Bound By The Past: Part 3 – Chapter 2

I avoided my wife like a goddamn coward. I prided myself on my restraint but in her company, I was shown how wrong I’d been. Every new attempt from her to seduce me tore another chunk of my wall down.

Valentina didn’t give up. Part of me wanted her to keep up her pursuit until I lost my battle, the other, still stronger part, needed her to stop before I showed her why I’d avoided marriage for so long. Our first kiss awakened something in me I had trouble caging in, a hunger so unrestrained and wild, it threatened to awaken the parts of my nature that had no place in a marriage. And so I kept pushing her way. For my sake, but more than that: for her sake.

I stared into the dark fireplace. The last embers had died unlike the fiery anger inside of me. It was difficult to pinpoint the source of my anger. Most of it was directed at myself but a part was for the woman who didn’t deserve it. Valentina.

I resented her for the desire she stirred in me. She made me feel unhinged in a way I was unfamiliar with. I’d never experienced this kind of sexual desire, this need to consume someone.

The sound of heels on hardwood floor attracted my attention but I didn’t turn. Valentina hovered near the doorway, beautiful as always, a siren calling to my base instincts.

“Is it true that you frequented Club Palermo?”

My fingers around the whiskey glass tightened. I didn’t want to discuss the past, and even less be reminded of my primal needs. “It belongs to the Outfit, but that was a long time before our marriage.”

“So you didn’t mind the company of prostitutes, but you can’t take your own wife’s virginity?”

Shock blasted through my composure. I looked at Valentina. Virginity?

A desire so all-consuming it almost shredded my control took hold of me. With sheer force of will I reined it in.

Valentina fled the room.

With forced calm, I set the glass down and followed her, even if keeping my distance to my far too tempting wife was detrimental.

I found Valentina in the bedroom, staring out of the window. I approached her until I could see her tipped down face in the reflection.

“Virginity?” I asked, standing close behind Valentina who kept looking out of the window, trying to hide her face from me. “You and Antonio were married for four years.”

I thought of Valentina’s attempts to seduce me. She had appeared unpracticed and inexperienced but I had blamed it on her nerves about being with another man than her first husband. Now as I reflected on her actions more thoroughly, I realized that they could more likely be linked to her never having been with a man, but the question remained: why was she a virgin after having been married? “Valentina,” I said more firmly.

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” she whispered. “It was just a figure of speech. I didn’t mean it in the literal sense. As you said, Antonio and I were married for four years. Of course, I’m not a virgin.”

She was lying. I had no trouble detecting the lie and it raised my anger. Few people dared lying to me and they all paid a harsh price for it, but Valentina knew she was safe. Safe from the cruel nature of my being but that didn’t mean I didn’t have other ways to coerce the truth out of her. I touched her hip. She jumped in surprise and bumped into the windowsill with a gasp.

The feel of her warmth through her clothes had a stronger effect on me than I liked.

I focused on Valentina’s reaction, ignoring my own. “Turn around,” I ordered. Valentina turned to face me but she didn’t meet my eyes. I lifted her head, meeting those damn stunning eyes. As always, she shivered ever so slightly under my touch and that reaction went straight to my cock.

Valentina didn’t try to pull away or lower her gaze. She held mine almost stubbornly but her chin tensed. She was nervous, and not just because of our closeness. She held onto a lie. The question was, which one.

“So your words downstairs were simply meant to provoke?” I asked in a low voice. I hardly ever raised my voice, not even when I dealt with my soldiers, and I certainly wouldn’t when dealing with my own wife.

Valentina’s eyes watered and a tear rolled down her smooth cheek, bursting on my index finger. I let go of her. Tears didn’t bother me. I’d had grown men cry on their knees in front of me, but the sight of my wife’s turmoil caused an unpleasant twinge in my chest. Valentina withdrew herself from my closeness at once.

“Why are you crying?” I asked carefully, trying to figure out Valentina’s mood. She didn’t strike me as someone who cried often.

“Because you scare me!”

“Until today you never seemed scared of me,” I said. Evoking fear in others came naturally to me and it was something I’d used to my advantage in the past and still did. Fear certainly would have made Valentina reveal the truth but I didn’t want my wife scared of me.

“Then maybe I’m a good actress.”

“You have no reason to be scared of me, Valentina. What are you hiding?”

Her eyes flitted down to my chin, avoiding my gaze, trying to cling to the lie she had no way of protecting. “Nothing.”

I wrapped my fingers around her wrist, a warning and a request. “You are lying about something. And as your husband, I want to know what it is.”

Valentina’s eyes flashed with anger, surprising me in their vehemence. “You mean as the Boss you want to know, because so far you haven’t exactly been acting like my husband.”

She was right. I hadn’t acted like a husband, not a good one, not even a decent one. I had been trampling on those vows but that wasn’t the point, and I wouldn’t allow her to make it one. “Why would you still be a virgin?”

“I told you I’m not!” She tried to evade the situation by ripping from my hold but I didn’t release her. Instead, I drew her closer until she was pressed up to me, but I regretted my decision the moment her scent hit me, a spicy perfume with a flowery note and Valentina’s very own tantalizing scent. Her pulse sped up, her lips parted, eyes dilated as she stared up at me. She licked her lips, a nervous gesture, and my groin tightened with a new wave of desire for the woman in front of me. I wanted Valentina, there was no denying it.

I shoved the sensation down. “So if I were to take you toward our bed right now—” I said quietly and pressed Valentina closer to our bed. “—and make you mine, I wouldn’t find out that you lied to me just now.”

She wouldn’t be able to hide it from me if she was a virgin. When I’d taken Carla’s virginity, there had been no mistaking it. Pain flared in my chest, burning hot, and I shoved any thought of her out of my mind.

Valentina tugged at my hold. “You wouldn’t because you won’t take me to that bed now.”

I focused on the woman in front of me. She’d tried to sound certain but a hint of uncertainty remained. “I won’t?”

“No, because you wouldn’t take me against my will. You disapprove of rape.”

“That’s what you hear?” I asked with a laugh.

She held my gaze. “Yes. You gave the Underbosses direct orders to tell their men you’d castrate anyone who used rape as a means of revenge or torture.”

“I did. I think a woman should never have to submit to anyone but her husband. But you are my wife.” In our world, a woman’s body belonged to her husband. Nobody would question me no matter what I did to Valentina, not only because my word was law but also because our old-fashioned traditions protected me.

Valentina shivered, the sophisticated mask slipping, revealing what I often forgot: she was much younger than me. “But still,” she whispered.

“Yes, still,” I said firmly and released her. “Now I want you to tell me the truth. I’ll always treat you with respect, but I expect the same from you. I don’t tolerate lies. And eventually, we will share a bed and then, Valentina, I’ll know the truth.”

“When will we ever share a bed like husband and wife, and not just sleep beside each other? Will that ever happen?”

If only she knew how often I’d imagined fucking her, and how desperately I wanted to throw her on the bed. “The truth. And remember I will know eventually.”

Valentina ducked her head, her shoulders tensing.

“Valentina.”

“What I said in the living room was the truth,” she admitted quietly, looking up at me through her lashes. Her cheeks reddened in embarrassment.

A strange thrill shot through me at her admittance, unexpected and unwanted. “That’s what I thought, but now I ask why?”

“Why is it such a surprising thought that Antonio didn’t want me? Maybe he didn’t find me attractive. You obviously don’t, or you wouldn’t spend most evenings in your office and your nights with your back to me. We both know that if you wanted me, if you found me desirable at all, I’d have lost my virginity on our wedding night.”

Desirable wasn’t a strong enough word to describe Valentina. She was gorgeous, elegant. My eyes dipped to her neckline. During her few seduction attempts in the first days, she’d worn lingerie that had almost broken my resolve. Now I was glad my self-control had won out. If I’d fucked Valentina in those days, it would have been fueled with anger, hard and fast. I would have noticed her innocence too late and might have hurt her. That wasn’t what she deserved. And yet I knew she would never get the lovemaking she wanted for her first time. “I thought we agreed on the fact that I wouldn’t force you,” I said.

Valentina’s chest heaved and she blushed further. “But you wouldn’t have to force me. You are my husband and I want to be with you. I’ve practically thrown myself at you for days now, and you didn’t even notice my body. If you found me attractive, you would have shown some kind of reaction. I guess I’m just lucky to always end up with husbands who find me repulsive.”

Anger filled me. Anger at myself for being incapable of doing what I should have done on our wedding night. “You aren’t repulsive to me. Trust me, I find you attractive.”

Valentina’s eyebrows twitched in doubt. How could she believe I didn’t desire her? Most of my damn thoughts these days revolved around fantasies of how I wanted to claim her pussy and mouth. I stepped closer to her, trying to ignore the way my body screamed to make her mine. “I do. Do not doubt my words. Whenever I catch a glimpse of the creamy white skin of your thighs…” I stroked her soft thigh, feeling goosebumps rise on her skin. She was warm and soft and mine. Shock flashed across Valentina’s face, followed by desire, beckoning to a side of me I was doing my damnedest to suppress. “Or when I see the outline of your breasts through the little nothings you wear to bed…” I continued, unable to stop myself from touching the swell of Valentina’s breasts. “I want to throw you onto our bed and bury myself in you.” The truth lingered between us and I quickly retracted my hand, forcing back my desire.

“You do? Then why—”

I pressed a finger against Valentina’s mouth, silencing her. The feel of her hot breath against my skin raised images of my cock in her mouth. It was a losing battle, I knew it, had known it for a long time. “It’s my turn to ask questions, and you promise not to lie.” She gave a small nod, worry swirling in her eyes. “Why did Antonio not sleep with you?”

Valentina was a woman very few men could resist. I’d seen the way many of my soldiers looked at her when they thought I wasn’t paying attention.

“I promised him not to tell anyone ever.”

“Antonio is dead,” I said. It didn’t sit well with me that she chose loyalty to her dead husband over loyalty to me, but I knew I was being hypocritical. “I’m your husband now, and your promise to me is more important.”

She looked away again. “Valentina?”

“Antonio was gay.”

Surprise washed over me. I’d always prided myself on being a good judge of character and Antonio had never acted in a way that would have suggested he preferred men. Of course, my soldiers knew they had to hide their disposition or leave me no choice but to punish them. “I never suspected anything. Are you sure?”

Valentina gave me an exasperated look. As usual, it angered and thrilled me equally. So very few people dared to show their true feelings in my company. “He brought his lover home sometimes,” she said.

“Why didn’t he sleep with you to create offspring? That would have fended off possible suspicions.” They hadn’t been married very long but eventually, people would have questioned why they were childless. It had been the case with me and Carla. I shoved the thought away.

“I don’t think that would have worked. You know…” She pointed toward my cock.

“He was infertile?”

A dark blush spread on Valentina’s cheeks, making me wonder why I was still bothering holding back. I wasn’t a good man, and trying to be one was a waste of time. I’d claim her, eventually.

“No, he mentioned once that he couldn’t get one up with women.” I returned my attention to Valentina who looked honestly uncomfortable, and her words made me realize something else. She’d never seen an erection.

I needed to focus on protecting the Outfit, not the nature of my desire for my wife.

“Who was his lover?”

“I can’t tell you. Please don’t make me.”

I regarded Valentina’s face closely as I touched her upper arms, knowing the effect my closeness had on her. “If it’s someone from the Outfit I need to know, and if he isn’t… the Outfit comes first. I need to protect all those placing their trust in me.”

“I can’t tell you. I won’t. I’m sorry, Dante, but no matter what you do, I won’t give you a name.”

Disobedience wasn’t something I tolerated, not even in my family. Carla had never opposed me, had been naturally submissive, but Valentina was anything but. It made me want to force her into submitting. “You’ve lived a sheltered life, Valentina. I’ve had hardened men say the same to me, and in the end they gave up all their secrets.”

“Then do what you have to do,” she gritted out and withdrew from my hold once more. “Cut off my toes and feed them to me. Beat me, burn me, cut me, but I’d rather die than be responsible for the death of an innocent man.”

Innocent. That wasn’t a term she would have used for a Made Man. “So he’s an outsider.”

Valentina’s expression was all the answer I needed. “I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to. If Antonio took his lover home, I assume you’ve met him and know his name and can describe him to me.”

Valentina lifted her chin in defiance. Something deep in my chest stirred, something possessive and primal. I moved close again, forcing her to deal with my presence.

“Aren’t you loyal to me? Don’t you think you owe me the truth? Don’t you think it’s your duty? Not only because I’m the Boss of the Outfit, but because I’m your husband,” I said.

Valentina narrowed her eyes. That wasn’t the reaction I’d expected. “And you owe me a decent wedding night. As my husband, it should be your duty to take care of my needs. I suppose we both will have to live with the disappointment.”

Fuck it all. The problem was I wanted to fuck her, to fuck her into submitting, wanted to domineer and possess her. It wasn’t what she needed, what a husband should do, but fuck, she was pushing my buttons. I’d never felt that urge with Carla. She’d been so gentle-minded and submissive, I could have never fucked her like I wanted to fuck Valentina. I’d only made love to her.

I grabbed Valentina and jerked her against me, so her back was pressed up against my chest and her firm butt against my cock. I considered gripping her neck and bending her over, considered fucking her right here and there from behind. Maybe then she’d stop wanting me to become the husband she desired.

“I’m a patient hunter, Valentina,” I said quietly, stifling my darkness, my anger, and sadness. “You will tell me what I want to know eventually.” I ran my palm down her side, feeling her tremble under the touch and my cock stirring in response. My fingertips grazed her smooth thigh and Valentina held her breath, desperate for my touch, but not as desperate as I felt to claim her. God, I wanted to own this woman.

My hand trailed up her thigh until I reached her panties. The lace was drenched with her juices. Valentina’s arousal was like a siren’s song. She leaned back against me, her breathing deepening, nipples puckering under her flimsy nightgown. Begging me to fuck her. I pushed a finger under her panties, stifling a groan at the feel of her wet, hot slit. My finger stroked over her soft flesh, then delved between her folds, feeling their smoothness and Valentina’s wetness. “You want this?” I growled, my voice drenched with desire. I needed to get a grip on myself, needed to rein this in. Losing control wasn’t an option.

“Yes,” Valentina said. Her voice was throaty, needy. She pressed her pussy against my hand, making my finger glide over her opening. I wrapped my arm around her waist, stopping her movements. Feeling her tight pussy against my fingertip made me want to exchange the digit for my cock. “I want you, Dante.”

“Tell me what I want to know.” I wasn’t even sure if this was still about coercing information out of my wife because I doubted I could have stopped rubbing my fingers over her folds. Valentina’s breathing deepened, her hips making small rocking motions as she got closer to her release. She got wetter, and I had to force myself to keep up the gentle touch and not finger-fuck her like I’d fantasized about. Valentina began to shake, more arousal making my fingertips slide easily between her pussy lips. Valentina leaned her head back against my shoulder. “Don’t you want me?”

Didn’t she see? I wanted to fuck her so hard she couldn’t walk, wanted to spill my cum down her throat, wanted to claim her. Her green eyes swam with need and desire, and that alone might have convinced me to throw her on the bed and show her how much I wanted her. But behind the apparent desire, I detected her insecurity, her anxiety, her need for tenderness. I stroked my finger up to her clit, rubbing it with the pad and Valentina’s eyes widened in shock, her perfect lips falling open, as she came under my hand. My cock was painfully hard as I watched her succumb to pleasure, knowing I could give her so much more, show her different forms of pleasure.

I wanted Valentina, had never desired a woman like I did her. And that was the problem. She was my wife. I’d made a vow to be good to her and I would keep it. I wouldn’t fuck her, not when she deserved lovemaking and tenderness. My wife, not a whore. “I do. That’s the problem.” I released her before I did something I’d regret, and definitely something she would regret. I didn’t look at her again as I strode out of the bedroom, needing to bring distance between my wife and me.

I didn’t slow my steps until I reached my office and closed the door. I went straight to the liquor cabinet, fixing myself a strong drink. The moment I brought up the glass with the whiskey, I released a harsh breath and closed my eyes. Valentina’s scent lingered on my fingers. The sweet scent of her arousal. I wanted to taste it, taste her. I downed the whiskey in one gulp and put the glass back down. My cock pressed against my pants, hard and leaking pre-cum. I resisted the urge to jerk off in the middle of my office. I wasn’t a goddamn teenage boy and even then, I’d possessed more self-control than that.

I walked around the desk and sank down, my eyes going to the picture frame on the mahogany surface. An image of Carla and me shortly after we’d married. My chest tightened as it always did when I looked at the picture. A flicker of guilt filled me. It wasn’t an emotion I was very familiar with.

I’d sworn to Carla that I would always love her, always remember her. I’d sworn it on her deathbed, had made a vow. I had never wanted to marry after she’d died. I’d wanted to live with her memory like I’d sworn.

People thought I was the epitome of control but I wasn’t. It hadn’t taken long after Carla’s death before I’d broken the first promise, before I’d sought whores to fuck. It had been angry, desperate fucking, a way to relieve tension and pain. I’d made peace with my sinful nature, had told myself it didn’t affect the vow I gave because these women were nothing but a fuck thing. They might as well have been rubber dolls for all I cared about them.

But things with Valentina were different. I desired her, wanted to fuck her, but I respected her, not only because she was my wife, but also because of her cleverness and her backbone. She was a good woman. A woman who deserved a good husband. Sighing, I opened my laptop, deciding to bury myself in last month’s numbers to distract myself, and knowing full well it wouldn’t work forever.

It was way after midnight when I moved up to the bedroom. Instead of heading into the bathroom to get ready, I went over to the bed. Valentina lay on her back, face tilted toward my side of the bed. In the sliver of light streaming in from the hallway, her skin glowed enticingly. One long leg peeked out from under the covers, making me want to trace her smooth skin again, to reach higher and slide a finger into her.

I turned and grabbed pajama bottoms on my way outside. It was better if I spent the night in my office as long as I didn’t get a better grip on my desire.