11

Y/n PoV :

Saying I m shocked is an understatement. I m more than shocked .

So many questions were arriving in my mind . My mind is a mess . I went out of his room and went to my room . After sometime everyone returned . Leyda noticed my uneasiness and asked the reason . But I just said her that I am not feeling well .

Night fell , everyone had dinner . I didn't . There were so many thoughts going on in my mind . I was not in a mood to have dinner . So I skipped it .

Everyone were back to their cottages and leyda was asleep . I went outside of the cottage to get rid of my thoughts . I went backside of the cottages and found steps with trees surrounding. There were only few steps . I climbed them and I saw a beautiful view . Even though it was night and dark I could still see a little bit because this place is a tourist place and is surrounded by cottages .

There were lights here . So I could see the view slightly . I looked up and I was mesmerised by the view . The moon was shining with so many stars surrounding it . It was so aesthetic to watch it . So

Peaceful . I sat on the ground and stared at the moon getting rid of all my worries .

Just then I felt someone sitting beside me on the grass . I turned aside and saw taehyung. I was stunned to see him here .

What is he doing here ? Why is he here ? Does he know that I am here ?

Obviously he doesn't like my presence . So I got up to leave but I felt him grab my wrist. My heart stopped . This is the first time he is touching me .

Stay .

My jaw dropped hearing his voice . Stay ? Am I hearing it right ? I stood there frozen still trying to process what's going on . I m not dreaming right .

Stay y/n .

My name slipped out of his mouth and it gave me goosebumps. My heart started fluttering . I was nervous .

Wth is happening ?

I turned around and sat beside him where he patted the ground . My heart was thumping against my rib cage . I was hearing . What if he can also hear it ?

It was silence for a while as if he is not present at all . As if I m the only one here . I took glances at taehyung who is watching the moon . My heart melted seeing him so close . He closed his eyes taking a deep breath . He looked ethereal . Even in this dark I could still see his beauty .

You should forget me .

I heard him saying . My head whipped to his side as soon as those words left his mouth . My heart stopped .

Forget me y/n , I am not the right one for you .

My heart felt heavy . Why is he saying this ? Is he here to hurt me again ? I have listened so many people saying this to me but listening it from him makes my heart shattered into pieces .

W-what are y-you talking about ?

You know very well what I am talking about y/n .

He turned to my side and saw tears in my eyes . He sighed sadly .

Please don't cry y/n .

Please ? He is asking me not to cry ? And am I seeing him sad ?

This is so unbelievable. Everything is unreal . I can't believe what is happening with me now .

You are a very good woman y/n and you will find a perfect man for you . But I am not that one for you . In order to find your soulmate you should forget me .

By this time I couldn't stop my tears flowing down from my eyes . I hate myself to be this weak .

W-why ?

Y/n I will tell you about me which I never told to anyone . No one except my grandma knows about what I am going through . And I want you to know this because I think you deserve to know why I don't like you . Or else you won't forget me .

I furrowed my brows and looked at him waiting for him to continue.

I had a sister . When I was 11 she died .

My eyes widened in shock . I never knew he had a sister and she died .

She killed herself .

W-what ?

He chuckled sadly . My heart broke seeing him like this .

I loved my sister so much y/n . My parents are always busy so my sister took care of me .  She was only 17 when she got pregnant.

He took a deep breath and continued .

She loved her boyfriend so much . She was so happy with him . He was her world . But when she became pregnant he left her . He broke up with her . My sister was devastated . She went to his home to talk to him , but instead she saw him having sex with other girl . She came to know that he was cheating on her since a long time ago but she never knew . In the first place , he didn't love my sister . He was only attracted to her and wanted to have sex with her . So after he was satisfied he left her .

A tear rolled down from his eye and he wiped it away quickly but I noticed it . He was biting his lower lip trying not to cry . I wanted to hug him and comfort him but I don't think he will like it . So I stayed still waiting for him to continue . He said he never talked to anyone about this . I am the first person he is talking to . He should let it out everything. So I was silent waiting for him to continue .

My sister couldn't take the heartbreak . She saw future with him but it all went crashed down . She became depressed. And later she killed herself . I saw my sister crying a lot for him . I saw her suffering but I couldn't do anything to save her . I tried my best to make her happy . But it all went in vain . I failed .

After that my parents blamed themselves. Since then they started drinking alcohol, totally neglecting me . They started arguing . Everyday it was so much for me to take . I was already depressed losing my sister and my parents only made it hard for me .

I started having nightmares. My parents used to love each other a lot but they fell out of love and started loathing each other's presence . I was 14 I think . I saw my parents drifting apart . And I decided that I will never love anyone nor allow anyone to love me . I lost trust in love . There is no love and even if it is there it won't last longer . After few years or days people will start losing feelings and one will suffer heartbreak .

I don't want that pain . I saw my sister , my parents in pain and I don't want that pain . That's why i build walls in my heart not allowing anyone to enter it .

The day of graduation I came home with a little bit of hope expecting my parents to be happy and proud of me but you know what I got in return ?

He looked at me with those hurting eyes and my already shattered heart shattered more into million pieces . He has gone through so much . He has suffered a lot . I can't even imagine losing a person you love the most . He lost his sister .

I shook my head as no .

My parents divorce .

I stopped breathing when I heard that . I can't even imagine how much pain he had gone through . I just want to embrace him and give him all the happiness . He deserves it . He doesn't deserve this life .

Do you remember the day you found me on streets crying ? That day I went home and saw my parents fighting . It was so bad that I saw them breaking things at home . I couldn't stay at home that night . I got a panic attack because of them . So I left the house and when I returned later none of them bothered to open the door and let me inside .

He wiped his tears and chuckled sadly .

I knew you were crushing on me since 13 y/n .

He looked at me . He broke the eye contact looking away and continued .

At first I thought it was just a mere crush and it will go away if I ignore you . But I was shocked when you confessed me 5 years later . I had to reject you harshly so that you could stop crushing on me . I knew you were the one who put lunch boxes , gifts in my lockers . I knew you always followed me . That's why I rejected you harshly .

The day when he rejected me played in my mind . So that was the reason he rejected me that way . I knew there was some solid reason for him to act like that .

After my parents divorce no one wanted me so my grandma took me in . I am now staying with my grandma . I have no family apart from her .

T-taehyung ...

Let me speak y/n , there's more to tell you . I want to let out everything now .

When I saw you in the college at first I thought you were still following me . So I came and acted like that . So that you will withdraw from the college but you didn't . Later I came to know that you got admission in this college .

I regretted for talking to you like that but I didn't apologise wantedly . I wanted you to hate me . I thought you were finally over me but I was wrong. I can see the way you look at me y/n . I know that you still love me .

I looked down at my lap . Well , what can I say ?

I wanted to do something that will make you hate me more and forget me so I asked Emily to pretend as my girlfriend.

W-what ????

Yes , Emily isn't my girlfriend. She is like a sister to me . Emily is my childhood friend . We were friends for 10 years after that she shifted to daegu . Since then we lost contact . But then we met here again . She already has a boyfriend and when I told her I want her to be my face girlfriend infront of you she didn't accept at first . She knew I don't commit any relationships but she doesn't know the reason . So I said that I don't want you to waste your life on me so she accepted to help .

I saw how you were hurt everytime whenever you saw me and Emily . I was happy that I was making you hate me but I guess I am wrong . I only hurt you . My plan failed . It only hurt you more . Whatever I do it's hurting you . But still you are hanging on me .

You know why I always push you away ?

It's because I am afraid to fall in love with you y/n .

My head snapped to his direction . What did he just say ?

When I saw you at the college my heart felt happy . I was happy seeing you there . I realised that what I am feeling I should be feeling it . So I pushed you away and tried to make you hate me . But whenever I saw your pained expressions it hurt me too .

Today when I heard leyda saying you got lost , I felt like my heart has fallen down to the pit . I was scared , afraid . I wasted no time in searching for you . And that's when I realised that I am falling for you y/n .

I looked into his eyes shocked . Is he confessing ? He has feelings for me ? I really don't know how to react ? Should I be happy that he loves me too or should I be sad by his story .

But we can't be together y/n .

The small ray of hope which built in me was stepped and crushed down by his words .