Sixteen

There. I said it. I told him what needed to be said, and it felt like a weight was instantly taken off my shoulders. I felt so much better. I wanted to smile, but I hid it. This wasn't supposed to be a "happy" moment. I was breaking my best friend's heart. That didn't give me the right to smile.

Facing him, he stared back at me in shock. His jaw dropped, moving softly with nothing coming out. Was he going to deny it? Was he going to agree and say that he was in love with me? Was he hoping I would say it back? Expecting me to? I didn't know what I was supposed to expect.

Buddy turned his head to stare out the windshield, still silent. Since I sprang it on him, I gave him a moment to collect his thoughts, figure out what angle he was going to use to either defend himself or leave himself vulnerable. I was hoping he would be honest and tell me the truth. Knowing Buddy, he'd always been that type of person. But for once, I was afraid he wouldn't. That little confession was the start of a new friendship between us. It could start with a lie.

With a firm nod, he faced me again. "Yes. I do like you."

I expected him to say something else, but I was glad he wasn't denying it.

"How long?"

"Since eighth grade, honestly. It was a small crush back then, and I thought I would get over it. And for a while I did. But sophomore year... I don't know," he chuckled, leaning his cheek in his hand against the steering wheel. "We were goofing off in the library, and I looked at you. All I could think about was how beautiful you are. I couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful you are. It was like I pulled a lever, and I can never pull it back up. It's not like I wanted to, though."

His eyes locked on mine. "I thought about how I wanted to date you. How each time I kissed your cheek, I wanted it to be your lips instead. How each time we hugged, I never wanted to let go. How each time I told you I loved you I wanted to repeat it and confess." His eyes fell to the counsel between us. He asked, "How long have you known?"

"Around the Golden Crows concert. I assumed you figured it was a date."

"It wasn't," he stated, shutting that thought down. "I never thought of it like a date. I've never thought of any of the times we've gone out as dates. I know where I stand, Mel. I know you don't like me back. It's why I never told you."

"Is that why your fans hate me so much?" I asked. "Because they know you like me, but I don't like you back? How they'd kill to be in my shoes?"

He shrugged. "Maybe. I thought I was doing a good job of hiding it. Guess not."

Things were silent for a few minutes. I didn't know what I was supposed to say next that wouldn't potentially be overstepping it. But I was curious about what he was thinking and what he was going to say about me knowing it. The longer the silence lasted, the more anxious I was. I needed him to say something, and while I could have said something, I knew the first words out of my mouth would be 'I don't like you back.' He already knew it. I didn't need to repeat it unless he asked.

"Are you wanting me to apologize for liking you?"

"No," I softly stated. "Am I supposed to apologize for not liking you back?"

"No," he assured. He reached out as though he wanted to take my hand, but he restrained himself, holding back before he did. "Do we act like this never happened?"

"We can't. I'm sorry, Buddy, but if we continue to act like we do, it'll just be like adding wood to the fire. We need to stop the hugging and the kissing and the cuddling. At least the way we have been."

He nodded, staring out the windshield again. "I agree."

Was I supposed to tell him I would always love him like a friend and that he would always mean the world to me? Because while it was true, I didn't think it was the right thing to say at that moment.

"Is this why you've been avoiding me all week?" he asked, smirking as he lolled his head at me.

"Yeah," I exhaled. "Sorry about that."

"No, don't be," he chuckled. "But now does this mean I can actually drive you to school tomorrow?"

Laughing, I nodded. "Yes, you can finally drive me to school."

"I'll be here at seven. Do you want some coffee?"

"Mocha, please."

"I got you. See you tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Buddy," I said, internally cringing at how it felt like I would always be friend-zoning him whenever I said goodbye to him from then on.

"Oh, and Mel?" he casually said, and I looked at him through the window. "Really, thanks for taking me to Devon's. I'm feeling a lot better about this test."

"Me too," I agreed.

"Night."

"Goodnight."

I walked up to my front door, turning back to watch Buddy pull out of the driveway and head home. At least he was smiling. I hoped he would smile long after he was home.

^^^

Walking into school with Buddy was like the hatred I typically received from his fans was upgraded. I got a ride to school with him that morning, and we walked in with Starbucks coffee, walking in synch.

It was usually around this time that he would wrap his arm around my shoulders or hips and tell me to ignore them. While he told me to ignore them, he didn't wrap his arm around me. He was respecting my boundaries and the fact that I turned him down. And he was acting as if nothing between us had changed. I couldn't tell if he was in denial or if he really was cool with us just being friends.

"Aww, you're matching," Darcy cooed as I opened my locker, which was only a few away from hers. "I'm hurt you didn't bring me any coffee."

"You never answered my text last night," Buddy sang. "Only those who reply to my texts get coffee."

"Whatever," she giggled. "I have a huge favor to ask you two."

"What's up?"

"Don't get excited, Buddy," she stated, her voice cold before perking up. "Amber and I are going on our first official date this Saturday."

"What? Since when have you started seeing someone?" Buddy quickly asked.

"I told you not to excited," she groaned.

"I'm more curious than anything. When did this happen?"

"We've been talking for the past month now, but we've never been on an actual date. We are finally about to go on one, but her mom won't let her go unless it's a double date. And I think Amber wants it to be a double date, too. You know, it just helps make her feel less nervous."

"I get it."

"What's your favor?" I asked.

"We were supposed to go out with one of her couple friends, but they canceled on us. They won tickets to some comedy club or something. Anyway, I was hoping you could get a date by Saturday to come with us."

"Which one?"

"Whoever can get a date the quickest."

It seemed like it was supposed to be up to me. Buddy liked me, but I turned him down. He wouldn't just pick one of his fans as a rebound and get her hopes up of going on a date with him just for Darcy's sake. But it wasn't as though I wanted to do the same. I had to join a band before I could think about considering dating someone. It was going to be a long time before I would date, and I didn't want to lead anyone on in the meantime. But then again, who was there for me to even lead on? No one else in the school liked me enough to want to date me. Even if I asked, they wouldn't agree. Buddy and Darcy were my only real friends. I couldn't help her either.

"I'm sorry. But I can't. There's no one who would agree to a no strings attached double date," Buddy said. He looked at me. "You got anyone?"

Devon's face flashed in my head. Darcy gawked as she pointed at my face. "You're blushing. Who are you think of?"

"I'm not blushing," I denied, as I held my hand up to my cheek. They were a little warm.

"Yes, you are," Buddy said. While his smile may have been teasing, his tone was not. "Is it Devon?"

Darcy gasped. "It is, isn't it?"

"Both of you, shut up!" I snapped. "Yes, I thought about Devon, but no, there is nothing between us. However, for your fucking sake, I'll ask him on a fake double date. Happy?"

"Well, if you don't want to, I won't force you," she breathed. "But it would be appreciated."

I sighed. "I'm sorry. I'll ask."

"Thank you, Mel," she said as she hugged me. "I'll see you in Bio."

I waved goodbye and slammed my locker shut. Buddy stared at me, and I didn't know what I was supposed to say. I may have known about his feelings and wanted to be careful of them, but I also had a life where I was going to end up with someone other than him. Better it sank in now for him than later.

Buddy didn't say a word as we walked to homeroom and sat in our seats. He said nothing until the end of class when he asked, "Do you... like Devon?"

I could feel my cheeks heat again, but I exhaled loudly through a groan. Hopefully it played off as rage. "Band first. No time to think about relationships."

"But do you?" This time, a tiny smirk curled on his lips.

"What part of 'no time to talk about relationships' don't you understand?" Because if I had to talk about it, that meant I would admit it was true.