I shake my head.

“…Can we play games?” I ask.

“Seriously?” He raises an eyebrow.

“First, it’s going to take my mind off that humongous pile of shit you guys threw at me all evening. Plus, I never really got to play video games in my previous life…”Daily Latest update www.noveljar.com He seems a bit surprised by my request, but he still goes to grab a couple of consoles, and we lay down side by side on my bed, while he explains how to play this co-op game.

To be honest, I don’t really care about the game. I start playing mindlessly, it’s a pretty simple one. It also leaves plenty of room for my troubled mind to wander in. I just can’t stop thinking about it. How could I? It’s too much, it’s too big. I keep replaying all the memories of Charles and I. He always said he loved me, but no matter what, I couldn’t force my heart to shift in that direction. I re-analyze every moment we had together, trying to find the cracks, the little things I should perhaps have picked up on.

Perhaps that was my own delusion. Perhaps I was so desperate for a chance at a stable, good enough life, that I refused to see all the little things that didn’t make sense. How patient he was. How caring he was towards someone who didn’t love him back…

Did he really… kill me? I had noticed something was off, in the last weeks, but I thought that was my head playing games again. No one was coming to clean my room. Charles was the only person I saw.

The TV was cut off, I had no phone, nothing left behind to entertain me, as he thought that would only upset me if I got access to the media. I had horrible headaches, dizziness, and felt hungry yet couldn’t eat. Charles had recommended I stay inside, to ignore the bad press, but there were always gossip magazines left around. I couldn’t go out without telling him… At the time, he always reassured me those were for the better, for me. Then, how come there was absolutely nothing that made me feel better, in all this time? I had asked him to go to Montana, but the house was being renovated, it was a no. I wanted to go back to California, but every time, he canceled at the last minute, telling me some fans had found out about our trip, or he had something come up at work. I literally had nobody else to turn to. Everytime I tried to work again, the answer was that the agency didn’t have any offers for me.

My previous manager had quit, so I couldn’t even try to call them using the hotel’s phone.

The more I think about it, the more the Heartgraves’ words make sense. The more I replay our memories together, the more I realize just how much it doesn’t add up. …And the angrier I get. I try to focus on the monster to beat up, my fingers furiously smashing the console’s buttons. Bart gives me a glance. I don’t see that stupid monster on the screen, I see all the times Charles smiled to my face and told me it was going to be okay. All the times I heard “It’s for your own good. It’s better you don’t. Trust me. You will get better.” And I fucking never did.Daily Latest update www.noveljar.com “Baby.”

Bart suddenly takes the console out of my hands, and I punch the mattress as plan B. I sit up, and I slam my fists into the bed, again and again, letting my frustrations out. I’m crying, grunting, raging against the mattress who didn’t ask for so much, while Bart just stares and waits. It’s like all my anger, my pain and my rage are finally surging, in big waves that I just can’t stop. I jump off the bed, take a few steps around the bedroom, and I suddenly let out a loud cry, half a shout, half a groan, just because I need to let the monster out before it eats me raw.

“The bastard…. The bloody, fucking, piece of shit! The fucking asshole! Son of a bitch!”

“…All of that indeed,” sighs Bart, putting the consoles aside.

“The rat! That piece of shit! Asshole!” I swear every single insult I can think of, until I run out of ideas, and end up repeating the same ones over and over.

After a few more minutes of profanities coming out of my mouth, I stop, and put my hands on my head.

“I can’t… I can’t believe it,” I mutter. “That greedy bastard just got me married without my consent! He fucking got me to kill myself, and he fucking shows up at my funeral to cry his crocodile tears in front of my coffin! In front of the whole world! The bloody piece of shit! …My God, I’m dead! I’m dead and I let that fucking bastard win already!”

“Yeah… Looks like it’s finally sinking in.”

I turn back to him, still with tears in my eyes, and out of breath because I’ve been shouting like a mad woman for the last few minutes. I’m sure the whole house is well-aware of my sudden outburst. I climb back on the bed to face him.

“I can’t let him get away with that,” I mutter. “…Bart, that bastard took my whole life. He took every single thing I had, and destroyed it. My friends, my freedom, everything that ever made me happy, he lied and he took it all away. And worse, I let him do it. …But I can’t. I can’t let him get away with that.”Daily Latest update www.noveljar.com He stares at me for a few seconds, and a smile appears, his fangs showing up with a hint of malice.

“…What do you want to do, Baby Vamp? You’re already dead, and we can’t change that.”

“First, I want to be absolutely sure,” I nod, trying to calm down a bit. “I want absolute, definitive proof that this asshole planned my death and pushed me over the edge. I… Now, I do have a feeling this is true, but I need more. I want to be absolutely sure of what this asshole did to me, to what extent.”

“We’re working on that,” Bart shrugs. “Swithin’s probably going to spend the night peeling the details of your assets and what that bastard did, legally. But you saw the marriage certificate. There isn’t much doubt left, is there?”

“That’s why I need to know every single bit of it… I want to take him down,” I mutter. “He doesn’t deserve any of what I left behind. He’s not getting anything, and I’m going to make him lose everything, like he did to me.”

Suddenly, a thought hits me. I grab my bathrobe, and leave my bedroom, a confused Bart right behind me. I walk downstairs, pretty sure of where to find him. Cata is busy making more food in the kitchen, but I don’t leave her any time to say whatever she was about to; I just walk straight into the living room.

There, Swithin is busy, a laptop on his knees and a document in his hand. He barely glances up at me, neither does Benedict next to him who had his eyes on a tablet. I walk in the midst of the room, to face Richard. Our Overlord is still in the armchair, he has barely moved, his hands joined over his cane. I stand there, barefoot, cheeks wet, fists clenched.

“…I want to get revenge,” I blurt out.

He doesn’t flinch. He expected it, of course. I force myself to take a breath, and I don’t blink, looking deep into his ice-blue eyes, trying to decipher the wall of silence he presents me.

“I can’t let it go like that,” I continue. “I know I’m dead, I know it’s already over, but I just can’t let it go. I don’t care about the money, I don’t care about what you wanted with me becoming Hera Heartgraves, but I need to avenge June Starr’s death. I need… I need to do what nobody else could have done for me.”

I clench my fists a bit tighter, my new, sharp nails piercing my skin. I try hard not to resume crying, but the anger is building up like a horrible knot in my tight throat.Daily Latest update www.noveljar.com “…I won’t bring you back,” he calmly retorts.

“I know. I’m not looking to go back. I know June Starr’s dead, and… and I can’t do anything to change that. What I want is justice for her. She… I didn’t deserve to die like this. I can’t let it go, not now that I know the truth. I can’t let this bastard get away with it, Richard. Nobody is going to stand up and get to the truth for me. I need justice for my death. …I want revenge for everything he did to me.”