Chapter 69 Accepting Her Death âAlpha Ethan, great news! General Owen was able to hold the line of defense and retake one city along the coast!â
My eyes widened slightly. That was, indeed, good news.
âDoes Talon know?â
âNot yetâ I was about to go find him next.â
âIâll do that. I need to ask him something, anyway.â
I stretched and stood up from my desk. It was still earlyâI didnât mind walking a little bit.
As I neared Talonâs room, I noticed the door was ajar, and I heard his voice, along with Vickyâs. Iâd never eavesdropped on my pack, but when I heard my name, I paused.
ââ¦I know. He barely eats, he rarely sleeps any more,â Talon said.
âIf Ethan knew about it, no matter how upset he is, maybe he could start to heal,â Vicky was saying.
Knew about what? What were they talking about?
âI donât know, Vicky,â Talon said. âI couldnât imagine how I would feel if it was me. You know that.â
She sighed. âI just want to help him.â
What the hill were they talking about?!
The only thing, the only one they were not supposed to mention in front of me wasâ¦
âWell, all we can do is be here for him and try to make the rest of his life easier.â
I started to walk again, but then I realized Vicky was crying, so I stopped again.
âI miss her so much,â she said between sobs.
âI know you do,â Talon said, and I could imagine him patting her back, trying to soothe her. âI do, too.â
âRosalie was the sweetest, kindest person Iâve ever met in my whole life. Itâs just not fair that sheâs gon e and that horrible Madalynn is still here.â
âWe canât question why these things happen, Vicky,â Talon said, in his logical tone.
âWhy not?â his sister demanded. âWhy canât we question it? It sucks! I just wish⦠I wishâ¦â
âI know,â he sighed. I assumed Vicky was going to say she wished she could see Rosalie one more time.
Because I wished I could see her one more time.
More than anything in the world.
But It had been so long since sheâd disappeared over the edge of the cliffs, and still, nothing had surfac ed.
I was just about to reveal that I was standing there when Vicky said something that made my blood run cold.
âIf only we had said something to himâor if she had never overheard his plans,â Vicky said.
âVicky, weâve talked about this,â Talon said. âItâs too late now. Just let it go.â
âBut donât you feel responsible?â she asked. âIf we had told Ethan that she knewââ
I braced myself against the wall, my head spinning, not wanting to let myself go to the place where my
mind was slipping away to.
I refocused in time to hear Talon say, âI tried. He didnât listen. I thought we had time to change his mind about that planâ¦â
Change my mind? A plan�
Then it struck me. My plan! After everything that had happened, I barely even thought about it.
The plan that she would be put to death by me.
My eyes widened Had she known about it?!
Deciding I had heard enough, I entered the room. I was no longer capable of pretending like I hadnât ov erhead them. I walked in with my teeth gritted together, my eyes seeing red.
Vicky gasped, and both of their faces blanched.
âAlpha,â Talon said. âWe didnât knowâcan we get you anything?â
âHow did she know?â | spat each word out like a curse, slamming my hands down on the desk across fr om where they were sitting, my fingernails biting into the wood like tacks shot out of a nail gun.
Talon held his hands out in front of him, defensively, and Vicky immediately teared up, which didnât surp rise me in the least.
âAlpha, please, let us explain. We had no idea you were standing.â
wer âHow the f*ck did she know?â | demanded, shaking the desk. âI sure the f*ck didnât tell her, which means that one of you did!â
Vicky began to sob, and Talon stood upâ a sign that he was actually challenging me to a degree.
âYes, you did,â Talon said, his voice still calm, even if he was not being submissive.
âWhat the hill are you talking about?â I asked, standing up to my full height and looking down at him. Talon took a deep breath. âShe overheard us talking about it that night, in your roomââ
âNo.â I began shaking my head as he began to nod his. âThatâs not possible. Rosalie was asleep.â
âIt is possible,â Talonâs expression was sad. âIt is possible, and it happened. She overheard our plans to kill her as soon as the baby was born, Ethan.â His voice softened. âShe knew what was going to happen to her.â
âNo,â I said again, pursing my lips together to tamp down my emotions. My whole body was shaking. âY ouâre mistaken, Talon,â
âIâm very sorry that you had to find out this way, Ethan. We wanted to tell you. We were just waiting for the right time.â Talon looked re morseful.
I had no choice but to accept that what he was saying was true.
Rosalie had known that I was going to kill her as soon as the baby was born, so she had killed herself fi rst.
I still didnât understand. Turning away from him, I ran a hand through my hair.
âBut why?â I asked in a whisper. It still didnât make any sense.
âAlpha, in the letter, she told us that she wanted to choose her own path.â Vickyâs voice was quaking. âYou still have yours⦠donât you?â
I turned and looked at her over my shoulder. Of course, I still had it. Iâd been carrying it around in my po cket since that day.
I hadnât opened it because reading Rosalieâs words would make it realâ
and I preferred to live in a world where there was still a chance that she was out there somewhere.
But if I read her letter, and she told me what she was going to do, and why she was going to do it. then I would know for sure.
âMaybe she didnât think that Madalynn would make a very good mother,â Vicky said, staring at the floor.
âEnough!â | interrupted her, my voice hot with anger.
I knew that she was right, but I didnât want to hear itâ despite the fact that I had asked the question.
âGet out,â I said.
Talon sighed, wrapping his arm around his sister and pulling her out without another word.
I pulled the envelope out of my jacket pocket, staring at Rosalieâs familiar handwriting.
Sitting on the edge of my desk, I traced her writing with my finger⦠refusing to acknowledge the tears that threatened to fall.
I couldnât breathe.
What had I done to my Rosalie?
All this time, I tried to trick myself into thinking she might come back, that she would never do that to our child⦠that, maybe, she had just left. She was still out there, and maybe, one day, she would be back.
But now I knew I was lying to myself. She didnât just leave.
She was scared of meâshe probably hated meâ so much that sheâd rather die by her own hand than be touched by me!
So much that sheâd rather end her own life than be with a hideous monster!
And I deserved it.
I covered my forehead with my palms⦠What had I done?!
Images of her beautiful face flickered before my eyes. I saw her smile, heard her laughter, and imagined How could I accept the reality that she was never coming back?
âAlpha!â
Samuel, who had been tasked to search for Rosalie, burst into the room. It seemed that he had been loo for meâI had disconnected myself from the mindlink.
My heart felt so tight that it was as if I was being stabbed over and over. It was so painful that I couldnât bear it.
As if the Moon Goddess had heard my thoughts, the skies opened up, even without a cloud in the sky, and rain began to pour against the windowpane.
If I was standing outside, perhaps it wouldâve cleansed my soul and washed away all of the memories, a the angst, all of the anger I had pint up inside of me.
But how could I allow myself to let go?
I was the cause of her pain and suffering, and I didnât even see it.
Iâd rather be locked away inside of the castle where the rain couldnât reach me, and Iâd rather continue to keep my emotions inside of me.
Iâd rather continue to be haunted by that beautiful face everywhere I looked, even though she would sne away from me.
Iâd rather carve this pain into my bones than forget about her.
Because I deserved it. For what I did to her, I was the bastard who deserved to be lonely, to be punished with pain, forever.
My hand reached toward the sidebar, where a bottle of whiskey was waiting.
I needed something to help me tonight. Just for this one night. I told myself, because I needed something to help me survive tonight
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