Chapter 17.

Erin

I was just about done with my apartment hunting for today and I was exhausted. The funny part was, I didn't even get an apartment, I ended up renting a fully furnished condo instead. I had no desire to furnish an apartment because I had no desire of having an extended stay in Charming. I still had planned on solidifying a good relationship with Jax so that we could co-parent Abel effectively. But after that, I was hoping to fly back to my own home in Washington.

I hadn't received any calls from Jax today regarding the boys, but I also made no attempts to call him either. I wanted to give him my full trust and allow him to watch the kids without me hovering over him. I think it's important that he knows that I trust him, and I believe it helps build the foundation of our relationship.

I even decided to move my belongings out of Wendy's house early to prolong the time I spent away so that Jax could have Abel for a longer period of time. I'll admit, I did start to get anxious when it started getting late, but then I reminded myself that this was for the best and that the boys were completely fine in Jax's care.

When it was time to pick the boys up, I was really excited, because I did miss them while they were gone. But when I knocked on Jax's door he opened it with such a guilty look on his face that made my heart jump. I knew something was wrong just by the way he looked at me. He kind of reminded me of Abel when he would break something I already warned him about.

"What happened?" I cut to the chase.

Jax sighed, "I just need you to understand that this is completely my fault."

"Jax, you're scaring me. Are the boys okay?"

"yes, the boys are fine." I breathed a sigh of relief but was still on edge since he still looked nervous. "Then what is it? What happened?"

"I had left earlier to go help the guys with a shipment," he bit his lip, "I didn't want to leave Tara here alone, so I called my mom to come to help her out." His breath became shaky, "when I got back...my mom...had apparently taken Henry to go get a haircut."

My mouth dropped as the reality of what he was saying weighed on me. Henry's hair was getting long, but I was the one who would usually trim off the extra pieces. I was doing that until I knew that he was ready for his first real haircut. A part of me was probably being a bit too sentimental with his hair because Henry was my last baby, there wouldn't be another after him. I didn't want to let go just yet.

"How bad is it?"

"Well, it was pretty bad when I came home, he probably moved during the cut and chunks were gone," Jax said delicately. I groaned at the news as I tried to keep myself from crying. "I did try to fix it, but I'm pretty sure if we dress him up just right he could join what's left of the Beatles." I could tell that Jax was trying to make a joke to lighten my mood, but when I didn't budge his smile fell. "Look Erin, I am so incredibly sorry for what happened to Henry. It is completely my fault; I should have never left."

I took a deep breath as I studied Jax's face, he was extremely apologetic. I knew in my heart that Jax never wanted this to happen, and as much as I wanted to yell and scream, this was an honest mistake. "Look, I'm not happy about this, but you shouldn't blame yourself. Your mother is the one who is responsible for this and I don't think you could have predicted her doing this."

I was expecting Jax to look relieved but he surprisingly wasn't. "I'm going to make this up to you Erin, I promise." I shook my head, "that won't be necessary, just please don't leave the kids with your mom next time."

I tried being lighthearted but Jax was still fuming. He was far more upset than I was, "I just can't believe she did this." I remained silent as Jax continued on his tangent. His anger was clearly directed at more than just his mother, perhaps his fiancé as well.

"Is something else bothering you?" Jax snapped his head at me. He looked like he wanted to say something but he held back. "No, I'm just really sorry about what happened to Henry, I don't feel like I should be getting off this easy."

I gave him a small smile, "well, considering how apologetic you are and how you have taken the blame for this whole thing, even though you know who should actually be apologizing is very noble of you. I have no doubt in my mind that you care not only about Abel, but you extended that care to Henry. And that's all I can ask for in anyone I trust with my boys."

A soft blush came to Jax's cheeks and I held out my hand for him to shake it. But then he took it and reeled me into a hug. I was surprised at first but after getting past my initial shock my arms wrapped around his frame. He was quite muscular from what I could feel, and his scent was a mix of cigarettes and laundry detergent. I wasn't a smoker by any means, I tried a joint in college and failed, but he for some reason smelled so darn good to me.

When we finally broke apart, I found myself standing there awkwardly. Like I had been caught red-handed doing something I shouldn't. Jax shot me a smile and I returned a forced one back to him. I had no idea what was going on with me, but I had no desire of crushing on my child's father. No matter how cute he was. Besides, between being an outlaw and the mess with the CIA, Jax was taken, not only taken but engaged with a five-month-old baby. That was way too much drama for someone who hasn't dated for almost two years.

Jax led me inside his home and I waited in the kitchen as he went to grab the boys. I braced myself for Henry's haircut and took a couple of deep breaths. The important thing was that I didn't make Henry feel bad about his hair because of my feelings. I wanted to encourage my kids and promote positivity in their lives. But when I saw Henry's uneven bangs I had no idea what to say. He, however, was much too excited to see me, to care anything about his hair.

"Mommy!" he said running into my arms. "Hi papa," I said running my hands through his hair. I swallowed a lump in my throat as I inspected how much hair was actually gone. Abel came in a few minutes later with Jax holding him, "hi mommy!" he shouted, "Henry got a haircut today."

"I can see that," I said planting a kiss on his cheek.

"Daddy did it all by himself," Abel stared at his father proudly and I couldn't help but laugh. "Well, your daddy did a very good job," I feigned excitement and I could see Jax trying not to laugh at me from the corner of my eye.

I grabbed Henry's bag as Jax assisted me in walking the boys to my car. When they were all buckled up, I stood outside to talk to Jax further. "It'll grow out right," I said clenching my eyes shut.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure his Beatles faze is going to be a short one. I tried to fix his bang situation but too much was gone," I groaned outwardly as I lay on the hood of my vehicle. "My poor baby," I whined. Jax rubbed my back as I sulked on the hood of my car. "Did you keep any of it?" I looked at Jax hopefully.

"I'm sure I can come up with some of it," I groaned again at his response. I looked inside of the car at Henry and I poked out my bottom lip, "I wasn't ready," I chuckled dry, "they grow up so fast and then they're just...gone."

"Have you ever thought about having another?" Jax asked me. I shook my head, "no, I got lucky with those two and I don't want to keep going through that process. And I don't even think I have it in me anymore," I said quietly.

Jax came closer to me and leaned against the hood, "want to talk about it," he smiled softly. I hesitated and he noticed, "I'm not the best hairstylist but I am a good listener."

I inhaled deeply, "before I was a mother and had my boys, I was married to my husband. Before he died, we would try so hard to have a baby. I mean we did everything, we read the books, we did herbal medicine, IVF, all of it. And it wasn't that I couldn't get pregnant, I just could never bring them to term."

Jax was silent as I poured my heart out to him. "Y'know when I found out that Wendy almost killed Abel with her addiction, it was one of the reasons I didn't want to meet her. I mean, don't get me wrong I love Wendy, I'm grateful for her. But I would have done anything just to have a healthy baby, I can't tell you how much it hurts to hold something that could have been in your arms. The look on family members' faces, the look on my husband's face, it starts to wear you down until you feel like nothing."

"Hey," Jax stepped in front of me, "look I didn't know you went through any of that, but Erin you are not nothing. You are a good mother and it shows in how you take care of those boys." He looked down and reached out for my hands, "I know we got off on the wrong foot but I'm willing to start over and give this co-parenting thing a real shot because I would be honored to share my son with someone like you."

I hadn't realized I was crying until a tear escaped my eye. I embraced Jax in another hug and we held on for a little longer. His change in attitude towards me gave me hope that we could really make this work. And even though, I wasn't fond of his situation with the club, Jax was a good father and that would have to be enough for now.