My Soul Is Now at Ease

ANSEL

^THIRTY MINUTES EARLIER^

Alaric swings the door open, shooting a wary glance over his shoulder before focusing on me. “Hey.”

I tug at the hood of my sweatshirt. “How’s she doing?”

He lets out a sigh, leaning against the doorframe. “She’s not doing well. We need to keep a close watch on her.”

I blow out a breath, leaning against the clear wall. Alaric steps out, shutting the door softly behind him, and folds his arms over his chest.

“I think I should tell her I’m still alive,” I suggest.

“Last night, I heard her crying in her bathroom. I went to check on her. She was asleep, looking so fragile. She didn’t look like the Rainey we know.”

I shake my head. “What we’re doing could hurt her in the long run.”

“But telling her you’re alive could hurt her too. Remember what happened last time. If she knows you’re not dead, she might go after Ron to protect us.

“I just want us to stay low until we’ve dealt with him. Rainey can be stubborn, and we barely escaped last time. I can’t risk that happening again.”

The reason we’re hiding my survival isn’t just to convince Ron Moretto I’m dead, but also to keep Rainey out of it.

If she knows I’m alive, she might try to sacrifice herself again. I almost saw her die on that cliff, and I can’t let that happen again.

My “death” is a distraction until we’ve handled our business.

I still remember how devastated she looked when the bullet hit my chest. When Ken and Joe found me, along with my brothers and some SWAT members, I was out cold.

I was unconscious for three weeks, and it’s only been two weeks since I woke up.

I’m healing slowly, but the wound is still fresh, along with a few minor bruises.

“But we need to keep a close eye on her,” Alaric continues. “We went to court with her today.”

“I was there. I saw you guys.”

“She wasn’t happy, even after they were sentenced.

“Then she broke down, said she needed space. She came home and asked us to watch a movie, then went to her room without eating dinner.”

I sigh. Every time I hear she’s not eating, my heart clenches. I don’t know how much longer I can play this game of hide and seek.

I miss her, and seeing her lose weight and become frail is hard on my heart and my conscience.

“I’m going to get her some mint ice cream. I know it’s not the healthiest, but at least it’s something.”

I start to walk away but turn back to him. “By the way, her favorite flavor isn’t strawberry. It’s mint chocolate chip.”

Alaric scratches his head guiltily. “You heard that too?”

I smile, amused. “I hear everything.” I chuckle as I turn away, and Alaric presses his lips together before going back inside.

As I head for the large gates, my heart aches with longing to see her, to hold her, to just be with her.

I miss her so much it hurts. I stop at the car by the gate and sigh, looking up at her room.

But what I see next makes me freeze.

I squint when I see her—~Rainey~—climbing over the railing of her balcony.

She stands on the narrow ledge behind the bars, looking down at the ground below. I turn toward her, my brow furrowing in confusion.

What is she doing?

My eyes narrow as I watch her climb back over, landing safely on her balcony.

She puts her hands on her hips and looks up at the roof, as if considering something.

~No. She’s not thinking of doing what I think she is, is she? Shit.~

“Damn.” I rush toward the penthouse as she starts to climb the ladder to the roof. “Rainey!” I try to call her, but the wind is too loud, swallowing my words.

I run to the front door and pound on it until it opens to reveal a sleepy Aiden. He squints at me, puzzled. “Ansel.”

I push past him, wincing at the pain in my chest as I enter the living room.

My brothers are on the couch, looking at me in confusion as I head for the stairs.

“Ansel, where are you going?” Alaric asks.

“I told you to keep an eye on her.” I frown as I hurry up the stairs, and they exchange glances before following me.

Her door is open tonight, and I have a feeling she left it that way on purpose. I cross her room to the balcony door as my brothers enter, looking worried.

Arden spots a note on her nightstand and picks it up, his eyes widening as he reads it. “Shit.”

Aiden takes it from him to read while I step out onto the balcony, my breath fogging in the cold air as I pant.

I start to climb the ladder quickly, praying she’s still up there. My heart pounds in my ears, and my eyes sting with tears of worry.

~Come on, Rainey. Please don’t do this to me.~

When I reach the rooftop, I see her at the far end. She’s standing still, and my chest aches again.

I wince, clutching the bandaged wound hidden beneath my shirt as I hurry toward her.

As I approach, she starts to move away, but I quickly grab her arm, yanking her back into my chest.

She collides with my torso, and the jolt sends a sharp pain through my wound. I grit my teeth, trying to ignore it.

My breaths come in ragged gasps, fear still pumping through my veins from the thought of losing her. Despite the physical pain, I hold her close, my heart pounding against my ribs.

“Wh-what are you doing, Rainey?” My voice cracks, and I feel her body stiffen at the sound.

I grab her shoulders, spinning her around to face me, and my heart aches at the sight of her tear-filled brown eyes.

She’s completely taken aback, her lips parting in disbelief. I can’t blame her for being so shocked.

She thought I was dead, and now here I am, standing right in front of her. She must think she’s losing her mind.

But she’s not the only one feeling like she’s going crazy. Not being able to talk to her for nearly a month was slowly driving me insane.

My dreams were filled with her. Her face, her voice, they were always there. Being without her has been pure torture.

I shudder to think what would have happened if I hadn’t taken one last look at her room.

I would have lost her. I would have lost the only girl I’ve ever loved this deeply, and it would have been my fault. The thought terrifies me.

Tears slip from my eyes as I cup her cheek in my hand, feeling her body tremble under my touch. “Do you want to see me go crazy? What—what were you about to do?”

Her mouth opens and closes, quivering in shock, and my desire for her surges.

I just want to kiss her. I’ve missed her so much. I just want to hold her and remember how good she feels in my arms. I’ve waited too long.

Cradling the back of her neck, I pull her into me and press my lips to hers.

ANSEL

Their kiss rekindles their lost connection, their lips moving in perfect harmony, mending their broken hearts and making them whole again.

Rainey can’t comprehend what’s happening. Ansel is supposed to be dead. So why is he here, kissing her so passionately?

Is she dead too? Have their souls already reunited? If so, the demons kept their promise after all.

She struggles to believe that this isn’t just her imagination or a ghostly version of him.

But she can’t deny the life in the kiss, the warmth of his body, and the rhythm of his heart against her chest.

She can feel the love, the longing, the hurt, and the pain. She can feel it all. It’s real. He must be real.

He pulls away slowly, and she searches his tear-filled eyes with her own. Has she finally lost her mind? Is she hallucinating?

She struggles to find her voice. “I must be going crazy.”

Ansel looks at her with tear-filled eyes, and she raises her hand to her head. “I’ve finally lost it. A-am I dead?”

His expression softens, and his eyes fill with regret and compassion. “No, you’re not dead, Rain,” he whispers. “I got you.”

She stares at him, unable to comprehend how he’s standing right in front of her. It doesn’t make sense.

She raises her hand to his cheek, fresh tears welling up in her eyes. “Are you real?”

He covers her hand with his, and her breath catches at the warmth of his skin. His touch is the same. It still sets her on fire.

“I’m not dead. I’m real, Rain. I’m right here, and I’m so sorry I didn’t let you know sooner.”

Her eyes move past him to where his brothers are standing, tense and silent, and it finally hits her: ~he’s alive.~

She breaks down in tears, throwing herself into his arms, her hands clutching his sweater as she sobs. “I—I thought I… I thought you were gone. I—”

“It’s okay. I’m here. I’m sorry, Rain. I’m so sorry that I did this to you.”

He starts to kiss her forehead, but she pulls away, her eyes anxiously scanning the white bandage on his forehead.

He looks tired and worn, and Rainey can tell he hasn’t fully recovered yet. “Are you all right?”

He sighs, using his thumbs to wipe away her tears. “I’m fine. I’m fine ~now~.”

He wraps his arms around her, pulling her close and kissing her forehead. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Rainey.”

She closes her eyes, tears streaming down her face as she cries against him, holding him tight.

If this is a dream, she doesn’t want to wake up.

RAINEY

“So…you all knew about this?” I stare at the floor, biting the inside of my lower lip.

My dad glances at Austin before moving to the edge of the couch.

“We’re sorry, Rainey. We didn’t mean for it to turn out this bad. We were just afraid that you’d act impulsively and put your life in danger again. We couldn’t trust that you’d stay out of it, sweetie.”

I bounce my leg, on the verge of losing it. I close my eyes, counting to ten slowly. “Whose ashes did we scatter into the sea?”

Alex clears his throat. “No one. Just some ashes from some burnt-up papers…”

I scoff, shaking my head.

“We’re sorry, Rainey,” Aiden says.

“I was this close to ending it all,” I confess, the weight of my near-suicidal act sinking in. I’d been ready to leap from a towering height, all to join someone who wasn’t even dead. I feel like a complete fool.

“I was about to jump off a roof, for God’s sake.” I shake my head, my face buried in my hands. The embarrassment is overwhelming.

“We shouldn’t have hidden the truth from you,” Alaric admits. “But we did it to keep you safe.”

I shoot him a glare that could freeze lava. “Safe? Telling me he was dead was more dangerous. Do you have any idea how much I’ve suffered?

“I should’ve trusted my instincts. I knew something was off with you guys.

“And you, Alaric. You lied about leaving that ice cream in my room. You’re a terrible liar. Strawberry isn’t even my favorite flavor. Do your homework next time.”

He rubs his hands together nervously. “Yeah… I know that now.”

“Don’t blame them,” Ansel interjects. “This was all my doing. I wanted to protect you, but I went about it the wrong way. I’m sorry, Rain.”

I look at him, and he offers me a tight, apologetic smile. I want to be angry with him, I really do, but how can I when I’m just so relieved he’s alive.

Riley is just as shocked, her gaze fixed on her lap in silence, still struggling to process everything.

Alex moves closer to her. “Riley—”

“You’re a liar, Alex. Don’t talk to me.” She scowls.

He sighs, trying to put his arm around her, but she pulls away, turning her body away from him.

“Keep your distance. You’ve lost my trust. When I asked you about your lack of grief, you said it was the only way to keep your ‘sanity.’ You even cried.”

“Those tears were real—”

“Really? Were they? You’re such a liar.” She stands up, and he runs a hand through his hair.

“Riley, please.”

“You cried! You made it seem so real! And it wasn’t, Alex. You’re a fake! I cried every night for nothing! Absolutely nothing!”

“Rileyyyyy,” he groans dramatically, reaching out to grab the hem of her dress. “I’m sorry.”

She steps back. “I can’t even look at you right now.” She shakes her head as she walks off, climbing the stairs while shooting Alex a disappointed look.

“Rainey, we’re so sorry. I feel so guilty.” Melissa’s lips form a tight line.

Ansel reaches for my hand, but I pull away. “I’m going to bed. I haven’t slept well in a month.” I rise from the couch and walk away.

I get why they couldn’t trust me to stay out of danger, but keeping such a massive secret from me was just cruel.

I’ve suffered so much these past few weeks, even considered ending my own life. I became a shell of myself for no reason at all. It was all for nothing, and now I’m left feeling utterly humiliated.

I enter my room and close the door behind me, but it doesn’t latch, and suddenly two arms wrap around me from behind as Ansel buries his face in my neck.

“I’m sorry. Can you forgive me, mm?”

I squirm out of his grip, elbowing him to get free. “I need to be alone.”

“Ow…,” I hear him groan, and I turn around to see him doubled over, clutching his chest with a pained expression. Oh God, did I hurt him?

I gasp, rushing over and placing my hand on his back. “Ansel? Oh God, I’m sorry. Let me see.”

I bend down to look at his face, but he’s smirking, and I scowl as he chuckles.

“Really, Ansel?”

He straightens up, licking his lips and smiling, then swiftly lifts me by my waist.

My legs instinctively wrap around him while my hands lock around his neck to keep my balance.

My cheeks flush as he looks up at me, his blue eyes filled with a bright spark of remorse. I’ve missed him so much, and I’ve longed for him to hold me like this.

He studies my face as if he hasn’t seen it in ages.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “Will you forgive me?”

I look at him. How can I not forgive him? How can I be mad that he’s still alive?

“Mm.” I purse my lips. “I’ll think about it.”

He chuckles. “Really?”

He carries me over to my bed, sitting down so I’m straddling his lap. He keeps his gaze on me while tracing circles on my waist with his fingers. “Whenever you’re ready.”

I smile. He’s still the same. Respectful and patient. “Thank you for that note, by the way. The one you had that cute little girl give to me.”

His lips curl into a smirk. “Which note?”

“‘You’re most beautiful when you smile.’”

His brows furrow in thought. “Nope. I didn’t give you that. I left the ice cream, but I didn’t leave that note. That was probably a ghost.”

Confusion washes over me as my eyes widen, and Ansel starts laughing, causing me to smack his arm. “It was you, you liar.”

His laughter fades into a lingering smile as he looks up at me. “You’re right. It was me. But the words are true.”

I blush at his words.

His eyes drift to the suicide note on my nightstand, and he reaches for it, but I snatch it up before he can.

His face falls. “Can I see it?”

“Nope. You’re not dead, so…” I crumple the paper into a ball, tossing it into the trash. Ansel’s eyes flash with guilt.

“What if I’d lost you? I wouldn’t forgive myself,” he murmurs.

I keep my gaze on his belt buckle, hiding my eyes from him.

I felt so lost without him. Even though it was a false alarm, it made me realize how shattered I’d be if he ever left me alone.

“I guess I deserved it, letting you take a bullet for me.” I manage a half-smile.

“I did that on my own. You didn’t ‘let me,’ Rain. I didn’t give you much of a choice.”

I sigh. “But it was all my fault. I just went ahead and—”

“Nothing was your fault. Your intentions were—~ow~.” He winces, and I look up to see him clutching his chest. My face fills with worry as I reach for his clothes.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just my chest.”

I lift his sweater and his T-shirt, examining the white bandage on his chest. This is where the bullet hit him. He’s still in pain. He’s still hurting.

My eyes well up, and he notices. He sighs. “No, don’t cry. I think I’m gonna lose it if I hear you cry one more time.” He raises a hand to my cheek, and I bite my lip.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”

He unzips his sweater and pulls it off, then lifts his shirt over his head.

I get a clearer view of the gauze taped to his chest as he looks down to inspect it. Thankfully, it isn’t bleeding.

“Your dad hired a nurse for me,” he says, and I look up at him. “She changes the dressing every morning and every night.”

“Where are you staying?” I ask.

“He’s got me in a penthouse a few minutes from here, just around the corner.”

I nod as he brushes strands of hair from my eyes. “I was there today. At the courtroom.”

My brows furrow in thought as he continues. “I was in the back. I heard what that jerk said to you.”

“Jeff?”

“Yeah.” He rests his forehead against mine. “I paid him a visit afterward. So now he knows I’m not dead, and he’s going to pay for what he said to you.”

I pull back, my forehead creasing in confusion. “How will he pay for it?”

He leans back on his hands. “We know a few guys in that same prison. They’ve been bored lately, looking for some fun.

“We’ll just make Jeff’s life a living nightmare in there. Him and Greg.”

I smile softly, shaking my head as I look down.

He grins. “What?”

“You’re a thug,” I say, and he laughs, his bare chest shaking with the sound.

~He’s so perfect.~

“Only when it comes to you,” he whispers, and I look up to see him staring at me intensely.

Those eyes full of desire. I’ve missed the way he looks at me like that.

My stomach flips and my heart races as he sits up straight, placing his hand on the side of my neck.

The feel of his skin against mine sets my soul on fire as he gently guides my head closer to his.

Our breaths mingle, and a warm desire flows between us as he presses his lips to mine. He kisses me slowly, his tongue nudging at my lower lip, asking for entrance.

I part my lips, and he enters, his hand moving from my neck to my waist.

The kiss stays gentle and soft, and I’m now incredibly turned on. I start to grind my hips against his groin. I feel him harden beneath me as his hand slips under my shirt to caress my back.

His lips break away from mine, and he breathes out harshly as his hand moves up and down my spine. “No bra?”

I shake my head. “No, I thought I was going to die tonight anyway. Why bother looking decent?” I mumble.

He pulls back, slipping his fingers under my shirt and pulling it over my head. I shiver slightly from the cool air, and in the dim light of the room, his eyes shine with desire.

I watch as his gaze travels over my chest, then my neck, then all over before softening. “You lost so much weight. Did I do this to you?”

He runs his hands down my arm, meeting my eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

My throat tightens as he lowers his lips to the valley of my breasts, planting a sweet kiss there.

Goosebumps spread across my skin instantly, and while one hand cups one of my breasts, his lips find the other. I swallow hard, gripping his strong shoulders.

I’ve missed his touch so much. Impatiently, I move up and down against the bulge in his pants, rubbing against him sensually.

His arousal grows beneath me, and he places his hands on my waist, holding me still.

He sits up straight, and I look at him, my head spinning.

He bites his lip, squeezing my waist. “I’m still hurt, so we can’t have sex yet,” he whispers.

Oh, how could I forget?

My cheeks flush. “Sorry.”

He smiles. “Why are you apologizing? I want you too. And when you move your hips on me like that, you make me want to forget about my health just for tonight.” His eyes flash with lust.

I smile. “Your health comes first. I want you to get better. Now that I know you’re alive, we have all the time in the world. We can do it as often as we want, and…”

I trail off when I realize what I’m saying. I blush in embarrassment.

Ansel laughs, his bright teeth lighting up the room, and I resist the urge to hide my face in my hands.

Embarrassed, I slide off his lap and reach for my shirt, quickly pulling it over my head and pushing my arms through the sleeves.

“Please, just forget I said that,” I mumble, and he swivels his body towards me, his hands landing on either side of me. I’m now caged in by his muscular arms, and I meet his gaze with a nervous flutter in my stomach.

He looks at me, his expression serious and intense. “I don’t want to forget.”

His gaze drops to my lips, and I find myself licking them without thinking.

“I’m all yours, so we can do this as much as we want.”

A blush spreads across my cheeks, and I clutch the sheets in my hands, my nerves on edge.

The air between us is thick with sexual tension as he places a hand over mine, his thumb tracing small circles on my knuckle.

He’s touching such an innocent spot, but it sends shivers through my entire body. I want him, and I can tell that the waiting is just as hard for him.

We stay like this for a while, his other thumb drawing patterns on my other hand. He’s holding my gaze, silently sending me messages that I’m all too eager to understand.

Just as the passion between us reaches a fever pitch, I squirm away and pat the space next to me. “Lay with me?”

He smiles at my flushed face, his eyes full of affection.

He nods, and I roll onto my side as he lies down next to me, pulling me close. I wrap an arm around his waist, and he rests his hand on mine.

I lift my head to look at him. “Will you be here in the morning?”

He runs his fingers through my hair, tucking a few strands behind my ear. “I’ll be here forever, Rainey. Get some rest. I’m not going anywhere.”

I smile at his words, closing my eyes in contentment. I snuggle closer to him, careful not to press against the wound on his chest.

“I forgive you, Ansel,” I whisper.

I’m still hurt that he kept his distance for so long, but I don’t want to waste time being angry. Being without him for a month showed me how quickly you can lose someone you love.

Death is inevitable, and someone can be here one day and gone the next. I don’t want to miss out on any time with him. I don’t want to have any regrets.

He smiles gently, then places a soft kiss on my forehead. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m grateful that you’re giving it to me. I love you, Rain.”

I smile back at him. “I love you too, Ansel.”

My soul feels at peace.