Chapter Thirty-Two

*Not Edited* Not Proofread*

Chapter 32– Not very far, apparently:

She's exactly as I remember her.

Annoying.

While we may have never spoken a word to each other before, I still know that I don't like her. At all. There's just something about her that doesn't sit well with me, though I'm unsure on what that is just yet.

But it's something. It's definitely something and I know it.

Her blonde, shoulder-length hair is styled with light curls, her skin still sickly pale despite the heavy makeup she wears. Her outfit is too dressy to be considered casual wear, and she overall looks like she's just come back from somewhere fancy. She's around my height bracket, an inch smaller, and stands tall next to Dakota like she's full of fake confidence.

"No wonder you took an hour to get here," I roll my eyes, ignoring the way my fists clench on the armrest of the chair. I hate that I have to look up at the pair as I speak, rather than face them at an equal height, but Benny is still asleep and shows no signs of waking. "And what the fuck are you doing here? Lilah doesn't even fucking like you."

"Kody!"

"Excuse me?" Zoe looks at me with furrowed eyebrows, a look of innocent confusion on her face. I glare back at her distastefully, the fact that I'm being rude and disrespectful not something that bothers me in the slightest. I don't like her, why hide it?

"Ignore her, Zoe, just go in to see Lilah. I'll be there in a bit," Dakota addresses her as he frowns down at me, his tattooed hands shoved into the pockets of his black jeans. I can't help but let out a scoff, shaking my head and rolling my eyes at the two. So pathetic.

We wait until Zoe has left the waiting area before either one of us says a word. We're too stubborn to break the silence as we hold eye contact, daring the other to speak up first.

It's not going to be me, though, that's for sure. And by the way Dakota huffs, he knows that, too.

"Why are you here?" He asks in a deep voice, his tone low as he takes up the open seat next to me. "You don't even like Lilah."

My mouth opens to defend myself, but I'm quick to close it. It's not his business anyway, I conclude— and he's right. I don't like Lilah. "Jace is here."

"And what? You have to follow him wherever he goes like a puppy?" He counters sarcastically, causing my jaw to tick in vexation.

"Watch it," I warn, turning my head to glare at him. "And it's not like you can say much. You risk your life for a living and then give all of your money to Mac who sits back and wipes his ass with dollar bills. Your dollar bills."

"Touché," Dakota mutters, adjusting himself on the seat. I hate that word.

"So is that all?"

"You're acting like I'm the one who's in the wrong here," he makes a sound in the back off his throat like he can't believe me. I frown at him in confusion.

"Because you are."

I don't miss the way his fists clench next to him at my response, his jaw locking in frustration, making it look more prominent. "I hate that you don't see it."

"See what?" I ask with a bite to my tone, refraining from speaking too loudly because of the mini human on my lap.

Dakota shakes his head. "The reason I'm mad."

"Because the reason is non-existent," I tell him, stretching my legs out in front of me as they start to ache. "Don't blame me because you want to be dramatic."

I'm surprised when Dakota chuckles, though not so surprised when it sounds bitter and a little sarcastic. "And this is why I'm done, Kody. You disregard everyone's feelings, saying they're being dramatic or that they're stupid because they feel a way you don't understand." He finally meets my eyes as he turns to me. "I thought it was just a phase, some kind of defence mechanism, and that you'd come out of it when you got used to us. But it's clearly much bigger than that, and I can't help you because you don't let me."

"I—."

"There's only so much I can do for you, Kody. Trust me, I want to help you. Despite you being such a bitch, I genuinely like you. But I'm done making all the effort."

"I never asked you to," I remind him with a scoff. "I never asked you to do anything for me. I never asked you to be my friend; I never asked you to care. So don't put that blame on me just because you're feeling rejected. ¿Vale? Don't blame me because caring didn't work out in your favour once again."

He shakes his head, another incredulous chuckle escaping his throat, this time a little louder and bitter than the last. "Whatever, Kody. You've clearly got some issues to sort out, so I'm just going to leave and let you focus on those."

"The only issue I have, Dakota, is with you."

"No," he disagrees. "You had this issue way before you met me, I can tell. And I wanted you to have somebody, to be able to rely on somebody like I did to help you get passed it. And I'm not going to lie to you, I wanted that person to be me, but it's clearly not. Which is fine, it is," he assures as he keeps eye contact, though I'm not able to hold it and have to look away for a moment. "I didn't care that you didn't open up to me, didn't talk to me. Just as long as you knew I was there when you needed. But I'm done with childish games, Kody. And I'm not going to let you invalidate the way I feel because you want to."

"I'm not invalidating anything," I deny. "But you can't just decide you want to fix me when I don't need fixing, Dakota. What kind of fucked up shit is that? Do I look like a fucking damsel to you?"

"That's not what I'm saying. You twist my words to suit yourself," he grumbles in annoyance, running his hands through his hair. "I'm saying I wanted to help you. I know what it's like to be fucked up and constantly angry. I know what it's like to be alone. I wanted to be there for you, as a friend." He emphasises. "I'll admit I grew feelings for you, but my intention was to never pursuit that. I always just wanted to help. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Fix me, help me, it's all the same thing really. I don't need you to do that. And I'm not going to take blame because I wasn't so ready to accept your help."

He shakes his head again, something he's done a lot throughout this whole conversation. "That's not what I'm blaming you for. I'm not even blaming you. I don't care if you don't want my help— no one wants to accept help. That's fine. I'm just over you treating me like shit, picking me up and using me when you feel like it."

"That's not what I do."

"Isn't it?" He questions, the tone of his voice making me doubt myself for a second despite there being nothing to doubt. "Because I think it is."

"It's not!" I snap at him as I watch his muscled arms push his body up from the seat.

He sighs, "Fine. Believe what you want. But either way, I'm done. At least until you can admit that maybe this one time you're in the wrong."

I make a face, anger filling my veins quicker than I expected it to as I scowl. "Just because I don't care about you?"

"Because you don't care about anyone but yourself, Kody! I wouldn't be surprised if you screwed Jace over to benefit yourself."

"Fuck you!" I retort back, my teeth grinding together. "You don't know shit about me, and you don't get to pretend you do, okay? So fuck you."

"You're right," he agrees. "I don't know anything about you because you won't let me know."

"Too right, it's none of your business."

He stuffs his hands back in his pockets, his blonde hair messy once again. "Okay, Kody. Do whatever you want. Care, don't care, it has nothing to do with me, as you said."

Before I have the chance to carry on the heated conversation, Benny whines in his sleep and his eyes begin to flutter open. I peer down at him for a second, looking up at Dakota afterwards to see he's noticed Benny's aware state, too.

He sends me one last look before he turns his back to leave the room and head in to Lilah's, but just as he reaches the double doors that everybody else had gone through, I call out his name just as Benny sits himself up next to me.

Our eyes meet across the room, sky-blue on rain-cloud grey, and he waits for whatever it is I want to say.

"Where has caring got you in life?"

And by the look on his face, the blank expression he holds on his perfectly-ugly, sculpted, tanned features I don't expect an answer. But he gives me one anyway.

"Not very far, apparently."

___

"You wanted to see me?" My voice falls flat in the dull, hospital room. Lilah sits up straight in the uncomfortable-looking bed as she nods her head and gestures for me to sit down. "Make it quick, alright? You've already wasted enough of my time tonight."

"You know what I admire most about you?"

"Don't care."

"That you're just so mindful of other people's feelings. It's that sensitive, loving side of you; makes me feel all warm inside."

"Is this what you wanted? To punish me for saving your life?" I raise an eyebrow as I slump down on the armchair, bored and exhausted.

She goes quiet then, losing the playful smile on her face as she takes on a more serious expression. She fiddles with her fingers, like she always does when she's nervous or uncomfortable. "Um, that's what I wanted to speak to you about, actually. The whole uh— you know— saving my life situation." She waits for my reaction and I jolt my head in order for her to continue. "I just wanted to thank you—."

"Thank me?" I repeat back, making sure I heard her right. "You want to thank me."

"Yeah." I bite my tongue and shake my head in disbelief at her words. I try to hold in the scoff of incredulity that wants to make its way out of my throat, rubbing the space between my eyebrows with my index finger. "Kod—."

"No!" I interrupt, standing from the chair abruptly. "You shouldn't even have fucking been there, Lilah! What the fuck was that, huh? Are you out of your fucking mind?"

Her mouth drops open, surprised at my outburst. I am, too. " I kno—."

"Shut up. I don't want to fucking hear it," I snap, my voice rising. "Do you even know the Hell you— you put Jace through? How worried he was?" I ask another rhetorical question. "By all means, Lilah, do whatever the fuck you want, but don't you fucking dare hurt Jace while you do it. Because I swear to God the next time you do I won't be jumping into any river after you. In fact, I'll fucking push you myself."

"Kody, I didn't mean—."

"Did I say you can talk?" She shakes her head, sealing her constantly-moving lips shut.

I take a deep breath, calming myself down. A hospital isn't a good place to start spiralling. It takes me a moment and a few seconds of pacing before I'm able to speak without shouting.

"Are you gonna tell me what the fuck that was about considering I risked my life for you?" I fold my arms, not exactly being truthful. I didn't really risk my life because it would take a lot more than just a bit of cold water to kill me off. But then again, my heart isn't really the strongest so who knows anymore.

"I can't say," she whispers, her voice so meek and quiet. She doesn't meet my eyes and I wonder what it is she's hiding. "I can't tell anyone."

"If this is about what happened—."

"It's not," she shakes her head hastily. "I mean, that contributes to my uh... moment of weakness, sure. But it's— it's not that."

I sigh tiredly. "If you don't want to tell me, then don't. It's not my business anyway and I don't care. But like I said, Lilah. Next time you do something like that again, think about the fucking consequences beforehand."

"There won't be a next time, trust me. I'm going to deal with this alone."

"You do that."

It's silent for the next few moments before I finally decide it's best to leave. I just want to get into bed and let my body rest for the remainder of the night.

"Hey, Kody?"

I huff before turning around, one hand on the doorknob of the room. So close. "What?"

"I'm sorry I did that... to you. I know you're scared of the water."

My eyebrows furrow and my head flinches back slightly in shock, causing a shooting pain in my neck. I'm monetary lost for words for a good five seconds, stunned into silence. "Wha—How do you know that?" I ask, letting my hand drop from the door.

She shrugs, biting her lip. "You told me before."

"No, I didn't," I deny, knowing full well I've never told anybody that. Not even Jace. I don't even admit it to myself. I'm not scared, I'm just not overly fond of it.

"Oh..." she mumbles, her hazel eyes looking dull and lifeless as they stare into mine with a look I can't figure out for the life of me.

"Maybe I just dreamt it."

But something tells me that isn't the case.

___

Author's Note

Bro, I'm banging out these updates. Not going to lie, I'm on fucking fire!

Not that I've said that, though, I probably won't update for another 137283738 million days.