Forty-Three

Weeks passed, and I constantly felt claustrophobic. No matter where I was, what I was doing, or who I was with, there was no space to breathe. No way to relax. It seemed as if I was losing track of time each day, preventing me from planning my days accordingly. Tuesdays, band rehearsal. Friday and Saturday nights, concerts. Sundays, at any given time, another fucking concert. We were booked every day of the weekend for the next month because of the holiday seasons. People were back for Thanksgiving; they'd be back home for Christmas and New Year. Bars and clubs wanted bands to play for them, and while some nights we'd headline, other's we'd open or play after the headliners.

Any time I didn't have with the band was spent either studying or playing drums to vent my frustrations. As much as I loved the concerts and playing for roaring, excited crowds every night, it was stressful. I needed to be able to play just for me, do what I've always loved to do on my own. As Buddy oh so elegantly described, drumming was my vibrator. All I had to do was play until I climaxed and the worries vanished and I felt relaxed.

With adrenaline running through me every night after a show, it was hard to unwind and fall asleep. It leaked into my weekdays. It was impossible to get good sleep anymore, and it was obvious. There were bags under my eyes. Despite covering it with makeup, anyone who was up close to me could see it. And I was always falling asleep wherever I was. I slept throughout lunch two days in a row. I used Devon's shoulder as a pillow, and it killed my neck each day.

"You need to take a break," Buddy demanded, and Devon nodded in agreement.

"No shit," I deadpanned, slamming my locker shut. "It's not like I have time to take one."

"How many concerts are you playing a week?"

"Three for the next three weeks. Then one to two."

"And how often do you rehears?"

"Every Tuesday, but sometimes I'll meet up with them for a one on one session."

"And what do you do the rest of the week?"

"Homework mainly."

"Then why aren't you relaxing?"

"Because I'm constantly on edge now! It's not like I'm enjoying it. I literally can't help it."

"Why not take some pills?" Devon suggested. "Talk to your doctor, get a prescription. Rena has insomnia. She needs help getting good sleep all the time."

"When I have the time, I'll go."

"Make the time," Buddy demanded as he shook my shoulders. Leading me down the hall, he led Devon and I to American History. "What are you doing after school today?"

"I have a concert tonight," I said. "You know, the one you have been dying to attend?"

Buddy glanced away sheepishly before smiling at me. "Call and make an appointment after school. Find some time next week to go. You need proper sleep."

"I know, I know."

"I know you know. That doesn't mean you aren't doing something about it." He stopped in front of the classroom door and crossed his arms. "I know you've been looking forward to being in a band for a long time, but you can't force yourself to take on more than you can handle."

"Then let this be my training," I shrugged, trying to slip past him.

"You shouldn't be training for it in the first place!" he snapped, preventing me from slipping past him. "You used to constantly tell me to worry about my mental health and take mental health days if I needed it. Now I'm telling you to do the same for your physical health."

"I'm not skipping school," I hissed in his face. "I miss one day, I fall behind. Right now, when I don't have any free time, is the worst time to fall behind. Teachers will just tell me to take a lighter load, but I am not the only person in the band. I will not let anyone fall behind. Understand?"

Shoving past him, I stomped to my desk and slid in my seat. Devon slipped into the seat next to me and folded his hands over the table. "Listen, Angel, I know you're stressed-"

I groaned and threw my head back.

"-but Buddy is right. I'm worried about you."

"You know I'm not trying to."

"I know. But this band is taking over your life, and not in the good way you think it is. You need to get some sleep. You need to take a day off. Tell your teachers you're not going to be here the next day, get your work, and then sleep in and do the work at home. You have a free period to get extra help if you need it. There are other options out there too, but you have to do something."

Once class was over, Devon hung back with me as I set an appointment with my doctor. I had an appointment on Monday at five to meet with her. I used to have a male doctor, the same one since I was born. But after he refused to take my intense period cramping seriously, Jeanie took me to Dr. Kasim, and she had been an angel ever since. She got me the right medication, always took everything I said very seriously. Because of her, I thought all women should only see women doctors, because they actually take our pain seriously. She'd definitely be able to help me.

Devon and I were both late for math, but Mx. Jason wasn't too concerned. They turned their back and continued on with the lesson. People would continuously glance back at us, but it didn't bother me. It didn't even both Devon anymore.

A few hours later, I had a five hour energy drink coursing through me, and I was wide awake. In four hours, I'd be home and drained and hopefully ready to go to sleep. Thank God I didn't have a concert until tomorrow night. I'd be able to sleep in.

"I didn't want to say anything, but you've been looking sick lately," Nate commented as he fixed his tie next to me.

"Sick?"

"Sick?" James exclaimed as he ran up to me. Biting his bottom lip, he placed his hand on my forehead. "You feel a little warm. Be honest, dear, are you getting sick?"

"No. I'm just not sleeping."

"Partying all night?" Nate snorted. "Been there, done that."

"No. I've been having trouble falling asleep, and the moment I do, I have to wake up for school."

"You need a day off," James stated. "I'm cancelling-"

"Whoa, whoa there," I exclaimed, fumbling my hands around to stop him. "You don't have to do that. I'm seeing my doctor Monday about it."

"Monday?"

"Monday."

"I want a doctor's note."

Nate covered his mouth and walked away, stifling his laugh. Everyone in the band was used to James's "daddy" side coming out whenever someone was sick, either physically or mentally. James went into "daddy" mode more often since I was still in high school. I was used to getting the behavior from Brody, who was constantly making sure I was getting my homework done, prying into how my days at schools were, and making sure I was healthy and taking care of myself, so it didn't throw me off too much when James acted that way. No doubt he'd ask Petula for a doctor's note if she went, but I doubted he'd make her go to the doctor without him. He took his job as both her boyfriend and daddy very seriously. I just wished he'd lay off me with it.

After James walked away, Nate walked back over and laughed. "Does Petula know he gets that way with you?"

"Should you be laughing about that?"

"I can't help it."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, she knows. She's seen it happen, even to you." Nate stopped laughing and glared. "She's not jealous or anything. Says the way he acts with us is very different compared to her, and I didn't want to know what that meant, so I just took her word on it."

James held back the curtain, motioning for us to walk onstage. With this venue, the stage was a platform with just my drums on it. Extending from the platform was a thin walkway that led to a large circle for everyone else to play on and for the audience to be able to watch from all angles.

Standing closer to the drums were Devon, Buddy, Darcy, Amber, Callie, Francine, Bella, Sylvester, Dave, and Brody. Amanda and Petula was closer by the actual stage to see their partners, but they screamed and pointed at me when they saw me sit in place. Adjusting the protection aids in my ears, I waited for James to give me the signal, counted the band in, and we started with a cover of You Can Call Me Al.

The group jumped and danced, singing with James as he strutted onstage in his high, hot pink heeled boots and booty shorts. The whole band was dressed in neon colors, while I continued to wear black and purple. I may not have been a highlighter like them, but I at least wore a brighter shade of purple than usual.

I didn't have much of a solo this concert, it only being thirty seconds, and it was already part of the song. But when I played, I could imagine the crowd holding their breaths again, watching, waiting for what I'd do next. When I finished, my group cheered loudly for me, resulting in everyone screaming and James needing to sing over them. Unfortunately, since it caught him off guard, he wound up laughing and giving me a thumbs up as the band kept playing. He jumped back in with the chorus, finishing the song.

With us playing only an hour-long set tonight (since we were technically opening for the headliners who'd play in the next hour), time quickly passed, and we were done. I was the first to get off the stage, giving everyone the room and space to exit. In fifteen minutes, I was packed and headed down to meet my friends.

"You were amazing up there," a random man whispered as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. His breath reeked of alcohol.

"Thanks," I said, trying to slip out of his arms. Instead, he leaned his head closer and puckered his lips. "Aw, hell no," I exclaimed.

The man didn't let go. His arm was forcefully lifted off my shoulder, and Devon blocked me from his view. His eyes were wide, and his nostrils flared. Throwing the man's arm away from me, he smirked at him, causing him to cower and run off. Devon slid his hands to my waist and leaned down to kiss me properly. "Are you alright?"

"Never better."

"You look a lot better." He wasn't relieved or excited, merely confused.

"I took a five hour energy. It should wear off in the next two and half."

He frowned. "That's not healthy. Especially while you're having sleep issues."

"It'll be fine."

"Have you been taking them a lot?"

"Yeah. So?"

"No wonder you're having trouble sleeping at night. Those don't work like they tell you. You're not just going to instantly be tired after the five hours are up. It drags out a while longer."

"Well, until I go to the doctors, I have to take them. There's not much else I can do."

He shook his head. "I don't like hearing you say you have to. It makes you sound like you're addicted to something."

"That's not what I meant. I promise." Cupping his cheeks, I had him look at me. "It helps give me much needed energy during my concerts so I don't pass out and worry everyone. After Monday, I'll be all set to go. Please don't stress about it."

Kissing the top of my head, Devon nodded and led us to our friends.