Unsaid Words

RAINEY

“Here’s your water.”

“Thanks.” Ansel accepts the bottle from me and takes a sip right away.

I settle down across from him, tucking my legs under me and popping the cap off my beer.

He watches me take a sip, a small smile playing on his lips.

I pull the bottle away and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “What?”

He shakes his head, his smile still there as he looks back down at the worksheet.

“Nothing. I worked on the first question while you were downstairs. Here’s what I got.”

He slides his math book over to me and sets his water bottle on the floor.

“Not bad. Let me try.” I grab my notebook and try to solve the same problem. But my answer doesn’t match his.

I grimace. “I must’ve messed up somewhere.”

Ansel chuckles. “Let me see.”

He leans over to look at my work. His face is so close to mine that I can feel his minty breath on my cheeks.

“I think I see the problem.”

He takes my notebook and moves to sit next to me. I try to ignore the strange sensation of his knee brushing against mine and focus on what he’s saying.

“You didn’t rewrite the power as an equivalent expression.”

I blink at him, confused. “What?”

He tries to hide a smile.

“When the power has a negative exponent, you rewrite it as an equivalent expression with a positive exponent by taking the reciprocal.”

~I have no clue what he’s talking about.~

“Does that make sense?”

I give him a small smile. “Sort of.”

He laughs. “So that’s a no. Let me show you.”

He picks up his pen and starts to explain, using his book to give me a visual example. After a thorough explanation, I start to get it, and we move on to the next problem together.

We’re almost done with the worksheet when my door swings open. Ansel and I both look over to see Jeff standing there. His arms are crossed, and he’s leaning against the doorframe, glaring at us.

“What’s going on here?”

Ansel looks from Jeff to me, and I roll my eyes, turning back to the worksheet and deciding to ignore Jeff.

“I got a negative five for this part, Ansel. I’m not sure if it’s—”

“Rainey, I’m talking to you!”

“Can you just fuck off?” I frown at him. “I told you not to come in without knocking, but you never listen.”

“You have no respect. I waited for you at the school gate all evening, and here you are, in your room with a boy, doing God knows what!”

“What are you even talking about? We’re doing homework, and I don’t owe you an explanation. Now get out of my room.

“Also, I told you not to pick me up anymore. I don’t want to be around you. Just leave me alone. You don’t get to control my life!”

“Yes. Yes I fucking do, Rainey Slate, whether you like it or not!”

I let out a heavy sigh while Ansel tries to stay out of it. But I can tell he wants to say something, judging by the way he’s tapping his fingers on his knee.

“I’ll tell your mother you had a boy in your room. You think you’re so grown up? Well, when you start paying the bills, then you can do whatever you want!”

“Go fuck yourself,” I mutter.

“We’ll see how your mother handles your disrespectful ass when I tell her what you’ve been up to!” He slams my door shut.

I can hear his angry footsteps stomping down the stairs. I sigh and turn back to the problem I was working on.

“Your dad sure seems to care about you a lot,” Ansel comments.

I push my hair back from my face, trying to calm down. I keep my eyes on the worksheet as I respond.

“He’s not my dad.”

Ansel looks confused. “He’s not?”

I shake my head, reaching for my beer and taking a long drink. He watches me, clearly curious, as I set the beer back down.

I look down at my hands and decide to answer his unspoken question.

“He’s my mom’s boyfriend.”

“Okay…” He sounds confused, but I’m not looking at him to see his expression.

“He sure seems to ~care~ a lot for just being your ~mom’s~ boyfriend.”

I sigh. “You have no idea.”

I glance at him. I can tell he has more questions, but I’d rather focus on the math problems.

“We only have a few more problems left. We’re almost done with the worksheet.”

I try to concentrate on the assignment, but Jeff’s angry voice downstairs is distracting.

He’s yelling about something, probably on the phone with my mom.

Ansel sighs and leans back on his hands.

“~Heart melts in despair, as taunting voices approach my doorway. Gasping for air, my soul grays and burns like flares, as my ashes fall onto misty air.~”

I freeze as he recites the lines from the poem I’d scribbled on a loose page of my math book earlier. I turn to look at him, my eyes wide in surprise.

The fact that he’d managed to memorize it was baffling, but the bigger mystery was how he’d seen it to begin with.

“How do you know that?”

He straightens up, resting his elbows on his knees as he meets my gaze. “I saw it when you let me get your math book from your bag.”

I swallow hard, biting my lower lip and dropping my gaze to the flowered sheets on my bed.

~Why did he have to see that? Those words aren’t just words. They’re my secrets, written down. Secrets I didn’t want to share.~

“I’m sorry I saw that,” he says.

I shake my head, shifting where I sit but not looking up at him.

“Why did you write that?”

I press my lips together, a painful sensation tugging at my emotions.

~I don’t want to talk about this.~

I shake my head again. “It’s nothing, just a poem.”

“Are you sure?” His eyes drop to my trembling hands as they clutch the hem of my skirt.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t believe that,” he says calmly. “You’re shaking.”

I look up at him. His eyes are filled with genuine concern. But I’m not weak, and I hate pity.

“I’m fine. I was just bored at the café and needed something to do until you were done.” I give a half-shrug, trying to look nonchalant.

Ansel looks at me for a moment. His eyes search mine, and I can tell he doesn’t believe me. But luckily, he decides to let it go and respect my reluctance.

“Well, you’re talented.”

He smiles. “I think I know the perfect place for you. Friday night there’s a talent show at Club Naked. It’s right in town. You should come. They’d love to hear from talented people like you.”

“I don’t write to perform for people,” I say. “I don’t think my work is that good. I don’t think I am that good.”

“Are you kidding?” He narrows his eyes. “You’re amazing.”

I smile a little. I’d be lying if I said his words didn’t touch me.

“I don’t know…” I shrug. “I’ll think about it.”

“Please do.” He smiles.

We look at each other for a moment before Jeff’s voice, followed by my mom’s, echoes from downstairs.

I groan, rolling my eyes. “Great.”

“Where is she?!” Her voice is already angry, and she hasn’t even heard my side of the story. She always believes Jeff over me, even though I’m her daughter.

Heels click against the wooden stairs, then quickly approach my door. She knocks. “Open up, Rainey Slate!”

I sigh, pressing a hand to my forehead. “Come in.”

The door swings open, and she storms in, the smell of the joint she’s smoking filling my room.

“What the fuck is this I’m hearing about—” She stops when she sees Ansel.

For some reason she looks a little embarrassed. She hides the joint behind her, smiling awkwardly before clearing her throat.

“Hi. Uh, when I heard she had a boy in her room, I wasn’t expecting someone this…~decent~,” she says, referring to Ansel, who tilts his head to the side, narrowing his eyes.

“We’re working on an assignment. I don’t know what Jeff told you,” I sigh.

“I’m sorry for my behavior.” She smiles at him. “It’s just that my daughter isn’t as well-behaved as other kids. We have to keep an eye on her. She’s a handful.”

I exhale sharply, looking away.

~I’m always the bad guy in her eyes.~

“She’s not a handful,” Ansel starts, and I look up at him. “She’s smart and talented, but she’s not ‘a handful.’ That’s not the right word.”

He gives her a tight smile, and she shifts uncomfortably.

“Oh. Okay, well, have you eaten yet?”

“Uh, no. I was about to finish up and leave—”

“No, please stay for dinner.” She beams at him. She hasn’t smiled like that at me in a while. She must like Ansel.

“I’ll make something nice. So, you two finish up and then join us in the dining room, okay?” Without waiting for a response, she leaves the room.

Ansel looks at me, and I force a smile, dropping my gaze to my hands.