Chapter 24:

Part V: Journey of Change

I WOKE UP the next morning to the sounds of Mom getting ready. Though I tried to go back to sleep for a few minutes I was too excited so I got up and started doing what I could to get myself ready. Two hours later it was 4:30am and we were pulling up to the airport. Amy and her parents, and Ashley and her dad all arrived right behind us. We all took our bags to the airline counter and checked in.

Everyone had been given their tickets last week so that we could all check in separately as each family arrived. Our teachers were right behind us and we started forming up as a group. That day I had dressed in a pair of boy's shorts and a light blue girl's top that could have easily been a boy's shirt. I had done my hair today, but Mom wouldn't let me do my makeup. She said she'd let me once I got back from the trip. When Ashley was finally able to come over she said. "Tiffany I love your hair!"

I told her quietly, "Thanks Ashley. But I'm supposed to be Brandon on the trip, so you can call me Tiffany, but keep it to only when the six of us from the slumber party are around okay?"

"Sure... I wish you could be Tiffany the whole time, but at least that's something." She told me.

My family, the Hancocks, Ashley and her dad, and our two teachers walked into a restaurant in the airport to get something for breakfast. I ate just a standard fare of scrambled eggs and bacon. We then headed through the security checkpoint, heading towards our gate once our bags made it through the x-ray machine.

It was then that I started feeling it. I rushed for the bathroom and made it to a toilet just in time to throw up... When I got back outside Mom asked me quietly, "Tiffany are you okay?"

"I think so" I said groaning a bit, "I just needed to throw up all of a sudden."

She pulled something from her purse, "Here," she said handing me a small pill, "take this."

"What is it?" I asked.

"Dramamine, it's for motion sickness, but it's probably just your nerves. I know you're really excited and nervous, you should feel better once you get a drink and relax a little. Everything's going to be fine sweetie," she told me reassuringly. I just hoped I wasn't getting the flu!

"I hope you're right," I told her.

I swallowed the pill as I was directed and then went over to the waiting area by the gate. As time went on everyone in our group arrived in the same spot. The entire group from the sleepover gathered quickly into a spot in a corner. We were all talking in lower tones so no one else could hear what we were talking about. I had decided to fill them in quietly because at this point only Amy and Ashley knew the whole story. 'Besides,' I decided, 'if they wanted to rat me out they wouldn't need any more info than they already had to do it anyway.'

After we got to the part about the hair salon Lindsey said, "Speaking of that Tiffany, I love your hair!" Lindsey said. "Yours too Amy," she added.

"Thanks, please remember I'm supposed to be Brandon on this trip... unfortunately..." I said quietly.

"But you're going to be Tiffany after that right?" Amber asked.

"I hope so Amber." I replied.

"Well, I can kind of understand them making you hold off for now on it... But I think we can all agree that we will think of you as Tiffany on this trip," Nikki said.

"Thanks, I appreciate that." I told them.

"Hey why don't we just call you T when everyone else is within range? We won't tell any of the others what T stands for if they ask, but that way you can at least be called by your name." Amy suggested.

"It's better than nothing I guess," I replied.

Lindsey made a small motion to be quiet about stuff a second later as Jennifer and Brittany both walked up. "Can we join the rest of you girls?" She asked.

"Sure," Amy said. I took note of the fact she hadn't figured out that I was in the group at that point – or something like that.

We expanded the circle a bit and I noticed Brittany and Jennifer both were kind of staring at me for a second. "Brandon?" Jennifer asked.

"Yes?" I replied.

"It just took me a moment to recognize you. I really like your hair." She told me.

"Thanks." I replied.

"Is there some reason you got it cut like that?" She asked.

Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding... Warning... "We..."

Amy thankfully interrupted, "We had a bet and he lost so he had to get his hair done in the same style as me for the trip."

"That's big of you to follow through with that bet Brandon," She responded. I don't know if she bought it or not – I didn't think she did. "It really is a cute hairstyle for you though." She replied seriously. I decided she knew something somehow.

Thankfully the girls changed the subject then – I didn't want to get into that discussion with those two yet. It's not that I really had much time to get to know the other girls; it's more that I hadn't had any time with them at all. I would not be surprised though if by the end of the trip these two found out.

Their conversation eventually ended up on a topic that affected almost all of them, cheerleading. The only two that weren't on the cheer squad next year were Nikki and I. Maybe next year I could try out? I think I could do it – I'd actually helped Amy practice a bit before the tryouts this year.

The next thing I knew they were boarding elderly and children. We were considered in the children category so we were able to go ahead and get on the plane. The walk down the ramp to the plane was really cool to me, and once we got on there things just were so... new and cool. I got to my seat, which was on the aisle side of three seats, and Dad put my backpack in the overhead bin for me.

Mom was on the window side so she could see, and that left Dad in the middle. Across the aisle, sitting in those three seats, was Amy on the aisle, her Mom, and then her dad by the window. In front of me Ashley, her father, and Nikki sat. And in the seats cattycorner to mine sat Lindsey, Amber, and Jennifer. Brittany, Ms. Fitzgerald, and Mrs. Manning were in the seats back and to the right of me, and the boys took up a few rows behind us.

We were all pretty chatty and the flight stewardesses introduced themselves to us really quick. As everyone else piled on the plane I definitely felt my nerves coming back... What if something went wrong? I knew statistically that was rare... but still your first time... The sensation of the plane being pulled backwards was interesting, and when we finally were on the runway getting to leave I looked over my parents laps to the window as best I could.

Amy and I had been talking non-stop up until this point – a feat I considered impressive given how nervous my stomach still felt. We stopped for a few moments while the plane sped up down the runway and leaped into the air. It was definitely a fun experience I decided, if not a little unnerving.

Once we reached altitude Amy and I got our gameboys out and started playing various games. We also chatted across the aisle for a bit before she fell asleep. At that point I needed to go to the bathroom so I headed back to the lavatory in the back. Mom had given me a motherly instruction to be careful, and I took a new adventure to go to the bathroom at 33,000 feet.

It was actually kind of disconcerting in there, but I put the seat down and pulled down my shorts and the panties I was wearing underneath. Sitting down I took care of things, wiped, and then put everything back on again.

Even though I was supposed to be Brandon on this trip, I was determined that I was going to do everything as Tiffany. I might be going in the men's restrooms but I was still going to be a girl. Maybe in a couple years I'd be able to get my parts readjusted to the proper plumbing...

I walked out of the bathroom and back down the aisle to get back to my seat. Amy was still asleep when I got back so I was debating about going to sleep myself. I didn't even realize that the debate had been lost until Amy poked me. "Wake up sleepyhead." She taunted me. I was just awake enough to stick my tongue out at her.

I suddenly realized that we must be getting close to landing because it felt like we were dropping out of the air gradually. I watched out the window and saw the clouds slip by as we passed through them. We neared the runway in Houston, and once we landed I loved the rapid deceleration that we had! That was a great feeling.

After we pulled up to the gate, we were very quickly ushered through the concourses to another gate on the other side of the airport. We got there with about thirty minutes to spare. The teachers and adults all encouraged us to go use the restroom at that point, so I went again. When I came out I had several men stare at me as if 'why are you in the men's restroom girl?' I was pretty sure that none of them would have hurt me – but I was still frightened. I was glad Dad was right behind me for safety, but I think he also noticed the looks. He put his arm around my shoulder as we walked out of the restroom. When I looked up at him I noticed there was a strange look on his face.

He went over and spoke with Mom while I rejoined the girls as we waited to leave Houston. We were all kind of drowsy but decided to go to a couple stores that were close. We browsed through – all trying not to spend the money that was in our pockets – and I got away with just buying a pretzel at a counter next to the shop.

In no time we were boarding that plane and the whole experience repeated itself getting into the air. On this leg of the race Kyle asked one of the stewardesses if he could get a set of 'wings.' She brought a set to him, and gave all of us a set while she was at it. I thought it was kind of childish and embarrassing on one hand... but it was kind of cute too! I put it in my fanny pack for my scrapbook back home.

That actually reminded me that I wanted some pictures of us in the airplane – and I began snapping some pictures of everyone sitting there. This was a longer leg and they actually 'fed' us with some sandwiches. They weren't great, but it was better than just having had the pretzel for lunch.

As the flight drew on, we all got excited that we were getting close to Orlando. The excitement turned to nervousness as we hit one of the craziest thunderstorms to fly through trying to land in Orlando. We all watched as lightning stuck incredibly close to the wings while we were all moving up and down, and side to side, from the turbulence. I located the barf bag in front of me just in case I needed it. I also began silently reading the card for the emergency procedures that would never do us any good.

EVENTUALLY WE LANDED and started walking through the terminal in Orlando. After following corridors for a while we got on a train to go to the car rental part of the airport. As students we all just kind of sat around bored for a few minutes while the adults set up the rental vans that we were using today.

Our first destination for today was to check in at the hotel, then we were going to go to the Everglades on an air boat ride. I didn't really know what to expect from this, but I did hope we'd get to see some alligators or something. I did really hope that I wouldn't become a meal for one though!

Ms. Fitz came up to us a few minutes later and said, "Okay, let's go!" We were led out to some large passenger vans to put our stuff in and sit down. I sat down in the second seat of a van that my mom was driving. Amy and Nikki sat next to me, with Amy's parents sitting in the seat behind us. Amber, Jennifer, and Kyle were also in our van.

As we drove down the streets and freeway to get to our hotel I was in complete astonishment by how green it was. I'd seen the mountains fairly green before, but nothing like this! Everywhere I looked was painted in a lush shade of green. The day was overcast unfortunately, but it was nice and warm as we pulled up to the hotel.

By hotel... I mean resort of course! I couldn't believe how nice the place was! It wasn't in Disney – something we all kind of were disappointed by, but it was a four star establishment that had a really cool set of swimming pools and jacuzzis. Mrs. Manning pointed us towards our rooms, and before we knew it we were heading right back out again. As I walked out of my room, a few steps behind the Hancocks, Jarred asked me, "Didn't they do rooms by boys and girls?"

Uh... What to say? "Amy and I requested to room together. We're best friends so we do that a lot." I said truthfully.

"Wow dude, that's lucky. I wish I could share a room with Amy!" He said.

"Her parents are in there anyway Jarred," I replied... trying not to let my disgust show through so much. Amy and I were definitely not having problems with that one.

"Well, I was just curious." He said. Amy joined us in the hallway at that moment and gave me a funny look. Apparently my face must have given away some of my annoyance.

"Something wrong?" she asked quietly. I just smiled and shook my head as we walked back to our meeting spot. As quickly as we arrived we were led right back out to the vans again.

We drove for a long while and I watched the scenery go by. The main thing that we could see was pine trees. Who would've thought that Florida had pine trees? I certainly wouldn't have. I'd always thought they only naturally existed in mountain forests.

We pulled up to the place about forty minutes later. The guys handed out life jackets and spent some time explaining what we were going to see. When he did that he also explained what we were to do if we fell in somehow... I just hoped I wouldn't become food by the time someone pulled me out in that case!

I think we were all kind of in a daze from the trip, but were still very excited to go on this ride. The last thing they did before we left was hand out ear protectors to everyone for the noise. After everyone had taken a seat with those on we were off. We rode through the swamps and saw a few things here and there, but nothing really cool for about a half hour.

At that point I felt a drop of water. Then another. In a matter of seconds we were in a huge downpour and our guide drove as fast as he could to get us back to their shop. In the meantime we were going so fast that every drop of water pounded into our faces – it hurt so much! After what seemed like forever we pulled up to the shop and all of us ran inside.

"Ow!!" I said to Amy standing next to me.

"Oww is right! And I'm cold now." Amy replied.

"Yeah." Ashley agreed with us. I checked my camera to make sure it had stayed dry enough in my fanny pack – thankfully it had. I pulled it out and had Mom take a picture of all of the girls and myself – our hair was an absolute wreck! I told them all I wanted to have some pictures of this disaster for my scrapbook.

We all shivered and looked through their store for souvenirs. It poured for another fifteen minutes or so while we were in the store before finally stopping. I did look at the alligator heads as something to take back... but since I hadn't seen any, what was the point?

"Is everyone ready to go to dinner?" Ms. Fitz asked us.

"Yeah," all of the guys said. The rest of us just nodded.

I was happy to walk outside where it was warmer. We were all still dripping water from our clothes as we climbed into the vans. The girls and I all whined a bit about our hair being a mess and how wet we were. The adults all promised us it would be a short ride though.

For dinner that night we went to a pizza place where there was a buffet. We ate quietly at first, but everyone started winding up as we ate. Laughter filled the restaurant and everyone began to discuss going swimming at the hotel when we got back. I was among the really excited kids about that, it had looked like a really neat system of pools.

Soon after dinner we headed back for the hotel. When we got there we all split off to our rooms. I looked very forlornly at my swimming trunks – I wasn't allowed to wear a girl's swimsuit. Amy came out of the bathroom in one of her swimming suits and I went in and changed myself. We all walked down to the pool together and started swimming.

I felt incredibly strange that night as I walked down to the pool. 'How many times had I been dressed like this? Obviously too many to count, but I felt so odd this time...' I finally pinned it down to the fact that my chest was bare. 'It should be covered up like the other girls.' I thought to myself.

After about ten minutes Amy pulled me away and said, "Come with me." She led me up to the top of a path that was attached to the pool and was the source for a waterfall that fell to a series of jacuzzis that cascaded down to the main pool. We sat down in the warm water and just talked for about nothing for a few minutes before Nikki, Ashley, and Jennifer joined us.

I wasn't real happy when Jennifer joined us – she wasn't part of my inner circle of friends. I was feeling pretty torn about the swimsuit thing right now. I knew I didn't have anything that I needed to hide on my chest (yet!), but it still seemed weird. There was a lot of tension within me about this, and I really needed to talk about it. I didn't want to talk about it with Jennifer there though.

"Brandon?" Jennifer was talking to me.

"Yes?"

"Umm... I noticed something earlier... and wondered if I could ask you a question, a kind of personal question..."

I had a bad feeling that this was leading towards the obvious question... But they were going to find out sometime or another. "Umm... I'll answer it, but if it's what I'm thinking of I'd prefer you keep my answer a secret."

"I promise. I was just wondering why you had on a girls shirt today?"

"What do you mean?"

"I have that exact same shirt – I almost wore it today but decided to save it for another day. And then there's your haircut, I would love to have it myself – but it's definitely not a boy's style..."

Yep, she had something figured out. "You're sure you can keep a secret?" I asked.

"Yes you'd better keep this secret," Amy and Nikki both stated looking like a pack of hyenas.

"I promise, but what's going on?" She was smart but hadn't figured it all out.

"Well Jennifer, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not a boy." I told her.

"That's ridiculous, you have boy parts right?" She asked.

I paused, scared about all of this – but almost wanting to smile because of the way she asked. "For now, though I hope to deal with that in time. Look, I have what they call gender-identity disorder. The doctor I'm seeing says it's not really a disorder though, they just call it that. My body just doesn't match up with who I feel I am..." I replied.

She interrupted, "So... that's weird... but that's okay. You guys already knew?" She asked Nikki, Amy, and Ashley.

They all nodded, with Amy saying, "I'd suspected for a long time. Brandon has been over at my house for most of the year. I've probably known longer than he has."

"You don't go by Brandon when you're a girl do you?" She asked.

"No. My name is going to be Tiffany now. So... what are you going to do?" I asked nervously.

"What do you mean?"

"Well you know my secret now, what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to keep your secret. It's a little weird, but I'd still like to be your friend if you'd let me." Jennifer said sincerely.

"Thanks Jennifer."

"So does that mean I can call you Tiffany now?"

"Sure, just make sure no one except..." I listed all of the names off, "are around."

"That many people know?" She asked, surprised.

"Well most of the girls found out when we had Amy's slumber party." I replied.

"Actually I think Nikki and Ashley had figured out before hand during the Barbie project too." Amy added as they both nodded.

"So Tiffany, why did you come on this trip as Brandon?"

"The adults all decided it would cause too many problems." I replied.

"But they're letting you wear some girls clothing?" She asked.

I explained the guidelines that they had decided for me. We then chatted about a good many other things before I heard someone coming up the trail to where we were.

"There you all are!" Ms. Fitz said. "We wondered where you all had gotten off to. It's time to go ahead and head inside alright? We need to get an early start tomorrow morning!" She ushered us back down the trail and up to our rooms to go to bed.

As we split off Jennifer quietly said, "Good night Tiffany."

I looked back at her and said, "Goodnight, and thanks!" I said with a smile.

See I could have come dressed as Tiffany! I knew that while that meant I had almost all of the girls on my side, I couldn't necessarily say that the boys' reaction would have been okay though. Once Amy and I were back in the room we were ushered into the shower one at a time so that we could skip that step in the morning. I went first since I really wanted to get into my pajamas – because of course they were girl pajamas.

Ten minutes later I was brushing my hair out while Amy was in the bathroom. About then I heard a knock at the door. Amy's parents were out somewhere so I decided to go ahead and answer the door. When I looked through the peephole I saw it was my Mom.

"How are you holding up sweetie?" She asked me.

"Well I wish I could be me on this trip..." I told her.

"I know sweetie, but you know that it won't be too long until you're able to be yourself." She told me soothingly. She grabbed my hairbrush out of my hand and began brushing it out for me. I was pretty much purring when Amy came out and sat down on the other side of the bed. Her parents came in a second later and she held her own hairbrush out to her mom.

A while later, as my mom had declared that she was tired of brushing my hair, we heard another knock at the door. It was Ms. Fitz this time. "You both look cute," she told us as she came in. She explained a few things with our destinations the next day, and then we were both told it was time for bed.

This was a new first in the level of trust... we were both allowed to share the second bed in the room. Not that anything was going to happen, but it really did help reassert the fact that they believed that I was indeed a girl. Before going to bed we both got a stuffed animal out of our bags to sleep with.

The last thing Iremember for that day was Melanie saying, "Good night girls."

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