Chapter 48

RAVEN I had just entered Taylor’s bedroom , the creams and browns of the décor and walls made the room look warm and welcoming . I saw him laying on his bed staring at the ceiling .

” Hey . We missed you at training . ” I said softly , walking over to his bed . He sat up slowly and I hugged him tightly . ” I’m not feeling up to training . ” He muttered , laying down again and grabbing a square cushion , hugging it to his chest as he sighed deeply . ” I know , but you can’t stay cooped up .

” I said , stroking his hand . Our eyes met , and the pain in his tugged at my heart .

” I’m sorry . ” I whispered . He gave me a pointed look . ” Really Raven , you need to stop with the self – blaming . I’m glad I know what a … jerk Zack’s been . As for Anna , I don’t know what the hell to do .

” He groaned in frustration . So that was his dilemma , but right now I didn’t trust myself to give him any advice . ” I don’t even know what to do with my life , so I really can’t advise you . ” I said with a gloomy pout . ” ” Will you talk to Zack ? ” ” Sooner or later . ” He muttered , turning o n his side and hugging the cushion tightly . get update on m.techkaushal.com ” Good , life’s short . ” I murmured , thinking with each passing day , Liam’s time was running out . ”

Yeah . I know I’ll forgive him sooner or later , he did that when he was a stupid eighteen – year – old , and we both know that crap happens .

” Taylor said . ” Tell me about it , I’ve been a dumb eighteen – year – old , ” I mumbled , tugging a t the hem of my dress . ” But I’m glad you are going to work on it . ” 11 ” Yeah … When I’m ready , right now …. I’m pissed . ” Taylor said , sounding adorably cute . those people who Taylor was just one couldn’t stay mad at anyone for long .

” And you should be . ” I said , giving him a small smile . ” What about you ? What’s happening ? I know people at the packhouse are being assholes . ” Taylor said sympathetically . ” So , you’ve heard , huh ?

” I said , making folds in my dress . Taylor reached over and gave my arm a squeeze . ” Hey … I’m here if you want to talk about i t .

I don’t know why you aren’t telling people , but he’s your mate , isn’t he ? ” I gave him a small smile .

How do I tell him I didn’t know what to do ? How the fact that I have two mates was hard ? {get update on m.techkaushal.com} How do I explain that I didn’t know how to balance this when both my mates were so different , our relationships were so different ?

I just felt like I was lost in the middle of conflict with everyone giving m e different advice . I felt guilty for favouring Liam . How I forgot Damon when I was with Liam . Yet when I was with Damon , I felt guilty towards Liam .

Then there was Damon telling me to make it work with Liam first , then Aunty Red saying to be equal or decide what I wanted . Not to mention Al’s ultimatum that this would not work and I would have to pick one .

I really wanted to go bang my head against a wall . ” I know you are …. I just don’t even know what I need to do . Anyway , I’m glad you’re ok . Do you want me to come over tonight ?

We can binge watch some comedy movies or whatever you want and get some takeout ? ” I suggested . His face lit up with a beautiful smile and h e nodded . ” I’d like that . ” ” Then it’s a date ! ” I said , getting up . I hadn’t really told Taylor the full deal between Liam , Damon and me but I think tonight I will . ” Anything new with your dad ?

” Taylor asked , his smile vanishing . I looked at him and shook my head , wondering did people realised something happened after Damon took him away ?

” No. I haven’t spoken to him . ” I murmured , looking at the picture of Cher o n his wall . ” Yeah … Well , whenever you’re ready . ” He said sympathetically .

I nodded , thinking I was ready now . ” Well , I’m going to go face the music . ” I said , giving him a wave . He followed me out of his room and down the steps , I could see his mum was mixing something in the kitchen through the open archway . ” Bye Mama Dee ! ” ” Bye , Raven !

” She called back . I smiled at Taylor before I walked across the garden and jumped over the fence .

Taylor watched me , giving me a final thumbs – up before closing the door when I did the doorbell of my parents ‘ house . A place that used to fill me with dread when I had to return here at the end of a long day .

The door opened and Mom stood there ; to my surprise she looked a mess , her eyes were puffy and her hair had not been combed .

” So , you finally show your face ? ” She said to me bitterly . I frowned , stepping inside and shutting the door behind me . ” After Dad kicked me out , did you expect me to just come back ? ” I asked .

She shook her head , turning away and clutching the wall as if she had no energy . I sighed , tugging at the skirt of my dress again . ” Look , I haven’t come to argue . Where’s Dad ? There’s a few things I need to talk about with both of you .

” I asked . I wanted to get this off my chest and then get out of here . ” You got your dad thrown into the cells ! Are you mocking us by coming here and pretending you don’t know ?! ” She shouted , her eyes flashing yellow as she glared at me .

My heart skipped a beat as her words echoed in my head , cells ? ” I … I didn’t know . That night-

” You have only ever hurt your dad , Raven .

I know you don’t mean to but look where you have got him ! He never wanted you near Renji , yet you went and visited his grave ! What did you expect ? That he wouldn’t get angry ? ” Mom cried , breaking into sobs .

My own heart clenched in pain . The urge to simply stay quiet was there , but no , not this time . I came here to give m y input this time , and I am not going to stay quiet like normal . ” So , you’re saying I’m the reason Dad is i in the cells ? Actually Mom , I’m not . He’s there because he deserves to be there . I have done nothing to him .

All I ever wanted was for him to notice me , to be i proud of me and to love me , but he never did . ” I said , desperation seeping into my voice . Was I really the crazy one that was in the wrong ? ” I can’t even mind link him !

They are probably injecting him with silver or wolfsbane ! I feel his pain ! You don’t know what he’s going through , above all losing Renji- “

” Hurt ! I know ! I didn’t even know he existed , and it hurts me too ! I visited his grave because I wanted to know my brother ! What did I do so wrong that dad hates me so much ?

I am his daughter too ! Is it just because I was too weak to give m y brother a bone marrow match ? ” I said , feeling defeated . ” You were never a daughter he could be proud of .

” She said , simply brushing away her tears . I looked into those blue eyes of hers , the very same shade as my blue one . ” I know , I’ve been told all my life that I a m nothing but a failure . ” I said , looking around the hallway .

Something told me this was the last time I’d be visiting here . ” I wasn’t the child Dad wanted , well that’s his loss then . I have always tried my best t o be the best I can be without losing my identity , but if it’s not enough , then I don’t care anymore .

” You don’t care ? When have you ever cared Raven ? ” Somehow , her words just didn’t hurt anymore . I was so used to her standing by and not caring that I didn’t expect anything from her .

” Goodbye Mom , I won’t be stopping by anymore … I didn’t know Dad was in the cells , but whatever reason the Alpha or Beta deemed sufficient , Dad must deserve it . I don’t really care and I don’t feel bad for admitting that . I’m done . ” I said casting one last look around my childhood house . ” Maybe we will be better off .

“ Mom whispered , hugging herself . ” They hurt him a lot … I felt it , I don’t know what they’ve done and I can’t mind link him either . I’m told I have to stay under house . arrest until the Alpha questions me . ” I frowned , I felt a sliver of irritation , once again I wasn’t told about this . Why did everyone keep me in the goddess – damned dark ?

” Yeah , I think we’ll all be better off . I’m done being stuck around parents who love to throw mental abuse in one form or another at me . ” I said bitterly . For the first time , I let my anger , pain and sadness show in my voice .

I turned away , ready to open the door again , when I paused . ” When I was a baby … you wanted the doctor to give me Renji’s eye … You must have loved me right ? Before I became a useless disappointment to you both ?

” My voice was soft , my eyes stuck on the door before me . Maybe just one kind word That at one point at least Mom cared …. ” Hmm , a long time ago … I wanted to see a part of Renji live on too …

But things changed .

” Mom’s hesitant reply came . away and cry My lips quivered , the urge to just run threatened to consume me , but I didn’t move , keeping my heartbeat steady . ” Changed ? ” ” I should never have given Renji’s eye to you .

Perhaps if we hadn’t , that constant reminder of his loss wouldn’t be here ! Maybe things would have been different ! ” I looked over my shoulder at her , trying to blink away the tears and nodded .

” Maybe … but it’s done . Goodbye … ” I said , not even knowing if I should even address her as mom .

She didn’t reply as I left the house , trying t o hold that smile in place , although inside I felt as if everything was crumbling to pieces … Moonlight Muse N Thank you for reading